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Cobra Kai Is As Surprised As You Are

Cobra Kai 4, Corlears Hookers 3 (OT-SO)
Cobra Kai: Will Kuhns 2 (14), J.J. Murphy (5)
Corlears Hookers: Jason Eitel (22), Danilo Biagioni (3), Noelle Safar (3)
Shootout: Cobra Kai wins 1-0. Successful attempt by Fay Wells.

Dark Rainbows 10, Mega Touch 0
Dark Rainbows: John Nielsen 3 (19), P.T. Walkley 3 (15), Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell 2 (11), Sean Reynolds (9), Josh Wilson (6)
Shutout: John Meyer (1)

Sky Fighters 5, Mexican Standoff 2
Sky Fighters: Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka 2 (20), Dan Hopper 2 (4), Greg Infanti (5)
Mexican Standoff: Gary (11), Jefferson (2)

LBS, Inc. 6, Gouging Anklebiters 1
LBS, Inc.: Tommy Capatosta 2 (5), Karsten Pichon (28), “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin (17), Jason Bogdaneris (9), Alex Simon (3)
Gouging Anklebiters: Alex Derhohannesian (11)

Tuques vs. Filthy Gorgeous (Cancelled)
Game Notes: Game cancelled due to “rain fears”.

Mighty Squirrels vs. Mathematics (Cancelled)
Game Notes: Game cancelled due to “rain fears”.

Denim Demons vs. Unicorns (Cancelled)
Game Notes: Game cancelled due to “rain fears”.

Fresh Kills vs. Rehabs (Cancelled)
Game Notes: Game cancelled due to “rain fears”.

Happy Little Elves vs. What The Puck (Cancelled)
Game Notes: Game cancelled due to “rain fears”.

Fresh Kills vs. Denim Demons (Cancelled)
Game Notes: Game cancelled due to “rain fears”.

BTSH Standings

Hey Kiddies…

For the second season in a row, the media hosted the BTSH East-West All-Star Classic, pitting teams from opposite sides of the East River against each other.  The East, looking to avenge its loss in 2008, jumped to an early 1-0 lead, as the extremely dangerous $howT!m3-Mungo duo struck the first blow of the contest.  The teams then exchanged goals, as the game see-sawed for the remainder of the first half, which ended in a 2-2 tie.  However, the West dominated the second, with Sunny Mehra (Filthy Gorgeous) and Jefferson (Mexican Standoff) scoring quickly to provide a two-goal cushion.  Bill MacGregor (Mega Touch) continued the onslaught with a goal of his own and celebrated by leaping onto the dugout fence behind the goal, where he was warmly received by his Mega Touch teammates.  Derek Tagliarino (Mathematics) added another goal for the West just a few minutes later and attempted to duplicate MacGregor’s celebration.  Unfortunatley, the entire Mega Touch section remained seated, prompting East co-coach Stacy Kehoe (Rehabs) to declare the spectacle “the saddest celebration in BTSH”.  The West ultimately won 8-2.

Once again, the contributions of the coaches buoyed the enjoyment of the afternoon.  West co-coach Steve Chernoski (Denim Demons) donned an electric lime track suit, headband, and sunglasses in an homage to New Jersey culture.  The other West co-coach, Georgine “Mulva” Paulin (Mathematics) came dressed as a “douchebag real estate agent” (her words) to represent her home borough of Manhattan.  In addition, Paulin provided a sack of chocolate gold for her team as an incentive to win.  East co-coach Rich Glanzer did nothing to help his team win.  In fact, he even tried playing a shift in the second half, resulting in yet another goal for the West (and a -1 for Glanzer).

At the conclusion of the game, several players participated in an impromptu shootout (although this had NO bearing on the game’s result).  Some of the highlights included Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker’s pre-attempt flip and perfect landing, a salute to “Thriller” before Ariel Imas’ shot, and Susannah’s goal off of a multi-teammate screen.  However, upon further review, Susannah’s goal has been disallowed due to the fact that teammate Rob “Mungo” Gorden was in the crease.

Continue reading ‘Week 19 News and Notes’

Why Is Adriano Winking At Me?

Hopefully, Cobra Kai Doesn’t Have Any Loose Photos Of The Media
For the first time since his free agent signing with What The Puck, former Cobra Kai member Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta took on his former team on Sunday.  Still upset at the 2008 regular season scoring champion for deserting the team, the Kais had some tricks up their sleeves for Bratta.  On the second shift of the game, the Dojo unveiled its “5 Adrianos” formation, consisting of five players all with cutouts of Muscles’ face poorly taped to their chests. Captains Enayet “Retail” Rasul and Greg ”Lysol” Altman even convinced stand-in goalie Minkus to partake in the charade.  Although the mind games worked well enough to hold Bratta to only one goal, What The Puck still won the game 7-3 or 8-3, depending whom you ask.
 
Continue reading ‘Week 9 News and Notes’

The Mathematics Will Pickle Cobra Kai

GAME OF THE WEEK
Mathematics (1-2-1-1) vs. Cobra Kai (1-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 5-1
Game Notes: Last week marked a turning point in the season for the Mathematics.  After going winless in their first four games, Math found itself down by two goals with ten minutes remaining against the Tuques.  However, with three quick goals they were able to turn the game, and potentially their season, around.  Their opponent this week, Cobra Kai, also had a slow start to the season.  After losing its first three games, the Dojo has responded with three points in its last two games, including a win against Mega Touch.  With both teams having shaken off the early season rust, this bitter rivalry has all the potential to be a classic.
Keys To The Game:
1. After missing the Mathematics’ first four games with a lower body injury, Bradley Schmidt returned last week and assisted on their first goal.  His playmaking ability makes him dangerous whenever he touches the ball.
2. Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito has an innate knack to deliver in the clutch for Cobra Kai.  A late goal of his forced overtime with the Happy Little Elves last week, earning an extra point in the standings for his team.
3. League officials have been working around the clock to book Mathematics great Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi and Cobra Kai icon Peter “Ski” Oblamski to drop the ceremonial first ball.  It remains to be seen which team will draw more inspiration from its respective legend.

Continue reading ‘Week 7 Preview’

Now Fresh Kills Can Look Like A Team

Hot Styles Coming Through
In an effort to draw closure on the “Hollywood” Jeff Lesser era, Fresh Kills tossed aside its trademark powder blue tank tops for a new look.  Gone is the old design of a fish skeleton and tin can, replaced by two ornithological creatures that appear to be seagulls (or crows or vultures or whatever else might fly over a landfill).  The uniforms once again feature numbers on the back.  However, since each number represents the respective player’s year of birth, there are no numbers higher than 63.

Not to be outdone, the Mighty Squirrels also debuted a new jersey (New Jersey!) on Sunday.  Although the new shirt bears the same crest logo as the old shirt, it is made of a more breathable fabric, enabling the Squirrels to burn off all of their excess alcohol in a more comfortable fashion.  In addition, with league members no longer going to Iggy’s, captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene has already secured sponsorship from new league bar, the East Village Tavern, whose logo adorns the sleeve.  The Squirrels are also expected to unveil their “Team (S)crappy” jerseys any day now.

Continue reading ‘Week 6 News and Notes’