Color: Blue & White
Year Founded: 2010
2011 Regular Season Finish: 11-3-1-2 (1st, Macneil Division; 2nd overall)
2011 Playoff Result: Lost to Butchers in Quarter-finals
Conference: Kazin
Division: Larsen
Team Song: Never Surrender – Corey Hart
Roster
Andrew Therriault
Ashish Nagpal
Brodie St. John
Chelsea Hicks
Claire Weingarten
Dave Kucharsky
Dave Paglia (A)
Hilary Keller
Carly Czuba
Joann Provencher
Kara Asuncion
Kevin Macdonald (A)
Marcus Bonnee
Mike Haas
Natalie Oshin
Patrick Larsen (C)
Salman Haq
Tracy Ng
Vincent Tracy
Whitney Garrabant
Tim Brown (G)
By ORG Special Correspondent Rich Glanzer
Its year three of Poutine Machine and everyone is asking what’s going to happen, when people stop being polite… and start getting real. After dominating the old MacNeil Division (bottom) Poutine is moving on up to the old Complai…I mean Hackett Division.
Gone are the two games vs. Gut Rot, the Anklebiters, Mega and Math. Poutine will now have to face off against the Rainbows, Cobra Kai, and the team that knocked them out, the Butchers two times. In other words, 11-3-1-2 record isn’t going to happen.
But don’t expect this team to be bottom-feeders. With the leagues best goalie and CIT (Commissioner in Training) Tim Brown, and the 2011 Captain of the Year and new BTSH.org writer Patrick Sven Larsen this team is built for the long run. They have scorers I’ve never heard of but I do know they are good. Chelsea the “Saskatchewan Sniper” Hicks anchors a strong group of girls, that includes Jo-Ann Provencher. I asked Jo-Ann what she thought of the coming season and she said, “Je suis le meilleur jeune joueur de hockey dans la ligue. Nul n’est mieux que moi. Pas Chelsea, pas Budnick, et même pas Kehoe. Tous les gars me donne envie, et toutes les filles veulent être moi. Je suis Guerrier Dart princesse et si je jouais gardien de but pour nous au lieu de l’surfait Poutine Timmay Brown allait gagner. Allah Akbar.” Not sure what that means but the last sentence is a little scary.
Poutine also has team chemistry going. They are rarely outnumbered at the bar, and though they haven’t yet mastered Ace’s Skee*T*ball machines, the pair of Hicks/Provencher are rarely beaten at darts. (Though all their wins have been unsanctioned and thus don’t really count)
Overall, I predict a solid but not great regular season for Sven’s army…which would be a good thing. Poutine seemed to exhaust all its energy during the regular season, and couldn’t summon enough rah-rah during their loss to the Butchers. Sven would be wise to curb his enthusiasm from March-August, and ramp it up come September. (Spoiler Alert: That’s the Elves plan this year) I predict Poutine to finish in the 8-10 slot in the regular season, win their first round matchup, upset a high ranked team in the 2nd round before bowing out to the Hookers in the semis.
Entity They Resemble According to Rich Glanzer
Last year I said Patrick Swayze. After finishing with the second most points in the league, I think that was an epic pick by me. I mean outside of Jack Bauer, who is better than Swayze? So second and Swayze fit. This year I’m going to go with former Real World housemate Puck. The former bike messenger was a real jerk to Pedro and the rest of his cast-mates in San Francisco. Puck would later return in several challenges, where he would spit on other players and cause major headaches. In other words, Puck is a jerk. And so is Sven. After complimenting Sven all last season on the boards, he had the nerve to make several jokes/lies about me in the Elves preview. Soooo…if he and Monica ever get into a fight, I’ll be the guy wearing the, “Team Monica” shirt.
