BTSH Logobtsh.org
← Back to Media

Three Stars from 9/14

I was faced with a choice.  Write this post, or write my self-assessment for work – both of which are due today.  I obviously chose incorrectly.

Three stars for this week – it was kind of a tough call to make.  Nobody really got back to me about nominations.  It’s more like I had to figure out the three stars this week by figuring out first who they weren’t.

Rachel Klion (pictured circa 2009) from the Rainbows probably wants a star. I can’t give her a star just for that alone. I was tempted to give her a star for her flagrant violation of the rulebook when she threw her stick (lol) at an Anklebiter who was on a breakaway, and then nonchalantly returned to the bench as if that was a totally legal play.  Funny stuff, but we don’t want Klioning  to become a trend around these parts.

Rich Glanzer (pic related) continues one of the longest running gags in BTSH, which is his inability to score. Somehow, Richie managed to get a pass at the top of the crease, shoot it through the goalie’s legs, and still miss wide of the far post. I’d give you a star for effort, but that would ruin the integrity of our three stars process. This ain’t the YMCA.

With that, your real three stars, and by extension the reason you should keep coming to the league every week:

*** – Liam Martens (Cobra Kai)

Gotta be honest: I don’t know which one of the guys in this picture that I lifted from Facebook acquired fair-and-square is Liam. However, Mr. Martens had both goals in Cobra Kai’s 2-1 victory over Poutine Machine. That’s pretty much textbook star-worthy. He’d be higher, but unfortunately for him…

** – Noelle Safar (Hookers)

Noelle Safar of the Hookers potted two goals of her own, sealing a victory over division rivals Fresh Kills and helping the Hookers clinch the Brown Division. She also leads all women in goals with 9. What did you do with your weekend?

* – Jamie Batuwantudawe (Every fucking team that I play against ever Butchers)

Growing up, one of my favorite games was Wayne Gretzky’s 3D Hockey 98 for the N64. The game had a feature in which the goalie would sometimes morph into a brick wall when making a save. I used to love this game and specifically that part, but now I hate it because it reminds me of every time I have to play against Jamie. The guy is unreal and deserves every bit of the first star this week. Fuck you Jamie. But congratulations. But fuck you still.

 

← Back to Media