Dan Owens Can Still Win The Scoring Race
With just two weeks remaining in the regular season, the race for the 2011 BTSH scoring title is nearing a conclusion. Here are the top contenders for this coveted achievement, which guarantees one pull from the media’s Mystery Box at the end of season awards ceremony:
Denis Miciletto, La Famiglia (21 goals): Miciletto has dominated the league this season, compiling a seven-goal cushion over his closest competitor. He has recorded a goal in 13 of La Famiglia’s 15 games and is currently riding a 10-game scoring streak. However, this streak is in some danger of ending during La Famiglia’s last two games. Miciletto will be shooting against two of the league’s top goaltenders in Eric Ramirez (Butchers) and Tim Brown (Poutine Machine). In addition, with La Famiglia having clinched the Donohue Division title already, captain Dave Ladanyi has hinted that Miciletto may only see a handful of shifts per game in order to rest up for the playoffs. Nevertheless, he remains the overwhelming favorite. Odds of winning: 1-10.
Shafiq “Off Black” Perry, La Famiglia (14 goals): Perry has benefited from being Miciletto’s linemate for the 2011 season, taking full advantage of opposing defenses’ focus on BTSH’s scoring leader. However, he is tired of living in his heavily tattooed teammate’s shadow, and Perry has vowed to claim the scoring title for himself, even if it means utilizing the “Jason Eitel method” of hockey, which involves no passing whatsoever. In fact, there are even rumors that Perry has bribed La Famiglia defender, and self-proclaimed league assist leader, Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri not to pass to Miciletto. Ant took the money, but can you really trust him? Odds of winning: 35-1.
Continue reading ‘Week 17 News and Notes’
Fake Rivalry To Decide Fake Trophy
GAME OF THE WEEK
Happy Little Elves (4-3-0-2) at Dark Rainbows (5-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 4-0
Game Notes: This is the final leg of the triangular series among the Happy Little Elves, Unicorns, and Dark Rainbows for the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup. Two weeks ago, in the first leg, the Happy Little Elves rallied from a two-goal second half deficit to defeat the Unicorns 4-3 in a shootout. Last week, in the second leg, the Unicorns dominated the Dark Rainbows and came away with a convincing 5-1 victory. As a result, the 2010 champions, the Dark Rainbows, cannot maintain possession of the Fairy Tale Cup. The Happy Little Elves, on the other hand, need just one point to clinch the Cup for the first time in franchise history. However, a Rainbows regulation win would mean that the Unicorns would claim the Cup for the third time since the series started in 2008.
Keys To The Game:
1. Possibly looking ahead to this critical game, Elves goaltender Shaun deLacy played his worst game of the season last week, allowing five goals to the Corlears Hookers. Elves captain Rich Glanzer has made it clear to deLacy that if he struggles early, Glanzer will immediately sub in the team’s backup goalie…himself.
2. The Dark Rainbows enter this matchup on a three-game losing streak. They are looking to reverse this recent trend and would love to play spoiler for the Elves’ Cup hopes. Captain Sean Reynolds notes, “We’ll pay off the refs if we have to.”
3. Should the Elves win, the team will be in possession of the BTSH championship trophy, the Barnacle Bowl, and the Fairy Tale Cup. “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick is furiously working on building a bigger trophy case to display these honors, not realizing that two of them are imaginary.
Eli’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. I am the Elves’ guest captain this week, so picking the Dark Rainbows would be a conflict of interest.
Derek’s Pick: No pick. I have to remain neutral as the ref of this game, and I know my non-pick will upset Hockey Rich.
Watchability: 4 Nakaharas. One way or another, history will be made.
Continue reading ‘Week 11 Preview’
The Rainbows Are Thrilled To Face What The Puck
GAME OF THE WEEK
What The Puck (5-0-0-1) at Dark Rainbows (5-0-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 6-5
Game Notes: The top two teams in BTSH face off in a battle for first place in the Hackett Division. What The Puck’s offseason additions have assimilated into Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s game plan extremely quickly, resulting in a five-game winning streak. The team boasts the top offense in the league, averaging five goals a game, which is a full goal more than any other team. Despite the boost from the new arrivals, however, it is WTP’s cagey veteran, defender Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman, who has led the scoring with seven goals on the season. Unlike their opponents, the Dark Rainbows’ roster changed little during the offseason. As a result of this stability, the Rainbows opened the season with a four-game winning streak and have yielded the third fewest goals in BTSH. Goaltender John Meyer currently ranks fourth in the league with a 1.33 GAA, and he has not allowed more than two goals in a game this season. Meyer and the Rainbows will face their stiffest challenge to date when they go head to head with the relentless What The Puck offense this Sunday.
Keys To The Game:
1. What The Puck has used three different goaltenders this season, each winning at least one game for the team. This speaks to both the team’s versatility in having several capable options, as well as its raw ability to light up the scoreboard regardless of who’s between the pipes.
2. The Rainbows’ 3-2 win over Poutine Machine last week stands as a true testament to the team’s resiliency. Trailing by one late in the second half, the Rainbows scored twice in the last 4:30 to comeback against the MacNeil Division leaders.
3. As a special treat for fans of these two teams (yes, even What The Puck has fans), halftime will feature an exhibition game among the several dozen children who are usually in attendance at these teams’ games. Baby John Nielsen is expected to lead the Mini-Rainbows to victory.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. They look unstoppable right now.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck. Mad Dog won’t rest until he wins the division.
Watchability: 5 Starks. These are the top two teams in the league. What else do you want?
Continue reading ‘Week 7 Preview’
Everyone Wants A Piece Of The Rainbows
GAME OF THE WEEK
LBS, Inc. (2-1-0-1) at Dark Rainbows (4-0)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 7-6-1
Game Notes: Two BTSH mainstays clash in this highly anticipated Hackett Division matchup. Despite tallying three goals in each of its first two games, LBS, Inc. started the season slowly, earning just one point during this stretch. However, the defense buckled down, and the Corporation rebounded with wins against Filthy Gorgeous and the Tompkins Square Riots. The offense has largely revolved around the Ken-Karsten-Karen line (Poulin, Pichon, and Erickson), which has produced eight of the team’s 13 goals. Although the line previously had a nickname, the Corporation’s public relations department quickly nixed it due to negative press. For the Dark Rainbows, their early season returns have been overwhelmingly positive. At 4-0, they are one of three teams with four wins and boast the third best goal differential in BTSH. The team currently sits in first place in the extremely competitive Hackett Division, bolstered by divisional wins against the Sky Fighters and Fresh Kills. LBS, Inc. will be the Rainbows’ third Hackett game of the season. Can they remain undefeated in the division and overall?
Keys To The Game:
1. LBS, Inc. new hire Lawrence Goldstein has made a good early impression on his bosses with three goals on the season. As veterans Ken and Karsten see their pensions continue to grow, the Corporation will look to his leadership in the upcoming fiscal years.
2. Goaltender John Meyer has been sparkling between the pipes for the Dark Rainbows, allowing just four goals in four games. He already has one shutout on the season, and his steady performance has allowed captain Sean Reynolds to successfully implement his “run and chase” style of offense.
3. Reynolds recently made a shrewd mid-season pickup with the acquisition of Luisa Mirarchi, formerly of Cobra Kai. In addition to boosting his own team, Reynolds infuriated fellow Hackett Division captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer of What The Puck. Zimmer, who has always prided himself on being a step ahead of his peers, was busy scouting Rehabs defender Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli to bolster his blue line.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows. May Day is John Nielsen’s favorite holiday.
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows. This win would officially propel the Rainbows back into BTSH’s elite.
Watchability: 4 Rudds. Both teams are playing great hockey right now, and divisional pride is at stake.
Continue reading ‘Week 5 Preview’
P.T. Will Have To Regrow His Hair To Fit In
Color: Pink
Year Founded: 2004
2010 Regular Season Finish: 8-6-0-2 (4th, Hackett Division; 10th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Sky Fighters in round of 16
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Hackett
2010 Leading Scorer: John Nielsen, 12 goals
Team Song: Maino ft. T-Pain – All The Above
Key Additions: Robert Ee-lee, Ali Fischer, Jenna Flateman, Saburah Posner (all free agency)
Key Losses: Yui Lewis “And the News”, Dan “Danny Abs” Abdo
Continue reading ‘Season Preview: Dark Rainbows’
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