by Arya Stark

Come one come all for the 2018 BTSH All-Star Game, this Sunday at 6:30 PM.  Stay and hang out after the games and cheer on/heckle your leaguemates.  Eat some six foot sandwiches and drink some pepsis, iced teas or whatever you need to get your spirits up and your inhibitions down (only one type of coke is acceptable though…we have permits to maintain here).

Rosters were announced earlier this week but for those who are either social-media challenged or smart enough to avoid the soul-draining ennui that comes with checking Facebook every 10 minutes, here they are again:

Divisions 1 & 3 (Dark)

LBS Inc – Avery and Micayla
Rehabs – A. May and Cherie
Filthier – Tim K and Danielle
Fresh Kills – Jeff S and Nicole H
Butchers – Tim B and Cheeky
Cobra Kai – Paul and Rachel N
Poutine – Jon and Jo-Ann
Gremlins – Alexandra R and The Magic Man (67% of your daily salt intake)
Instant Karma – Cory and Brianna
Demons – Jenn and Mr. Boatsex
Goalies: Mike “The Proctologist” & Campbell
Coach: Caitlin “Tucker”
Divisions 2 & 4 (White)
Fuzz – Vlad and Ryann
Anklebiters – Jared P and Alex H
Hookers – CJA and Noelle
Math – Shawn K and Rebecca N
Sky Fighters – Jake T and Aliza
What the Puck – Paul P and Susie L
Mega Touch – Max T and Shelly
Gut Rot – #akhilnation and #wherestheolympics
Riots – Sharif and Amy
Rainbows – Bryan L and Catboy
Goalies: RJ and Eric (just Eric this time)
Coach: Tia The Eagle

There will be a number of events and mini-games during the contest, some of which were suggested by league members (cue JW’s democracy erection).  These range from a chug-off for first possession, to dizzybat, players having to switch hands after a penalty and many more.  Halftime show is being put together by Sam & Ben as we speak, likely replete with debauchery and gratuitous nudity that would make Andre Burakovsky very excited (link NSFW) (but still not as bad as Hicks’ favorite new site, eFukt).

There’s also a chance you’ll get to see Cro make this face which is well-worth the $0 price of admission.

Not exactly what you guys expected to find in those bags.

After the game, stay to help clean up (yea right) but also to celebrate at ACE Bar.  While the Caps shockingly winning the Cup in five games (oh, the nostalgia) have taken a proverbial dump on the best laid plans of the social committee and there will not be a game six to watch, you should still come.  Specials will include extended happy hour ($3 for select beers, $5 wells/house wine and beer/shot combos) plus $2 Hi-Lifes.  There may not be an SCF game on the TVs but Glnzr has promised to screen a video of the Happy Little Elves 2010 championship complete with commentary from Chadwick and Pierre McGuire.  If that doesn’t give you a democracy erection of your own, nothing will.

Weather looks to be fantastic all day and with free food and discounted drinks, this is an event you will one day tell your kids about, unwittingly scarring them for life.  See ya Sunday.

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