From the daily archives: "Wednesday, June 13, 2018"

I was not at the courts on Sunday, but lucky for you, we had fresh game sheets (as of Week Ocho!) to codify the All Star Sunday that was. I also figured out the trick to the strikethrough font on WordPress. Should there be any inconsistencies, Team Stats pages will be reconciled by end of the week, we hope.


Filthier 3 @ 1 and 34 cents USD’s 4 Bucks

Filther – James P (6), JJ (2), Sunny (7)

Goalie Loss – Tim K (6-3, 1 Shutout, GAA of 1.78)

Brexit Currency – Nick R (2), Jason (1), ScottyK (11), Avery (2)

Goalie Win – Sizzler (7-1, 2 Shutouts, GAA of 1.50)

Game Notes: Avery probably stole the ball from Sasha (probably) on the GwG

Scratch that, he stole it from Heather taking a conference call at mid-court. Yeah that stick is a little high, it’s above the equator of AlokNation


Gremlins 2 @ Continued Karnage 0

Gremlins – Erich (13), Alexandra “Salt Bro #2” Rockoff (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Jamie B (6-2-1, 2 Shutouts, GAA of 1.89)

Goalie Loss – Steve F (2-4, 1 Shutout)

Game Notes: Karma continues down a path of no return to battle for a Michaliga Southeast division spot in 2019 with the Demons, should the latter team ever decide to play any of their future or currently rained out contests


Cobra Kai 2 @ Riots 3 (OT/LOL SHOOTOUTS)

Cobra Kai – Paul “Dustin” Brown (4), Liam (5)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Campbell (6-0-2, 2 Shutouts, GAA of I’m no longer keeping track of the true extra time in OT for GAA, 1.13)

Riots – Margot ? (1), David Frost (1)

Shootout Winner – Mike Danton’s favourite** player agent (“not”)

Goalie Shootout Win – Dave GdR (1-6-1)

Game Notes: I was told Russ was saving his goal for 2018 for the Riots but he only channeled the pre 2018 capitals in the shootout (not that that would have counted as a goal, unless it was the winner, kind of) and miraculously choked

Quick Shifts: Paul Brown recorded the first Gordie Howe hat-trick of the season; because Sam Norris doesn’t track assists, it’s neither official nor confirmed (1 goal, 1 five minute penalty – close enough to a fighting major). Bring forth your angry emoji, GLNZR.

LeL shootouts again sir.


Butchers @ Fresh Kills – Rain out

Game Notes: Fresh Kills just wanted to make the power rankings more ambiguous by deciding to not make the trip down to TSP on Sunday.


Demons @ Poutine – Rain out

Game Notes: Something on the game sheet probably needs to be corrected, regardless of the game being rained out.


Rehabs 4 @ Anklebiters 1

REEEhabs – (B)Ryan McC(abe) x3 (3), Cherie (6)

Goalie Win – Eric “Did not have to sit him for 2 minutes” Ramirez (4-1, 2 Shutouts, GAA of 1.40)

‘Biters – Ben P (13)

Goalie Loss – Craig LaC (4-2, 1 Shutout, GAA of 2.50)

Game Notes: Hicks, even though he loves everyone in the league, still clearly needs a demo on using his True A6 series. But since I shoot left, please take in the following Pavel Barber tutorial for all you backwards shooting-right handed american folk.


Dark Rainbows 0 @ Gut Rot 3

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (1-6)

Gut Rot – Ramon x2 (4), Becca (1)

Goalie Win – Ed P (2-4, 1st Shutout, GAA of further mean reversion, slowly but surely, it will be explicitly reported in a writeup, we he hopes)

Game Notes: I wonder who Jess D decided to not shake hands with after this shutout loss. Not to say she isn’t a good sport, relatively speaking. No offense! It’s also nice to see some Rainbows come to the bar now that they’ve won a game (they no longer feel the need to hang out practice on random rooftops somewhere in the NYC burroughs)

Quick Shifts: Becca truly earned her all star game nomination by finally scoring a goal this season, albeit, an empty netter, however I guess it counts for more than Liz’s does when she subbed in against the Riots.

“What do we do with our hands when we aren’t losing a game?”


CaNucks 3 @ Mega Deuce

Pucks – Susie (3), Paul P (6), Noah C (1)

Goalie Win – Scott H (2-5)

Mega – Alex EMey (3), Julie (3)

Goalie Loss – Mike T (2-6)

Game Notes: I was told that Susie’s goal was allowed because Julie scored. This was a Sam Norris email chain I was in on, but still don’t fully understand the inside joke. Bring some more angry emoji, GLNZR.

NJ/Vegas Betting Lines: Both states asked that BTSH betting lines to be momentarily banned after noting that the “best player in this matchup” was never appropriately listed as “resting at home for a meaningless out of town tournament with a team of ringers the following weekend” aka OUT of the lineup. Game previews will have to be revisited going forward…

WTP IR Report

“Dude” – no longer drowning in pitcher dousage

Justin SM-Liga – no longer pinot poisoned

Eric – day to day with crypto bear market tendonitis

Zac – out indefinitely with post traumatic sprain disorder / swollen ankle recovery soreness

Susie – concussion like symptons from the light headedness caused from the europhoria of leading the team in goals (after Paul “John Scott All Star Nominee of 2018” P)

Banner Year for Susie – can’t stop scoring


Hookers @ BLUE SKIES – Rain out

Rain out Notes: I always thought that Cro was a Genwunner but he’s clearly living in the third gen of Pokemon where the effect Drizzle lasts for the entirety of the battle game day.

No Quick Shifts: The US labour** participation rate lags 4 percent behind the OECD member nations’ but at least it’s higher than the Hookers’ participation attendance record thus far in 2018. Their unemployment free agency/waiver wire rate is clearly deflated.


Fuzz 7 @ Lil’Maths 2

Fuzz – RNV (8), Mike “Why are you asking in a power ranking poll if someone else will win the goal scoring title?” Teyt x2 (11), Miles H (9), Who’s your [Vlad]dy (1), Gil (4), Alyssa (1)

Goalie Win – Eitan via #RosterHimAfterCoachRetires

Math – James Bobblehead (2), Sam “We’re [not] getting hot at the right time” Norris (2)

Goalie Loss – David L (1-5)

Game Notes: Math are really showing their “we don’t care about the regular season” attitude lately and Ryann picks up a respectible BTSH hat-trick with a goal, disallowed goal, and a beer at the bar after the game (presumably), or at least while watching the All Star game.

Quick Shifts: RIP to Liang’s GAA.


All-Star Game Notes (OT/DizzyBats)

Game Notes: The ending of the game was uninterrupted by an early sunset or some TV show that I don’t watch and cannot remember if it was some finale or season premier, like in 2017. Meh.

Team D’Arcy Tucker (that little Mofo’er) Divisions Southeast 1 and Southeast 4 8

Avery scored, probably, and is now annoyed Alex made him stay the extra 6 hours to play in what he thought would be a serious all-star game

Paul made sure to hang out with his bff, the crease, some more


Team Fairy Tale Cup Divisions Southeast 2 and Southeast 3 8

With his/herr new look, Rockoff secured some digits on Sunday evening (for his client’s 2019 contract)

GLNZR was burned on a Cherie breakaway effort


Overheard from TSP:

“Caaaaaaaaawwwwww. Mine. Mine. Mine.” – Tia

“Dizzy Bats was the bees knees” – Julie

“The All Star Fuzz 5:30 game sucks” – Jeff, somewhere in NJ, playing real playoff ball hockey



Lee’s asking the crowd to sit if you think a hotdog is a sandwich.


Sharif after throwing someone into the corner plank/boards, All Star game edition



Week 9 in Tweets

Made a few up on the spot. Enjoy your weekend away from the courts! #DoubleClick