GAME OF THE WEEK
Butchers (8-7-1) at Happy Little Elves (7-6-1-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: The Butchers and the Happy Little Elves may be tied in the overall standings heading into the final weekend of the regular season, but both teams have taken different paths to get here. The Butchers (aside from Ben Bloom) have put an emphasis on defense this season, beginning with the free agent signing of the glass-jawed Chris “Creamy” DiMotta. Bolstered by his presence, the team has surrendered fewer than two goals per game this season, and goaltender Eric Ramirez is fourth in the league with a 1.67 goals against average. The Happy Little Elves, on the other hand, have put no emphasis on defense at all. The team has yielded the third most goals in BTSH, but it has countered this flaw with the league’s top-ranked offense. The tandem of Gil Valdes and brunette sophomore Ryan Nakahara leads the Elves’ deep and explosive attack with 12 goals apiece. In this, the first meeting between these two teams, how will the Elves’ offense fare against the stingy Butchers defense?
Keys To The Game:
1. Although the Butchers have focused on defense this season, the team has also produced two of the league’s top scorers in Ben Bloom and “The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis (né Weezy). The duo has combined for 27 of the team’s 44 goals.
2. Perhaps due to their new found “Fun and Gun” style of play, six of the Elves’ games have been tied at the end of regulation play.  However, the team has been relatively opportunistic in extra time with three wins via shootout and one tie.
3. With both of these teams locked in a four-way tie (with the Dark Rainbows and Mathematics) for 11th place, this game carries tremendous playoff implications.  Most likely, the loser of this matchup will fall into the bottom eight of the league and have to win five games in a row to claim the BTSH championship.  The winner stands a good shot to receive a restful bye next Sunday, when the opening weekend games are played.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  Captain Glanzer finally forces his team to clamp down on D.
Watchability: 4.5 Hawks.  Ka-kaw!

Denim Demons (9-6-0-1) at Sky Fighters (8-4-2-2)
Written by media intern Shaun deLacy
Location: Tompkins East, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 6-2
Game Notes: I have returned from my brief sojourn just in time to write this weekly preview. Fortunately, my week in the biohazard chamber have kept me healthy enough to type, and maybe even play in goal. With the ever-present threat of “rain fears” looming over the final week of the BTSH season, all-around family man James Stein faces off against shameless degenerate Aaron “Coach” Pagdon in a game that is sure to focus in on the play of each team’s goaltender. With both teams coming off brutal, high-scoring losses, defenses will need to tighten up if they plan to win. Fortunately, for these intrepid men between the pipes, neither of their respective teams has seemed particularly inclined to score over the past few weeks.
Shaun’s Pick: Sky Fighters – 2 goals is more than 1!
Watchability: 2.5 Games being forced to watch the pre-lockout Devils playing the trap.

Mathematics (7-6-2-1) at Gut Rot (2-14)
Written not-so heroically by Dr. Byron Clavicle’s Assistant Rajib Glazerouth
Location: Tompkins West, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 2-0
Game Notes: Please read 4,372 words first so you can Benify this game note. This is the battle of BTSH Good vs. BTSH Evil. One team supplies refs all the time, the other never does. I’m going with the Faces of BTSH, Derek and Elly. Plus, Math is also better at hockey and stuff.
Rich’s Pick: Tuques 1, Poutine 1
Watchability: 2 Happy Bdays from Eli Kazin. Math will win btw, 3-1

Poutine Machine (11-3-1-1) at La Famiglia (12-1-1-2)
Written heroically by Tuques beat reporter Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: La Famiglia leads 1-0
Game Notes: The battle of the (La Tuque) Cinderellas will be on at 1 PM. Both the Tuques and Poutine are having fantastic seasons. While Sven Larsen has wrapped up Captain of the Year honors after coming in 2nd last season, Dave Ladanyi has his squad firing on all cylinders as well. This will be the battle of offense vs. defense as the mighty Tuques offense tries to solve Tim Brown. In the end, the Tuques won’t be able to score at will off Tim, and will only muster one goal. But they’ll also only give up a goal, and this game will end in a 1-1 tie.
Rich’s Pick: 1-1
Watchability: Since Poutine is one of my picks to make the championship game, I’m going to go with 4 Clementes

Cobra Kai (5-7-1-3) at Mega Touch (5-10-1)
Written by MacNeil Division correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Cobra Kai leads 5-0
Game Notes: That’s what this week is all about. A win doesn’t do anything for these teams playoff rankings, so it’s all about setting a tone for the weeks to come. MT are on a high after Adriano’s spectacular five-goal performance last week (I can still hear the crowd chanting “Andiamo”), while Greg and the Camouflage Kings lost a heartbreaker to the Unis. But the Dojo do still have a perfect series record against the Touchers. It all comes down to this. Will Cobra Kai’s aging, balding white leader be better than Mega Touch’s aging, bald white leader? And why is that the question I seem to be asking about every BTSH game this year?
Sven’s Pick: I’ll give this one to the Snake Worshippers. I can’t see them losing three in a row, and MT are due for a letdown after last week.
Watchability: One PBR in a bag. If you’re not playing in this game, you’ll watch it for about 5 minutes and then go complain to Derek and Eli about the new Facebook layout.

Fresh Kills (11-3-2) at LBS, Inc. (10-5-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 13-5
Game Notes: Fresh Kills has already clinched the Hackett Division title, and thus the second seed in the BTSH playoffs. However, LBS, Inc. still has plenty to play for. A win would clinch the fifth seed in the playoffs, but a loss could send the Corporation as low as the tenth seed. Fresh Kills and LBS, Inc. met in Week 14, with Kills emerging with a 3-1 win.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  They relish the chance to knock the Corporation down a few pegs.
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills
Watchability: 4 Hawks

What The Puck (9-5-1-1) at Dark Rainbows (8-7-0-1)
Written by Rubens Division correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins East, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 6-6
Game Notes: This wee,k the lovely ladies and lads of Filthy Gorgeous face-off against the scrappy melee that is the Gouging Anklebiters. However, despite spending most of the season reporting on Flithy, I’m not covering their game this week. Weird…
Anyway, this week, we’re looking at a pairing that, if they collided in a freak-accident, or aggressive play, would remind me of Big Bird’s legs. Both teams are close in rank, rounding out the bottom of the Hackett division, but neither team should be taken lightly. On May 15, 2011, WTP arrived to Tompkins Sq. Park only to discover that games were canceled due to “rain fears.” From then until now, they’ve been practicing their shuttle runs. At the same time, however, the Dark Rainbows were at home reveling in themselves as rainy days are their favorite kind of weather! Since then, they’ve just been hanging out. (I did Habitat for Humanity on some weekends with my youth group when I was in high school. The guy who ran the lodging for us would wake us by singing that song. If this guy had less teeth, I would’ve sworn it was him!)
I say if this game is tied at the end of regulation play, we let the offspring of each team duke it out in overtime; we can call it the Sesame Street Slaughter!
Abby’s Pick: We’ll call it a draw!
Watchability: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10…, 11, 12!

Tompkins Square Riots (4-11-0-1) at Corlears Hookers (10-6)
Written by Donohue Division correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: So I bet all of y’all think this thing is in the bag for the Hookers, don’t you? DON’T YOU? Well guess what? Both teams are coming off wins from last week, and whereas some may argue that a win against the Demons > a win against GAB, I would not be one of those “some.” A win’s a win, and the Riots are going to come out guns a’ blazing for this matchup and their third W in a row. The Hookers are no joke, of course, but hey, it’s possible I just jinxed them with a writeup like this. Look, D-Elly, I actually, like, did research for this writeup, and shit. I looked at standings. I pored over statistics. I don’t want to shut up, as this is my last writeup of the year [Ed: Unless you do a playoff preview.]. But I will. I’m just rambling now. Who’s playing again?
Monica’s Pick: Hookers. C’mon.
Watchability: An Amy Jones and a half.

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Unicorns (9-5-0-2) at Rehabs (3-7-3-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Rehabs lead 11-6-1
Game Notes: The last game of the regular season pits two of the BTSH Original Six, as well as a rematch of the 2002 Finals. Not much at stake here in the way of playoff seeding: the Unicorns have locked up second place in the Donohue Division, while the Rehabs punched their ticket to relegation back in July. The Rehabs have made a habit of losing close games, while the Unicorns specialize in winning the close ones, a difference that has yielded predictable results.
Vegas Line: Unicorns by 1.5
Jesse the Greek says: Take the points. These teams always play tight.
Watchability: 4 Snausages brand dog treats

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Gouging Anklebiters (5-11) at Filthy Gorgeous (9-6-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 7-2
Game Notes: In the insanely close Rubens Division race, Filthy Gorgeous can lock up a top playoff seed with a win and losses by the Hookers and Demons. There are probably some tiebreakers in there that would need to resolve, but the point is it’s close. The Anklebiters? They’ve allowed the 4th most goals in the league this year.
Vegas Line: Filthy by 3
Jesse the Greek says: Lay the points. A motivated FG runs away with it.
Watchability: 2 Ham and Cheese Hot Pockets

GAME OF THE WEEK
Sky Fighters (8-3-2-2) at What The Puck (8-5-1-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 8-3
Game Notes: Playoff seeding implications are on the line as these Hackett Division foes face off for the second time this season. When the Sky Fighters and What The Puck met in Week 14, the Fighters prevailed with a solid–though somewhat forgettable–3-1 victory. Since then, however, they have hit a skid, losing to the Happy Little Elves and the Dark Rainbows. The slump has greatly reduced the team’s chances at the division title and with it, the all-important second seed in the playoffs. What The Puck is in even worse shape. The team tied the Rehabs last week, which halted a four-game losing streak. This summer swoon, along with the team’s 0-4-0-1 record in Hackett Division games, has officially eliminated WTP from the division race. However, strong out of division play earlier in the season has provided a cushion to soften the recent fall, and Larry’s Orange Juggernaut sits squarely in the middle of the rather large BTSH bell curve. With two weeks remaining before the playoffs start, both the Sky Fighters and What The Puck will be looking to reverse their recent trends.
Keys To The Game:
1. As one of the few Sky Fighters to exhibit regular attendance, captain Dan Hopper has shouldered much of the offensive load himself. After scoring twice last week against the Dark Rainbows, Hopper is now tied for fifth in the league with 12 goals.
2. After dealing with a revolving door of goaltenders throughout the season, What The Puck has finally regained some stability between the pipes, as offseason acquisition Anthony Romeo is back to close out the season. Although it remains to be seen if this will result in more wins, at the very least, WTP will now have a definitive count on how many saves their goalie makes each game.
3. We haven’t seen Brock in a really long time, and we’re extremely concerned. He’s little.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  Wait, it’s technically still summer?  Crap.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  Martin has returned to the States after teaching another generation of Czechs how to play 50 minutes a game.
Watchability: 4 Watkinsons.  Just two points separate these evenly matched teams in the standings.

Filthy Gorgeous (8-6-0-1) at Happy Little Elves (7-5-1-2)
Written by Rubens Division correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins East, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 3-0
Game Notes: Last time these two teams met I said the Elves would win because I feared Goalie Shaun deLacy’s wrath. However, his wrath (someone suggested he only graduated from Columbia due to bribery) has apparently sent him to the penalty box so the Elves may either have Capt. Geetch (and the Shrimp Shack Shooters) or $howt!m3 (He-Who-Has-Never-Been-Confused-with-the-Cable-Channel-with-Excellent-Programming) in goal. Really!? Yes, really. That’s not to say these options suck, just that… Well… They’re not as good as the Filthy Gorgeous’ offense (Suvin and James).
Screw it… I forgot to write this write-up even though I asked the Media to remind me. The Media did remind me and I still was too busy (watching Weeds via Netflix [speaking of good Showtime programming -- although, the last few seasons have not been as good as the first couple]). Then I was hit over the head and dragged to my computer by a rather tall Barbarian. He forced me to drink coffee and chained my appendages to my chair, leaving only my fingers free to type out this drivel.
I’d also like to take this opportunity to nominate myself as the Filthy Gorgeous Beat Reporter as I’ve written about them repeatedly. Almost as much as Rich writes about himself.
Abby’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous
Watchability: 4.333333 deLacy Tantrums

Dark Rainbows (8-6-0-1) at LBS, Inc. (9-5-0-1)
Written by Hackett Division Poet Laureate Broderick Barnstable Claytonwickington III, Esq.
Location: Tompkins West, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 8-6-1
Game Notes: Ahh, autumn–when earth’s omnipresent arboretum descends toward its wistful hiemal swan song through the effervescent polychromasia of decay, and ozone suffuses the air to nip playfully, like a gossamer puppy, at our proboscii. Woolly sweaters leap as lusty mountain goats from our closets to shroud us with sartorial elan and finesse, and their kith, the prodigal tweed blazers, accompany their return from dark mothballing, passing through the dry cleaners, steamed, pressed, and folded; proud student bodies haunt our boulevards and caravanserai to pursue the freelance epidemiology of the loins. Yes, ’tis the season! But ho, what is this upon the asphalt proscenium? Ahh– street hockey–that most pulchritudinous of games!–and with it the looming playoffs, scowling westward like Milton’s Lucifer. Wayward titans clash this dix-huitième de Septembre as psychedelia jousts the tycoons. While it would be foolhardy to banish the bleach-white collars of LBS, Incorporated from considerated contention, as of late the Rainbows have sparred with the gladiatorial zeal of Achilles after Patroclus’ demise, notching victories thrice in as many sequential tests. This is a crew seething and champing at their bits with the Nietzschean rage of a gelded Seabiscuit. It is not my way to drop my monocle, choke on my pipe, nor argue a dominant trend; thus hither, I embrace the carnation. That is to say, I think, as it were, pink.
Broderick Barnstable Claytonwickington III, Esq.’s Pick: Dark Rainbows by 1.
Watchability: ‘Twill be as thrilling as a reading by Robert Frost.

Mega Touch (4-10-1) at Gut Rot (2-13)
Written by MacNeil Division correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mega Touch leads 3-0
Game Notes: Two of the most likable teams in BTSH get their character put to the test this week in a match that will definitely have an impact on their playoff hopes. Gut Rot gave your intrepid reporter’s Poutine Machine a very competitive game last week, while Mega Touch ran in to the buzzsaw that is this year’s version of Fresh Kills. Both teams are due for a win, but the real question is what will be the impact of NYC Fashion Week on their choice of uniforms? Gut Rot have had more team kits than Barcelona while Mega Touch’s throwback crop top and jean short combo was arguably the sartorial highlight of this BTSH season. Like Alex Eben Meyer’s bubbie used to say, “Come for the street hockey, stay for the fashion.”
Sven’s Pick: The Megas have a slight edge in talent and team chemistry. This one goes to the Touch.
Watchability: 3 Tim Gunns

Butchers (8-6-1) at La Famiglia (11-1-1-2)
Written by Tuques beat reporter Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: La Famiglia leads 3-0
It will be a joyous time at Tuques Arena as the Tuquers are coming off one of their biggest wins in franchise history when they defeated the no-good, dastardly Hookers last week. While Jesse the Greek has the Tuques giving 3.5 goals to the Butchers, the smart play has the Butchers covering. Ben Bloom will notch two goals and Chris DiMotta will stymie the vaunted Tuques offense. The Tuques will eek out a 4-3 win, but only because of the brilliant captaining of Dave Ladanyi, who will ditch the yellow jerseys at halftime for the red jerseys, thereby confusing the Butchers who are wearing dark maroon.
Game Notes: Last week, I predicted the Tuques would beat the Hookers; this week I’m making another bold prediction and am going to say that Diane Johnston will NOT score a goal this Sunday.
Rich’s Pick: I have to stop giving away the score in the preview. Tuques 4-3
Watchability: Should be entertaining, but I’d rather be watching the NFL. 2.5 Budnicks

Cobra Kai (5-7-1-2) at Unicorns (8-5-0-2)
Written by Donohue Division correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 6-0
Game Notes: Unless there has been a grave error by the media duo, these teams just played each other last week. At that time, the Unis barely squeaked by with a last minute goal by Coco. But you already know that. [Ed: That can't possibly be an ADR reference, can it?] Possibly Cobra Kai, led by Enayet and the bald man, will come out guns a blazin’ this week to make up for it. The blaze will have to be pretty hot, though, to overcome an all-time series 6-0 lead. Does anyone read these? You guys totally don’t read these, do you?
Monica’s Pick: Unicorns. They’re the loveliest of all.
Watchability: 5 insert-last-name-heres.

Poutine Machine (11-2-1-1) at Mathematics (6-6-2-1)
Written by media intern Shaun deLacy
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1-1
Game Notes: First, I’d like to address the rumors about being on a secret mission to Azerbaijan for the CIA my presence in net this week being spending cut collateral in anticipation for Obama’s jobs bill absconding to Canada to dodge a CIA hit squad for talking about secret missions breaking into my classmates lockers and tearing necessary pages out of casebooks on the weekends being offered a contract by the New York Giants to fill in the gaps in their nonexistent secondary hiding in various media members’ apartments waiting for the perfect time to strike being sent off on a ‘gentleman’s expedition’ to watch football all day while barbequing by the enigmatic and shadowy organization known only as the ‘Office of the Commissioner’ hiding in my newly constructed biohazard containment area after seeing Contagion. When the megaflu eventually hits, don’t even think about asking to hole up with me. Oh wait, there’s a game preview?
Mathematics struggled last week and suffered a gut-wrenching loss to the impotent offense of the Tompkins Square Riots. Meanwhile, Poutine continues to roll through the stretch on their way to the current second-best record in BTSH. Facing one of the league’s top goaltenders in Tim Brown, Math’s anemic offense will really need to beef up their time-rate of scoring, else they’ll find the calculus returning an unfavorable result two weeks in a row. Unfortunately for our illustrious titans of media and their comrades, they are looking about ready to endure some serious stomach pain.
Shaun’s Pick: Gravy, fries and cheese curd. Why don’t our McDonalds sell that?
Watchability: 3.12 deLacy whereabouts rumors

Corlears Hookers (9-6) at Denim Demons (9-5-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 5-2
Game Notes: These Rubens Division rivals faced off back in Week 2, when the Corlears Hookers blitzed the Denim Demons 7-3. This time, playoff implications are at the forefront, as the Denim Demons can clinch the Rubens Division with a regulation win and a Happy Little Elves loss or tie. A Corlears Hookers win, however, could leave four teams with a mathematical shot at the Rubens Division title entering the final weekend of the regular season.
Eli’s Pick: Denim Demons.  Grabbing the top seed in the playoffs three years in a row would be quite an accomplishment.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  Perhaps they’ll actually have more than one sub this week.
Watchability: 4.5 Watkinsons

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Fresh Kills (11-3-1) at Rehabs (3-7-2-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 5-5-1
Game Notes:Fresh Kills can clinch a division title with a win, so they should be fired up for this one. The once-powerful Rehabs limp along toward relegation, the wreckage of their season reminding watchers of mad King Lear, thrashing about in a storm while recalling past glories.
Vegas Line: Fresh Kills by 3
Jesse the Greek says: Take the points. Rehabs have a knack for keeping games close.
Watchability: 2.5 Yelp Reviews

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Gouging Anklebiters (5-10) at Tompkins Square Riots (3-11-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: What is there to say that hasn’t already been said about two teams that have combined to let in 65 more goals than they’ve scored this year? I hear the Ankle Biters have no one on the team who can drive a stick shift, and the Riots make a great Mojito. So, yeah.
Vegas Line: Riots by 1
Jesse the Greek says: Take the point. Riots deliver.
Watchability: Chargers-Patriots, 4:15 on CBS

GAME OF THE WEEK
La Famiglia (10-1-1-2) at Corlears Hookers (9-5)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 5-0
Game Notes: Division leaders clash this Sunday as BTSH hockey resumes (hopefully) after a lengthy sabbatical.  However, La Famiglia and the Corlears Hookers enter this inter-conference matchup with very different mentalities.  With an assist from Hurricane Irene, La Famiglia has clinched the Donohue Division and the third seed in the playoffs.  The Corlears Hookers, on the other hand, are just one point up on the Happy Little Elves and the Denim Demons, and two points up on Filthy Gorgeous, in the tightly packed Rubens Division.  While their record isn’t spectacular, the Hookers’ goal differential of +21 ranks third in the league, and goaltender Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson leads BTSH with a 1.09 goals against average.  However, La Famiglia has looked even more impressive.  David Ladanyi’s Family boasts the league’s top-ranked offense with 53 goals and has the best goal differential with +25.  Despite having nothing at stake, Ladanyi vows that his team will put forth a full effort, as anything less would be against the spirit of the league.
Keys To The Game:
1. La Famiglia’s offense features the top two goal scorers in BTSH in Denis Miciletto and Shafiq “Off Black” Perry.  Although Miciletto’s 20 goals make him a near lock to finish first in the league, Perry remains closer to the pack with 13, as the duo pushes for an impressive 1-2 finish.
2. The Hookers’ Jason Eitel is also among the league scoring leaders with 10 goals.  However, the bulk of these goals came in a couple of 4-goal outbursts in games his team won in blowout fashion.  Should the Hookers take a late five-goal lead, La Famiglia will have to be wary of Eitel’s garbage time prowess.
3. Although Ladanyi has vowed to field a competitive squad, he is also being cautious about overusing his goaltenders.  He has already rotated between Kevin Au and Jamie Batuwantudawe throughout the season, but this Sunday, he will introduce a third netminder, Diane Johnston, in order to rest the other two for the playoffs.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  They have never lost to the Tuques/La Famiglia franchise, primarily because former Tuques Brendan “Dutch” Kearney and Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney know all of Ladanyi’s strategies.
Derek’s Pick: La Famiglia.  Yes, it’s true, La Famiglia has never beaten the Hookers, but then again, this will be the first time they play them with Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri on the team.
Watchability: 4 Batuwantudawes.  Who will succeed as the league’s top offense faces the league’s top goaltender?

Gut Rot (2-12) at Poutine Machine (10-2-1-1)
Written by media intern Shaun deLacy
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Poutine Machine leads 3-0
Game Notes: In this MacNeil Division matchup, division bookends Poutine Machine and Gut Rot face off in what is sure to be a stomach turning affair. It was revealed during the offseason that Gut Rot’s namesake comes from its historic inability to beat Poutine Machine, as well as Peaches’ historic inability to stomach such a gut bursting concoction of grease and gravy. Now Gut Rot seeks to force an economy-sized bottle of Tums down the collective throats of Poutine. Can the team solve Poutine goaltender, Tim Brown? Can Peaches’ finally claim victory over Patrick “Sven” Larsen after failing to best him in last year’s Johnson’s Olympics love poem reading? Despite the fact that Gut Rot is only a game removed from one of its two winning efforts this season, the Machine is warmed up and rolling through the stretch run on a five-game winning streak. In short, I believe the answer to both of those questions is “no.”
Shaun’s Pick: The delicious and artery-clogging combination of fries, cheese curds and sweet, sweet gravy.
Watchability: 3 antacid tablets

What The Puck (8-5-0-1) at Rehabs (3-7-1-3)
Written by Tuques beat reporter Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 10-6
Ahhhhhh the game that the whole BTSH has been waiting for. Or at least me. For the past four winters Rehabs captain Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli and WTP captain Larry Zimmer have gone out for dinner. Four years ago, MDF humiliated Larry when she said, “Hey look over there, its a nuclear bomb,” and by the time Larry looked back at his plate, half his fries were eaten. However, the last three dinners have been dominated by Larry, as he has pulled the same trick, and instead of stealing her fries, he’s stolen, Sal, Skuse, and Romeo, among others. This game would have been easy to pick the first five or six weeks as WTP was rolling and the Rehabs were sucking. But the summer brought a reversal of fortunes for both teams as the Rehabs are climbing, and WTP has fallen. Expect a hard fought game this week. Pray for the refs. And in the end, the Rehabs will come out on top 4-3 in OT.
Game Notes: Rob Blandi, MDF, and Kehoe don’t return my calls anymore
Rich’s Pick: Tuques 3, Hookers 2
Watchability: A rarely given 5 out of 5 Melendezes

Sky Fighters (8-2-2-2) at Dark Rainbows (7-6-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 6-5
Game Notes: The Dark Rainbows handed the Sky Fighters their worst loss of the season on Opening Day, a 4-0 shut out on the strength of two goals from Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell. Since then, however, the Sky Fighters have clamped down defensively, allowing just 18 goals over a 13-game stretch. This defense, which now ranks third in the league, has led the Sky Fighters to within a point of Hackett Division leader Fresh Kills.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  It’s fall, so the Czechs will probably be back.
Watchability: 3.5 Batuwantudawes

Denim Demons (8-5-0-1) at Filthy Gorgeous (8-6)
Written by Rubens Division correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 5-2-1
Game Notes: There was this thing I used to do on Sunday afternoons… Many, many weeks ago. God, what was that? I think it involved an orange ball. Maybe a wooden stick? There was beer, that’s for sure. Something about red shirts is coming to mind as well. Huh. Weird.  So, I asked Dez Penascino what it was we were doing before she left for Morocco. The first thing she listed was drinking. I called her out on the past tense: we were still drinking! (She cooked dinner, I brought wine, as per usual.) The next thing she recalled was going to see Murder By Death in concert. Is there such a thing as “too early for whiskey?” If there is, I’m betting it’s Sunday afternoon. So that wasn’t it. Then Dez said we used to play street hockey and sometimes our team did pretty well. Maybe not so much in the recent past, but at some point this year we won games. And that Filthy Gorgeous was a damn fine team that we always had tough, but good, games against. This all sounds pretty familiar, actually.  However, I’m still not convinced we weren’t just going to church.
Abby’s Pick: Rain Fears
Watchability: 4 Irenes

Mathematics (6-5-2-1) at Tompkins Square Riots (2-11-0-1)
Written by Donohue Division correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
Game Notes: Monica is watching the Saints play the Packers.  Preview coming soon…

Happy Little Elves (7-4-1-2) at Gouging Anklebiters (4-10)
Written by MacNeil Division correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 3-0
Game Notes: The stat above is all you need to know about this one. He may have won a BTSH championship and the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup, but Elves Captain Rich Glanzer still has a pain in his heart that can only be cured by a victory over the team who’s motto is “it’s a lot more fun to be spoilers than frontrunners.” Rich and his co-captain Ben Chadwick will surely do their best to rally the troops but Amy Barrett’s deep and abiding hatred for everything that he stands for may be a hard obstacle to overcome. Just be glad it’s not an arm wrestling contest, Rich.
Sven’s Pick: It could go either way but the fact that the Elves are in a heated race for the division title makes me think they’ll push a little harder and win this one.
Watchability: 4 junkyard dogs. Empires will rise, empires will fall. Nothing will ever be the same. Deli – how is this not game of the week?

Butchers (7-6-1) at LBS, Inc. (9-4-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: These two teams enter this inter-conference matchup with very different motives.  While, LBS, Inc.  is just two points out of first place in the ultra-competitive Hackett Division, the Butchers are fighting to earn the all-important bye on the first playoff weekend.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  They’ll be energized after the annual August corporate retreat to the Poconos.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc.
Watchability: 3 Batuwantudawes

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Unicorns (7-5-0-2) at Cobra Kai (5-6-1-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 5-0
Game Notes: Just 3 games left until the playoffs, and several divisional races are up for grabs. The Donohue Division is not one of them. La Famiglia has the division title locked up, and a Unicorns win this week will almost surely lock up second place for them. Their 5-year pattern of not being able to score much combined with great overall defense equals a lot of close games, which is when a lucky bounce or dinged crossbar can be the difference. The always-scrappy Cobra Kai have scratched out 5 wins and 2 OT losses, and can actually make things interesting in the Donohue Division with a W this week.
Vegas Line: Unicorns by 1
Jesse the Greek says: Take the point. The long layoff increases entropy. More variables=better for the underdog.
Watchability: 3.5 Rick Perry corn dogs

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Mega Touch (4-9-1) at Fresh Kills (10-3-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 7-3
Game Notes: All 5 Hackett Division teams are within 5 goals scored of each other. That is weird. Not surprisingly, it’s a 3 team horse race for the division title (Sorry WTP, that four-game losing streak is sinking you). The difference is FK has only let in 22 goals, good for second best in the league and the 4th-best point differential. Mega Touch, always a fan favorite, usually puts on a good show but just doesn’t have the horses to keep up with the league’s top tier.
Vegas Line: FK by 3
Jesse the Greek says: Lay the points.
Watchability: 2 Jobs Recovery speeches

GAME OF THE WEEK
Happy Little Elves (7-4-1-2) at Fresh Kills (10-3-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Happy Little Elves lead 3-1
Game Notes: The Happy Little Elves and Fresh Kills last met in the quarterfinals of the 2010 playoffs, when a seemingly harmless and unexpected timeout contributed to an Elves overtime victory.  With Fresh Kills holding a one goal lead in the final minutes of regulation, captain David Sokolyansky inexplicably called a timeout, claiming his players needed a breather to weather the Elves’ anticipated final assault.  However, the stoppage in play also allowed the Elves to change personnel and gave their captain Rich Glanzer–one of the premiere tacticians of BTSH–a chance to draw up the perfect play.  As a result, the Elves’ brunette then-rookie Ryan Nakahara poked in the tying goal with less than a minute remaining in regulation.  In overtime, Nakahara’s flaxen-haired linemate and overall good guy Trevor “T-Beau” Beauclair scored the winning goal to send the Elves to the semifinals.  With this comeback win as the backdrop for Sunday’s game, Fresh Kills will be looking to avenge its early exit from the 2010 playoffs, while the Happy Little Elves will look to continue their dominance in this series.
Keys To The Game:
1.  Elves forward Gil Valdes has been red hot lately, scoring five goals in the team’s last three games.  He is second on the team in scoring with 10 goals and tied for ninth in BTSH.
2. After an all-rookie performance in 2010, Fresh Kills goalie Patrick Barch has continued to excel this year, and he is currently third in the league with a 1.58 goals against average.  Consequently, Fresh Kills boasts the league’s second best defense, having allowed just 22 goals this season.
3. Now that Elves goaltender Shaun deLacy has officially lost all of his bets pertaining to his season GAA, it is as if a giant weight has been lifted off his shoulders.  Shaun notes, “It has always been my burden to strive for perfection.  I now realize that is not possible this season, but I am happy to have learned an important lesson in humility and modesty, a lesson I will always treasure.”
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  Even with the Elves’ recent acquisition of Adela Ibric, Fresh Kills will have youth on their side, as Scott Lee remains the youngest player in this game by about a month.
Watchability: 4.5 Ibrics.  This was a great playoff game last year, and both teams enter on winning streaks.

Cobra Kai (5-6-1-2) at Butchers (7-6-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Butchers lead 2-1
Game Notes: These Donohue Division teams faced off in Week 8, when the Butchers routed Cobra Kai 6-1.  “The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis and Ben Bloom, who are both among the league’s scoring leaders, combined for three of the Butchers’ six goals.
Eli’s Pick: Cobra Kai.  The Butchers have struggled since the Week 8 win, with their only two wins coming against the Tompkins Square Riots.
Derek’s Pick: Butchers.  They won convincingly enough the first time that I think they can do it again.
Watchability: 3 Ibrics

Rehabs (3-7-1-3) at Corlears Hookers (9-5)
Written by Tuques beat reporter Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 4-3
Game Notes: When these two teams last met, Jesse Kalb put the spread at the Rehabs giving 2.5 goals. The BTSH world was stunned, because the Hookers were rolling through the league in first place, and the Rehabs were last in the league. Nevertheless, Kalb and his backers bet millions on the Rehabs getting incredible odds, and he was seen driving around in his new Rolls after the Habs not only won, but covered the 2.5 goals. However, after an internal investigation led by league commissioner Adriano Bratta and defensive stalwart Matt Workman, it was determined that Kalb knew beforehand that the league’s worst goaltender, Craig LaCombe, was going to be between the pipes for the Hookers, instead of Dustin Olson. Kalb is denying the charges. Either way, expect Dustin back in net, and the Hookers will be back to their winning ways, 4-0.
Rich’s Pick: Tuques 8, Riots 1
Watchability: 2.5 JSB’s

Dark Rainbows (7-6-0-1) at Denim Demons (8-5-0-1)
Written by Dr. Byron Clavicle. Directed by Michael Bay.
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 8-2-1
Game Notes: The Denim Demons, aware of a cheap opportunity to seize first place while the other teams are all at home, propose to the Dark Rainbows to play through Hurricane Irene. The Rainbows are reluctant to throw caution to the wind (literally), but are visited in the night by the ghost of Rod Brind’Amour (which is odd, because he isn’t dead). Rallied by the ghost’s stirring panegyric, the Rainbows refuse to let inclement weather stand in their path, and so the game is played in a Tompkins Square Park empty of all but the most stubborn winos and Adriano Bratta, who is finally forced to admit, “This is where I live!” Early in the game Zach Tinkelman is heaved skyward by a pillow of clouds and hovers in mid-air while maintaining ball control. He takes a shot and it flies in, but the goal is disallowed because the shot started higher than the crossbar. Hundred mile per hour winds scatter Rainbows and Demons across the court like marbles and pin most of the players against the chain-link fence. In a dramatic moment reminiscent of Hotel Rwanda, Demons goalie Coach lets players of both teams huddle for shelter inside his goal. Unfortunately one of the players has the ball, and the score goes 1-0, leaving him and the other Demons legitimately apoplectic at the bevy of questionable calls. In the thrilling finale, the Rainbows’ Josh Wilson discovers how to stop the hurricane using only a can of Pringles, a hockey glove, and a portrait of Abraham Lincoln. Unfortunately, his revelation comes too late, as by this time all the other players are floundering in New York Harbor, clinging to the skeleton frames of burned-out Chevrolets that fall from the sky like panties at an Elvis concert. Suddenly the sun shines through the clouds and the surviving Rainbows are at last witness to their namesake, a majestic arc encompassing the whole city. “Huzzah!” they cheer, unaware of the 500-foot reptile that’s rising out of the water behind them.
Ol’ Doc Clavicle’s Pick: A Rainbows victory. The Demons forfeit after their captain discovers that one of the Rainbows has been playing with a skinned knee.
Watchability: 5 Rosanna Scottos. Catch it on FOX.

Tompkins Square Riots (2-11-0-1) at La Famiglia (10-1-1-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: La Famiglia leads 2-0
Game Notes: La Famiglia enters this Donohue Division matchup riding a four-game winning streak and is just one win from clinching the division title and the third seed in the playoffs.  Due to the scoring prowess of linemates Denis Miciletto and Shafiq “Off Black” Perry, the team boasts the league’s top offense.  Miciletto and Perry combined for six of the team’s seven goals in La Famiglia’s 7-4 victory over the Riots in Week 10.
Eli’s Pick: La Famiglia
Derek’s Pick: La Famiglia
Watchability: 2 Ibrics.  The fans at Tuques Arena are expecting a party.

Gouging Anklebiters (4-10) at Gut Rot (2-12)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
Game Notes: These MacNeil Division foes squared off in Week 8, with Gut Rot defeating the Biters 4-3.  Tom tallied two goals for team Peaches.
Eli’s Pick: Gut Rot.  With football season coming up, this could be the last we see of Ellery for a while.
Derek’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters.  I’ll assume their “slow start” for this season is over, and they can start their winning streak now.
Watchability: 1.5 Ibrics

Unicorns (7-5-0-2) at Poutine Machine (10-2-1-1)
Written by Donohue Division correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 1-0
Game Notes: Monica is caring for an estranged duck.  Preview coming soon…

Mega Touch (4-9-1) at Mathematics (6-5-2-1)
Written by MacNeil Division correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 7-3-1
Game Notes: BTSH purists have long felt that the soul of Mega Touch was lost when the team abandoned their “When we touch them we touch them bad” cheer. Like “Potvin Sucks” or “Have another doughnut, you fat pig,” it was a classic piece of hockey history, and it’s absence leaves a hole that no amount of Tintin socks can fill. Shame, Mega, shame. Math, on the other hand, are keeping it old school. They’ve never even considered changing the team name to Calculus, Trig or anything else that would suggest they’re more advanced than they were when the team was founded. That respect for the game’s heritage makes me give the edge on this one to Math. Unless, of course, Mega returns to the V-neck and cut off shorts combo that alternatively turns on and repels the opposing team. Then all bets are off.
Watchability: Three gray shirts. These teams are battling for playoff rankings so expect this four-point game to be intense.

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
LBS, Inc. (9-4-0-1) at What The Puck (8-5-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 9-7
Game Notes: Jesse needs just two more answers to finish last Sunday’s crossword puzzle. Preview coming soon…

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Filthy Gorgeous (8-6) at Sky Fighters (8-2-2-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 3-1
Game Notes: Jesse has 3 minutes left to diffuse a bomb. Preview coming soon…

GAME OF THE WEEK
ALL-STAR GAME: Weyersberg Conference vs. Schumacher Conference
Location: Tompkins West, 6:30 PM
All-Time Series: Weyersberg Conference leads 1-0
Game Notes: As the league heads into the August break, it is once again that time of the year for the stars of BTSH to showcase their skills in the annual All-Star Game.  For the second year in a row, conference pride will once again be at stake as the Weyersberg all-stars face off against the Schumacher all-stars.  Last season, the Weyersberg Conference took home bragging rights with a 3-2  victory on the strength of Happy Little Elf Trevor “T-Beau” Beauclair’s two goals.  This year, the universally admired Beauclair will once be in the limelight of this event, only this time as a coach.  Already, he has imparted his “3 Is” mantra upon his squad.  Beauclair notes, “Through intensity, integrity, and intelligence, the Weyersberg Conference will once again be victorious.”  He and his co-coach, Elf teammate Melissa Budnick, will be opposed by the Schumacher coaches, Shafiq “Off Black” Perry of La Famiglia and Julie Katz of Mega Touch.  Since being selected as a coach, Katz has not stopped smiling, commenting, “I’m so excited!”  We all are, Julie.  We all are.
Keys To The Game:
1. The Happy Little Elves have a checkered history as All-Star Game coaches.  In 2009, the East New York team led by the Long Island loudmouth Rich Glanzer, as well as Stacy S. Kehoe, fell to the West 8-2.  In addition to this embarrassing loss, Glanzer will be remembered for playing one 30-second shift that resulted in a -1 rating.
2. Perry’s La Famiglia teammate, Denis Miciletto, has been selected for the All-Star Game for the third straight year.  In last season’s contest, he tallied one of the Schumacher Conference’s two goals.  This season, as the league scoring leader, Perry will look to Miciletto to once again lead the charge for the Schumacher Conference.
3. Roommates, and early Best Duo Award favorites, Lisa Harrington (WTP) and Sarah Moore (GA) have been split on to opposite sides of this game.  Rumor has it that their relationship has been a lot more frosty of late as a result of this schism.  For example, Moore recently finished all the milk and refused to buy any more, leaving Harrington with dry Rice Krispies.
Watchability: 5 Shafiqs. This game harkens back to the Golden Age of BTSH, so it’s got to be worth watching.  Or at least, Dave Ladanyi thinks so.

Mathematics (5-5-2-1) at Gouging Anklebiters (4-9)
Written by MacNeil Division correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 5-3
Game Notes: Sure, Math may have the series lead and are on a bit of a tear lately (see last week’s 3-0 win over the Hookers). Sure, their goalie is playing great. Sure, the Anklebiters can sometimes take a laissez faire approach to their games. Sure, Phil Donohue likes to work on creating the perfect Bloody Mary in between shifts. But Eli and Derek picked my team to lose to the Rehabs last week and then didn’t even have the common decency to show up to the courts so they could take their well-deserved drubbing from my team. So screw you, Math. I hope the Anklebiters make you cry like little girls.
Sven’s Pick: ANKLEBITERS! ANKLEBITERS! ANKLEBITERS!
Watchability: Who doesn’t want to see DEli hang their heads in shame prior to the All-Star Game? 4 rabid pit bulls.

Fresh Kills (9-3-1) at Denim Demons (8-4-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 6-5
Game Notes: Both Fresh Kills and the Denim Demons enter this Weyersberg Conference battle as division leaders, despite differing results last week.   Three different players scored a goal for Fresh Kills in the team’s solid 3-1 victory against Hackett Division opponent, LBS, Inc.  The Denim Demons, meanwhile, were uncharacteristically lit up by their Rubens Division foe, the Happy Little Elves, and lost 8-4.
Eli’s Pick: Denim Demons.  As noted, giving up eight was very uncharacteristic of them.
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  I can’t make heads or tails of the Demons right now, but I do know Fresh Kills has played superbly as of late.
Watchability: 4 Shafiqs

Cobra Kai (4-6-1-2) at Tompkins Square Riots (2-10-0-1)
Written by Donohue Division correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
Game Notes: Fine. I may be a deadbeat captain, but at least I’ve got my shit together enough to send two players to the All-Star Game and vote for a goalie or two. It seems TSR was unable to do that. I’m not one to celebrate the shortcomings of others, but…actually, I am TOTALLY one to celebrate the shortcomings of others. Whatever, TSR. Way to make me look a little better.
Monica’s Pick: Cobra Kai. They gave us a good run last week, and this post is all about me.
Watchability: Three French Hens

Corlears Hookers (8-5) at Filthy Gorgeous (8-5)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 8-1
Game Notes: When these Rubens Division rivals last met, Filthy Gorgeous finally snapped an eight-game losing streak to the Corlears Hookers with a 4-1 victory in Week 6.  Suvin “The Guru” Malik and Matt Novick each contributed two goals to the winning effort, which kick-started a six-game winning streak for Filthy Gorgeous.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous
Watchability: 4 Shafiqs.  These teams are tied for second place in the Rubens Division, just one point back of the Denim Demons.

Rehabs (3-6-1-3) at LBS, Inc. (8-4-0-1)
Written by Rubens Division correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 9-4
Game Notes: Abby is watching TNA Impact Wrestling. Preview coming soon…

Dark Rainbows (6-6-0-1) at What The Puck (8-4-0-1)
Written by Tuques beat reporter Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 6-5
Game Notes: On June 26, WTP was atop of the hockey world, sitting in first place in BTSH while sneering down at their opponents. However, their second annual Summer Swoon and July 31′s stealing deadline has forced captain Larry Zimmer to make some hard decisions. Meanwhile, the Rainbows are at the bottom of the Hackett Division. Expect a spirited game from these Original Six members. The Rainbows will have the lead late, but late goals by Stacy Kehoe and Carlos Beltran will tie it up for WTP, and Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli will put the game away in OT to complete the comeback. However, the game ball will go to WTP goalie, Hilary.
Rich’s Pick: Tuques 4, Unicorns 1

La Famiglia (9-1-1-2) at Unicorns (7-4-0-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 12-2
Game Notes: These Donohue Division teams last met in Week 3, when the Unicorns beat La Famiglia 1-0 in overtime.  Since then, the former Tuques have won eight of ten games to seize control of the Donohue Division.  They currently hold a five-point lead over the second-place Unicorns, and can move to the precipice of the division title with a win.
Eli’s Pick: La Famiglia.  Rich seems to think they’ll win, and when is he ever wrong?
Derek’s Pick: La Famiglia.  My prediction: Tuques 4, Unicorns 1.
Watchability: 3.5 Shafiqs

Gut Rot (2-11) at Mega Touch (3-9-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mega Touch leads 2-0
Game Notes: This is the first meeting of the season between these two struggling MacNeil Division teams.  Despite having the worst record in the league, Gut Rot stole a victory from the Tompkins Square Riots last Sunday after Tom tied the game with two seconds remaining in regulation.  Mega Touch, on the other hand, lost its fourth game in a row, 4-2 to La Famiglia.
Eli’s Pick: Mega Touch
Derek’s Pick: Mega Touch
Watchability: 2 Shafiqs.  With just five wins between these two teams, the league’s focus will not be on this game.

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Poutine Machine (9-2-1-1) at Butchers (7-5-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Butchers lead 1-0
Game Notes: The Gravy and Cheese Curd Juggernaut rolls on. With just 5 games remaining in the regular season, L’Appareil has a stranglehold on a top playoff seed and have planted their knockoff Nordiques flag in the Tompkins Square Park asphalt. The talent is undeniably there; the question is whether they can stay focused and handle success. ‘Tis a far different thing to win playoff games as the favorite. The Butchers continue to be competitive from week to week, but have yet to put together the kind of run that would really separate them from the BTSH pack.
Vegas Line: Poutine minus 2
Jesse the Greek says: Two points is a big number to cover, even for a top team. Take the points. Butchers will keep it close.
Watchability: 3.5 Fabricated Debt Crisis Stories

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Sky Fighters (8-2-2-1) at Happy Little Elves (6-4-1-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Happy Little Elves lead 3-2
Game Notes: Big game this week between two of the top teams, and a rematch of last year’s playoff semifinal. The Sky Fighters, locked in a tie for first place, need a win to keep pace with division rival Fresh Kills. As discussed last week in this space, the Elves march to their own beat, which they rode to an 8-4 dismantling of the Denim Demons last week. It appears they are peaking at the right time.
Vegas Line: Pick em.
Jesse the Greek says: Elves. This week, at least, reckless energy trumps corporate efficiency.
Watchability: 4 cases of Beiber Fever