Five competitors now stand in the center of the ring, all facing each other: Brügger, Glanzer, Sam, Rebecca, and Marisa.  Glanzer looks around and says, “One of us is winning this thing, and it’s going to be me.”  However, just as the other competitors are about to object, Gut Rot’s own Mike Gilligan shouts from the crowd, “You forgot about Heather!”  Sure enough, Heather had been knocked out of the ring, but she was never thrown OVER the top rope.  She crawls back into the ring.  SIX people are left; only one will win.

With that, the competitors all clash.  Heather is fuming that Richie looked past her and goes right to work, pounding him with double axe handles and haymakers.  However, Richie recovers with a well-timed thumb to Heather’s eye.  With Heather temporarily blinded, Richie takes the offensive and begins to throw some jabs.  This is it.  The girl whom Richie forgot…is going to be eliminated by Richie anyway.  He gets her near the ropes and throws her legs over.  She’s on the ring apron.  However, as she’s about to fall she grabs Richie’s shirt and brings him over the top on to the apron with her.  The two are exchanging punches.  Then finally, Heather lands the big one.  Richie’s teetering!  He’s going to fall!  He does!  But wait, Brügger sees his captain plummeting towards the floor and dives over the top rope to save his captain.  Richie lands on Brügger and is able to slide back into the ring before his feet hit, but Brügger isn’t so fortunate.  His captain is safe, but but he’s gone.

***Jonathan Brügger has been eliminated***

Becky is furious with Heather for trying to eliminate Glanzer, as that is why she left Cambodia.  It needs to be Becky who takes out Richie, no one else.  With Heather still outside on the ring apron, Becky lands a huge punch she learned from doing P90X: Kenpo and sends Heather flying to the floor.

***Heather Aspegren has been eliminated***

As Becky taunts Heather, Glanzer tries to get a cheap elimination by throwing out Becky while her back is turned, but Sam interferes. Becky, now seething, runs at Glanzer and starts pummeling him. Meanwhile, Marisa and Sam square off…awkwardly.  Ever since Marisa openly wondered about Romeo’s relationship status, things have gotten a little weird between her and Sam.

Glanzer and Becky battle evenly for eight minutes, but then Glanzer starts to tire. It turns out many CrossFit workouts are only eight minutes but P90X lasts for 90 minutes! Can Glanzer survive the next 82 minutes?

He can’t.  With Glanzer bent over, panting heavily, Becky picks Glanzer up over her head.  She says, “This is going to taste delicious” and tosses Glanzer out on to the cold concrete floor.

***Rich Glanzer has been eliminated***

Sam and Marissa had strategically stopped fighting and were watching the show. Becky jumps into her brothers arms. She is crying and says, “I’ve been wanting to do this for more than a year. This is the best moment of my life.” 

Sam throws Becky over the top rope and replies, “And I’ve been wanting to do this ever since you stole my teddy bear when I was three!”  She lands next to Glanzer.  It seems like the two of them might embrace, since they are both eliminated.  Instead, they continue to go at it outside of the ring.  It takes both Alex Eben Meyer and Aaron Friedman to keep them apart, or they might just kill each other.

***Becky Norris has been eliminated***

There are now just two left in the ring: Sam and Marisa.  Sam is clearly the stronger of the two, but Marisa is feisty.  They lock up, and Sam easily gains the early advantage.  He shoves Marisa into a corner and begins to pull her legs over the top rope.  One leg is over, then the other.  Marisa is now standing on the ring apron.  One good shove from Sam should knock her off.  However, before he can throw a roundhouse, Marisa grabs hold of Sam and hoists him up for a suplex.  He’s vertical above her head!  Can Marisa drop him backward?  No, Sam wiggles his way back to the ring mat.  He head butts Marisa to stun her.  After eight long days and nights…and years of frustration for all Mathematics fans, Sam is inches away from glory. He looks out to the crowd and superkicks Marisa to the floor.

AND IT’S OVER!!!  Marisa is out of the ring, and Sam Norris has won the 2015 BTSH Royal Rumble!  The crowd is going nuts, and the Mathematics (even turncoat Elly) swarm the ring to lift Sam up on to their shoulders in celebration.  This may be the biggest moment in Mathematics history.  All of the fans are cheering their asses off.

But wait a minute. Marisa is back in the ring.  Referee Friedman is waving off the elimination.  Both refs were still distracted from the Glanzer-Becky brawl, and he never saw both of her feet touch the ground.  With Sam still up on everyone’s shoulders and his back towards Marisa, he makes for an easy target.  She delivers a perfectly executed drop kick into the back of Sam’s neck, causing him to topple off his teammate’s shoulders, over the top rope, and down to the floor.  The refs both see this one, and now it’s over.

***Sam Norris has been eliminated***

Marisa now stands alone in the ring as the sole survivor and true champion of BTSH.  As the seventh entrant, she has been in this match since day one and has fought valiantly ever since.  What The Puck now jumps in the ring to celebrate with their teammate.  Even some of the former WTPers are in the building!  Larry Zimmer, Brian, Vroom, Amy Farley, Michelle Doucet, and Tom MacDonald have all joined in the celebration.

With Marisa now raised on everyone’s shoulders, she reflects on her accomplishment.  Forty other competitors tried and failed to do what she has, and no one will ever be able to take that away from her.  She does not need a man to help her.  She is woman; hear her ROAR!!!