I showed up at 5:28pm EST for my game on Sunday so game notes will be limited. And these are being posted already a day later than normal after the Capitals second round win hangover. Talk about lack of accountability. At least I could string together a three-peat (of on time box scores). Enjoy!


Riots 1 @ Los Blancos 7

Riots: Alex L (1)

Goalie Loss: Dave GdR (0-3-1, GAA of “Don’t ask” but Sam Rosen could put a better spin on it)

Pounds: Jake C (2), Sasha “Don’t steal the ball from me Avery” x2 (2), ScottyK (6), Rachel K (1), Karsten x2 (8)

Goalie But Not a Shutout Win: Mike Sizzer Z (5-1, 2 SO, 1.17 GAA, 5-on-5 SV% probably .500)

Game Notes: I believe we need an Avery rule. Get it?!? And congrats/a thank you to the Riots for picking up a late rouge and not allowing Sizzler to send me a reminder email, text, and DM slide that he’s leading the league in shutouts.

Quick Shifts: Klion breaks her 18+ month long BTSH scoring drought by what I presume was a thin mints styled finish from in close and centimetres** away from another foot in the crease disallowed goal. I also trust that there was a shot gun or two (but not three, four, five, not six) to commemorate.



GANK 5 @ IK nil

Gouging Anklebiters: Sarah M (1), Jason B x2 (3), Probert (Not quite Double Digits I mean 9), Carrie R (2)

Goalie Win: Longwell via Ligue 1 Free Transfer Market

Goalie Loss: Steve F (2-1, 1 SO, 2.00 GAA)

Game Notes: Probert’s social committee was supposed to run #SixoDeMayo but it was more like #Five-O-De-Mayo on the scoresheet. (I originally penned this for my game but got lazy and copy and pasted it here instead). Carrie’s name totally looked like Corey (Winters) on the gamesheet and I almost had a heart attack.

Even after the Pens loss, Phil the Thrill is still a world champion and taking down the God of Thunder

Quick Shifts: Instant Karnage are expected to hold steady with zero points the rest of the season now that they’ve reached/eclipsed their Expected Pythagorean Theorem point total.

Better hope for their sake it’s another photo of Elon. But post PayPal. Wait? What do you mean PayPal runs Venmo! ..Next time we split a bill at Royale, just e-transfer me in CAD plz.



Devils 2 @ Fuzz! 6

Demons: Miles S (3), Zach “Fine” (3)

Goalie Loss: Zach L (1-4)

Fuzz: “Hall” Gil (1), Mike “Teyter” x2 (5), Ryann “RNV” G x2 (5), Miles (8)

Goalie Win: Coach (5-1, 2.00 GAA, 175% SV%+)

Game Notes: Other people do remember their disallowed goals, not just me. But I need to stay on Alexa’s good side so I won’t provide more details on who had a disallowed goal in this game. Ryann’s goals certainly counted though. Also, Gil stole Ryann’s hattie by shooting the first goal off a Demon and not her. That’s worse than what Avery did by a mile. Zach L “had a nice f’ing paddle save” early in this one to keep it a one goal game.

Quick Shifts: Can I get betting odds on Fuzz! sending Glnzr to the minors but him still getting an ASG spot? Uh oh, I linked an article with the word “hero” in the title, here we go…

the Zuff! Nation stands tall in the eyes of adversity…when it comes to all-star ballot box stuffing



SKY 4 @ Gremlins 5 (F/OT)

Sky Fighters: Mia (2), James McQ (4), Matt (4), Joe (4)

Goalie OT Loss: James S (1-4-1)

Gremlins: Erich x4 (8), Maire L (1)

Goalie Win: Jamie B (3-2-1, 2.50 GAA)

Game Notes: Erich capitalized on that extra 2% of OZS plays from a week prior and scored the game winner in OT for his fourth of the game. Not sure what Magic Man’s agent thinks of all the non-regulation time wins. We know Walker is ecstatic for extra “black-top” time though. Moving on!



Filthier 8 @ Gut Rot 1

Filthier: Sunny (4), Greg K x4 (5), Jaime D x3 (3)

Goalie Win: Tim K (4-2, 1.67 GAA)

Gut Rot: Akhil Nation (2)

Goalie Loss: Ed P (0-4, GAA of I thought this was the Gut Rot of 2017, not 2016)

Game Notes: I’m still waiting for Ed P’s “GUT ROT, BITCHES!” comment on our recent poll in the fb group. The team name in full fits quite well there. He did however, request the “Stop, he’s already dead” Simpsons GIF. Luckily he didn’t say where exactly to put it! Okay, he did say “in the game notes”…oops!

Quick Shifts: Filthier used a timeout in the second half…just because they needed to map out how Greg and Jaime were completing their hat-tricks – or the Quad-trick in Greg’s case.



Rainbows 1 @ Butchers 7

Rainbows: Brian L (1)

Goalie Loss: Greenwald (0-3)

Butchers: Mike M x2 (2), Brady x2 (2), Tarzan (4), Pete D’A (2)

Goalie Win: Tim Brk (1-4)

Game Notes: …time for another photo! Couldn’t find one with Tarzan and his Sombrero from Royale…or the bill that was paid.

I forgot Tia can’t take a photo of her own game. I don’t think anyone will notice it’s from Rose Charity or that Pete is clearly wearing a shirt with the More Tooth logo on it.



Poutine @ Hookers – N/A “rained out”

Game Notes: I’d make a joke about Jo-Ann finding a reason for her Quebecors to strike due to overcast and also to the Hookers for finding excuses for not playing until their new uniforms arrive but I won’t do that because I got an extra hour for my mid afternoon Sunday nap by not having to referee this game!

Quick Shifts: Welch had to remind me there was no stick checking in our 5:30 game because I stole the ball from him, I mean, didn’t referee the 4:30 game with him and forgot the rules. I think that’s enough filler aka narcissistic comments about myself the box score writer, so we can move back to the games which were actually played…!



Math 0 @ The Dojo 2

Goalie Loss: David L-L-L (0-3)

Cobra Kai: JJ Murph (1), Luke W (1)

Goalie Shutout Win: Kevin “It’s no big deal I’ll pick up two shutouts today as an FA” Longwell

Game Notes: JJ scores finn-hole** for the game winner on a not-so-high stick windup from a ball in on the side. I guess the repercussions for BTSH “penalties” sometimes can be punitive enough when it results in a GWG (or when you call a holding the two sticks penalty late in a free day “Walkar” tournament…)!

**To my knowledge there aren’t any Finnish goalies in the league so I’ll use that reference up right here and now…! Here goes: Liang kind of plays like Mika Kipprusoff. No wonder Math are still in D-2 after losing all that all-star talent over the years!

Quick Shifts: Speaking of which, it’s about that time of year again. We should get a #SamNorrisfortheASG campaign going.



Rehabs 5 @ WTP zippp

Rehabs: Cherie S. x2 (5), JoeyBats x3 (7)

Goalie Shutout Win: Eitan L via #RosterHim

Goalie Loss: Scott H (1-4)

Game Notes: JoeyBats went deep three times before the 7th inning stretch and Cherie picked up the GWG early as Rehabs -as advertised- got this one over with in a hurry. Pucks are still waiting on their $130K in beer – no, margaritas! #SixodeMayo

Quick Shifts: WTP wasn’t shutout last year for the entirety of the season (and shut out opponents 6 times) but now find themselves in a hole early this year, having already been shutout twice through six weeks of action, with Eitan #RosterHim improving to 2-2 with a 2.50 GAA against DaPucks after facing them 4 out of the last 5 weeks!

I call this one “Tendy Tilly” featuring Eau da Puck round 4.



Fresh Kills 6 @ Mega Touch 2

Fresh Kills: Dave S x2 (4), Nick S x2 (5), Gabe the Babe (4)

Goalie Win: Patrick Bar…Tab (3-1, GAA of 3.25 but still in the single digits, amazingly)

Mega Touch: Alex EM (2), Joe L (1)

Goalie Loss: Mike T (2-4)

Game Notes: I don’t have anything to say about this game so here’s a photo of Julie smiling before (but certainly not after) the game. Just Kidding, we’ll add one from the game!

They’ll just think this is something nice and rosy from the Rainbows loss, who is even reading this far down?

Quick Shifts: A certain Toronto native was as non-existent as Demar Derozan against @LeBrian23 in this one with a 10% relative Corsi rating (and a flagrant 2 PIM’s) and I was told Gabe the Babe broke a sweat.

If you don’t get this movie reference then ugh.


Week SixO-de-Mayo in Tweets

For maximum chances of salt, give it a #DoubleClick.

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