This Sunday we find ourselves at the culmination of another BTSH season. Don’t expect me to insert anything sappy, as we all know salty is my media personality’s snack of choice (aside from a dairy intensive post-game chocolate milk). Here are the box scores and updated playoff leaders after the Round of 16 (when the playoffs really start) and the Quarterfinals (which was when I stopped caring) and then some Schlitz Cup action to boot (which my team was too good to qualify for? Ca C’est Encroyable!).

I look forward to (re)thinking up some new cheer signs for this year’s final four….Speaking of cheering on friends still in it; hopefully Roberts won’t get first line minutes anymore so he is more poach-able after the POUNDS win in the finals and bring on not just W, but O, and QMJ- HL’ers for 2019…

…on to the box scores!

 

Round of Sixteen

 

Mega 1 @ Filthier 2

Mega – PizzaLightning Best Referee Alex EM (1)

Goalie Loss – Mike T (1-1)

Filthier – The Mule x2 (2)

Game Notes: In the M-ilthier (there’s no “M” in that word as my btsh fb group trolling protégé of 2018 would say) matchup, Richard Picard was not to be found and neither was a chance of victory after Filthier came out with two quick goals in the second half to spoil Mega’s 1 goal lead which stood through half time.

 

GANK 2 @ Gremlins 0

GANK – Alex “Derho”, Jason “Bourne”

Goalie Shutout Win – Craig LaC (1-0, 1 shutout)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B (0-1)

Game Notes: Walker asked the clock to be counted down audibly from 10 seconds to close the first half, which allowed Jason “Bourne”– still recounting his steps of how he became assigned to play for the Gouging Anklebiters of BTSH after waking up dizzy in Ben Probert’s West Village apartment one Sunday morning (okay I know you don’t get it, it’s a Bourne movie reference, but I’m not finished yet) and how they made it through 5 of 18 regular season games with him on the roster and now on to the quarters against a dojo- to score with “TWOoooo” seconds left on the clock…. “soooorry aboot that” to Marcella and non-Walker Gremlin teammates who had to suffer through that painful, season ending ten second countdown.

 

Math 1 @ Fuzz 3

Math – Rich “Fuzz Killer” Glnzr not an arguable own goal**

Goalie Loss – David W-L (1-1)

Fuzz – Boy Ryan H (1), Miles (1), Alexa (1)

Goalie Win – A. Coach (1-0)

Game Notes: Where were all the NWHL’ers that Sam promised the Mathletes at season’s [Walker can you help identify the word which would be the opposite of “end”, which would fit here?]?

Quick Shifts: The game sheet had Miles’ name crossed out for Ryan’s goal so I therefore deduced it was Boy Ryan (but tyvm fearless ref scheduler for clarifying in a separate email!) ….You (anyone) can claim the Math goal at first come first serve…sort of like how we schedule playoff games….wait so what the heck is home field advantage for higher seeds if they don’t get first choice?

**Edits before going to print: NYC Caps Crew vet Justin P has been currently allotted the Math goal (and Sam doesn’t exit the Round of 16 as the leading scorer in the playoffs, unable to add on from his deuce in the play in round).

 

WTP 1 @ FK 3

DaPucks – Z. Defector (1) (oh god that only makes sense saying “zed” the American way…)

Goalie Loss – Scott H (0-1)

FK – Ariel (1), Tom R x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Barch (1-0)

Game Notes: Like many games from his (award winning) rookie campaign, Hogg gets a late meaningful/less goal to spoil a shutout bid, this time at the hands of Seashell Haramb(a)e teammate Barch – who hasn’t even asked him to pay his share of the OC hotel room cost from #HockeyBeach2018 (free real estate memes, anyone?) …FK remained strategic and opportunistic for the entirety of the contest with a short bench and made sure once they got the ice breaker, to never relinquish the lead.

Quick Shifts: WTP played valiantly in what ends up being Emily’s final game as (co?) captain- who has given this one-of-the-few-very-original-btsh-franchises-remaining-in-existence some life as the old guard left over half a decade ago now- but it wasn’t to be as all 3 goals started off turnovers to Tom and most offensive rushes ended up being blocked by the likes of Roxy (who played the entire game) and Eugene and Pat (who shared some great relative fenwick to corsi differential over their half of the game each)….When looking over questioning the playoff rosters, we only knew Tom qualified for the playoffs because he scored a goal in all 5 games he played (sometimes it hurts to track stats sequentially…)

 

Demons 1 @ POUNDS 3

Demons – Mike Miles (2) (if they really had a Mike who scored as the game sheet says, why did he wait until the Round of 16 to score his first of the 2018 campaign, huh??)

Goalie Loss – Zach W-L (1-1)

Pounds – Karsten (1), Ajay “Kopitar” (1), Jake (1) (we’ll just assume it’s the guy from the dub)

Goalie Win – Zisser (1-0)

Game Notes: I heard this one was (un)surprisingly crispsy, I mean, chippy.

 

Hookers 1 @ Rehabs 4

Hookers – Josh (1) (interesting, another new player added to my scoring chart for the season, when did this bozo get “sworn” in to the Hookers lineup??!!)

Goalie Loss – Dustin (0-1)

Rehabs – Alex WM (1), Carlton Dance (1), Ramy Of the Blue Man group (1), Monique R (1)

Goalie Win – Eric R (1-0)

Game Notes: Cro learns the hard way that true reckless hockey is one in which you give up more goals than the other team by playing only efence (where is the D?! there isn’t one because there isn’t any!) and the Hookers fail to return to the Quarterfinals….Rehabs looked impressive and will definitely beat Fuzz next round and get back to the final; I’m sure of it with the short lineup Fuzz is expected to have.

Quick Shifts: Alex WM scored early with a shot heard around the world (not so much from the shot so much as the Hookers letting the Rehabs know that he was wide open at the point)….Carlton seemingly matched his goals scored in the regular season in one playoff game….maybe he matched the games played tally on this day too?!

 

IK 1 @ PM 2 (F/SO)

Karma – Derek ZED (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Charlie O’D via Rehab(s) Re-entry Draft

Poutine – Mikey M (1)

Shootout Winner – Hornswoggle CR7

Goalie Win – RJ (1-0)

Game Notes: Karma looked to hold the balance of power/play in this game but it was not to be as instant karnage was what became of a great bounce back top 12 campaign after another impressive shootout winner by BTSH vet JVR (I guess if you’re around for a few years you get some practice at these things!)

 

Dank Bows 1 @ CK 3

Bows – Cat (Beef, not Dragon) (1)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (1-1)

CK – Siena “Foligno” (1), Liam (1), Will (1)

Goalie Win – Campbell W (1-0)

Game Notes: Rainbows combined margin of defeat against CK in their two matinee affairs this year (3!) is what I presume to be roughly a third of the one game against each other in 2017- highlighting the sense of optimism for Tia’s newly darkened (does everyone really want to wear black in 40 degree Celsius weather?), dark rainbows clan, going into 2019 (until Yetter and that dude in the black pinner gets poached).

Quick Shifts: Will scored the empty netter just to ensure he stay ahead of Liam by one goal (he does play defense, btw) in total on the year, season and playoffs combined.

 

Schlitz Cup

 

TSR 1 @ Gut Rot 0

TSR – David F (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Dave GdR (1-0, 1 shutout in the Schlitz)

Goalie Loss – Charlie O’D via PBR Punchout

 

Mega 0 @ Rainbows 1

Goalie Loss – Jeff H (0-1)

Rainbows – Dan C (1)

Goalie Win – Greenwald (1-0; 1 shutout in the Schlitz)

 

Quarterfinals

This was some good hackey eh! On to more box scores…

 

Rehabs 2 @ Fuzz 3 (F/OT)

Rehabs – Alex WM (2), Joey (1)

Goalie OTL – Eric R (1-0-1)

Fuzz – Gil (1), Jeff x2 (2)

Goalie Win – A. Coach (2-0)

Game Notes: I didn’t get to see Jeff’s goal real time in OT, but I got to recreate it with him later that night in our first of two MENS LEAGUE games. I think this calls for a pause…. Moving on! (For your own visual reenactment of the OT winner, I’d like to redirect you to the offices of “Robert” GLNZR of Crime Stoppers Long Island)

 

GANK 0 @ CK 1 (F/SO)

Goalie Shutout Shootout Loss – Craig LaC (1-0-1; 2 shutouts)

Goalie Shutout Shootout Win – Campbell W-W (2-0; 1 shutout)

Shootout Winner – Topshelf Tommy with help from Liam to seal the LoLShootoutWin

Game Notes: Campbell can be upbeat this week for his Black Squirrels friends who were in attendance- to see his best performance of the season- as CK finally shake off the cobwebs for a shootout win. Good thing no one is aware of the rule where if you throw your stick in a penalty shot situation, it’s an awarded goal (yayaya Derho moved backwards anyways, we know GLNZR, we know).

Quick Shifts: Losing Just isn’t a part of the CK playoff version of the btsh glossary heading into the final weekend as (wait is that a long lost week 18 box score reference? Good thing our media doesn’t mind re-posting the same bits, especially when people didn’t notice it the first time –I guess it’s a thing)….Craig gets another shutout, and somehow finds himself and GANK out of the playoffs….guess the saying “if you don’t let in a goal we can’t lose” isn’t entirely true L

 

Poutine 1 @ POUNDS 2

Poutine – Jonathan C (1)

Goalie Loss – RJ (1-1)

POUNDS – Jake from the dub (2), Roberts (1)

Goalie Win – Zisser (2-0)

Game Notes: Roberts capitalizes on first line minutes and doesn’t disappoint after returning from another work trip to NY for weekend hockey as he became the recipient of a wide open slightly less than a four-by-six after a coolly delivered set up from an always competitive Karsten forecheck which gave the Pounds the differential they needed to not have Roberts post aboot LOLshootouts all week and finish the game in regulation time!!!

Quick Shifts: For the first time in a few tries, POUNDS get out of a Katz Southeast Divisional three team matchup without any write-ups. We’ll call this one surprisingly clean!

 

FK 1 @ Filthier 3

FK – Nicole (1) (what’s this now, another brand new name for playoff scoring – who vets these rosters?)

Goalie Loss – Barch (1-1)

Filthier – James (1), The Mule x2 (4)

Goalie Win – Tim K (2-0)

Game Notes: The F teams which Hicks always gets confused with (make sure you have which team you’re jumping ship to next year straightened oot!) traded early goals and the addition of Gabe for the quarterfinals wasn’t enough to hold off Sean from picking up another playoff pair as Filthier show FK the door on the first of two back to back non PBR winning campaigns (assuming the usual once every three years is still the works)

Quick Shifts: Another two goals from Salt Boy Bills Mafia Buffalo Boy Sean “the Mule” Mullane….Why the heck did the Thints hide this kid back on defense in OC? ….I guess the ideal replacement for Suvin didn’t necessarily have to be a true Canadian…the buffalo winters are basically the same as in Regina, Saskatchewan.

 

Schlitz Cup Scores

 

TSR 2 @ Dank Bows 5

TSR – Suz x2 (2)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (1-1 in the Schlitz)

Bows – Karl (1), Matt F (1), Yetter (1), Wes (1), Dan C (1)

Goalie Win – Greenwald (2-0 in the Schlitz)

Game Notes: Rainbows have clinched a Schlitz-ship game on Sunday regardless of how they fair in their final game. TSR looks to improve to 2-1 against Mega to get the same opportunity and a rematch of this one.

 

Rut Rot 1 @ Mega 3

Rut Rot – Ellery is this a troll? (1)

Goalie Loss – EitanTheGoalie viaLemmeSchlitzWitYou

Mega – Caitlin via AF, Jeff B (1), Jonathan H (1)

Goalie Win – Jeff H (1-1 in the Schlitz)

Game Notes: Julie feel free to send me your weekly roundup of the stats we got wrong to all 5 of my personal/btsh inboxes. Thanks in advance! Signed, Zac Ball Hogg (insert signature here)

Update: We get our Jeff’s sorted out now!

 

Playoff Leaders

Scoring

Suz TSR – 2 Goals in Schlitz

Sean “the Mule” Filthier – 4 Goals in PBR

Some others have 2 goals in PBR action including Jeff (1 was a OT GWG) of Fuzz, Alex WM of the recently eliminated REEEEhabs, Sam (both from the Play in Round so Meh) of Math, Tom (both on my team so another mEH) of Fresh Kills, and Jake (but he played professionally so one final MEH) of POUNDS.

Goalies

Geenwald carries a 2-0 record, with a GAA of 1 and 1 shutout to match in the Schlitz

Craig LaC GANK – 2 shutouts; 1-0-1 record and ends the PBR playoffs with a GAA of zero 🙁

Some other goalies are 2-0 and Campbell is the only one of those with a shutout to my knowledge so I’m going to stop pumping his tires right here: /tirepumping