GAME OF THE WEEK
Sky Fighters (8-3-2-2) at What The Puck (8-5-1-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 8-3
Game Notes: Playoff seeding implications are on the line as these Hackett Division foes face off for the second time this season. When the Sky Fighters and What The Puck met in Week 14, the Fighters prevailed with a solid–though somewhat forgettable–3-1 victory. Since then, however, they have hit a skid, losing to the Happy Little Elves and the Dark Rainbows. The slump has greatly reduced the team’s chances at the division title and with it, the all-important second seed in the playoffs. What The Puck is in even worse shape. The team tied the Rehabs last week, which halted a four-game losing streak. This summer swoon, along with the team’s 0-4-0-1 record in Hackett Division games, has officially eliminated WTP from the division race. However, strong out of division play earlier in the season has provided a cushion to soften the recent fall, and Larry’s Orange Juggernaut sits squarely in the middle of the rather large BTSH bell curve. With two weeks remaining before the playoffs start, both the Sky Fighters and What The Puck will be looking to reverse their recent trends.
Keys To The Game:
1. As one of the few Sky Fighters to exhibit regular attendance, captain Dan Hopper has shouldered much of the offensive load himself. After scoring twice last week against the Dark Rainbows, Hopper is now tied for fifth in the league with 12 goals.
2. After dealing with a revolving door of goaltenders throughout the season, What The Puck has finally regained some stability between the pipes, as offseason acquisition Anthony Romeo is back to close out the season. Although it remains to be seen if this will result in more wins, at the very least, WTP will now have a definitive count on how many saves their goalie makes each game.
3. We haven’t seen Brock in a really long time, and we’re extremely concerned. He’s little.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  Wait, it’s technically still summer?  Crap.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  Martin has returned to the States after teaching another generation of Czechs how to play 50 minutes a game.
Watchability: 4 Watkinsons.  Just two points separate these evenly matched teams in the standings.

Filthy Gorgeous (8-6-0-1) at Happy Little Elves (7-5-1-2)
Written by Rubens Division correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins East, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 3-0
Game Notes: Last time these two teams met I said the Elves would win because I feared Goalie Shaun deLacy’s wrath. However, his wrath (someone suggested he only graduated from Columbia due to bribery) has apparently sent him to the penalty box so the Elves may either have Capt. Geetch (and the Shrimp Shack Shooters) or $howt!m3 (He-Who-Has-Never-Been-Confused-with-the-Cable-Channel-with-Excellent-Programming) in goal. Really!? Yes, really. That’s not to say these options suck, just that… Well… They’re not as good as the Filthy Gorgeous’ offense (Suvin and James).
Screw it… I forgot to write this write-up even though I asked the Media to remind me. The Media did remind me and I still was too busy (watching Weeds via Netflix [speaking of good Showtime programming -- although, the last few seasons have not been as good as the first couple]). Then I was hit over the head and dragged to my computer by a rather tall Barbarian. He forced me to drink coffee and chained my appendages to my chair, leaving only my fingers free to type out this drivel.
I’d also like to take this opportunity to nominate myself as the Filthy Gorgeous Beat Reporter as I’ve written about them repeatedly. Almost as much as Rich writes about himself.
Abby’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous
Watchability: 4.333333 deLacy Tantrums

Dark Rainbows (8-6-0-1) at LBS, Inc. (9-5-0-1)
Written by Hackett Division Poet Laureate Broderick Barnstable Claytonwickington III, Esq.
Location: Tompkins West, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 8-6-1
Game Notes: Ahh, autumn–when earth’s omnipresent arboretum descends toward its wistful hiemal swan song through the effervescent polychromasia of decay, and ozone suffuses the air to nip playfully, like a gossamer puppy, at our proboscii. Woolly sweaters leap as lusty mountain goats from our closets to shroud us with sartorial elan and finesse, and their kith, the prodigal tweed blazers, accompany their return from dark mothballing, passing through the dry cleaners, steamed, pressed, and folded; proud student bodies haunt our boulevards and caravanserai to pursue the freelance epidemiology of the loins. Yes, ’tis the season! But ho, what is this upon the asphalt proscenium? Ahh– street hockey–that most pulchritudinous of games!–and with it the looming playoffs, scowling westward like Milton’s Lucifer. Wayward titans clash this dix-huitième de Septembre as psychedelia jousts the tycoons. While it would be foolhardy to banish the bleach-white collars of LBS, Incorporated from considerated contention, as of late the Rainbows have sparred with the gladiatorial zeal of Achilles after Patroclus’ demise, notching victories thrice in as many sequential tests. This is a crew seething and champing at their bits with the Nietzschean rage of a gelded Seabiscuit. It is not my way to drop my monocle, choke on my pipe, nor argue a dominant trend; thus hither, I embrace the carnation. That is to say, I think, as it were, pink.
Broderick Barnstable Claytonwickington III, Esq.’s Pick: Dark Rainbows by 1.
Watchability: ‘Twill be as thrilling as a reading by Robert Frost.

Mega Touch (4-10-1) at Gut Rot (2-13)
Written by MacNeil Division correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mega Touch leads 3-0
Game Notes: Two of the most likable teams in BTSH get their character put to the test this week in a match that will definitely have an impact on their playoff hopes. Gut Rot gave your intrepid reporter’s Poutine Machine a very competitive game last week, while Mega Touch ran in to the buzzsaw that is this year’s version of Fresh Kills. Both teams are due for a win, but the real question is what will be the impact of NYC Fashion Week on their choice of uniforms? Gut Rot have had more team kits than Barcelona while Mega Touch’s throwback crop top and jean short combo was arguably the sartorial highlight of this BTSH season. Like Alex Eben Meyer’s bubbie used to say, “Come for the street hockey, stay for the fashion.”
Sven’s Pick: The Megas have a slight edge in talent and team chemistry. This one goes to the Touch.
Watchability: 3 Tim Gunns

Butchers (8-6-1) at La Famiglia (11-1-1-2)
Written by Tuques beat reporter Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: La Famiglia leads 3-0
It will be a joyous time at Tuques Arena as the Tuquers are coming off one of their biggest wins in franchise history when they defeated the no-good, dastardly Hookers last week. While Jesse the Greek has the Tuques giving 3.5 goals to the Butchers, the smart play has the Butchers covering. Ben Bloom will notch two goals and Chris DiMotta will stymie the vaunted Tuques offense. The Tuques will eek out a 4-3 win, but only because of the brilliant captaining of Dave Ladanyi, who will ditch the yellow jerseys at halftime for the red jerseys, thereby confusing the Butchers who are wearing dark maroon.
Game Notes: Last week, I predicted the Tuques would beat the Hookers; this week I’m making another bold prediction and am going to say that Diane Johnston will NOT score a goal this Sunday.
Rich’s Pick: I have to stop giving away the score in the preview. Tuques 4-3
Watchability: Should be entertaining, but I’d rather be watching the NFL. 2.5 Budnicks

Cobra Kai (5-7-1-2) at Unicorns (8-5-0-2)
Written by Donohue Division correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 6-0
Game Notes: Unless there has been a grave error by the media duo, these teams just played each other last week. At that time, the Unis barely squeaked by with a last minute goal by Coco. But you already know that. [Ed: That can't possibly be an ADR reference, can it?] Possibly Cobra Kai, led by Enayet and the bald man, will come out guns a blazin’ this week to make up for it. The blaze will have to be pretty hot, though, to overcome an all-time series 6-0 lead. Does anyone read these? You guys totally don’t read these, do you?
Monica’s Pick: Unicorns. They’re the loveliest of all.
Watchability: 5 insert-last-name-heres.

Poutine Machine (11-2-1-1) at Mathematics (6-6-2-1)
Written by media intern Shaun deLacy
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1-1
Game Notes: First, I’d like to address the rumors about being on a secret mission to Azerbaijan for the CIA my presence in net this week being spending cut collateral in anticipation for Obama’s jobs bill absconding to Canada to dodge a CIA hit squad for talking about secret missions breaking into my classmates lockers and tearing necessary pages out of casebooks on the weekends being offered a contract by the New York Giants to fill in the gaps in their nonexistent secondary hiding in various media members’ apartments waiting for the perfect time to strike being sent off on a ‘gentleman’s expedition’ to watch football all day while barbequing by the enigmatic and shadowy organization known only as the ‘Office of the Commissioner’ hiding in my newly constructed biohazard containment area after seeing Contagion. When the megaflu eventually hits, don’t even think about asking to hole up with me. Oh wait, there’s a game preview?
Mathematics struggled last week and suffered a gut-wrenching loss to the impotent offense of the Tompkins Square Riots. Meanwhile, Poutine continues to roll through the stretch on their way to the current second-best record in BTSH. Facing one of the league’s top goaltenders in Tim Brown, Math’s anemic offense will really need to beef up their time-rate of scoring, else they’ll find the calculus returning an unfavorable result two weeks in a row. Unfortunately for our illustrious titans of media and their comrades, they are looking about ready to endure some serious stomach pain.
Shaun’s Pick: Gravy, fries and cheese curd. Why don’t our McDonalds sell that?
Watchability: 3.12 deLacy whereabouts rumors

Corlears Hookers (9-6) at Denim Demons (9-5-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 5-2
Game Notes: These Rubens Division rivals faced off back in Week 2, when the Corlears Hookers blitzed the Denim Demons 7-3. This time, playoff implications are at the forefront, as the Denim Demons can clinch the Rubens Division with a regulation win and a Happy Little Elves loss or tie. A Corlears Hookers win, however, could leave four teams with a mathematical shot at the Rubens Division title entering the final weekend of the regular season.
Eli’s Pick: Denim Demons.  Grabbing the top seed in the playoffs three years in a row would be quite an accomplishment.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  Perhaps they’ll actually have more than one sub this week.
Watchability: 4.5 Watkinsons

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Fresh Kills (11-3-1) at Rehabs (3-7-2-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 5-5-1
Game Notes:Fresh Kills can clinch a division title with a win, so they should be fired up for this one. The once-powerful Rehabs limp along toward relegation, the wreckage of their season reminding watchers of mad King Lear, thrashing about in a storm while recalling past glories.
Vegas Line: Fresh Kills by 3
Jesse the Greek says: Take the points. Rehabs have a knack for keeping games close.
Watchability: 2.5 Yelp Reviews

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Gouging Anklebiters (5-10) at Tompkins Square Riots (3-11-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: What is there to say that hasn’t already been said about two teams that have combined to let in 65 more goals than they’ve scored this year? I hear the Ankle Biters have no one on the team who can drive a stick shift, and the Riots make a great Mojito. So, yeah.
Vegas Line: Riots by 1
Jesse the Greek says: Take the point. Riots deliver.
Watchability: Chargers-Patriots, 4:15 on CBS

Sky Fighters 1, Fresh Kills 1 (OT-SO)
Sky Fighters: Dan Hopper (7)
Fresh Kills: Scott Lee (3)
Shootout: Tied 1-1.  Successful attempts by Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka (SKY) and Ariel Imas (FK).

What The Puck 1, Corlears Hookers 0
What The Puck: Tom MacDonald (2)
Shutout: Corey “Chongo” Winters (2)
Game Notes: MacDonald scored the only goal of the game with eight minutes remaining in regulation.

Happy Little Elves 4, Unicorns 3 (OT-SO)
Happy Little Elves: Jerome “Hornswoggle” Ramos 2 (3), Garrett “Ax” Carrino (3)
Unicorns: Joe Polowczuk (6), Chris (3), Rod (2)
Goalie Win: Shaun deLacy
Shootout: Happy Little Elves win 2-0.  Successful attempts by Gil Valdes and Ryan Nakahara

Cobra Kai 3, Gut Rot 2
Cobra Kai: Marc Beland (4), Adam Jacque (2), J.J. Murphy (1)
Gut Rot: Tom 2 (5)
Goalie Win: Peter Lang
Game Notes: Jacque’s game-winning goal broke a 2-2 tie with three minutes remaining in regulation.

Filthy Gorgeous 5, Dark Rainbows 3
Filthy Gorgeous: “Gentleman” James Pereira 2 (4), Suvin “The Guru” Malik (5), Matt Novick (3), Jon Rick (1)
Dark Rainbows: John Nielsen (3), P.T. Walkley (3), Sean Reynolds (1)
Goalie Win: Dan “D.O.” Owens
Game Notes: Malik’s game-winning goal broke a 3-3 tie with 2:30 remaining in regulation.

Mega Touch 6, Gouging Anklebiters 3
Mega Touch: Harvey Jaswal 2 (7), Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta (6), Joe Lops (2), Brett Oppedisano (1), Scott Rosenthal (1)
Gouging Anklebiters: Charles DeFranco (5), Alex Derhohannesian (4), Nick Gardella (1)
Goalie Win: Mike Tuckman

LBS, Inc. 3, Mathematics 1
LBS, Inc.: Karsten Pichon 2 (6), Lawrence Goldstein (5)
Mathematics: Sean “$howJu” McClain (1)
Goalie Win: Seth Wachtell

Poutine Machine 5, Tompkins Square Riots 0
Poutine Machine: Vincent Tracy 2 (5), Ashish Nagpal (6), Joe Coccimiglio (3), Dave Paglia (1)
Shutout: Tim Brown (4)

La Famiglia 4, Butchers 0
La Famiglia: Dmitry Gurvits 2 (3), Denis Miciletto (9), Gabe Wilson (1)
Shutout: Kevin Au (1)

Denim Demons 2, Rehabs 1 (OT-SO)
Denim Demons: Zack Tinkelman (2)
Rehabs: Vinny Caruana (1)
Goalie Win: Aaron “Coach” Pagdon
Shootout: Denim Demons win 1-0.  Successful attempt by Jeff Kamen.

GAME OF THE WEEK
Fresh Kills (6-1) at Sky Fighters (4-2-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 7-7
Game Notes: Former league champions collide in this Hackett Division battle.  Fresh Kills enters on a five game winning streak, and most recently beat What The Puck for the second time this year.  That win propelled the team into sole possession of first in the division, and Fresh Kills now has the best record in BTSH.  Captain Dave Sokolyansky has led by example during this run, tallying all five of his goals in the last four games.  Although the Sky Fighters are now fourth in the division, they sit just three points behind Fresh Kills.  Due to a combination of explosive offense and rock solid defense, the Fighters have compiled a goal differential of +11, good for fourth in the league.  Their last game exemplified these attributes, as they scored five goals against the Tompkins Square Riots, and goalie James Stein recorded his first shutout of the season.  As we near the midpoint of the season, the Hackett Division remains the tightest from top to bottom.  Thus, each divisional matchup takes on extra importance, as these teams jostle for position.
Keys To The Game:
1. Fresh Kills goalie Patrick Barch played his best game of the season in the team’s 3-0 win against What The Puck.  Barch turned aside every shot from the league’s top-ranked offense, exhibiting the form that earned him a spot on the media’s 2010 All-Rookie team.
2. While 11 different players have scored a goal for the Sky Fighters, nearly half of their goals have come from Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka and team captain Dan Hopper.  Each has netted six goals on the season, putting them in a tie for fifth in the league scoring race.
3. In addition to boasting league prodigy Sam Lassner, the Sky Fighters also have the league’s top future superstar in Cory Watkinson.  He has already scored in his first and only game (Week 6), and he was touted by Mega Touch captain Julie Katz as being one of the league’s elite goal scorers before he even stepped on the court.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  You never know who will actually show up in a given week for the Sky Fighters.
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  They have been a lot more consistent this season.
Watchability: 4.5 Fosters.  Both teams have a legit shot at winning the Hackett Division and capturing the second seed in the playoffs.

Happy Little Elves (3-2-0-2) at Unicorns (4-2-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Happy Little Elves lead 2-1
Game Notes: This is the first leg of the triangular series among the Happy Little Elves, Unicorns, and Dark Rainbows for the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.  Since this three-way rivalry began in 2008, the Unicorns have won the cup twice, the Rainbows have won once, and the Elves have never won.
Eli’s Pick: Unicorns.  Even Elves captain Rich Glanzer acknowledges that his team will never win the Fairy Tale Cup.
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns.  I just don’t think the Elves really want it.
Watchability: 4 Fosters

Corlears Hookers (5-2) at What The Puck (5-1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 2-2
Game Notes: Although these teams were scheduled to play twice during the 2010 season, neither game actually took place.  The first contest was canceled due to “rain fears,” while the second was replaced with an exhibition game between the Flowing Locks and Balding Furies.  The Locks won the game 6-1, led by Corlears Hooker Jason Eitel’s two goals.   “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick of the Elves also scored for the Locks.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  WTP’s league-leading offense gets shut down for the second consecutive game.
Watchability: 4.5 Fosters

Gut Rot (1-6) at Cobra Kai (3-2-1-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: These Schumacher Conference teams enter this contest coming off of dramatically different results in their last games.  Gut Rot finally broke into the win column with a solid 4-3 victory over the Gouging Anklebiters, while  Cobra Kai allowed a season-high six goals in a loss to the Butchers.
Eli’s Pick: Cobra Kai
Derek’s Pick: Cobra Kai
Watchability: 2.5 Fosters.  Gut Rot keeps it respectable for the first half, but the Dojo ultimately pulls away.

Dark Rainbows (5-1-0-1) at Filthy Gorgeous (3-4)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 5-0
Game Notes: After a slow start to the season, Filthy Gorgeous has recovered with two consecutive wins, both within the team’s division.  Most recently, Filthy was bolstered by the return of “Gentleman” James Pereira, who scored two goals in his 2011 debut.  However, the Dark Rainbows have never lost to Filthy Gorgeous and will be looking to rebound after a tough 2-1 loss to the Corlears Hookers.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows.  They don’t want to their two Fairy Tale Cup games on a two-game losing streak.
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows
Watchability: 3.5 Fosters

Mega Touch (2-5) at Gouging Anklebiters (1-6)
Written by MacNeil Division Correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mega Touch leads 7-5-1
Game Notes: It’s all about the game behind the game with these two teams. Well informed sources have told us that the recent BTSH two week break due to “community events” was actually a desperate bid by Mega Touch captain Julie Katz to rest aging superstar Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta. Meanwhile, the Anklebiters’ only win of the season came after Biter alumnus Jermey Schumacher’s drunken debacle of a bachelor party in Atlantic City. With two more Anklebiters players set to be married this summer, will captain Phil Donohue take his team on a Hangover 2-like odyssey to ensure victory?
Sven’s Pick: Mega Touch. Expect Donohue’s plan to backfire as Goalie Mike O’Connor’s loss of a finger has a serious impact on his playing ability.
Watchability: 3 Wolfpacks

Mathematics (2-4-1) at LBS, Inc. (4-2-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 3-1
Game Notes: This game will feature two bitter rivals in the Mathematics’ Mike Smith and LBS, Inc.’s Karsten Pichon.  Both believe that they are Rich Glanzer’s BFF and refuse to acknowledge anything to the contrary.  Smith holds the slight edge over Pichon, as Smith and Glanzer were selected by the media as the Best Duo of 2010.  Of course, Glanzer and Pichon were the runners-up.
Watchability: 3 Fosters.  Rich Glanzer himself will be on hand to personally monitor the action, but he will not choose a side.

Tompkins Square Riots (2-5) at Poutine Machine (4-2-1)
Written by Donohue Division Correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Tompkins Square Riots lead 2-0
Game Notes: Poutine and the Riots have evidently met twice before, which is fairly interesting to me, being that both these teams have only been around for one year prior to this one. However, I go by the info that D&E give me, so if that’s what the media says, far be it from me to correct them. Anyway, what am I supposed to be doing? Oh, right. This should be an interesting matchup, as Poutine has been showing their scoring chops lately, and their goalie is certainly a force to be reckoned with, especially since he never changes his shirt (Seriously. Stand next to Tim at the bar some time. It’s scary).
Monica’s Pick: Poutine. Amy and the Riots have beat this team twice, and it won’t be a blowout, but I think Poutine can edge them out.
Watchability: High. Poutine and TSR have a lot of players who play together on the MOFO league team, Ogilvy, so they are familiar with each other’s style of play, which always makes for a good game.  However, the watchability will be lower than the game going on at 3pm on the EAST COURT. Toodles.

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
La Famiglia (4-0-1-2) at Butchers (5-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: La Famiglia leads 2-0
Game Notes: Of the two HNIT matchups this week, raise your hand if you predicted that Butchers-La Famiglia would be the one with first place on the line, and featuring two of the top 5 teams in points and goal differential. Yeah, thought so. Famiglia has been beating up on non-division opponents, but have yet to record a win against another Donohue Division team. If they’re serious about making a run at a top playoff seed, they will need to rectify that soon. The Butchers appear to have a maturity they lacked last year (perhaps thanks to the offseason acquisition of free-agent octogenarian Chris “Creamy” DiMotta), and are led by BTSH scoring co-leader Ben Bloom. If you listen close, you can hear Mark Jackson saying, “Ben Bloom is having his way…Mama there goes that man!” (forward to the 18-second mark: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcvwCn7DwDY)
Vegas Line: Pick-em
Jesse the Greek says: Both teams are on a roll, and this one should be very close. The Family ekes out a tight one.
Watchability: 4.5 NC-17 Twitter posts. Wait, it was supposed to be a DM! Delete! Delete!

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Denim Demons (4-2-0-1) at Rehabs (1-6)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 8-6-1
Game Notes: In another place and time, this game would have been a marquee matchup. June 2011, however, finds the Rehabs in freefall, with a 1-6 record and a minus-6 goal differential worthy of a MacNeil Division bottom-feeder. And in case you were wondering: no, it’s not too early to start talking about relegation. With nearly two thirds of the season left, there’s still time for the 12-Steppers to turn things around, and a win against the division rival Demons would be a great place to start. The Demons are far from the juggernaut they were a year ago, but they have put together a solid record in the league’s toughest group and seem to be gaining momentum with 2 straight wins.
Vegas Line: Demons by 1.5
Jesse the Greek says: Rehabs have been keeping things close, but lay the points with them until further notice.
Watchability: 3 congressional boxer brief pup tents

Color: Sky Blue
Year Founded: 2007 (current version), 2002 (original version)
2010 Regular Season Finish: 9-6-0-1 (2nd, Hackett Division; 7th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Happy Little Elves in semifinals
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Hackett
2010 Leading Scorer: Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, 10 goals
Team Song: Eiffel 65 – Blue
Key Additions: Ivo Mocek, Cory Watkinson
Key Losses: Danielle Block (injury), Alice DuBois, Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker

Captain Dan Hopper wrote the following preview for the 2011 Sky Fighters:

In last year’s season preview, I made the mistake of revealing The Sky Fighters’ infallible three-year championship plan. I wrote, verbatim:

Year One: Go 1-16
Year Two: Add like 10 really good people who show up
Year Three: Win the BTSH Championship before anyone knows what’s going on

And wouldn’t you know it if the Happy Little Elves didn’t COMPLETELY STEAL THIS PLAN, right down to forcing Ben Chadwick to wear an eyepatch and speak in a cartoony fake Slovakian accent.

So in a way, the Sky Fighters kind of did win the title again in 2010. In another more accurate way, we lost in the semifinals to the Elves in a shootout with both goalies playing the games of their lives.  Of course, Don Cherry still blames the Sky Fighters’ loss on a lack of desire because “Europeans didn’t grow up dreaming about the BTSH Cup.”

The Sky Fighters’ 2011 squad will be without several crucial components. Amy Lott has bolted for Gut Rot, leaving us one girl short for all the games instead of just the ones before 4 pm. Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker is also gone after purchasing a house upstate, because obviously Chris Shumaker did that, though we plan on slapping soccer pads on a bearded scarecrow so Martin still has someone to constantly yell at to get back on defense. Our leading female scorer, Alice DuBois, is also taking the year off for her pregnancy, which will certainly hurt the offense, but in this Salary Cap Era you’ve always got to be thinking long term.

Still, the Sky Fighters’ core remains mostly intact: James Stein is back in goal, most of the girls will be starting their fourth season with the team, and the European contingent may even include a fourth member, if David Cernan’s 10-month-old boy shows up to start some shit with the Demons’ babies.

Entity They Resemble, According to Rich Glanzer: Martina Navratilova. The greatest Czechoslovakian athlete ever was a dominant force. She actually plays ice hockey in NY, and there is one person in BTSH who tried to recruit her to his team. Much like Martina, the Sky Fighters won’t stop at one championship, and I think they are one of four teams who will be favorites to win it all this season.
Fast Fact: Greg Infanti always puts his pants on one leg at a time.

ROSTER
Lourdes Banez
Mark Bloom
Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka
David Cernan
Greg “Mr. August” Cohan
Stefan Danicich
Trace Della Torre
Lindsey Dinsmore
Dan Hopper (C)
Greg Infanti
Shaz Khan
Robert Kucera
Sarah Larson
“The Prodigy” Sam Lassner
Dan Lee
Samantha Lee
Marc McDonald
Ivo Mocek
Jennifer Nelson
James Stein
Cory Watkinson

#8 Happy Little Elves (10-5-0-3) at #7 Sky Fighters (11-6-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 2-2
2010 Result: Week 16 – Happy Little Elves 3, Sky Fighters 2; Week 18 – Sky Fighters 6, Happy Little Elves 1
Game Notes: After splitting their first two games, these Hackett Division rivals will play their rubber match in the semifinals.  In their first game, the Happy Little Elves unveiled their new “Elves Team Defense Initiative,” designed to improve what was then the worst defense in the league.  The strategy worked, as the Elves held the Sky Fighters to just two goals and won the game 3-2.  League scoring co-champion Trevor Beauclair scored twice for the Elves in the victory.  Beauclair also had a goal in these teams’ Week 18 contest, but alas, that was the only offense for the Elves that day.  The Sky Fighters blitzed the porous Elves defense for six goals, including a hat trick by defender Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, who did not play in the first matchup.  In spite of this setback, the Elves’ defense has been a little more passable during the playoffs.  After nearly blowing a big lead against La Famiglia in the round of 16, the Elves stiffened up against Donohue Division champion Fresh Kills with a solid 3-2 overtime victory.  The Sky Fighters have been even more impressive in their two playoff wins, a 2-1 victory over the Fairy Tale Cup champion Dark Rainbows and a 4-0 shutout against the MacNeil Division champion Tompkins Square Riots.  As the defending champions strive to win their seventh straight playoff game en route to a second title, the Elves’ defense will need their best effort of the season to advance to the championship game.
Keys To The Game For The Sky Fighters:
1. Because of his team’s tremendous offensive depth, goaltender James Stein is often overlooked.  However, he has allowed just one goal in two playoff games and contributed to the Sky Fighters’ third ranked defense in the regular season.
2. The Sky Fighters were proud to welcome Robert Kucera back into their lineup last week after he missed several games with an unspecified upper body injury.  His presence was felt immediately, as he tallied two goals in their quarterfinal win.
3. Forward David Cernan does not like to play defense (how very Elf-like of him!), sometimes to the extent that he will refuse to cross mid-court into the Sky Fighters’ defensive zone.  Regardless, this gambit paid off last week, as he notched his first goal of the playoffs.
Keys To The Game For The Happy Little Elves:
1. Believe it or not, the Elves actually owe much of their success to the gameplanning abilities of co-captain Rich Glanzer.  Although he is often a tad sluggish on defense, his strategies, including opportunistic water breaks and timeouts, have led to several of the team’s biggest moments.  However, there has yet to be a strategy that has been as successful and effective as that of Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka.
2. In addition to being the team’s (and the league’s) leading scorer, rookie all-star Trevor Beauclair has also been one of the Elves’ most clutch performers.  His game-winning goal in overtime against Fresh Kills sent the Elves to the semifinals.
3. Although Beauclair steals most of the spotlight, the Elves’ brunette rookie Ryan Nakahara has also been integral to the team’s success.  He scored seven goals during the regular season, and his game-tying heroics forced overtime in last week’s quarterfinal.
Eli’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  I’m hoping to pick their game incorrectly for the third straight week.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  I’m hoping to pick the Elves’ game correctly for the third straight week.
Watchability: 4.5 Long Island Loudmouths