by Jess D and Multiple Media Team Members
We all know how much you guys like attention (Walker) and winning stuff. So we thought we’d put together a little superlatives list that encompasses the laughs, tears, and ~drama~ over this past season.
Most Likely To Cancel Their Game Due To Chance of Rain: Adam R from Denim Demons
On more than a couple occasions this season the Demons canceled their game due to insignificant Rain Fears. Even the tiniest drop from the heavens would cause Adam to immediately cancel the game, grab his junk and scamper off to find shelter. Perhaps we can nickname him ‘Light Sprinkle’. (Come on dude, you knew this was coming.)
Honorable Mention: Poutine Machine
Most likely to chase you into a bathroom stall to sell you a prom ticket: Diana from Ankle Biters
We love you for your commitment to BTSH social events.
Most likely to over explain something that was already clearly explained. Ha: Walker
Ironically this does not need an explanation.
Most likely to be trash pandas: the LBS
Ok we all remember that one time they left the courts a g damn wRECK. like arguably worse than Fuzz that other time. Trash pandas, all of you!
Most likely to be a cleanup hero: Greenwald from the Rainbows
Offsetting the previous superlative, in addition to reffing multiple games, Dave is often time the closing ref. So let’s give him a big virtual round of applause for eradicating the courts of trash panda-like behavior.
Most likely to empty a train car for having the smelliest gear: Goalies and Brady’s Gloves
Anyone this season who has suited up to protect their team’s goal (including Jess D) has had to endure not only getting blasted by rockets, but also their own funk. There are a select few, and I won’t call them out specifically (BUT YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE), that have gear so rank that even a homeless person refuses to ride in the same train car as you. And Brady, we beg you, please wash your gloves in the off-season.
Most likely to show the most skin: Scotty K from LBS
The beginning of the season/the end of march was pretty cold and the only reason I can remember that is because right before my game I said to Cat, “who is THAT douchebag,” and pointed to some idiot wearing a blink 182 muscle tee in sub 50 degree weather.
Honorable Mention: Zach F from Demons who always seems to be reffing shirtless.
Most likely to terrorize a team and then be friends with them at the bar after: Cheeky from Butchers
Terrifying on the court but actually a very friendly, dog loving human off.
Most likely to a lose a race: Jess from Rainbows
This fucking pains me to write especially because my own teammate, Cathy B brought this up, but yes that one time I lost a race twice in a row to Bryan L (and subsequently, the Patriarchy according to Glanzer) after the all star game outside of Ace. Whatever.
Most likely to make a stats joke/reference on the facebook page nobody understands: Hogg
Our beloved box score writer, albeit handy with the numbers, is not so handy with the jokes. there was an especially memorable facebook thread in which he left numerous BTSH members confused and maybe a little stupider than when they logged into facebook that morning.
League Sweethearts: The Dark Rainbows
In the words of Tracy, “It’s absolutely the Rainbows!! I mean, if you want to be boring and non-controversial (umm ya, we do). Nah, in all seriousness, the Demons are exhausted with trying to be nice and are going back to our dog-stealing ways pronto. It’s all you, ‘bows.’
Most likely to get married: Diana and Creamy, Hicks and Herr, Ashley and Eric, Alok and Stephanie, Rem and Abby, and Ann and James
We like to have fun here.
Most likely to show up still drunk from the night before: Tie- Lee and Popack
Especially if the cowboys are playing the night before. Those two can really knock ’em down (and then get back up again) (please don’t hurt me for the chumbawumba reference).
Most likely to be booed by their own team: Probie
The ankle biters crushed the sky fighters 9-1 in the first week of the season. After scoring his 4th goal of the game, Probie was booed by not just the entire crowd, but his own team members. This clearly made a lasting impression on the young sky fighters, who went on to crush gut rot 9-1 the next weekend. Way to set a good example, jerks!!!
And now for some rapid-fire superlatives that don’t need an explanation/maybe I’m phoning it in a little:
Most likely to goalie 4 u: Etian
Most likely to play in jeans and sandals: Peaches
Most likely to Scorgen: Morgen
Most likely to confuse soccer and sneaker hockey: Jerome
Most likely to sign up for BTSH Olympics and still not know how to do it: Becca
Most likely to leave facebook: Chadwick
Most likely to win the Finnegan’s Wake Award for best internet soliloquy on ‘What’s Wrong With You’: Jeff (Fuzz)
Most likely to take one to the face: Tarzan, Michelle, Popack
Lots of balls were taken to the face this year at OC (I personally wasn’t there so I can’t speak to what went on off the courts) but these 3 sustained some tough in-game injuries and kept playing- and more importantly partying- through it all.