From the daily archives: "Friday, April 6, 2018"

Denim Demons at Fresh Kills
By Arya Stark

With Passover just about completed, the Demons are ready to blow the shofar (note to goyim: this does not mean what you probably think it does) and get back to what’s really important in life, which is Sunday ball hockey on a rink with a fence instead of boards, holes in said fence, suicidal squirrels and the trees in the field of play which house said squirrels.  It may not be as spiritually fulfilling as spending the high holy holidays surrounded by family but hey, even god rested on the seventh day and I’m told their pregame snacks and postgame Manischevitz are all K for P (I think even Menachem Begin would approve of that).  They will face the defending champion Fresh Kills who lost to the Rehabs last week and find themselves in the unfamiliar position of not having just thoroughly demoralized their opponents to the point of pants-shitting oblivion.  It was, in fact, their first non-shootout loss since the 2016 semifinals when they were eliminated by the LBS in overtime of a game which was definitely 100% for sure not at all influenced by any missed calls by the referees in any way, shape or form (phantom goal notwithstanding).  Of course, the retirements/deaths of Gabe and Ariel in the offseason haven’t helped, and a few key absences last week were most unwelcome.  No worries; they should be at relatively full strength this weekend as Soko and Sheena have decreed that Barch is not allowed to miss any further games until his next concussion.  The question is, will a well-rested Barchy be enough to stop Brad, his boatsex prowess and his cardboard-cutout wife?

Prediction: The Fresh Kills prove that they are more than capable of having sex on boats as well, leave the condoms at home, and romp to a 4-1 victory.  The Demons don’t care and are blackout drunk by 6:00 regardless. [Continue Reading…]