From the monthly archives: "August 2018"

by Rich

Another Ocean City weekend is in the books. Unfortunately, the usual drunken debauchery was hidden from me as those who stayed in the Cayman Suites seemed pretty tame. But that doesn’t mean there were heroes and villains.  And while I hate giving my competition exactly what she wants, Cat…I have beef with you. Today, I’m not just giving the stars to winners. Two of these stars are losers!

[Continue Reading…]

by Dave GDR

By this time, BTSHers and all other types of ball hockey players have left Ocean City, MD far worse off than how they found it. Hockey Beach 2018 was yet another raging success that encompassed the Crab Shack, Seacrets and the Shortis rocking a four-peat to ensure their legacy as a legit dynasty. To that end, the three days of debauchery that was unleashed on this quiet beach community yielded plenty in the way of memories, hook-ups and the subsequent gossip that goes with this type of affair. (Oh yeah–and hockey. Lots of hockey). In all seriousness, thanks once again go out to Matt “Worky” Workman for making this weekend one of the most highly anticipated dates that pop up on the BTSH calendar. Without further adieu, here’s what I learned at Hockey Beach 2018. [Continue Reading…]

The Scales of Power in the Southeast Division are now tipped in the Rainbows favor.

Bob Mckenzie reports that the Dark Rainbows have officially inked free agent Mike Yetter to a team friendly max contract.

Yetter will be paid $3 Pale Ales with a $5 Narragansett due at signing and performance incentives that could go as high as 2 Slurpees per game.

The newest Rainbow could be heard yelling “Blakwolf, baby!” repeatedly at team officials upon signing according to sources.

When reached for comment team co-Captain Cat Boyd said, “He’s BEEN on the team!” Yetter has been widely criticised in recent weeks with some calling the journeyman Center a ‘man of many shirts’ but his production cannot be denied. “Well he scores, so that’s cool” says Boyd.

This is the most recent win for the surging Rainbows who are eyeing a deep run in the playoffs. “I mean, I’ll call him Blakwolf if we keep winning” said Boyd.

***UPDATE*** [Continue Reading…]

By Cheekbones

Written while listening to Salt-N-Pepa’s Shoop…

Here I go, here I go again GIRLS what’s my weakness? 

Free Agents. Yetter filled in for the Rainbows yet again, and this time tied the game against Mega with one minute left and then the brother had it goin’ on with somethin’ kinda, uh, wicked and buried one in the shootout. Oh my goodness, girl look at him. 

Straight up, wait up, hold up, Mr. Lover – apparently Yetter wants to be called “Blakwolf” now. Rainbow’s Cat B was asked for comment, replying “Yeah he want nicknames and a private jet and shit. We told him you better become an offish Rainbow before you go asking for sparkling mineral water in your dressing room, nahm saying?”

Or a shotgun – bang! What’s up with that thing? 

Quoth the pigeon who got nailed during Biters/Math. Apparently he came out on a sunday all bright as the sun, I wanna have some fun and then that f*cking asshole Probie took a wrister at the net, missed and nailed the bird. Mr Pidge reportedly stayed upright, stunned, and and after a few moments flew away sideways with its right side dropped while bobbing up and down as well as back and forth. I reached out to Birdbreaker, asking if he regretted the shot, he replied “I hit the skins for the hell of it, just for the yell I get, mmmm mmm mmm for the smell of it.”

What a douche. [Continue Reading…]

Cecil Harambe
by Derk Diggler

2017 Tournament Results: B Bracket winners…but I’m sure you already knew that, because they’re still gloating about it. Have you ever seen a team celebrate mediocrity as much as Cecil(e) Harambe? The funny part is that they essentially played one good game the entire tournament. After bumbling through the Saturday games, they lucked into the most favorable draw possible on Sunday, which culminated in a 1-0 dump-fest win against Drunk Machine. Congrats guys–you beat BSA and Hornswoggle.

World Champs 2017

The Captain(s): It was Richie, then he got hurt, so it was Derek, and now it’s kind of Richie again in a non-playing capacity. So, what’s he going to do? Is he just going to limp behind the benches, trying to garner sympathy for his routine minor outpatient surgery? Why is Derek still involved? Didn’t he have a kid and move like two years ago? Get on with your life, dude.

Also, even though he’s not officially a captain, Elly is floating around.

Top Players: Can anyone please explain why Fresh Kills joined forces with these tryhards? Any team would happily take Ariel and Barch (unless they’re trying to make a point about how much fun they’re having at OC by losing), but they’ve stuck it out with CH for years leaving us to believe Richie obviously has incriminating photos of them. Plus, they have LJ from Cobra Kai, who either has too much loyalty for her own good or just didn’t realize you’re allowed to change teams.

What’s New: So, after of texting, emailing, and stalking, Richie has finally coerced Gabe into joining his squad. Naturally, he’ll have a great tournament, and Richie will claim he’s a brilliant strategist as a result.

What’s Old: Hicks. This self-proclaimed “alpha male” (who missed last year’s tournament after he was “triggered”) changes BTSH teams more often than he changes his jock, but for some reason, he’s still going to OC with Cecil Harambe. One would think his new lady friend would make him a tad more likeable, but it may have exacerbated his male fragility. [Continue Reading…]