by Dave GDR

By this time, BTSHers and all other types of ball hockey players have left Ocean City, MD far worse off than how they found it. Hockey Beach 2018 was yet another raging success that encompassed the Crab Shack, Seacrets and the Shortis rocking a four-peat to ensure their legacy as a legit dynasty. To that end, the three days of debauchery that was unleashed on this quiet beach community yielded plenty in the way of memories, hook-ups and the subsequent gossip that goes with this type of affair. (Oh yeah–and hockey. Lots of hockey). In all seriousness, thanks once again go out to Matt “Worky” Workman for making this weekend one of the most highly anticipated dates that pop up on the BTSH calendar. Without further adieu, here’s what I learned at Hockey Beach 2018.

1. Yet another term was added to the BTSH lexicon that brought you heat fears and rain fears—sea lice fears.

2. Kellie Rae-K of Gut Rot/Thin Mints owns a black cat the size of a small child.

3. Mike D did the greatest heel turn in BTSH/OC history by arriving as a Twin Deke on Friday night and, by morning, playing for Hockey Balboa. HB’s second game was TD’s first game, at which point Mike D (or Judas, as we liked to refer to him as around the Popack Party House), scored the first goal on a blast from the point. Benedict Arnold was there for the rebound and ensured the biscuit was going in the basket by proceeding to step on the paddle blade of the hapless Twin Deke goalie. Sad.

4. It apparently takes 45 minutes to walk 100 blocks from Seacrets. Ask Showtime…he’ll tell you all about it.

5. If you only manage to average one goal a game over three games for a grand total of three goals, you’re not going to win a tilt, much less a half.

6. Nick B set the bar ridiculously high for hockey player toughness by scoring a goal and passing a kidney stone in one shift. After having kidney pain on Saturday night, he went to the hospital and missed his team’s dinner. Our man from the Great White North loaded up on Vicodin so he could play on Sunday. While toughing it out and playing, he scored a go-ahead goal in the second half and immediately left the rink and ran to the bathroom. The stone passed and all was well again on Friends Mountain.

7. Other talents Mike D. has, aside from being an expert turncoat, is Grand Master Status in mini-golf. He took top honors at Viking Golf & Go-Karts, Thunder Lagoon Waterpark by shooting 39 strokes over 18 holes and racking up four holes-in-one, double the amount of the other four players he teed off against.

8. Rumor has it that during the go-kart portion of the evening, Rubens managed to blow apart the relationship of a 20-something couple that were racing the rest of the OC degenerates by not only bumping the car of the female of the couple, but T-boning her car the second time around. The last sighting of said couple involved the guy getting the business for not handling the situation properly. As Mike D put it, “Once a Demon, always a Demon.”

9. Apparently, the waves at the beach were strong enough to not only toss myriad hockey folks around via a vicious riptide, but allowed for Scotty K to “drop dong” on the beach when his swim trunks were briefly torn away.

10. In keeping with what should be called the “Annual OC Craig LaC Nudity Award,” Probie gets the top prize this year for photo-bombing a couple of championship team photos by hopping up on the boards around the rink and pressing his bare ass cheeks against the glass like a scene out of Midnight Express.