2012 Season Preview ā Cobra Kai
Color:Ā Camouflage/White
Year Founded:Ā 2006
2011 Regular Season Finish:Ā 6-7-1-3 (4th, Donohue Division; 15th overall)
2010 Playoff Result:Ā Lost to Gouging Anklebiters in Opening Round
Conference:Ā Kazin
Division:Ā Larsen
Team Song:Ā Ballad of the Green Berets
Roster
Greg Altman
Jerry Chavez
David Cicirelli
Morgan Doninger
Miriam Ā El Rassi
Rem Garavito
Anita Khar
Will Kuhns
Peter Lang
JJ Murphy
Becky Pear
Meredith Sladek
Mark Talercio
Christina Verigan
Fay Wells
Kristen Wise
The ORG has to be honest with you. We hate these guys. After all the grief they’ve caused Duke,Ā Snake Eyes, Scarlett, and the rest of the Joes over the years, we just can’t forgive them. And it’s our strong belief that BTSH should not let known terrorists play in our league.
What’s that?
We’re thinking of COBRA not Cobra Kai?
Oh. Well now we know. And knowing is half the battle.
It’s easy to understand our confusion though, isn’t it? The camouflage uniforms, the paramilitary style organization, the strange cheers. The Dojo definitely approaches Ā things a litlle differently than other teams in the league.
Now that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Cobra Kai’s mixture of hockey skill and psychological intimidation have transformed them from Ski’s lovable band of losers to a disciplined machine. When battle ready and properly supplied these jarheads can compete with anyone. And Platoon Leader Greg Altman has shown an ability to think outside the box, disregarding traditional BTSH thinking to embrace unorthodox strategies like recruiting real athletes (I’m looking at you Will Kuhns and you Kristen Wise). So what’s up with the relatively low regular season finish and the disappointing opening round loss to Donohue’s team of slackers and draft dodgers?
Quite simply this team has a troop allocation problem. During key campaigns many of the forces most strategic assets have gone AWOL leading to undermanned campaigns and a lack of unit cohesion. No one doubts that Cobra Kai have the firepower to get things done. But the inconsistency of their squad make up from week to week renders them vulnerable to defeat by passionate local fighters who know the terrain (e.g. the aforementioned Anklebiters).
This year things could be different. Kuhns is stepping up to assume a command role and he and Altman are insisting that all team members shave their heads before the first game (a classic “Break ’em down and build them up strategy”). And goalie Peter Lang has threatened to shoot his own men if they don’t protect his perimeter (tip to CK players: do not take this threat lightly). Plus secret weapon Rem Garavito is still off the radar for many BTSH opponents. He can be lethal in the offensive zone.
If Garavito and Kuhns can play together consistently then the Kai make be able to execute their “Seal Team Six” strategy on a regular basis. If not, look for things to be more “Tropic Thunder” than “Desert Storm”.
Entity They Most Resemble (According to Rich Glanzer)
Entity:Ā A Teddy Bear