Color: Maroon
Year Founded: 2010
2011 Regular Season Finish: 4-12-0-1(Last in Donohue Division; 19th overall)
2011 Playoff Result: Lost to Happy Little Elves in opening round
Conference: Kazin
Division: Glanzer
Team Song: “The Internationale”

Roster

If preppy puck chasers Lbs. are the 1% of BTSH then Riots are the unwashed guy in the drum circle who’s still camping out in Zuccotti Park.

The 2010 Riots were a fresh new idea, dedicated to changing the game and achieving some pretty remarkable success in their debut year. At the start of last season, the question on everyone’s mind was whether a team who’s whole management structure was based on anarchy could sustain that level of success.

Unfortunately the answer was no.

Their main issue was attendance as the team splintered in to a series of micro-revolutionary cells. Patrick Blohme split his time between New York and Sweden, working on an elaborate plot to overthrow the tyrannical rule of King Carl Gustav. Meanwhile, Craig “Rocket Launcher” Thompson kept trying to prove that he was “Down with NDP” by spearheading several unsuccessful attempts to unionize the team (props to anyone who gets that Canadian left wing politics reference). And Scott Townsend, Philippe Tremblay-Berberi and Alex Frenette decided to form their own Bloc Quebecois and have the Riots secede from the rest of the league. For “First Among Equals” Amy Jones it was a trying time.

Learning from past mistakes, Jones has formed a coalition government backed by enforcers Patty Fernandez and Jaclyn Lee. As a result the Riots now look a lot like Italian politics, incapable of any real accomplishments but able to field competitive sports teams.

While some may mock their civic travails, a cohesive Riots squad could be one of the pleasant surprises of the year. Blohme and Frenette can be game changers combining a great mixture of speed and scoring ability, Townsend and Thompson are wily veterans who can play offense and defense and goalie Dave Gil De Rubio won a league championship with Fresh Kills not too long ago. The Riots also have one of the league’s stronger rosters of female players including the often overlooked Michelle Bressler.

Can Jones hold her tenuous coalition together long enough to see some results on the court? The key may be getting some early season victories before players are distracted by the upcoming national election ( Shane DeBlasio has already expressed interest in running as the Rent is Too Damn High” candidate for the Lower East Side). With some early W’s under their belt the team could return to inaugral season form. Otherwise, it’s going to be another year of (metaphorical) firehoses and pepper spray for the Maroon Marauders.

Entity They Most Resemble According to Rich Glanzer

Entity: Brownie

We all love brownies. Who doesn’t love the sweet, warm, chewy sensation? But we all hate Michael Brown, or better known as, “You’re doing a hell-of-a-job Brownie.” Of course that’s the famous line that then President George W. Bush told FEMA director Michael Brown during the Hurricane Katrina disaster. In 2010, the Riots were like a Chocolate God. They ran through the regular season with little problems, before losing in the playoffs to some team that I don’t remember. (Which is odd bc I typically remember such things, but I’m thinking Fresh Kills.) But last year they were the bad Brownie. The type that watches people beg for their lives on roofs, and instead of climbing to save them, mugs for the camera.
The Riots performed better at the end of last season, and I expect them to find a middle ground this season.

Fun Fact: Michelle Bressler is a fine ref, a good hockey player, and was one of my MVP’s of reffing last year. But she’s not that great at Words with Friends though as I’ve yet to lose to her. Not once! Never by 100 points of course either.