“Hollywood” Jeff Lesser Would Be Proud

TOMPKINS SQUARE PARK – Fresh Kills defenseman Kevin “The Planet” Foster has always been known and feared for his long, booming shots from the point.  Although the sage veteran has been relatively quiet throughout regular and postseason, he made a huge impact in Sunday’s championship game.  Foster’s blast from the blue line late in the second half broke a 1-1 stalemate and clinched his second BTSH championship with Fresh Kills.

Foster’s captain Dave Sokolyansky was effusive in his praise for the stalwart defender.  Soko noted, “This couldn’t have happened to a nicer, more sensitive guy.  As much as I wanted to win, I’m relieved that Kevin scored the game-winner instead of someone like my brother [Mike Sokolyanksy], who’s been a real source of irritation and consternation this season.”  Foster’s goal came as a bit of surprise, as he had scored just one goal during the 2011 season and two in 2010.

Fresh Kills’ other goal also came from the defense.  Patrick Moore, who only had two goals in 2011 himself, tied the game at one midway through the first half.  Moore’s goal was set up by the “Where am I?” line, consisting of Nick Hobbs and Scott Lee.  Lee, who was nearly late for the final after losing track of time while exploring Union Square, started the play with a battle along the dugout behind the net.  He chipped a pass to Hobbs, who found Moore wide open in the slot.

Despite Foster and Moore’s heroics, Fresh Kills still voted goaltender Patrick Barch as the team’s playoff MVP.  Barch allowed just five goals through four playoff games and made numerous clutch saves in the second half of the final to preserve the 1-1 tie.  Defender Ariel Imas commented, “It’s comforting knowing that Patrick is behind me.  I try to block as much as I can, but I know that if a shot gets through, Patrick will always come up with the big save.”  Barch finished fourth in BTSH with a 1.60 GAA during the regular season.

What The Puck’s goal also came from an unexpected source, as rookie forward Garrett Poston opened the scoring five and a half minutes into the game.  Poston, an overlooked part of captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s offseason acquisitions, rifled a wrist shot past Barch after receiving a cross-court pass from “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse (a more heralded acquisition), who was wearing his lucky Bowdoin sweatpants for the game.

What The Puck was playing in its second championship in the past three seasons, as the team also lost in 2009 to the Sky Fighters.  Zimmer, who has been the team’s captain since its inception in 2001, was disappointed with the outcome of the game.  However, his mood brightened when veteran Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth, Amy Farley, and the rest of What The Puck presented their sheepish leader with a scrapbook filled with photos and What The Puck memories.

CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
#2 Fresh Kills 2, #7 What The Puck 1

First Half:
What The Puck – 5:30, Garrett Poston (1) (“The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse)
Fresh Kills – 12:00, Patrick Moore (1) (Nick Hobbs, Scott Lee)

Second Half:
Fresh Kills – 21:54, Kevin “The Planet” Foster (1) (Mike Sokolyansky, Dave Sokolyansky)

#7 What The Puck (12-5-1-2) at #2 Fresh Kills (14-4-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 9-8-1
2011 Result: Week 1 – Fresh Kills 3, What The Puck 2 (OT-SO); Week 8 – Fresh Kills 3, What The Puck 0
Game Notes: At the beginning of the 2011 season, picking What The Puck to reach the championship game was a no-brainer.  Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer had just concluded an off-season shopping spree, pillaging the Rehabs of goaltender Anthony Romeo and forwards Brock Bosacker, Alex Doucette, and “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse.  Zimmer’s grand plan to ambush BTSH with his all-star squad was working to perfection through the spring, as What The Puck jumped out to an 8-1-0-1 record through ten games.  However, once the calendar turned to summer, injuries and lackluster attendance began to deplete Zimmer’s charges, and his Orange Juggernaut stumbled to a 1-4-1-1 finish, scoring an uncharacteristically low 11 goals in this seven game stretch.  Once the playoffs began, however, What The Puck returned to the form everyone expected to see, and the team dispatched the Sky Fighters, Denim Demons, and Butchers, allowing just one goal in each game.  What The Puck’s opponent in the championship game, Fresh Kills, is a familiar foe.  The two teams are meeting in the postseason for the fourth time since 2006, and as members of the Hackett Division, they faced off twice this season.  Captain David Sokolyansky, armed with a much smaller budget than Zimmer’s, took an alternate route to building his squad, preferring to add undervalued free agents and players other teams viewed as flawed.  This haul included Scott Lee, who was cast aside by the Mathematics because of his inability to finish.  Sokolyansky’s philosophy paid off, as Fresh Kills performed consistently throughout the season and claimed the Hackett Division crown on the penultimate weekend of the regular season.  However, all of this hard work was almost undone in the opening round of the playoffs, when Fresh Kills was extended to a shootout before putting away Mega Touch.  The next two rounds proceeded more like the regular season, as Sokolyansky’s bunch used stifling defense and opportunistic offense to eliminate the Dark Rainbows and defending champion Happy Little Elves.  Entering the finals, Fresh Kills now seems to have all signs pointing in its favor, as Sokolyanksy and his crew are the higher seed and swept What The Puck in the season series.  However, Zimmer is known for pulling rabbits out of hats throughout his illustrious BTSH tenure and may have one more trick up his sleeve.

Keys To The Game For What The Puck:
1. In last week’s semifinal against the pesky Butchers, Hannah Stark delivered in the clutch and scored the game-winning goal with 1:30 remaining in regulation.  What The Puck will once again turn to her to rise to the challenge in this pressure-filled matchup.
2. Goaltender Anthony Romeo continued his postseason success in last week’s semifinal, as he allowed just one goal for the third consecutive week.  This has come after a regular season rife with attendance issues and mediocrity for the centerpiece of What The Puck’s offseason acquisitions.  However, Zimmer is not surprised, as his master plan all along was to rest his top goalie from the wear and tear of the Indian summer, allowing Romeo to be fresh and healthy for the playoffs.
3. Grizzled veteran Tom MacDonald has had a bit of a chip on his shoulder after Zimmer cut him just prior to the playoffs in order to clear roster space for Brock Bosacker.  However, after Bosacker’s ship lost communication somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle, Zimmer resigned MacDonald one day after his release.  MacDonald noted that he understood Zimmer’s initial decision, but he is now determined to prove he belongs on the playoff squad.  He had one goal in last week’s semifinal.
Keys To The Game For Fresh Kills:
1. Without the presence of last season’s leading scorer, Justin “The Boss” Ross, there has been a team-wide effort to fill his offensive void.  As a result, in Fresh Kills’ three playoff games, nine different players have combined for the team’s 12 goals.    Sokolyansky boasts that his team is particularly dangerous, because any line can score at any time.
2. After finishing the regular season with the fourth best GAA among qualifying goalies in BTSH, Patrick Barch has been a steady force between the pipes in the playoffs.  He has allowed just four goals in Fresh Kills’ three games, including a shutout of the Dark Rainbows.  In addition, Barch seems to have a cosmic connection with his favorite NFL team, the Pittsburgh Steelers, whose results have mirrored those of Fresh Kills since the start of the playoffs.  In other words, if Fresh Kills wins on Sunday, look for the Steelers to upset the Patriots.
3. As a special treat to motivate his team, Sokolyanksy had intended to bring back former Fresh Kills captain “Hollywood” Jeff Lesser to give a rousing pre-game pep talk.  However, in finalizing the details, Dave’s brother Mike repeatedly called Lesser by his given name, rather than “Hollywood,” as Lesser prefers.  These gaffes offended Lesser so much that he will no longer be attending.  Instead, the team will receive a pre-game pep talk via satellite from former Notre Dame head coach, Lou Holtz.
Rich Glanzer’s Thoughts: If this game was played from June to August, Fresh Kills would be five goal favorites. But WTP has come from their now-annual summer swoon to the championship game. Fresh Kills has had one goal all year: not just to make this game, but to win it. Talent-wise, What The Puck has the better men, and FK has the better women. Goalies are pretty much equal. I say this game comes down to who wants it more, and I gotta believe Fresh Kills does. I see a tight defensive game where Fresh Kills grabs a 2-0 lead, WTP scores early in the 2nd half, and FK adds one more late. 3-1 Fresh Kills.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  It’s worth noting that my history of correctly picking the championship game is extremely suspect, but the Corlears Hookers are not in it this year.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  Dave Sokolyansky seems to think his team plays better when I pick against them.  As such, if Fresh Kills wins, it’s because my pick helped them out.  If WTP wins, I knew it all along.
Watchability: 5 Mr. Skuses.  This game is so big they’ll be listening to a live feed all the way to Cobourg, Ontario.

#2 Fresh Kills 4, #14 Happy Little Elves 2
Fresh Kills: Ashley Singer (2), Mike Sokolyansky (2), Nick Hobbs (1), Dave Sokolyansky (1)
Happy Little Elves: Gil Valdes (3), Jerome “Hornswoggle” Ramos (1)
Goalie Win: Patrick Barch

#7 What The Puck 2, #11 Butchers 1
What The Puck: Tom MacDonald (1), Hannah Stark (1)
Butchers: Jeff “Hawk” Hawkins (2)
Goalie Win: Anthony Romeo
Game Notes: Stark scored the game-winning goal with 1:30 remaining in regulation. Hawkins tied the game at one with five minutes remaining in regulation.

#11 Butchers (11-7-1) at #7 What The Puck (11-5-1-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 2-0
2011 Result: Week  11 – What The Puck 4, Butchers 1
Game Notes: For the second straight season, despite entering as a double-digit seed, the Butchers find themselves in the semifinals of the BTSH playoffs.  This year, their run began with a round of 16 upset of the #6 seed Unicorns, when Chris DiMotta’s overtime goal sent the Butchers past their Donohue Division foe to the quarterfinals.  Their good fortune continued last week, as the Butchers sent #4 seed Poutine Machine, the MacNeil Division champions, packing with a hard-fought 2-1 victory.  However, the Butchers’ opponent, What The Puck, is also no stranger to the semifinals, even though the team was uncharacteristically eliminated in the opening round in 2010.  In spite of this setback, Larry’s Orange Juggernaut has looked like the What The Puck of old this year.  In the round of 16, the Puckers easily dispatched a fellow Hackett Division squad, the Sky Fighters, on the strength of Oliver Hartman’s four goal outburst.  Last week, Corey “Chongo” Winters’ second-half game-winning goal pushed them past the rival Denim Demons and into the semifinals.  Although history is on What The Puck’s side, as the team looks to advance to the championship game for the third time in six years, the upstart Butchers are eager to get their relatively new franchise to the next plateau.
Keys To The Game For The Butchers:
1. After an excellent regular season, goaltender Eric Ramirez has continued to cement his reputation as a playoff goalie.  He has allowed just three goals through two games, and his two wins this season bring his postseason record to 4-1.  These stats have vindicated co-captain Rachel Greene’s decision to pick Ramirez over Rob “Mungo” Gorden, Randy Locklair, and Tim “(S)crappy” Gray as her starting goalie when establishing the team.
2. The Butchers’ offense is carried by the 1-2 punch of co-captain Ben Bloom and “The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis.  The duo combined for 30 of the team’s 47 goals in the regular season, and each contributed a goal in the round of 16 win against the Unicorns.
3.  After a subdued performance, Arnold Sanchez recently admitted that his head was never really in last week’s game against Poutine Machine.  Apparently, Jo-Ann Provencher had stolen his Sunday newspaper, so Sanchez never had a chance to read the color version of Marmaduke.  It is unclear whether WTP will attempt a similar ploy, but Michelle Doucet was recently spotted talking to his paperboy with a wad of $20 bills.
Keys To The Game For What The Puck:
1. After missing large stretches of the regular season, goalie Anthony Romeo has finally become the consistent force between the pipes that Larry envisioned when he poached Romeo from the Rehabs.  In What The Puck’s last playoff game, Romeo allowed just one goal, and claims to have made 29 saves.
2. Another one of Larry’s big offseason acquisitions was “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse.  He tallied five regular season goals before sustaining both upper and lower body injuries, which were supposed to sideline him for the rest of the season.  However, being the courageous gamer that he is, Skuse returned to action last week, despite having two broken arms, one broken leg, a broken clavicle, a bad haircut, and influenza.
3. Garrett Poston has been a consistent force for WTP in his first season of BTSH, but it seems his trash-talking has been far too cerebral to properly frustrate his opposition.  He merely left Demon forward Jeff Kamen confused–not agitated–when teasing, “I say, old sport, your boorish demeanor is reminiscent of that of Australopithecus bahrelghazali. Perchance is he of any relation?”
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  Every championship game is better with a villain, and of the four teams left, What The Puck fits that bill the best.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck. The Butchers make for a great story, but the still isn’t quite championship-caliber.
Watchability: 4 Kalbs.  A late October playoff game is sure to give the fans some thrills, but this game may take a backseat to Sunday’s other semifinal.

What The Puck 4, Sky Fighters 2
What The Puck: Oliver Hartman (5), Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth (5), Tom MacDonald (4), Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (1)
Sky Fighters: Greg Infanti (4), Dan Lee (1)
Goalie Win: Corey “Chongo” Winters

Filthy Gorgeous 6, Happy Little Elves 2
Filthy Gorgeous: “Gentleman” James Pereira 2 (14), Matt Novick 2 (5), Susannah Pasquantonio (3), Sunny Mehra (1)
Happy Little Elves: Gil Valdes (12), Garrett “Ax” Carrino (5)
Goalie Win: Dan “D.O.” Owens

LBS, Inc. 5, Dark Rainbows 3
LBS, Inc.: Karsten Pichon 3 (11), Tommy Capatosta (7), Dustin Shutes (1)
Dark Rainbows: Josh Wilson 2 (10), Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell (7)
Goalie Win: Bill Tucker (on loan from Gut Rot)

Mega Touch 6, Gut Rot 2
Mega Touch: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta 5 (16), Jonathan Hanson (2)
Gut Rot: Gilligan1 2 (6)
Goalie Win: Mike Tuckman

La Famiglia 1, Butchers 0
La Famiglia: Alfred Liu (6)
Shutout: Jamie Batuwantudawe (1)
Game Notes: La Famiglia has secured the Prince of Weyersberg trophy for the best regular season record.

Mathematics 2, Poutine Machine 1
Mathematics: Andy Pratt (7), Eli Kazin (2)
Poutine Machine: Brodie St. John (6)
Goalie Win: Joe Boshko

Unicorns 2, Cobra Kai 1 (OT)
Unicorns: Joe Polowczuk 2 (10)
Cobra Kai: Jasmine Sandler (1)
Goalie Win: Craig “Ug” LaCombe
Game Notes: Polowczuk scored the winning goal with two seconds remaining in overtime.

Corlears Hookers 4, Denim Demons 1
Corlears Hookers: Jesse Scolaro 2 (4), Jason Eitel (11), Peter “Purple Rain” Putka (3)
Denim Demons: Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens (2)
Goalie Win: Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson

Tompkins Square Riots 4, Gouging Anklebiters 2
Tompkins Square Riots: Patrik Blohme 2 (5), Craig Thompson (5), Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg (1)
Gouging Anklebiters: Alex Derhohannesian (10), Phil “Sandy” Donohue (4)
Goalie Win: Shane-o DeBlasio

Fresh Kills 0, Rehabs 0 (OT-SO)
Shutout: Patrick Barch (2), Hilary Meyer (1)
Shootout: Tied 1-1. Successful attempts by Ariel Imas (FK) and Kami Moore (REH).
Game Notes: Fresh Kills has clinched the Hackett Division and #2 seed in the playoffs.