Can Math Repeat As Glanzer Division Champions?

Opening Day is rapidly approaching, so we decided to generate some page views by putting up our predictions for the 2014 season.  These are guaranteed to make you feel good or bad about your team, depending on your own expectations and how they line up with the views of Rich, Derek, and myself.  And if you want to offer your own predictions, have at it in the comments!  Without further ado…

Brown Division

	Rich	Derek	Eli
1	Fresh Kills	Fresh Kills	Fresh Kills
2	Corlears Hookers	Corlears Hookers	Corlears Hookers
3	LBS, Inc.	Denim Demons	LBS, Inc.
4	Denim Demons	LBS, Inc.	Denim Demons
5	What The Puck	What The Puck	What The Puck

Rich’s Take: Fresh Kills, after making a run at perfection, will actually lose 3 games this season. None will be in the playoffs. This division is the tops for a reason, every team will have a winning record. And honestly, after seeing all the talent at the Free Agent scrimmage and the goalie that Corey very subtly got…I’m a little worried about playing them Game 1. They could be good real early. 

Derek’s Take: Fresh Kills cruises to another division title.  The Hookers give them a good run, but poor mid-season attendance results in a few lost games for the Purple during the summer.  The Demons play solid (though objectionable) hockey.  LBS, Inc. takes a step back this season with no Ken.  What The Puck will clearly be in rebuilding mode and probably should not be in this division.

Eli’s Take: Not much to add here that Rich and Derek haven’t already said.  Fresh Kills is the most complete team in the league and goes back-to-back with the division titles.  What The Puck looks primed for relegation, unless Corey has something up his sleeve. 

$h0wT!m3 Division

	Rich	Derek	Eli
1	La Famiglia	La Famiglia	La Famiglia
2	Happy Little Elves	Happy Little Elves	Sky Fighters
3	Gouging Anklebiters	Gouging Anklebiters	Gouging Anklebiters
4	Sky Fighters	Sky Fighters	Filthy Gorgeous
5	Filthy Gorgeous	Filthy Gorgeous	Happy Little Elves

Rich’s Take: The Tuques are clearly the team to beat here. Us Elves are still trying to find the perfect mix, but Elly picking us last is insulting, and I’d love to make a bet with him that we don’t finish 4th or 5th. Filthy will finish last, because James and Suvin will realize how annoying I can be if they don’t supply refs. Somewhere Talia’s mother Monica is smiling.

Derek’s Take: La Famiglia has a real chance to do some damage this season.  Their offseason moves have made them a legitimate championship contender, and the rest of this division should be scared.  Losing Trevor was huge for the Happy Little Elves, but I’m never ready to count out captain Richie.  The Anklebiters are finally in their correct division and enjoy an average season in it.  The Sky Fighters can’t get their Europeans to show up regularly enough to string together a lot of wins.  Filthy Gorgeous has a repeat performance of last season and continues its descent down the BTSH standings.

Eli’s Take: Rich and Derek picked the exact same order here, but I’m not going to do that.  La Famiglia is the class of the division, but after that, this is a crap-shoot. It’s tough to see Filthy Gorgeous finishing last in a division two years in a row.  The Elves have the big question mark in goal, and some motivation for Richie can’t be a bad thing, can it?

Glanzer Division

	Rich	Derek	Eli
1	Mathematics	Mathematics	Mathematics
2	Rehabs	Gremlins	Gremlins
3	Gremlins	Rehabs	Rehabs
4	Butchers	Poutine Machine	Butchers
5	Poutine Machine	Butchers	Poutine Machine

Rich’s Take: Enjoy this season in the Kazin Conference Math, you will be moving on up. You’re pretty good…for a 3rd division team.  Jo-Ann will hopefully learn you don’t need a dash in your name in America. And can Rachel and Sven just revert back to the Mighty Squirrels where they belong?

Derek’s Take: Yes, this is my own team I’m picking to win the division.  Of course, there’s bias there, but based on what I saw last season, I legitimately think we have the tools to do it.  The Gremlins have a sneaky good team, and their goalie, Jamie, should be able to steal a couple of games for them this season.  The Rehabs are their usual middle of the road self.  Poutine takes a big hit with the loss of Tim Brown in net, and suffers a less-than-stellar season because of it.  Rachel Greene does her best to cobble together a competitive squad for the Butchers, but the losses are too numerous for them to compete.

Eli’s Take: Anyone who does not pick his own team to win their division is a jobber (cough–Glanzer!–cough).  The Gremlins and Rehabs have a lot of veterans and are used to the ups and downs of the long regular season.  The Butchers and Poutine Machine do not have a lot of veterans, and will both need the early part of the season to get comfortable with their new players.

Greene Division

	Rich	Derek	Eli
1	Gut Rot	Gut Rot	Dark Rainbows
2	Dark Rainbows	Dark Rainbows	Gut Rot
3	Mega Touch	Cobra Kai	Mega Touch
4	Cobra Kai	Mega Touch	Cobra Kai
5	Tompkins Square Riots	Tompkins Square Riots	Tompkins Square Riots

Rich’s Take: Gut Rot, along with the Tuques, won the off-season. Unlike baseball, both will reap the rewards. On another note, the Riots goalie Dave has won a championship, and last year shutout the Demons in the semis for the Lbs. In other words, if the Riots can shore up their team defense, Dave will respond in kind.

Derek’s Take: If Gut Rot gets everyone to show up, they may have the best team in the conference and should finally be able to take the division.  The Rainbows play solid, as they did last season, but again come up just a little short.  Cobra Kai improves a little from last year, but doesn’t correct enough of its problem to get over the hump.  Mega Touch remains the “fun team,” despite Eric Devlin’s insistence that they can be dicks.  Attendance issues again hold the Riots back from reaching their potential.

Eli’s Take: Remember when the Toronto Blue Jays made a bunch of moves before the 2013 season and were predicted by many to win the American League East?  Yeah, how did that work out for them?  Gut Rot made some nice additions, but let’s not hand them the division title just yet.  The Dark Rainbows have some under-rated players and were sneaky good last year.

Stats ‘N Stuff

Male Leading Scorer
Rich: Adriano Bratta, Mega Touch (Weak division, strong player makes Adriano put a lot of “those silly orange balls” behind the net.
Derek: Denis Miciletto, La Famiglia
Eli: Me Jeff Kamen, Denim Demons

Female Leading Scorer
Rich: Sarah Newnam, Corlears Hookers (I would pick Tiffany but she’s a better passer than Sarah so Sarah will reap the rewards and Tiffany will have to go to the prom with her cousin or something.)
Derek: Cherie Stewart, Mathematics
Eli: Tiffany Hagge, Corlears Hookers

Best Team Goalie
Rich: Fresh Kills (Barch is good, but Eugene Rha is where its at.)
Derek: Fresh Kills
Eli: Fresh Kills

2014 BTSH Champions

Rich: Fresh Kills: They won it in 2011, and was the best team in 2012, and 2013 just didn’t get the job done. They will this year. Or Dave will base jump off the Freedom Tower with no parachute. 
Derk: Fresh Kills: I tried to think of a different pick for this, just to be unique, but logically, there’s just no one else. If it weren’t for a fluke (triple) OT goal, they’d probably have two titles in a row now. To win in the BTSH playoffs, you need two things: talent and desire. They have both.
Elly: Hookers: Dealing with some work fires right now.