So now that we know the head of the media isn’t reviewing these articles before they go to print for goalie shutouts and that Walker isn’t checking up on the points/50, PDO, oZS% & dZS%, 5-on-5 ToI, and plus-minus numbers of other league vets and missing out on the Thursday night scrimmage bits, how low will you go?


Now in Town Scoreboard (from Week 3)

Poutine 0 @ Cobra Kai 2

Goalie Loss: RJ (2-1)

Cobra Kai: Tom L x2 (4)

Goalie Shutout Win: Campbell W-W-W-W (4-0)

Game Notes: AJ played goalie for the second half of the game but the goalie of record was RJ from the first half. AJ was adamant we give RJ the L. Still following? No? Good.

Quick Shifts: I think we need to enlist the help of Rick and Morty to pull us into the dimension where Riots and Rainbows finished their game. Anywho. Back to Week 5…

They are off to find a world where no one leaves the Rainbows (or Math)


Week 5 Results

Cobra Kai 2 @ Gremlins 1

Cobra Kai: Siena “Foligno” F (1), Liam M (2)

Goalie Win: Campbell W-W-W-W-W (5-0)

Gremlins: Erich G (4)

Goalie Loss: Jamie B (2-2-1)

Game Notes: There were no penalties in this Southeast, I mean, “Katz” Division matchup, so I have no snarky reporting for this game. Except for the fact that video review would have overturned the GWG. Wait no, that’s CBC HNIC/Rogers Sportsnet instructing Toronto how to hold video reviews for Penguins/Capitals games…

Quick Shifts: Gremlins ran 78% of their offensive zone starts through Erich but could not strike and open the flood gates with any scoring chances from the home plate. We’ll estimate Tom’s SPSV to be roughly 165% now that the Dojo’s Week 3 contest with Poutine wrapped up.



Rehabs 3 @ Filthier 2

Rehabs: Cherie x2 (3), Monique (1)

Goalie Win: Eric R (2-0)

Filthier: Sean M (2), James P (3)

Goalie Loss: Tim K (3-2)

Game Notes: With Filthier still on the trade market for another full and part timer for the 2018 top six (4? 10?) in their lineup, Ann was elated to have Sean of Bills Mafia join the team for another game and another goal! ….But would R3T!R3DT!M3 have let him score? Wait, I believe that’s FR33AG3NT!M3 now.



Poutine 2 @ Karma 1 (F/OT)

Poutine: Mike P (1), Kevin M (1)

Goalie Win: AJ (2-0)

Karma: Cory V (3)

Goalie Loss: Charlie O’D (via Free Agents)

Game Notes: After dropping their Week 3 contest at noon, Poutine make a big push to deny Karma of picking up all ten points available through 5 weeks with an impressive OT win. AJ also got the win. Not RJ.

Quick Shifts: Note to self, confirm all Poutine stats before posting. Writing names down on game sheets correctly is hard. If only we had scorekeepers to help our refs out!



Hookers 2 @ Fresh Kills 3 (OT/SO)

Hookers: Danilo (3), Sarah (2)

Goalie Loss: Dustin (1-3)

Fresh Kills: Sokol (2), Nick S (3)

Shootout Winner: Gabe

Goalie Win: Longwell (via Ligue 1 free transfer market)

Game Notes: Similar to last year, Hookers only claim to fame in the early going of the season is a one goal loss to Fresh Kills (this time via a Shootout L), as long lost but not yet forgotten Rainbows poachee Longwell denies his former team of the extra point in this one. A pre post pubescent Glnzr was heard reminding Gabe that Sarah was open on multiple offensive zone sequences, but it was to no avail as she managed to score her second of the season later in this contest.

Quick Shifts: Can someone let us know if Ariel did his move (in the shootout)? Thanks in advance.



Gut Rot 2 @ Mega 3

Gut Rot: Scott K x2 (5)

Goalie Loss: Ed P (0-3)

Mega: Alok (3), Jon H (1), Jeff B (2)

Goalie Win: Mike T (2-3)

Game Notes: It’s Scott K. Not ScottyK as I’ve now been told. Mega win but somehow relinquished their divisional lead (which they held for four consecutive weeks) by the end of the day.



Anklebiters 5 @ Math 2

Anklebiters: Joe P (4), Mike “Too Kool for Skool but-for the Old Skool” R (1), Alex D (3), Carrie (1), Ben P (8)

Goalie Win: Craig LaC (3-0)

Math: Zach N (1), Adam L (2)

Goalie Loss: David L-L (0-2)

Game Notes: GANK shrug off the zero from last week and spread the ball around well with 5 different goal scorers to keep their lead over Fuzz and pick up an important “4 point game” win in this Southeast division, I mean, CMB divisional matchup.



Fuzz 4 @ Sky Fighters 1

Fuzz: Mike T x2 (3), Jeff x2 (4)

Goalie Win: Coach (4-1)

Sky Fighters: Matt R (3)

Goalie Loss: James S (1-4)

Game Notes: The Sky Fighters captain said all the Fuzz goals looked great through the video footage they captured on their phone.



DaPucks 4 @ Riots 1

WTP: Ryan x2 (2), Susie (2), Paul P (4)

Goalie Win: Charlie O’D (via Free Agents)

Riots: Christina R (2)

Goalie Loss: Eitan (via Free Agents)

Game Notes: Eitan lost the rubber game decision, and is now 1-2 vs WTP over the past 4 weeks of BTSH action. Susie cashed in for another goal, this time her first career GWG. Dude’s birthday sash ripped on his first shift but he made up for it with a few great sets for the Nuclears at the Mercury Lounge later that night.

Quick Shifts: Marisa is entranced watching some sneaker-gate viral video and is still late for the team huddle which took place at half time.



Rainbows 0 @ Demons 3

Goalie Loss: Greenwald (0-2)

Demons: Brad P (2), David R (1), Jenn P (1)

Goalie Shutout Win: Zach L (3-1)

Game Notes: Greenwald served up a Giguere like gem keeping the Rainbows team close with not one but two ten-bell Jonathan Quick like saves in this contest. His teammates surely agreed with me, as they decided it best he get the game ball, except for the small problem that when they passed it to him all the way down the court with 4 seconds left, he was not to be found, with Jenn being the beneficiary of her first career BTSH marker.



Butchers 1 @ Pounds 5

Butchers: Tarzan (3)

Goalie Loss: Tim Brk (0-4)

Pounds: Luke x3 (4), Karsten (6), ScottyK (5)

Goalie Win: Mike Sizzler (4-1)

Game Notes: Having his only move accidentally gifted up in this past week’s box scores, Captain AFrey took the day off but it did not matter as Los Blancos serve up another slaughter, ironically at the expense of a depleted Butchers lineup on this day.



Looking ahead….

Be sure to check your emails from Sunday from our Co-Commissioners. You might have missed a very VIP, RSVP!


The honour of your presence

is requested

at the wedding of



Ocean City, Maryland

August 25 & 26, 2018

Black tie optional


HockeyBeach SaveTheDate



Week 5 in Tweets

Black ties optional, handlebar mustaches, are not. #DoubleClick

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