Mathematics 2, Gut Rot 1 (OT-SO)
Mathematics: Sean “$howJu” McClain (5)
Gut Rot: Scott (7)
Shootout: Mathematics win 1-0. Successful attempt by Laura MacNeil.

Dark Rainbows 3, Filthy Gorgeous 2
Dark Rainbows: John Nielsen (12), Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell (3), Jennie Brown (1)
Filthy Gorgeous: Joe “Monster Mash” Essock (7), Chris Mangan (2)

LBS, Inc. 7, Happy Little Elves 4
LBS, Inc.: Karsten Pichon 3 (11), Brian “Grandmaster B” Barrett 2 (2), Dan Bernstein (3), Sam Anthony (2)
Happy Little Elves: Ryan Nakahara 2 (6), Gil Valdez (9), Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri (3)

La Famiglia 3, Butchers 2 (OT)
La Famiglia: Denis Miciletto (6), Dmitry Gurvits (2), Angela Vicari (2)
Butchers: “The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis 2 (5)
Game Notes: Revechkis scored twice in the final five minutes of regulation to tie the game.  Gurvits scored the winning goal in overtime.

Mega Touch 3, Tompkins Square Riots 2
Mega Touch: Harvey Jaswal 2 (5), Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer (2)
Tompkins Square Riots: Patrik Blohmé (9), Alexandre Frenette (8)

Fresh Kills 3, Gouging Anklebiters 2
Fresh Kills: Nick Hobbs 2 (4), Ariel Imas (2)
Gouging Anklebiters: Alex Derhohannesian 2 (10)
Game Notes: Imas’ game-winning goal broke a 2-2 tie with five minutes remaining in regulation.

Rehabs 4, Unicorns 2
Rehabs: Brock Bosacker 2 (2), “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse (7), “Con” Ed Lau (3)
Unicorns: Courtney 2 (3)

Corlears Hookers 6, Poutine Machine 1
Corlears Hookers: Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney 2 (14), Peter “Purple Rain” Putka 2 (5), Jonathan Bartlett 2 (2)
Poutine Machine: Jo-Ann Provencher (2)

Cobra Kai 9, What The Puck 0
Cobra Kai: Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito 5 (7), Will Kuhns 2 (6), Greg “Lysol” Altman 2 (3)
Shutout: Paul “P.J.” Lopez (1)

Denim Demons 1, Sky Fighters 0
Denim Demons: Dave Shyu (2)
Shutout: Aaron “Coach” Pagdon (1)

GAME OF THE WEEK
Gut Rot (4-6-0-1) at Mathematics (4-5-0-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Two teams within striking distance of the MacNeil Division crown face off for the only time this season.  Prior to last week’s tough loss against the Denim Demons, Gut Rot had won three games in a row.  Included in this stretch were an overtime triumph against the defending champion Sky Fighters and a gratifying shootout victory over the Butchers (and many of their former teammates).  The team is now third in the division, four points behind the first place Tompkins Square Riots.  The Mathematics sit in second place, just three points behind the Riots.  They have won their last three games, including last Sunday’s 4-2 victory over the Unicorns, their most notable of the season.  They have also tallied 13 goals during this streak, which is more than half of their season total.  With Gut Rot and the Mathematics finally out of the cellar of the MacNeil Division, neither will want to relinquish its momentum.
Keys To The Game:
1. Although much of the media’s attention has been on Fresh Kills rookie goaltender Patrick Barch, Gut Rot’s rookie between the pipes, Bill, has also had a very solid season.  He has been a consistent backbone as the defense continues to build its chemistry following the offseason departures.
2. Mathematics defender Andy Pratt finally had his “Andy Pratt Game” last weekend, scoring three times against the Unicorns.  His presence on the point also generates numerous scoring chances for his teammates.
3. Vicky of Gut Rot and the Mathematics’ Ali Corsi have been friends since attending the same high school.  Much like Diana Hart, who was forced to watch her husband the British Bulldog and brother Bret “The Hitman” Hart wrestle each other during Summerslam ‘92, Vicky’s sister Susannah Pasquantonio is torn between her allegiance to her sister and her good friend.
Watchability: 3.5 Gilligans.  Mathematics spirit captain Laura MacNeil is super excited and “can’t wait” for this game.

Mega Touch (2-8-1) at Tompkins Square Riots (6-4-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 0-0-1
Game Notes: These MacNeil Division foes last met in Week 10 when they battled to a 3-3 tie.  A Riots regulation win in this game would eliminate Mega Touch from contention for the division title.
Eli’s Pick: Tompkins Square Riots
Derek’s Pick: Tompkins Square Riots.  Mega Touch didn’t look great in last week’s loss to the Dark Rainbows.  Of course, Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer wasn’t there, so that could account for it.
Watchability: 3 Gilligans

Rehabs (5-5-0-1) at Unicorns (4-6)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Rehabs lead 9-6-1
Game Notes: Due to the rescheduling of September 12 games to August 8, these Hackett Division teams will now play each other on consecutive weeks.  Both teams have floundered recently with the Rehabs allowing 21 goals in their last three games, and the Unicorns losing six of their past seven contests.
Eli’s Pick: Unicorns.  Goalie Craig “Ug” LaCombe should be inspired by his new Fumanchu.
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs.  Can Adam Skuse even grow facial hair?
Watchability: 3.5 Gilligans

Gouging Anklebiters (5-6) at Fresh Kills (7-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 9-3
Game Notes: Fresh Kills opened the season with a convincing 6-0 victory over their Donohue Division mates, the Gouging Anklebiters.  Justin Ross led a fairly balanced scoring attack with two goals, and goaltender Patrick Barch recorded his first shutout of the season.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  I see no reason for this game to go too differently from their contest on opening day.
Watchability: 3 Gilligans

What The Puck (7-2) at Cobra Kai (6-5)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 4-0
Game Notes: What The Puck has not played a game since June 27, and with several key components to Larry’s Orange Juggernaut already listed as “out” for this Sunday’s game, it seems plausible that the Mad Dog will yet again struggle to field a team.  Of course, this could be music to Cobra Kai’s ears, as they are still licking their wounds after last week’s 6-0 loss to the Butchers.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  This is, of course, contingent on them actually showing up.
Derek’s Pick: No contest
Watchability: 2.5 Gilligans

Butchers (3-5-0-3) at La Famiglia (4-7)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: The Butchers are flying high after posting consecutive shutout wins against Cobra Kai and Mega Touch.  In addition, their offense has finally woken up with 13 goals in these two games, which is just two fewer than they scored the rest of the season.  La Famiglia has also won two in a row.
Eli’s Pick: La Famiglia.  They seem to be coming together in recent weeks, almost like a family.
Derek’s Pick: Butchers.  It doesn’t seem like anyone can slow down their momentum.
Watchability: 3.5 Gilligans

Dark Rainbows (6-3-0-2) at Filthy Gorgeous (8-2-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 4-0
Game Notes: By virtue of their 9-0 win over Mega Touch last week, the Dark Rainbows leapfrogged into first place in the Hackett Division.  One of the teams the Rainbows passed in the standings was the Sky Fighters, who blew a 3-0 lead to Filthy Gorgeous last Sunday.  The win was Filthy’s fourth in a row.
Eli’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  Despite not leading their division, they have the second best record in BTSH.
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows.  John Nielsen’s back, and Filthy’s gonna be in trouble.  Hey la, hey la.
Watchability: 4.5 Gilligans

Corlears Hookers (7-3) at Poutine Machine (4-6)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Since their inception, the Corlears Hookers have adopted the Montreal Canadiens’ logo (with a different color scheme) as their own.  Similarly, Poutine Machine has modeled their logo after another NHL team, the Quebec Nordiques.  While the Battle of Quebec was one of the NHL’s best rivalries in the 1980s, this will be the first meeting between these BTSH squads.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers
Watchability: 2 Gilligans.  Hopefully, the game will not end up like this.

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Denim Demons (10-1) at Sky Fighters (6-4-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 5-2
Game Notes: This Sunday marks the annual Denim Demons Family Day.  Although it may seem odd to schedule this event on the road against the defending champions, there is a method to Demons captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens’ madness.  BTSH teams do not often get a lot of outside fans, and Rubens decided the extra support would be helpful against such a daunting opponent.  Additionally, he felt the Demons’ families deserved to see a high-caliber matchup at a national telecast of Hockey Night in Tompkins.
Eli’s Pick: Denim Demons
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons
Watchability: 4 Gilligans.  This game will probably have more fans than What The Puck has players.

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Happy Little Elves (5-3-0-3) at LBS, Inc. (4-6-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 2-0
Game Notes: It’s not often that two people really connect in BTSH.  Sure, there are a handful of people who hookup during late-night, drunken revelry at EVT, and even a few who go on to wed.  However, it’s a rarity for one to find his true platonic soul mate.  Nevertheless, such is the case with BFFs Rich Glanzer of the Elves and Karsten Pichon of LBS, Inc.  After starting out as bitter rivals, the two have since found common ground between themselves and have swapped numerous beers and stories with each other over the past year.  This is a friendship that goes far beyond the realms of any beer league.  Glanzer and Pichon complete each other.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  For Pichon, this game isn’t personal, it’s just business.
Derek’s Pick: No pick.  Derek will be reffing this game.
Watchability: 4 Gilligans

BTSH Fantasy Pool

(Total points in parentheses)

(7) James Stein (Sky) – Trevor Beauclair (HLE), Caroline Currie (FG), Gavin Kearney (CH)
(5) Rich Glanzer (HLE) – Ben Bloom (But), Gavin Kearney (CH), Sarah Moore (GA)
(5) Patrick “Sven” Larsen (PM) – Patrik Blohmé (TSR), Dana Kravis (FG), Ken Poulin (LBS)
(5) Dan “D.O.” Owens (FG) – Caroline Currie (FG), Gavin Kearney (CH), Mike Sokolyansky (FK)
(4) Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney (CH) – Trevor Beauclair (HLE), Caroline Currie (FG), Gavin Kearney (CH)
(3) “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick (HLE) – Trevor Beauclair (HLE), Caroline Currie (FG), Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr. (WTP)
(3) Eric Devlin (MT) – Ben Bloom (But), Harvey Jaswal (MT), Dana Kravis (FG)
(3) Eli Kazin (Math) – Karen Erickson (LBS), Gavin Kearney (CH), Brad Schmidt (Math)
(3) John Meyer (DR) – Caitlin (Uni), John Nielsen (DR), Karsten Pichon (LBS)
(3) Monica Russo (FG) – Gavin Kearney (CH), Dana Kravis (FG), Zack Tinkelman (DD)
(3) Derek Tagliarino (Math) – Alexandre Frenette (TSR), Gavin Kearney (CH), Anita Khar (Reh)
(0) Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens – Patrik Blohmé (TSR), Noelle Safar (CH), Zack Tinkelman (DD)

Disciplinary Committee Chair Haanwa Chau has finally completed her thorough investigation into alleged hazing violations against the Gouging Anklebiters. She has put forth the following report:

The following charges are brought:

First, that the Gouging Anklebiters did knowingly violate the rules governing free agent recruitment by serving alcohol to new players during scrimmage weeks and after established drinking hours.

Second, that for the fifth consecutive season, the Anklebieters have achieved a deficient knowledge of league rules and guidelines.

Third, that the Anklebiters routinely provided dangerous performance-enhancing drugs to its players during the playoff weeks.

And most recently, that a Roman toga party was held, from which I have received two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion so profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.

These are the charges as recorded this day July 27, 2010.  Faithfully submitted, Haanwa Chau, Disciplinary Chair.

After consulting with former Disciplinary Chair, Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher, Chau has placed the Anklebiters on “double secret probation”.

Dirty Laundry

Written by Fashion Correspondent Abigail Meisterman

Obviously, writing this week’s edition of Dirty Laundry could be considered a conflict of interest. However, I will do my best to maintain my journalistic integrity by simply stating the facts about the Denim Demons’ new shirts.

• The shirts are red, as every Demon shirt always has been and always will be.
• The team name, “Denim Demons,” is centered on the shirt in an old-fashioned script.
• Below the name is the tagline “Purveyors of olde-tyme hockey since 2002″ in a different, flowery, old-timey script. The Demons started in the league in 2002 and in their early years as a team, they garnered the reputation of being rough, violent players (probably due to their losing record and to the fact that half the team were groupies of the puck-rock band, Two Man Advantage, which made up the other half*). Because of this rough-and-tumble approach to hockey, some later team members (coughLenaMoyBorgencough) adopted the phrase “old time hockey,” as exclaimed by the Hanson Brothers in the excellent movie Slap Shot, as their motto. The use of the phrase on the t-shirt is a self-deprecating yet celebratory nod to the Demons’ history.
• There is a curlicue underneath it all.

The reason for such simplistic t-shirts, baby doll shirts, tank tops, and dry-fit shirts, is that this year, the Demons also purchased team jackets that are emblazoned with the symbolic biker hat** that has graced most of their gear.

See, that was pretty un-biased, right? I, and my team, love you all and think we should have a league picnic where everyone brings his or her favorite stuffed toys and we sing songs and braid each others hair and share the love we all feel for one another.

Or something.

* The only remaining member of Two Man Advantage on the team is goalie Aaron “Coach” Pagdon.

** Both the biker hat and the team name comes from the band Turbonegro, a Norwegian punk-leather band whose “faux-mo-erotic” lyrics can be found here.

Know Your Neighbor

Name: Adam Langer
Team: Mathematics
Suggested Nickname: The Animal
Rejected Nicknames: Target, The Broker, Langer, Powder Keg
Origin: New City, NY
College: State University of New York at Albany
Early Aspirations: To make it to the East side of the Hudson River
Current Aspirations: To compete in the Westchester Triathlon on September 26
First Job: Carousel operator at the Palisades Center mall
Current Job: Associate broker of commercial real estate at Zelnik and Company
Hero: Donald Trump
Reason to Love Him: Adam got in an altercation with league disciplinarian Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher during one of his first BTSH games.  At the time, he was unaware of Schumacher’s role, though The Foot probably deserved it.
Reason to Hate Him: With Adam’s short fuse, you may be next.
Best Known For: Being the “fast, sort of tan guy, with somewhat long hair” on the Mathematics
Fast Fact: When fellow real estate broker Georgine “Mulva” Paulin was on the Mathematics, she and Adam would frequently hold joint real estate seminars.
Favorite Things: New York Rangers, Phish, scarves, drumming with his nephew
Favorite Team Event: High tea with Andrew Lu
Least Favorite Things: Clarkstown South High School, the Tappan Zee Bridge toll, cold necks, disallowed goals
Hockey Comparison: Ryan Callahan
Non-Hockey Comparison: A gazelle
Things The Media Will Continue to Overhype About Him: He’s part of the Mathematics’ “youth movement”, along with teammates Scott Lee, Meagan Vincent, and Sean “$howJu” McClain.
Down the Road: For the third consecutive year, Adam misses the playoffs in his own fantasy hockey league.  His downfall occurs when a hang nail ends first round pick Marian Gaborik’s season after only four games.

Due to consistent underappreciation and limited access to the league power structure, the goalies of BTSH are in the initial stages of forming a union.  As labor conditions continue to deteriorate and goalies have become just an afterthough in league policymaking, this union will finally give the netminders a united front to protect their interests.  Cobra Kai’s Peter Lang, who is the founder of the movement, notes, “Goalies get no respect in this league.  We’re the ones wearing pounds of equipment in the 90 degree heat, and no one cares.”  The Mathematics’ Hector “$howT!m3″ Melendez, who is Lang’s second in command, adds, “This collaboration is necessary as our plight continues to be exacerbated under the tyrannical rule of the BTSH despots.”

Already, the two have begun to recruit several of the league’s most prominent goalies in hopes of strengthening their organization.  They first reached out to Eric Ramirez of the Butchers, who was hesitant to commit, as he still had several unanswered questions as to the exact role of the union.  Stumped, but undeterred, Lang and Melendez approached people with less experience in the league (and presumably, fewer questions), namely rookies Shaun Delacy (HLE) and Patrick Barch (FK).  Both jumped at the opportunity, as they are young and impressionable, and they are easily swayed by peer pressure.  Seth Wachtell of LBS, Inc. was also offered a spot, but reluctantly declined as the Corporation has a strict anti-union policy dating back to when Wachtell tried to unionize the LBS, Inc. mailroom.  As of now, Rob “Mungo” Gorden of Poutine Machine has not been asked to join.

Behold, The Feet!

Caution, you are about to enter the “No Spectating Zone”

Know Your Neighbour

Name: Caroline Currie
Team: Filthy Gorgeous
Suggested Nickname: Spicy
Rejected Nicknames: La Femme Blonde, Canadian Strongwoman, Pickles, C.C.
Origin: Montréal, QC
College: Georgetown University
Early Aspirations: To help Quebec achieve sovereignty from Canada
Current Aspirations: To play a game while wearing Filthy Gorgeous’ electric lime green throwback jersey (hopefully alongside the legendary Paul “Ashy Larry” Vernon)
First Job: Waitress at La Cage aux Sports in Laval
Current Job: Account Supervisour at Deutsch
Hero: Tim Raines
Reason to Love Her: Caroline stills vehemently claims that the television show Caroline in the City was loosely based on her own life.
Reason to Hate Her: She, as well as the rest of her team, uses foul language prior to every game.
Best Known For: Switching allegiances from Fresh Kills to Filthy Gorgeous
Fast Fact: She used to work at Ogilvy with former Fresh Kills teammate Scott Townsend (who is also from Montréal).
Favourite Things: Montréal Canadiens, Bradley Cooper (and the new A-Team movie), brie, broomball
Favourite BTSH Moment: Winning the 2008 BTSH championship with Fresh Kills and “Hollywood” Jeff Lesser
Least Favourite Things: The BTSH crease rule, baby blue, Boston Bruins, leg bruises 
Hockey Comparison: Ian Laperriere
Non-Hockey Comparison: Maryse Ouellet
Things The Media Will Continue to Overhype About Her: Her less than photogenic moments
Down the Road: Caroline attempts to rename her new team Filthy Gourgeous to give it ”a more authentically Canadian feel.”  However, her idea is met with staunch resistance from her temmates, except for fellow Quebeçois Jean Hebert, who loves the idea and has been proposing it for several seasons himself.

GAME OF THE WEEK
HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Mathematics (0-0-0-1) at Rehabs (1-0)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Rehabs lead 3-0-1
Game Notes: Due to a flurry of offseason player movement between the Mathematics and Rehabs, this once friendly rivalry has become a lot more intense.  The Mathematics struck the first blow with the additions of league sideshow Hector “$howT!m3″ Melendez and Sean “$howJu” McClain.  While both served as key components of the Rehabs’ offensive attack last season, the Mathematics targeted Melendez for his goaltending skills and their own amusement.  In retaliation for these acquisitions, the Rehabs added former Mathematic Anita Khar to their roster.  Although Khar’s ice hockey background makes her one of the top female players in the league, the Rehabs may have added her to fill the tomfoolery void left by $howT!m3 and $howJu’s departures.
Keys To The Game:
1.  Despite losing their opener to Poutine Machine in a shootout, the Mathematics controlled the majority of play throughout the game.  They will need to maintain this control to beat the explosive Rehabs.
2. While the Rehabs were victorious in overtime against the Happy Little Elves last week, they blew leads of 2-0 and 3-2.  This may play to the Mathematics’ strength, as the team overcame several halftime deficits last season, in addition to one last week.
3. This game marks the culmination of a week-long birthday celebration for Hector “$howT!m3″ Melendez.  Other events include a flip-cup tournament, a piñata, and an ice cream social.
Watchability: 4.5 $howJus.  The personalities on both sides of the ball should make this a very exciting game.

Happy Little Elves (0-0-0-1) at Corlears Hookers (1-0)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 3-0
Game Notes: This game will mark the start of a grueling five-game road trip for the Happy Little Elves.  With such an unpleasant idiosyncrasy in the schedule, one has to wonder whether this was intentionally done.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers
Derek’s Pick: Derek will be reffing this game, but Rich Glanzer still wanted a pick.  So, Corlears Hookers.
Watchability: 2.5 $howJus

Dark Rainbows (0-1) at What The Puck (1-0)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 5-5
Game Notes: What The Puck avenged its championship game loss with a sound defeat of the Sky Fighters last week.  The team will look to stay hot against the Dark Rainbows, who could not manage a goal against the Unicorns and Craig “Ug” LaCombe.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  When everyone shows up, they’re still the most talented team in the league.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck
Watchability: 3.5 $howJus

Denim Demons (1-0) at La Famiglia (0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 8-1
Game Notes: With La Famiglia captain Dave Ladanyi already hinting that he may cancel this game due to “rain fears”, Demons captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens has rented a large tent to pitch over the entirety of Tompkins Square Park.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons.  They looked extremely sharp last week.
Watchability: 3 $howJus

LBS, Inc. (0-1) at Filthy Gorgeous (0-1)
Written by Rubens Division Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 3-2-1
Game Notes: LBS, Inc. is the 400-pound woman in a muumuu pushing a shopping cart piled high with fishsticks and Swiffer refill packs through Gristedes. You act inconspicuous and try to stay out of her way, but next thing you know, she’s eating the organic carrots right out of your basket. You’re really gonna say something? Didn’t think so. Filthy Gorgeous won’t know what hit them. 5-1 LBS.
Watchability: 4.5 $howJus.  Neither team wants to start the season 0-2, with two division losses.

Gouging Anklebiters (0-1) at Butchers (0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: With Haanwa Chau’s massive investigation into potential Anklebiter hazing violations under way, the team may not be able to focus on its Donohue Division foe, the Butchers.
Eli’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters.  So far, they haven’t been found guilty of anything.
Derek’s Pick: Butchers.  There’s a lot of talent here.  The team just needs time to gel.
Watchability: 3 $howJus

Gut Rot (0-1) at Fresh Kills (1-0)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Despite a 6-0 victory in last Sunday’s regional telecast of Hockey Night in Tompkins, Fresh Kills captain Dave Sokolyansky was not pleased with his team’s effort.  Thus, he scheduled an impromptu 30 minute practice session immediately following the team’s win.  Should Fresh Kills produce another sub-standard effort this Sunday, at least by Sokolyansky’s tough criteria, the team will be forced to practice again.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  Former captain Kevin “The Planet” Foster would never schedule a post-game practice, because he’s just a sensitive guy.
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  They’ll play hard, as a 6:30 practice is after most of their bedtimes.
Watchability: 2 $howJus

Sky Fighters (0-1) at Unicorns (1-0)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 5-5-1
Game Notes: These two teams last met in the first round of the 2009 playoffs, where the Sky Fighters prevailed in a 1-0 overtime thriller. Greg Infanti’s game-winning goal was assisted by Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, who was required to play the entire game due to captain Dan Hopper’s brilliantly executed Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka strategy.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters
Watchability: 3.5 $howJus.  The Unicorns stout defense should keep the game close throughout.

Mega Touch (1-0) at Cobra Kai (1-0)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Cobra Kai leads 4-0
Game Notes: In order to protect his head from the blazing sun, Cobra Kai forward Will Kuhns donned a female teammate’s pink hat for the second half of last Sunday’s game against La Famiglia, and promptly scored two goals.  Since the hat brought him luck, Kuhns has vowed to continue wearing it until Cobra Kai loses.  In response, Mega Touch forward Joe Lops, who also scored two goals last Sunday, has promised to wear a fez for the duration of this game.
Eli’s Pick: Cobra Kai.  Kuhns wears the pink hat for at least another week.
Derek’s Pick: Cobra Kai
Watchability: 2.5 $howJus

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Tompkins Square Riots (1-0) at Poutine Machine (1-0)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Rumors are swirling that the Riots’ as-yet-unveiled uniforms will be replica NYPD uniforms, with plastic shields, batons, taser guns, and tear gas — an allusion to the events that transformed the park in the early 1990s. Someone even said they will have a horse. Poutine Machine’s desperate attempt to embrace Canadian culture, however, seems forced. Maybe they hope that poutine will be the next big NYC culinary trend (like wrap-and-smoothie shops and Italian tapas). Maybe it’s just Svatrick’s cry for help. Both these teams clearly have talent and are on the way up. Riots in a close one. It’s Regional Hockey Night in TSP!
Watchability: 3 $howJus.  At least one of these MacNeil Division rivals will be undefeated after this game.

Survivor Pool

Adriano Bratta (WTP) – Cobra Kai
Ben Chadwick (HLE) – Denim Demons
Jesse Kalb (But) – Denim Demons
Dan Owens (FG) – Denim Demons
Danny Polinsky (DD) – Corlears Hookers
Peter Prohaska (GA) – Fresh Kills