The women’s tournament will take place on Saturday, October 1 (rain date 10/8) at Tompkins Square Park, beginning at 10 AM. It costs $20 to play with all proceeds going to GGE – Girls for Gender Equity, a non-profit group that is committed to improving the physical, psychological, social and economic development of girls and women. There is a two-game guarantee with the top two teams playing in a playoff final. During breaks in the action, there will once again be an auction to throw pies in the faces of some of BTSH’s most visible characters. Tournament organizer Dana Kravis submitted the following promotional material regarding the event:

The rivalry is heating up between the captains of this year’s women’s charity street hockey tournament. Although Kami Moore tried to keep the peace, she actually ended up adding fuel to the fire by naming her team “Irene.” Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli, captain of team “Jonathan Taylor Thomas,” noted, “It’s just in really bad taste.  My parents’ lawn chair got knocked over by that storm, and I know a girl who lost a potted basil plant from her back deck in Brooklyn… just… gone.” Amy Jones, captain of team “Buffy Summers,” was insulted by Monica Russo’s choice of team name, “Rayanne Graff.” Says Jones, “I was Rayanne Graff, OK? The producers of My So Called Life totally based that character on my high school exploits, and did I ever see a dime of those royalties? No. I told Monica all of this at Ace Bar last week, and then she goes and names her team that.  BTSH rule number one, Monica. Rule number one!” Monica Russo claims to have no memory of that conversation at Ace Bar and was not available for comment after being noogied into submission by Danberg-Ficarelli. “That chick is jacked,” she was heard muttering after the noogying.

The one thing all four ladies agreed on was that every girl in the league should immediately register for the women’s tournament here:

http://nycwomensballhockey.myevent.com/

Stars of the Week

Third Star: Hilary Meyer, Rehabs.  Hilary withstood a barrage of Fresh Kills shots (and close misses from Scott Lee) to earn her first shutout of the season.  With the Rehabs offense unable to convert any of its own attempts, Hilary’s effort at least allowed the Rehabs to salvage a draw against the Hackett Division champions.
Second Star: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta, Mega Touch. After weathering an onslaught of criticism from a recently uncovered scandal, Muscles silenced his critics by scoring five goals in Mega Touch’s 6-2 win against Gut Rot.  Although Bratta still trails scoring leader Denis Miciletto by five goals, Miciletto has become worried about his chances of maintaining what once seemed like an insurmountable lead.
First Star: Joe Polowczuk Chris, Unicorns.  Joe scored both of the Unicorns’ goals, including an overtime game-winner with two seconds remaining to lift his team past Cobra Kai.  However, in a truly honorable move, he has dedicated this first star to his teammate, Chris, who is retiring from BTSH after several seasons and moving to Maryland.

Know Your Neighbor

Name: Mark Talercio
Team: Cobra Kai
Suggested Nickname: Sparky
Rejected Nicknames: Sunny, Ratboy, Verrazano, The Mosquito
Origin: Staten Island, NY
College: Arizona State University
Quote: “It’s not cheating if you don’t get caught.”
First Job: First mate on the Staten Island Ferry
Current Job: Writer for a major broadcast news outlet
Early Accomplishments: Stealing Billy Prescott’s snack pack in 1st grade without the teacher noticing
Current Accomplishments: With just one game remaining in the regular season, Mark has yet to be suspended.
Hero: Dan Rather
Reason to Love Him: Once a month, Mark visits a neighborhood hospital and reads to terminally ill children.
Reason to Hate Him: He only chooses books from the Nancy Drew series.
Best Known For: Leading Cobra Kai with nine goals in 2010
Fast Fact: Mark was the original selection to replace Charlie Sheen in Two and a Half Men, but later turned down the role over a contract dispute.
Favorite Things: The Price is Right, dry heat, Palm Walk, peach cobbler
Favorite BTSH Infraction: Being a dick
Least Favorite Things: University of Arizona, Deal or No Deal, static electricity, Marc (spelled with a c)
Hockey Comparison: Alexandre Burrows
Non-Hockey Comparison: Eddie Guerrero
Things The Media Will Continue to Overhype About Him: His pesty style of play, which earned him the 2010 Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman Award For Agitation and Instigation
Down the Road: Mark is chosen as a contestant for the 2023 fall season of Survivor, which takes place in Nantucket.  He immediately draws the ire of his tribemates by eating more than his fair share of the rice rations and losing the fishing spear.  However, his behind the scenes manipulation lengthens his time in the game and endears him to host Jeff Probst.  Mark advances to the final three as an unlikely fan favorite, but ultimately loses to Eric, a toy designer from Everett, Massachusetts.

GAME OF THE WEEK
Cobra Kai (3-1-1) at Fresh Kills (4-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 7-1-1
Game Notes: Former division rivals renew acquaintances in this inter-conference battle.  After suffering their first loss of the season, Cobra Kai responded last weekend with 6-1 thumping of the Tompkins Square Riots.  Rookie linemates Sarab Lalri and Marc Beland combined for three of the goals.  The duo has ignited the Dojo’s offense this season with seven of the team’s 12 goals.  Fresh Kills also had a big win last weekend, as the team shutout the previously undefeated Corlears Hookers 2-0.  The victory marked the team’s third win in a row and once again proved that captain Dave Sokolyansky and company belong in the Weyersberg Conference.  In fact, despite the team’s promotion, Fresh Kills still boasts the second best offense in BTSH with 17 goals.  However, this week may pose the stiffest test yet, as the offense will attempt to penetrate Cobra Kai’s second-ranked defense.
Keys To The Game:
1. Similar to years past, Fresh Kills sports one of the most balanced scoring attacks in the league.  Eight different players have tallied at least one goal this season, with five of them scoring multiple times.
2. Goaltender Peter Lang and the Cobra Kai defense have surrendered just six goals in five games, good for second in the league.  With the offense finally finding its groove last week against the Riots, the Dojo could be a legitimate dual threat going forward.
3. Last season, these teams split two fairly spirited contests, each winning 5-2.  This will be their only regular season matchup of 2011, and both teams would like to win the rubber match.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  They did beat Cobra Kai for the Donohue Division title last year.
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  Experience triumphs over youth.
Watchability: 4 Sladeks.  This will be a classic matchup of old school versus new school BTSH.

Unicorns (4-1) at Tompkins Square Riots (1-4)
Written by preview correspondent Will Kuhns
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 2-1
Game Notes: This is a rematch of a Week 1 encounter in which the Unis made Riot kebabs to the tune of many-to-none. In that game, Joe P perfected a move dubbed the “Unicurl” by his teammates, who have been practicing it. Hence, their shutout loss last week. The Riots eliminated the Unicorns from the playoffs last season and Patrik and Alex have been working on a new “ChaiRiot” move which is sure to baffle Craig. [Footnote: a Unicurl is also the device Joe P uses to create his Napoleon Dynamite look.]
Will’s Pick: With a frantic late rally involving Chris flinging himself to ground several times, Unicorns emerge scathed, but with a 2-1 win.
Watchability: 3 Sladeks

Dark Rainbows (4-0-0-1) at Poutine Machine (3-1-1)
Written by preview correspondent Will Kuhns
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: After blinding the Skyfighters, Fresh Kills, Rehabs, and Cobra Kai with their darkness, the ‘Bows finally faltered in a shootout loss to LBS last week. Poutine’s lone loss so far has come at the hands of WTP’s “total ball hockey.” Rainbow Josh Wilson has goals in three straight games; Poutine goalie Tim Brown already has two shutouts this season.
Will’s Pick: Marcus gets Poutine up early, and Tim’s butterfly stymies the Rainbows before a late empty-netter. 2-0 Machine.
Watchability: 5 Sladeks. Drama, folks. Drama.

Gouging Anklebiters (1-4) at Butchers (3-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
Game Notes: The Gouging Anklebiters finally recorded their first win of the season in Week 4 with a 4-3 overtime victory against La Famiglia.  However, their momentum ended abruptly last week thanks to an 8-0 drubbing at the hands of the Sky Fighters.  After consecutive losses in the second and third weeks of the season, the Butchers have now won their last two games: a 3-1 victory over Filthy Gorgeous and a 3-0 shutout of the Unicorns.
Eli’s Pick: Butchers
Derek’s Pick: Butchers.  It looks like they have finally returned to their 2010 postseason form.
Watchability: 2  Sladeks

Happy Little Elves (2-1-0-2) at Rehabs (0-5)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Rehabs lead 4-2
Game Notes: Thanks to superb goaltending and a guest captain’s exemplary leadership, the Happy Little Elves defeated the Denim Demons last week 1-0 in a shootout.  The game marked the third straight time the Elves went beyond regulation, although it was their first win during this stretch.  The Rehabs have lost their first five games and are last in league scoring with three goals.
Eli’s Pick: Happy Little Elves
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves
Watchability: 2.5 Sladeks.  Both of us are picking the Elves, and Rich Glanzer will be in goal.  Uh oh!

Mathematics (2-2-1) at Denim Demons (2-2-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 4-2
Game Notes: The Denim Demons have only scored one goal, but have also allowed just one goal, in their last three games.  The Mathematics snapped a two-game losing streak last week with a 4-2 triumph against MacNeil Division foe Mega Touch.
Watchability: 3 Sladeks.  Tensions have been high between these two teams since the failed Jim Dandeneau-Orange Hug trade.

Filthy Gorgeous (1-4) at Corlears Hookers (4-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 8-0
Game Notes: Filthy Gorgeous carries a four-game losing streak into this matchup with the Corlears Hookers, who have won all eight meetings in this series.  The Hookers have also eliminated Filthy from the playoffs each of the past three seasons, including last year, when Filthy rallied from a four-goal second half deficit only to lose in overtime.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  They always seem to play well after a loss.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers
Watchability: 2.5 Sladeks

Sky Fighters (3-2) at LBS, Inc. (3-1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 8-6
Game Notes: These Hackett Division teams faced off in Week 2, with the Sky Fighters winning 4-3 on the strength of a Mark Bloom overtime goal.  Since then, the Sky Fighters have won two of three games, while LBS, Inc. has won three in a row.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  Sascha gave me an earful after not picking them last week.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters. Last weekend’s 8-0 win over the Anklebiters is a sign of things to come this season.
Watchability: 4 Sladeks

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
What The Puck (4-0-0-1) at Mega Touch (2-3)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 11-2
Game Notes: Now we come to a game that both of these teams likely had circled on the calendar as soon as the schedule came out. Much like the Mets trading away Tom Seaver to the Reds or the Oilers sending Gretzky packing to the Kings, this offseason saw WTP jettison star forward (and league commissioner) Adriano Bratta to Mega Touch. Although exact details of the trade are secret, word is that the Touch paid handsomely for the rights to A-Bra, giving up several draft picks and back-alley sexual favors in return. This Sunday, we’ll see if it was worth it. Lost in the hubbub is the fact that WTP leads the league in points, goals scored, and goal differential. The Ewing Theory at work? Perhaps, perhaps.
Vegas Line: WTP by 1
Jesse the Greek says: Give the point. A-Bra might be good for a hat trick, but WTP has too much firepower.
Watchability: 5 Budweiser minis. This game is perfect for some old-school BTSH heckling. Ace Bar can wait.

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Gut Rot (0-5) at La Famiglia (2-1-0-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Gut Rot leads 1-0
Game Notes: Is it too early to say the wheels have come off the Gut Rot wagon? Winless, and at the bottom of the league in just about every statistical category, the words of former New York Knick Michael Ray Richardson ring out: “the ship be sinkin.” La Famiglia is just one point off the Donohue Division lead, and is starting to make some noise.
Vegas Line: Famiglia by 2
Jesse the Greek says: Lay the points. The Family runs away with this one.
Watchability: HNIT bumps the watchability up to 3 Klingon Warships on account of an extra-grumpy Ellery. He’s capable of anything after his beloved Capitals just got dumped in 4 from the NHL playoffs. Prediction: he comes out of halftime wearing no pants.

Cobra Kai 2, Mathematics 0
Cobra Kai: Marc Beland (2), Sarab Lalri (1)
Shutout: Peter Lang (1)
Goalie Win: Peter Lang

Dark Rainbows 3, Rehabs 1
Dark Rainbows: Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell (3), Jesse Gerstein (2), Josh Wilson (1)
Rehabs: Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett (1)
Goalie Win: John Meyer

Tompkins Square Riots 5, Mega Touch 1
Tompkins Square Riots: Joe Fiore 2 (3), Daniel Burns (1), Caroline Samponaro (1), Craig Thompson (1)
Mega Touch: Eric Devlin (2)
Goalie Win: Dave Gil de Rubio

Corlears Hookers 2, Butchers 0
Corlears Hookers: Matt Zimmerman 2 (5)
Shutout: Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson (1)
Goalie Win: Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson

What The Puck 5, Happy Little Elves 4 (OT-SO)
What The Puck: Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman 2 (2), Alex Doucette (2), Tom MacDonald (1)
Happy Little Elves: Ryan Nakahara 2 (2), Gil Valdes (3), Garrett “Ax” Carrino (2)
Shootout: What The Puck wins 2-1.  Successful attempts by Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth (WTP), Alex Doucette (WTP), and Gil Valdes (HLE).
Goalie Win: Anthony Romeo
Game Notes: Carrino scored the tying goal with one minute remaining in regulation.

Sky Fighters 4, Gut Rot 1
Sky Fighters: Dan Hopper 2 (3), Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka (2), Robert Kucera (2)
Gut Rot: Tom (1)
Goalie Win: James Stein

Fresh Kills 6, Gouging Anklebiters 2
Fresh Kills: Ariel Imas 2 (2), Justin “The Boss” Ross (3), Mike Sokolyansky (1), Nick Hobbs (1), Matt Kazior (1)
Gouging Anklebiters: Charles DeFranco 2 (2)
Goalie Win: Patrick Barch

Poutine Machine 1, Denim Demons 0
Poutine Machine: Kevin MacDonald (1)
Shutout: Tim Brown (1)
Game Notes: MacDonald scored the game-winning goal with three minutes remaining in regulation.
Goalie Win: Tim Brown

LBS, Inc. 3, Filthy Gorgeous 1
LBS, Inc.: Lawrence Goldstein (3), Karsten Pichon (2), Sam Anthony (1)
Filthy Gorgeous: Suvin “The Guru” Malik (1)
Goalie Win: Seth Wachtell

Unicorns 1, La Famiglia 0 (OT)
Unicorns: Chris (2)
Shutout: Craig “Ug” LaCombe (2)
Goalie Win: Craig “Ug” LaCombe

GAME OF THE WEEK
Cobra Kai (1-0-1) at Mathematics (1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 6-2
Game Notes: The once intense rivalry between Cobra Kai and the Mathematics has lost most of its luster over the past few seasons. With heavy turnover on both squads and the two teams sent packing to different divisions, their lone battle last season (a 4-3 OT win by the Dojo) seemed more like a formality of the schedule than a legitimate grudge match. However, with Cobra Kai and the Mathematics each making a strong push in the first couple of weeks of 2011, this feud may be ready for a resurrection. Although Cobra Kai could only muster a 1-1 tie against their Donohue Division foe, La Famiglia, on Opening Day, the team stunned the Rehabs 2-1 last week. Perhaps most notable about these two wins is the team’s vast improvement in defense in holding both opponents to just a goal. Last year, the team surrendered 56 goals during the regular season, which was third most in BTSH. The Mathematics also opened the season with a dissatisfying draw, 1-1 against Poutine Machine. However, like the Dojo, Math rebounded in Week 2 with an impressive 4-1 win against the Butchers. As Cobra Kai and the Mathematics both look to stay undefeated, which team will continue its upward trend, and which will come crashing back to Earth?
Keys To The Game:
1. Cobra Kai goalie Peter Lang has allowed one goal in each of his team’s first two games.  However, the offense has only scored three goals.  Until the offense steps up, Lang will need to maintain his stellar play.
2. The Mathematics’ injury-waiting-to-happen Bradley Schmidt has scored three goals in the team’s first two games, all in the second half.  The team will once again rely on a clutch performance from him late in the game.
3. The anonymous Mathematics general manager has already warned the team to keep an eye out for Cobra Kai’s resident pie expert, Anita Khar.  He stated in an e-mail to the team, “Anita can be a very dangerous scorer, so we have to keep her covered at all times.  Of course, I’m much better than she is at ‘skeet ball.’”
Watchability: 4 Smiths.  Rich Glanzer is very happy about this rating scale.

Mega Touch (1-1) at Tompkins Square Riots (0-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mega Touch leads 1-0-1
Game Notes: The Tompkins Square Riots and Mega Touch were both members of the MacNeil Division last year, and while the Riots won the division, Mega Touch won the season series between the two teams.  Mega Touch’s Harvey Jaswal scored twice in each game: a 3-3 tie in Week 10 and a 3-2 Mega Touch win in Week 13.
Eli’s Pick: Mega Touch.  Jaswal is even more dangerous now, thanks to new linemate Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta.
Derek’s Pick: Tompkins Square Riots.  Um, they’re due?
Watchability: 3 Smiths

Dark Rainbows (2-0) at Rehabs (0-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 5-5
Game Notes: The goalies in this game both have the last name of Meyer.  As far as we know, they are not related.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows.  Gina Hackett is only worried that the Rehabs will become the Boston Red Sox of BTSH.
Watchability: 3 Smiths

Happy Little Elves (1-1) at What The Puck (1-0-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 2-1
Game Notes: After tough losses on Opening Day, both the Happy Little Elves and What The Puck rebounded with strong performances in Week 2.  The Elves, led by a Rob “Smash” Muggeo hat trick, defeated the Tompkins Square Riots 8-4, while What The Puck beat Gut Rot 5-2, thanks to Oliver Hartman’s two goals.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  I know they don’t like it when both media members pick them, so I guess this is still okay?
Watchability: 4 Smiths

Corlears Hookers (2-0) at Butchers (1-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 1-0
Game Notes: These teams last faced off in the semifinals of the 2010 playoffs.  The 18th seeded Butchers entered that game having knocked off the top two seeds in the Denim Demons and Rehabs, but the Corlears Hookers extinguished any hopes of an upset by jumping out to a three-goal lead in the first ten minutes of the game en route to a 3-1 win.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  Brendan “Dutch” Kearney has perfect attendance and the Hookers are undefeated.  Coincidence?  I think not.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers
Watchability: 3.5 Smiths

Gut Rot (0-2) at Sky Fighters (1-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Gut Rot leads 1-0
Game Notes: In a game where Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka was noticeably absent, Gut Rot defeated the Sky Fighters in Week 11 of the 2010 regular season in a 3-2 overtime thriller.  According to Sky Fighters captain Dan Hopper, Cejka’s attendance for this weekend is “probable.”
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters
Watchability: 2.5 Smiths.  Although the Sky Fighters seem like an obvious favorite on paper, last season’s matchup shows that you cannot discount the resiliency of Gut Rot.

Gouging Anklebiters (0-2) at Fresh Kills (1-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 10-3
Game Notes: The Gouging Anklebiters, who always seem to start slowly, are once again going through their early season woes.  In the first couple of weeks, they have already lost two crucial MacNeil Division matchups.  Fresh Kills, on the other hand, opened the season with a gritty victory against What The Puck, but fell to the Dark Rainbows in Week 2.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  Once again, Phil’s squad saves their best performance for the bar.
Watchability: 2 Smiths

Denim Demons (1-1) at Poutine Machine (1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: The Denim Demons are still feeling the burn from last week’s disappointing 7-3 loss to the Corlears Hookers.  This week, they will try to right the ship against Poutine Machine, who is coming off a 4-2 win against the Gouging Anklebiters.
Eli’s Pick: Denim Demons.  With co-captain Abby “Tayne” Meisterman on vacation, Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens inspires his squad to a win.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons
Watchability: 2.5 Smiths

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Unicorns (2-0) at La Famiglia (1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 11-2
Game Notes: Who are these people wearing yellow and masquerading as the Unicorns? Eight goals in 2 games? I’m not sure they scored 8 goals all last season. Nothing like getting bumped down a division to fire up the blood, eh Unis? Behind the unprecedented scoring binge and the always-solid goaltending of Craig Lacombe, Team Yellow A has grabbed an early-season Donohue Division lead. The scrappy La Famiglia (Team Yellow B) always seems to be just under the radar and on the cusp of BTSH relevance. Their lack of a perceived identity has had them toiling in BTSH obscurity for some time, despite their usually solid play. Some well-timed post-game hijinks at Ace Bar would go a long way to putting their stamp on a league looking for a new underdog darling. The Guinness, Bailey’s, and Jamesons await you, La Famiglia.
Vegas Line: Unicorns by 2
Jesse the Greek says: La Famiglia is never an easy out, but the Unis look inspired, and their mid-season malaise is still months away. Lay the points.
Watchability: 2.5 Lyndon Johnson Biographies

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Filthy Gorgeous (1-1) at LBS, Inc. (0-1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 6-2-1
Game Notes: Speaking of getting relegated, The Lbs. corporation seems to be tottering under the weight of their own expectations and bloated bureaucracy. Still looking for their first win, and with a minus-4 goal differential, The Syndicate apparently still thinks it is February and they can just keep playing MarioKart all day on Sundays. BTSH is still looking for the real Filthy Gorgeous to show up in 2011. Life is not easy in the Rubens Division, but such is the price of greatness. Are they ready to pay it?
Vegas Line: Filthy Gorgeous by .5
Jesse the Greek says: Filthy, and lay the spread
Watchability: 3.5 Retweets

Del Amitri

Color: Camouflage/White
Year Founded: 2006
2010 Regular Season Finish: 8-8 (3rd, Donohue Division; 12th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Corlears Hookers in round of 16
Conference: Schumacher
Division: Donohue
2010 Leading Scorer: Mark Talercio, 9 goals
Team Song: Bananarama – Cruel Summer
Key Additions: Anita Khar (Rehabs), Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker (Sky Fighters)
Key Losses: Ara “6-1-9!” Arnn

Cobra Kai underwent a major overhaul in the offseason preceding the 2010 season.  Following a disappointing finish the previous year, when the team was forced to use a platoon of goalies that included Paul “P.J.” Lopez, “Minkus,” and Kevin Au, the team finally regained some stability between the pipes in rookie Peter Lang.  Although he and the Dojo defense struggled at times, yielding the third most goals in BTSH (56), the offense tallied 48 goals, tops in the Donohue Division.  The team improved dramatically from a record of 5-13-1-2 in 2009 to 8-8 in 2010.

Unfortunately for captains Greg “Lysol” Altman and Enayet “Retail” Rasul, Lang was one of the few pre-season additions they could rely on.  In fact, of six key free agents the captains added in 2010, Lang is the only one still on the team today.  As a result, Lysol and Retail hit the free agent pool midway through the season and came up big.  They added two of the league’s best female players in the speedy Luisa Mirarchi and All-Rookie defender Kristen Wise.

Now, with a more reliable core of players in tow, the team is looking to continue improving.  Despite the loss of team veteran Ara “6-1-9!” Arnn, the Dojo made a huge splash this offseason with the additions of Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker and Anita Khar.  Shumaker, who is unofficially known as the sexiest player in BTSH, brings undying enthusiasm and playoff experience from his days as a Sky Fighter.  Khar, a 2010 all-star, will treat the team to several long weekends at her beach house on the Connecticut shoreline.  Together, the duo promises to be one of most unpredictable lines in the league.

Entity They Resemble, According to Rich Glanzer: Ajax from The Warriors (Actor James Remar). Ajax was the feisty one from the greatest guy movie of all time, The Warriors. He was strong and powerful, but also spotty on the brain side and impulsive. In the end, he got busted for trying to force himself on a female cop. Much like Ajax, Cobra Kai has tremendous talent, and can be a force, but they need to become more like Swan (the Warriors’ leader) than Ajax if they are to advance past .500 and the first round of the playoffs.
Fast Fact: Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito has never ridden on the Times Square shuttle and refuses to do so, citing personal reasons.

ROSTER
Gregory “Lysol” Altman (C)
Heather Aspergen
Marc Beland
Ray “Domino” Chan
David Cicirelli
Morgan “The Secretary of Defense” Doninger
Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito
Adam Jacque
Anita Khar
Will Kuhns
Sarab Lalri
Peter Lang
Luisa Mirarchi
J.J. Murphy
Rebecca Pear
Enayet “Retail” Rasul (C)
Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker
Meredith Sladek
Mark Talercio
Christina “Mojito” Verigan
Fay Wells
Kristen Wise