Fairy Tale Cup

Editor’s Note: As we embark on another BTSH season we couldn’t help noticing that something seems to have been forgotten. We asked League curmudgeon Rich Glanzer to give all you newcomers a little history of the now legendary Fairy Tale Cup.

Nothing symbolizes the Modern Day Era of BTSH like the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup. The sordid brainchild of Derek and Elly, the Fairy Tale Cup was created in 2008, and pitted the Dark Rainbows, Unicorns and Happy Little Elves against each other in a triangular series. The team with the best winning percentage would be deemed the Fairy Tale Cup champions.

2008

 The Unicorns shocked the BTSH world when they defeated the defending champion Dark Rainbows, but they barely squeaked by the Elves 5-0 to capture the coveted Cup. Much like the first Super Bowl, no one realized the significance of this victory at the time.

*Significant Elves moment: The 5-0 loss led to a team mutiny against each other and the Elves actually played significantly better after the mutiny. Though they still lost every game.

2009 

Controversy erupted when all three teams went 1-1. But since the Elves had the best goal differential (thanks to a 3-0 drubbing over the Unicorns), the whole league felt the Elves were the new champs. Elly explains what happened: “The Elves had lost for more than a full calendar year. We really wanted to keep the FTC prestigious, but we couldn’t let a bunch of jobbers like the Elves hold onto the strap. So we just sorta said ‘let the Unicorns keep it’.” Derek added, “The Rainbows couldn’t care less, because they didn’t even know what the Fairy Tale Cup was. No one did except us, Glanzer a few Elves, and (Craig) LaCombe. LaCombe bought Elly and me a can of PBR (which we split), so we decided to let the Uni’s keep it. It was the right thing to do.”

*Significant Elves moment: Elly was right, the Elves’ victory over the Unicorns was their first victory since their inaugural game in 2008. True story (and this is actually true): its the first time I ever met Suz, and when she found out it was our first victory in more than a year, she was like, “Oh that’s horrible. I feel so much worse I lost to you!”

2010 

More controversy erupted in 2010 for the FTC. After the Elves whined for a year about how Derek & Elly screwed them, the whole league started to take notice. Well…all except the Unicorns and Dark Rainbows, they still had no idea what the FTC was. The BTSH Universe and specifically every Elf (except for Glanzer) was in shock when, with Glanzer in net, the HLE outplayed LaCombe and beat the Unicorns almost singlehandedly 3-2. However Craig got his revenge by poisoning John Meyer and forcing the Rainbows to use Craig against the Elves. With the chance to finally win the coveted FTC, the Elves gave up 4 straight goals and lost 5-4. This set up a winner-take-all match between the Rainbows and Unicorns which the Dark Rainbows won.  http://www.btsh.org/bruise/2010/06/29/week-10-news-and-notes-3/ Craig is the only player in FTC history to hold the imaginary Cup for two different teams, in three straight seasons.

*Significant Elves moment: The Elves would go on to win the consolation prize the BTSH Championship, but no one from the Elves ever talks about that.

2011

After winning the Barnacle Bowl (worst Derek/Elly creation ever…it pits the Elves against Cobra Kai) and the BTSH Championship, the Elves had a chance to go for BTSH’s Triple Crown. After beating the Unicorns, the Elves faced the Rainbows in another winner-take-all FTC matchup. Fearing a 2009-style screwjob, Glanzer recruited Elly to coach the Elves. With Elly leading the charge, the Elves defeated the Rainbows and won their first FTC. They are the only team in the history of BTSH to hold at the same time the BTSH Championship, the Barnacle Bowl and of course the FTC.

*Significant Elves moment: Ben always claimed the FTC was ‘maginary, and not imaginary. So he got some bowl and claimed it was the FTC. Elves are not smart people so we all believed him and carried it around Ace bar and got really drunk. It was fun.

2012

The Unicorns disbanded and changed their name to the Gremlins, the Dark Rainbows only had 7 returning players (and only Josh Wilson knew what the FTC was), and the Elves stopped caring once they won. Derek and Elly rearranged the schedule so the Elves would play the Gremlins and Dark Rainbows again (sad but true), and the Elves won both games easily. The only other win the Elves had in all of 2012 was against the Lbs., who simply are just not good, and I don’t know how the rest of you let them win the BTSH Championship. I mean  did Karsten pay off Eitel and Soko?

*Significant Elves moment: Luisa finally got her BTSH glory. After losing in the Barnacle Bowl (while she was with Cobra Kai) and the FTC (while she was with the Dark Rainbows) in 2011, Luisa finally got to taste glory. Except by this point, there was absolutely no glory since the Elves ruined it.

2013

The FTC will for the third year in a row reside in Elf-land, as they do not play the D.R. or Gremlins. Its a sad end, to a great career for the once prestigious, once imaginary, Fairy Tale Cup.

2014

???

2015

Despite both the Elves and Rainbows defeating the Gremlins during the 2015 regular season, it seemed unlikely that this once prestigious (yet imaginary) trophy would ever be mentioned again.  The Elves and Dark Rainbows did not play each other during the regular season, and no one seemed to even notice.

However, the Elves and Rainbows had such similar seasons that they finished tied in the BTSH standings after the final game of the regular season, and (as per some wacky tie-break rules) a coin toss had to be used to see who would be the higher seed.  However, there was still one question left to answer.  Who was impartial enough to flip the coin?  Who had connections to both teams, but was now far enough removed from the league to be fair?  After minutes of debate, Elves captain Rich Glanzer and Dark Rainbows captain Abby Meisterman agreed that Luisa–the only player in BTSH history to play for both teams–would do the honors.  Proving yet again that the Elves can only win with Luisa’s help, Luisa’s $2 (Canadian) coin landed on heads, giving the Elves the win.  With the tie-break win over the Rainbows and their regular season win over the Gremlins, the Elves once again took home the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.