These days, it seems pretty much everyone is on Facebook (well, everyone besides #coreywinters and Georgine)…and although we’re pretty much all friends with each other in BTSH, it’s a big enough league that a few people may have slipped through the cracks.  Fear not, here are the top five people you need to friend immediately:

Honorable Mention 1:
Eli Kazin, Mathematics

 

I’m purposely leaving Eli out of the top 5, because he’s a media member, and I’d hate to be accused of nepotism (even thought that’s actually kind of the point of this article).  However, if you’re not already friends with Eli, you need to get on that.  Although he rarely posts, and when he does, it’s usually just a picture of CitiField or MSG to tell you he’s at a sporting event, having Eli as a friend means you’re guaranteed at least one “Happy Birthday” post on your wall every time your special day rolls around.  Without fail.  Seriously, the man is a Happy Birthday Machine, and he doesn’t miss anyone.  Just make sure you personally thank him afterwards.

Honorable Mention 2:
Jackie Spiegel, Corlears Hookers

Obviously, this one depends on your sporting preferences (which is why it’s only an HM), but if you’re a Rangers or Mets fan, Jackie’s got the goods.  Better yet, her page is riddled with selfies, which more people really need to be doing.  And if that isn’t your bag, she’s also big on posting pics of her dog, Ranger, which is worth a page view in itself.  You’re basically going here for her Instagram.

Number 5:
James Stein, Sky Fighters

I could probably do without the Star Wars crap on this page (I imagine some people are into that), but the rest is pretty solid.  James’ page contains a nearly perfect combination of random internet links, pictures of James traveling to exotic locals (with his audio equipment), and assorted (mildly) funny status updates.  Plus, his comebacks to insults are always terrible, so if you fire away at the numerous dumb things he writes, you’re probably in the clear.  Of course, I’ll concede that James isn’t much to look at, but his kids are quite adorable. Like, actually adorable…not just kid adorable where everyone pretends they’re cute, just because they’re kids.

Number 4:
Deejay Bubblebath (AKA Craig LaCombe), Gouging Anklebiters

You have to wait for the gems here, but Craig posts frequently and most of it is decent enough stuff.  Certainly good for a chuckle.  When entering his page, be prepared to wade through some statuses about life back in Michigan, but you will also find several pictures of old album covers and wacky videos.  However, the real goods come in those rare times when he does a little photoshopping in the comments of someone else’s posting.  It doesn’t always happen, but it’s worth the wait when it does.

Number Three:
Greg Infanti, Sky Fighters

I didn’t realize how many Sky Fighters were on this list, but oh well.  Greg is something of a personal favorite, because he and I just seem to be on the same wavelength (and since I’m the one writing this thing, he goes on the list).  Finding postings about wrestling and hip hop are not uncommon on this Canadians’ page, in addition to a lovely smattering of pop culture references and thoughts on Brooklyn life.  Oh, and he also seems to be a little bit of foodie, so he can probably give you tips on where to eat.

Number Two:
Stacy Kehoe, Rehabs

Okay, this is probably cheating, because Kehoe’s long gone from BTSH, but I don’t really care.  I should also disclose that most of the good stuff on her page is actually from her husband, but he’s never been a league member, so here we are.  Following Kehoe’s (and husband Dan’s) adventures in Pittsburgh and the wilderness is a treat, as her wall is riddled with pictures of the duo in bizarre and hilarious poses and an abundance of middle fingers.  Her brothers will occasionally get into the act as well, upping the humor by a factor of eight.  Plus, when her Steelers and Penguins inevitably fail, she makes for a very easy target.  Go Ravens!

Number One:
Dan Hopper, Sky Fighters

Okay, so half the funny from this page comes from collegehumor.com links, because Dan writes for them, and he’s promoting his own work.  Nevertheless, he is an extremely talented writer, so it’s worth having an alert system on your news feed whenever one of his new pieces hits the internet.  If you’re fast enough, you can even jump to the comments section, so you can be the guy that who types, “First!”…because that’s always hilarious.  That said, the other of the funny on his page comes from Dan being Dan.  He knows his sports; he knows his Simpsons; and he understands internet snark like none other (because you can never have enough of that!).  Plus, I don’t think he’s changed his profile picture in several years, so you’ll always know when it’s Dan who’s posting.