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Martin Has All The Right Moves

Congratulations Sky Fighters, 2009 BTSH Champions!

TOMPKINS SQUARE PARK – Sky Fighters co-captain Dan Hopper didn’t even see his shot go into the net. Moments later, he heard a whistle, cheering teammates, and a loud uproar from the crowd, and he knew he had put his team back in the lead of the BTSH Final. Hopper’s game-winning goal broke a 3-3 tie with 12 minutes remaining in regulation, giving the Sky Fighters a lead they would never relinquish. The Sky Fighters added two more goals for a 6-3 victory against What The Puck, clinching their second championship in franchise history and the first since their resurrection prior to the 2007 season.

 The Sky Fighters’ victory culminated a dramatic two year rise to the championship, which began with a one-win season in 2007. The following season in 2008 ended with a first round playoff exit, but also saw the Sky Fighters improve their win total by ten and finish with a winning record.

Hopper’s goal gave the Sky Fighters their third lead of the game, but in both prior instances, What The Puck fought back to tie. However, there would be no more comebacks for Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s Orange Juggernaut, as Greg Cohan struck for his second goal of the game just two minutes later. Cohan, who was added to the Sky Fighters roster during the summer, scored his first goal with one minute remaining in the first half, giving the Sky Fighters a 3-2 lead. Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, who led the Sky Fighters with 20 goals in the regular season, closed out the scoring with an empty netter in the final minutes. David Cernan and Robert Kucera also added first half goals for the Sky Fighters.

“I think Martin should just pick up the trophy himself,” noted co-captain Amy Lott, although at the time, Lott did not know that the trophy was a pitcher of beer adorned with the BTSH logo on the front.

Hopper attributed his team’s strong play to a carefree and loose attitude. “We never realized we were in the final, so there was no pressure on us,” Hopper said. The Sky Fighters were also well rested, as they had secured their spot in the championship game with a 4-2 semifinal victory against the Corlears Hookers the previous Sunday.

What The Puck advanced to its first championship game since 2006 with a 3-0 victory over 2008 champion Fresh Kills earlier in the day and had allowed just two goals in three playoff games. Grizzled veteran Tom MacDonald led the way for What The Puck with two goals in the final, including one that tied the game early in the second half. Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth scored the first goal of the game on a rare pass from Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta.

CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
#7 Sky Fighters 6, #2 What The Puck 3

                                1   2    Total
#7 Sky Fighters       3   3    6        Final
#2 What The Puck   2   1    3

First Half:
What The Puck – 2:36, Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth (1) (Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta)
Sky Fighters – 4:40, David Cernan (2) (Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka)
Sky Fighters – 10:58, Robert Kucera (3)
What The Puck – 16:38, Tom MacDonald (3)
Sky Fighters – 23:53, Greg Cohan (1) (David Cernan)

Second Half:
What The Puck – 3:40, Tom MacDonald (4) (Corey “Chongo” Winters)
Sky Fighters – 13:06, Dan Hopper (2) (Greg Infanti, Robert Kucera)
Sky Fighters – 15:00, Greg Cohan (2)
Sky Fighters – 22:55, Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka (2) (empty net)

SEMIFINAL
#2 What The Puck 3, #11 Fresh Kills 0
What The Puck: Tom MacDonald (2), Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (2), Corey “Chongo” Winters (1)
Shutout: Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz (1)

Looks Like The Jets Are Going To Beat The Raiders

Denim Demons (15-2-2-4) vs. Rehabs (12-7-1-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 6-6-1
Game Notes: This is expected to be the cleanest game of the day, with minimal whining from both sides.

Mathematics (5-14-1-3) vs. Filthy Gorgeous (16-6-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 11:00 AM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 4-2
Game Notes: Filthy Gorgeous is 2-0 against its Woodsworth Division rival the Mathematics this season, with one of the wins coming in OT.

Mighty Squirrels (7-15-1) vs. Gouging Anklebiters (8-13-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mighty Squirrels lead 5-2-1
Game Notes: These Schloeder Division rivals split their season series.

Unicorns (11-11-0-1) vs. Cobra Kai (5-14-1-2)
Location: Moffo, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 5-0
Game Notes: There are no game notes for this matchup.

LBS, Inc. (16-4-0-1) vs. Happy Little Elves (10-12-1)
Location: Moffo, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 2-0
Game Notes: BFFs Rich Glanzer and Karsten Pichon will face off for the first time since patching up their differences earlier this season.

Mexican Standoff (5-16-1-1) vs. Mega Touch (5-17-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mega Touch leads 7-6-1
Game Notes: Something wacky is planned for this game.

Tuques (7-14-0-1) vs. Dark Rainbows (15-7-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 5-1
Game Notes: Dark Rainbow Dan “Danny Abs” Abdo will make one final push to win the Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman Award for Agitation and Instigation in this game.

Corlears Hookers (16-4-1-2) vs. BTSH “All-Stars”
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
Game Notes: With 15 teams eliminated from the playoffs, the Corlears Hookers are the odd team out and will face a loose conglomeration of BTSH “All-Stars”.  These ”All-Stars” will probably be the Rehabs.

Is This BTSH’s Top Family?

For the third straight season, the media (and some special surprise guests!) will proudly present several prestigious awards this Sunday at the BTSH season-end party. To build your anticipation, here are this season’s media awards and nominees:

The Award For The Regular Season Scoring Champion
Karsten Pichon (LBS, Inc.)

Best Family
Brendan “Dutch” Kearney & Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney (Corlears Hookers)
Celine Dujeux & Brian Vroom (What The Puck)
Lourdes Banez & Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka (Sky Fighters)
Susannah & Victoria (Unicorns)

Best Duo
Amy Lott & Dan Hopper (Sky Fighters)
Ben Chadwick & Rich Glanzer (Happy Little Elves)
Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg (Fresh Kills) & Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher (Gouging Anklebiters)
Jeff “Hawk” Hawkins (Mathematics) & Jock Paul (Corlears Hookers)

Most Underrated Female
Alice Bertoni (Sky Fighters)
Karen Erickson (LBS, Inc.)
Becky Pear (Cobra Kai)
Mel Raoul (Rehabs)

Most Underrated Male
Alex Derhohannesian (Gouging Anklebiters)
Bill MacGregor (Mega Touch)
Sunny Mehra (Filthy Gorgeous)
Shafiq Perry (Tuques)

The Stacy S. Kehoe Award For Toughness & Grace
Abby Meisterman (Denim Demons)
Rachel “A-Korn” Greene (Mighy Squirrels)
Gina Hackett (Rehabs)
Heidi “The Maple Leaf Muscle” Karst (Fresh Kills)

The Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman Award For Agitation and Instigation
Dan “Danny Abs” Abdo (Dark Rainbows)
Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri (Happy Little Elves)
Ellery “The Nature Boy” (Mexican Standoff)
League Degenerate Alex Owen (Gouging Anklebiters)

The Third Annual Bob Weyersberg Award For Outstanding Achievement In The Field Of Excellence
Eric Devlin (Mega Touch)
Kevin “The Planet” Foster (Fresh Kills)
Sascha Puritz (LBS, Inc.)
Monica Russo (Filthy Gorgeous)

The Brendan “Flounder” Hay Memorial Award (Female)
Georgine “Mulva” Paulin (Mathematics)
Kirby Ruffner (Mighty Squirrels)
Noelle Safar (Corlears Hookers)
Sarah “T-Bone” Torneten (Happy Little Elves)

The Brendan “Flounder” Hay Memorial Award (Male)
Steve Chernoski (Denim Demons)
Will Kuhns (Cobra Kai)
John Meyer (Dark Rainbows)
Corey “Chongo” Winters (What The Puck)

The Sky Fighters Players Keep Getting Younger And Younger

#7 Sky Fighters (17-7) vs. What The Puck/Fresh Kills
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead What The Puck 6-2; Sky Fighters and Fresh Kills tied 7-7
2009 Result: Week 3 – What The Puck 4, Sky Fighters 1; Week 11 – Sky Fighters 4, Fresh Kills 3 (OT-SO)
Game Notes: Although they are flying high right now, the Sky Fighters’ road to the championship has been long and arduous.  After taking a sabbatical during the 2006 season, the team resurrected itself in 2007 but could only manage to win one of its 17 games that year.  Undeterred, captains Dan Hopper and Amy Lott built on what they believed was a solid base for a competitive team and improved the Sky Fighters to an 11-6 record in 2008.  This earned them the 7th seed in the playoffs, where they were eliminated in the first round by the eventual champion Fresh Kills.  With even more talent on the squad this season, the Sky Fighters once again entered the playoffs as the 7th seed, but were able to build on last season’s disappointment.  In the first round, an undermanned Sky Fighters squad frustrated the Unicorns in a defensive battle and ultimately prevailed 1-0 in overtime.  In the quarterfinals, they took Schloeder Division champion LBS, Inc. to a shootout, where Hopper converted the final goal in the fifth round.  Spurred on by the euphoria of this win, they stunned the Corlears Hookers later that afternoon in the semifinals, with Robert Kucera notching the game-winning goal on a shot from his own defensive zone.  Regardless of which team they face on Sunday, this year’s final should be another instant classic.
Keys To The Game For The Sky Fighters:
1. Goaltender James Stein is undefeated since unveiling his new Canada-centric jersey.  Donning the colors of the Vancouver Canucks, but a logo similar to that of the Winnipeg Jets, Stein has been the backbone of his team’s amazing end of the year run.  His stellar play is even more impressive considering the team’s massive goalie controversy earlier in the season between him and Robert Kucera.
2. While the Sky Fighters boast a deep scoring attack, their offense still runs through superstar defender Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka.  Despite opponents frequently double and triple teaming him, Cejka still led the team by a wide margin with 20 goals in the regular season.  Although he has only one goal in three playoff games, he has generated several scoring opportunities, including a shot that was tipped in for the overtime winner against the Unicorns.
3. With the BTSH championship game as the final stop on the Big Sexy Tour 2009, the Sky Fighters expect a large and rambunctious group of female supporters.  However, Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker will not be the only player in the final with a following of this stature, as Corey “Chongo”  Winters of What The Puck and Jaclyn Lee of Fresh Kills have two of the top five fans clubs in BTSH.
Watchability: 5 Infantis.  It’s the championship, did you expect anything less?

Muscles Has His Own Way Of Expressing The Number Two

#2 What The Puck (18-5) vs. #11 Fresh Kills (11-10-1-1)
Location: Tompkins Square Park, Time TBD
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 8-6-1
2009 Result: Week 4 – What The Puck 6, Fresh Kills 4
Game Notes: In what is becoming an annual rite of the postseason, What The Puck and Fresh Kills will face off once again this Sunday, their third playoff battle in the last four years.  As expected, What The Puck cruised through the first round, notching a playoff high six goals against the Mighty Squirrels.  Although the quarterfinals provided a much tougher challenge for them, they ultimately prevailed over the Rehabs 2-1.  Awaiting What The Puck in the semifinals will be Fresh Kills, the team that eliminated Larry’s Orange Juggernaut from last season’s playoffs.  Entering as the 11th seed this year, the defending champions picked up where they left off with an upset victory over the sixth seeded Dark Rainbows in the first round.  They continued the trend in the quarterfinals with a stunning 4-3 overtime victory over the regular season champion Denim Demons.  Can Fresh Kills extend this amazing playoff upset streak to seven or will What The Puck return to the championship game for the first time since 2006?
Keys To The Game For What The Puck:
1.  While Ollie Hartman leads What The Puck with three playoff goals, five other players are tied for second on the team with one goal each.  Thus, What The Puck will bring an extremely deep and balanced offense to this game, where anyone on the team is capable of scoring (except Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri, who claims to have assisted on all eight goals).
2. What The Puck’s “Italian Stallion” line has been its highest scoring unit throughout the season due to Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta and Salvatore Malguarnera Jr.’s ”shoot first, pass second” mentality.  However, Captain Larry continues to relegate them to third line duty, mainly because of their linemate, enforcer Hannah Stark.  She also claims to be Italian, and who are we to argue with her?
3. After Adriano ”Muscles Marinara” Bratta’s dismal performance as goalie for the Happy Little Elves last week, one has to wonder if his confidence is permanently shattered…not because he gave up seven goals, but because he had to play for the Happy Little Elves.
Keys To The Game For Fresh Kills:
1. Fresh Kills boasts six players with at least one goal in this season’s playoffs.  With so many potential scoring options to cover, What The Puck will have to look in all directions on defense.
2. Two of the league’s top defenders man the blue line for Fresh Kills in captain Kevin “The Planet” Foster and Scott Townsend.  While Foster is notorious for his booming slap shot from the point that always seems to generate scoring opportunities, Townsend is known as more of a pure defenseman, capable of shutting down any attacker.
3. With several players growing cranky without their afternoon nap, Fresh Kills vacated the court immediately after last week’s win over the Denim Demons.  Should Fresh Kills defeat What The Puck, it is unclear whether the team will be rested enough to compete in the championship game.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  In a matchup of old vs. older, old wins.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  Nothing less than a championship will be acceptable for the Mad Dog.
Watchability: 4.5 Zimmers