BREAKING: Commish Caught Cheating In 2009!
GAME OF THE WEEK
Sky Fighters (8-3-2-2) at What The Puck (8-5-1-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 8-3
Game Notes: Playoff seeding implications are on the line as these Hackett Division foes face off for the second time this season. When the Sky Fighters and What The Puck met in Week 14, the Fighters prevailed with a solid–though somewhat forgettable–3-1 victory. Since then, however, they have hit a skid, losing to the Happy Little Elves and the Dark Rainbows. The slump has greatly reduced the team’s chances at the division title and with it, the all-important second seed in the playoffs. What The Puck is in even worse shape. The team tied the Rehabs last week, which halted a four-game losing streak. This summer swoon, along with the team’s 0-4-0-1 record in Hackett Division games, has officially eliminated WTP from the division race. However, strong out of division play earlier in the season has provided a cushion to soften the recent fall, and Larry’s Orange Juggernaut sits squarely in the middle of the rather large BTSH bell curve. With two weeks remaining before the playoffs start, both the Sky Fighters and What The Puck will be looking to reverse their recent trends.
Keys To The Game:
1. As one of the few Sky Fighters to exhibit regular attendance, captain Dan Hopper has shouldered much of the offensive load himself. After scoring twice last week against the Dark Rainbows, Hopper is now tied for fifth in the league with 12 goals.
2. After dealing with a revolving door of goaltenders throughout the season, What The Puck has finally regained some stability between the pipes, as offseason acquisition Anthony Romeo is back to close out the season. Although it remains to be seen if this will result in more wins, at the very least, WTP will now have a definitive count on how many saves their goalie makes each game.
3. We haven’t seen Brock in a really long time, and we’re extremely concerned. He’s little.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. Wait, it’s technically still summer? Crap.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters. Martin has returned to the States after teaching another generation of Czechs how to play 50 minutes a game.
Watchability: 4 Watkinsons. Just two points separate these evenly matched teams in the standings.
Continue reading ‘Week 18 Preview’
This Is The Best Photo We’ve Used In A While
GAME OF THE WEEK
ALL-STAR GAME: Weyersberg Conference vs. Schumacher Conference
Location: Tompkins West, 6:30 PM
All-Time Series: Weyersberg Conference leads 1-0
Game Notes: As the league heads into the August break, it is once again that time of the year for the stars of BTSH to showcase their skills in the annual All-Star Game. For the second year in a row, conference pride will once again be at stake as the Weyersberg all-stars face off against the Schumacher all-stars. Last season, the Weyersberg Conference took home bragging rights with a 3-2 victory on the strength of Happy Little Elf Trevor “T-Beau” Beauclair’s two goals. This year, the universally admired Beauclair will once be in the limelight of this event, only this time as a coach. Already, he has imparted his “3 Is” mantra upon his squad. Beauclair notes, “Through intensity, integrity, and intelligence, the Weyersberg Conference will once again be victorious.” He and his co-coach, Elf teammate Melissa Budnick, will be opposed by the Schumacher coaches, Shafiq “Off Black” Perry of La Famiglia and Julie Katz of Mega Touch. Since being selected as a coach, Katz has not stopped smiling, commenting, “I’m so excited!” We all are, Julie. We all are.
Keys To The Game:
1. The Happy Little Elves have a checkered history as All-Star Game coaches. In 2009, the East New York team led by the Long Island loudmouth Rich Glanzer, as well as Stacy S. Kehoe, fell to the West 8-2. In addition to this embarrassing loss, Glanzer will be remembered for playing one 30-second shift that resulted in a -1 rating.
2. Perry’s La Famiglia teammate, Denis Miciletto, has been selected for the All-Star Game for the third straight year. In last season’s contest, he tallied one of the Schumacher Conference’s two goals. This season, as the league scoring leader, Perry will look to Miciletto to once again lead the charge for the Schumacher Conference.
3. Roommates, and early Best Duo Award favorites, Lisa Harrington (WTP) and Sarah Moore (GA) have been split on to opposite sides of this game. Rumor has it that their relationship has been a lot more frosty of late as a result of this schism. For example, Moore recently finished all the milk and refused to buy any more, leaving Harrington with dry Rice Krispies.
Watchability: 5 Shafiqs. This game harkens back to the Golden Age of BTSH, so it’s got to be worth watching. Or at least, Dave Ladanyi thinks so.
Continue reading ‘Week 15 Preview’
La Famiglia Doesn’t Want To Blow This One
GAME OF THE WEEK
La Famiglia (6-1-1-2) at What The Puck (8-1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 10-0
Game Notes: Expect a high-scoring game this Sunday when the league’s top two offenses clash in this inter-conference showdown. Despite their differing methods of attack, What The Puck and La Famiglia currently rank first and second in team scoring, respectively. What The Puck has spread out the offense, boasting 11 different players with multiple goals this season, which more than any other team in the league. Only one player, Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman, cracks the league’s top 10 with 10 goals this season. La Famiglia, on the other hand, has relied heavily on two players, Denis Miciletto and Shafiq “Off Black” Perry. Miciletto (14) and Perry (10) have combined for 24 of the team’s 38 goals. Because of these explosive offenses, both of these teams reside at the top of their respective divisions. What The Puck holds a narrow two point lead over Fresh Kills in the Hackett Division, while La Famiglia has a three point cushion on the Unicorns in the Donohue Division. With both of these races still tight, the winner of this matchup will take a big step towards winning its division.
Keys To The Game:
1. La Famiglia has never beaten What The Puck. This was partly the reason behind captain David Ladanyi’s signing of the previously retired Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri, who is a former What The Puck defender. Sadly, Ventolieri’s memory is not what it used to be, so he was unable to divulge any of What The Puck’s secrets.
2. To counter Ladanyi’s shrewd gambit, and to strengthen his goaltending depth chart, What The Puck captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer has signed former La Famiglia Tuques goaltender Minkus to a one-game contract. The two bonded while discussing the physics of Mets’ pitcher R.A. Dickey’s knuckleball.
3. What The Puck’s Brock “Butters” Bosacker has been feeling a lot of pressure to perform from his own teammates lately. “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse has repeatedly threatened to beat Brock if he doesn’t score a goal.
Eli’s Pick: La Famiglia. It’s about time for What The Puck’s annual summer swoon.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck. Their depth carries them to the victory.
Watchability: 4.5 Malguarnera, Jrs. Both defenses have been just average this season, so these high-powered offenses should see a lot of good scoring opportunities.
Continue reading ‘Week 12 Preview’
Trust Us, That’s Corey
Three Stars of the Week
Third Star: Jerome “Hornswoggle” Ramos, Happy Little Elves. Hornswoggle netted two goals in the opening contest of the 2011 Fairy Tale Cup, helping the Elves to a 4-3 shootout win against the Unicorns. His second goal of the game came late in the second half, igniting a two-goal rally that forced overtime.
Second Star: Ariel Imas, Fresh Kills. Imas stayed in his own defensive zone for the majority of Fresh Kills’ game against the Sky Fighters. He blocked an onslaught of Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka’s shots from the point, holding the big Czech scoreless. In addition, Imas scored his team’s lone shootout goal as Fresh Kills tied the Sky Fighters 1-1.
First Star: Corey “Chongo” Winters, What The Puck. Chongo was informed just minutes before his game against the Corlears Hookers that he would be playing in between the pipes. Despite the short notice, Winters recorded his second shutout in just his third start of the season. Winters’ GAA of 0.67 would be first in the league if he met the minimum qualifying criteria.
Continue reading ‘Week 9 News and Notes’
The Rainbows Are Thrilled To Face What The Puck
GAME OF THE WEEK
What The Puck (5-0-0-1) at Dark Rainbows (5-0-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 6-5
Game Notes: The top two teams in BTSH face off in a battle for first place in the Hackett Division. What The Puck’s offseason additions have assimilated into Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s game plan extremely quickly, resulting in a five-game winning streak. The team boasts the top offense in the league, averaging five goals a game, which is a full goal more than any other team. Despite the boost from the new arrivals, however, it is WTP’s cagey veteran, defender Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman, who has led the scoring with seven goals on the season. Unlike their opponents, the Dark Rainbows’ roster changed little during the offseason. As a result of this stability, the Rainbows opened the season with a four-game winning streak and have yielded the third fewest goals in BTSH. Goaltender John Meyer currently ranks fourth in the league with a 1.33 GAA, and he has not allowed more than two goals in a game this season. Meyer and the Rainbows will face their stiffest challenge to date when they go head to head with the relentless What The Puck offense this Sunday.
Keys To The Game:
1. What The Puck has used three different goaltenders this season, each winning at least one game for the team. This speaks to both the team’s versatility in having several capable options, as well as its raw ability to light up the scoreboard regardless of who’s between the pipes.
2. The Rainbows’ 3-2 win over Poutine Machine last week stands as a true testament to the team’s resiliency. Trailing by one late in the second half, the Rainbows scored twice in the last 4:30 to comeback against the MacNeil Division leaders.
3. As a special treat for fans of these two teams (yes, even What The Puck has fans), halftime will feature an exhibition game among the several dozen children who are usually in attendance at these teams’ games. Baby John Nielsen is expected to lead the Mini-Rainbows to victory.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. They look unstoppable right now.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck. Mad Dog won’t rest until he wins the division.
Watchability: 5 Starks. These are the top two teams in the league. What else do you want?
Continue reading ‘Week 7 Preview’
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