Up Late With Stork
“Right now, I am thinking of holding another meeting…in bed!”
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Dutch’s Parents Are Avid Readers of BTSH.org
A Brief Glimpse At BTSH.org
As a thank you to you, the loyal reader, we, the writers, thought we’d give you a snapshot of who’s going to btsh.org and how they are getting there. Here are some interesting trends we have noticed, taken directly from Google Analytics.
1. While the largest volume of site traffic comes from the United States (no surprise there), the second-ranked country is not Canada…it’s France. This can most likely be attributed to the Tuques’ iconic status in Marseilles. On a side note, one person has visited the site from Turkey, but he stayed on the site for thirteen minutes.
2. Although New York and New Jersey represent the bulk of U.S. based site traffic (again, no shocker there), the third highest state is not in the Northeast. Rather, it is the great state of Wisconsin. Without a doubt, this can only be the result of Dutch’s legions of fans back home monitoring his play. Plus, one or two of them might be looking for Dutch’s Brother. On the opposite end of the spectrum, no one from Alabama has visited.
3. The top keywords that have brought people to the BTSH site are as follows: “btsh”, “btsh.org”, “ant ventolieri”, and “street hockey”. Yes, more people come to the site looking for Ant than they do for street hockey. One can only assume that Ant is forcing his Foot Locker interns to repeatedly google his name and then go to all sites that find it. Oh yeah, and the number five keyword? You guessed it: “ellery gillette”.
4. Another interesting keyword we discovered was “beverly hills jeff lesser”. Although it is probable that whoever searched for that term did not find exactly what he wanted, this has provided the media with a new nickname. Jeff Lesser will now be known as “Hollywood”.
5. Several people have also visited the site searching “ken georgine paulin”. No, Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin and Georgine ”Mulva” Paulin are not related. In fact, they spell and pronounce their last names differently, as seen in the previous sentence.
Rain Fears
Fresh Kills 4, Gouging Anklebiters 3
Fresh Kills: Jeff Lesser 2 (4), Mike Sokolyansky (2), Joe Tamburo (2)
Gouging Anklebiters: Jeremy Schumacher 2 (2), Phil “Sandy” Donohue (4)
Mathematics 6, Dark Rainbows 3
Mathematics: Bradley Schmidt 2 (4), Jeffrey Contray 2 (3), Andy Pratt (6), Andy Levine (4)
Dark Rainbows: P.T. Walkley (7), Jesse Jewels (3), Jonathan Rudd (3)
Sky Fighters 5, What The Puck 4 (OT-SO)
Sky Fighters: Martin Cejka 2 (9), Dan Hopper (3), Robert Kucera (2)
What The Puck: Corey “Chongo” Winters 2 (9), Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth (7), Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman (3)
Shootout: Sky Fighters win, 2-0. Successful attempts by Martin Cejka and Robert Kucera.
Game Notes: Sky Fighters captain Amy Lott needed to excuse herself from the game for several minutes to remove some of the previous night’s alcohol.
Unicorns 6, Bad Touch 1
Unicorns: Nelson 3 (6), Chris (4), Mark (4), Ryan (2)
Bad Touch: Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer (3)
Tuques 4, Mexican Standoff 1
Tuques: Peter Wilson 2 (8), Sarah Moore (1), Gabe Wilson (1)
Mexican Standoff: Gary Cohen (2)
Game Notes: The Tuques goalie for this game was Leo Guinto, twin brother of Mexican Standoff’s Len Guinto. Tuques captain Dave Ladanyi was at a wedding, but he led his team via e-mail.
LBS 7, Happy Little Elves 3
LBS: Karsten Pichon 5 (10), Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin 2 (4)
Happy Little Elves: Shoshana Rudnick 2 (2), Demetri Adrahtas (3)
Filthy Gorgeous 6, Cobra Kai 1
Filthy Gorgeous: Paul “Ashy Larry” Vernon 3 (4), Jonathan Rick (3), Suvin “The Guru” Malik (3), Dana Kravis (1)
Cobra Kai: Susannah Pasquantonio (3)
Corlears Hookers vs. Rehabs (Susp.)
Game Notes: Game suspended due to rain and hail, with the Rehabs leading 2-0 at the half. The second half will be played at a later date and time.
Mighty Squirrels vs. Denim Demons (PPD)
Game Notes: Game postponed due to “rain fears.”
The Squirrels Are Looking Mighty Smug These Days
GAME OF THE WEEK
Mighty Squirrels (5-0-3) vs. Denim Demons (5-0-1-1)
Location: Moffo, 6:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 3-0
Game Notes: The Mighty Squirrels are now the only team left in BTSH without a loss of any kind and have been one of the biggest surprises of the 2008 season. Although the Squirrels lack a true offensive superstar, they have cruised through their competition on the strength of their teamwork and solid defense. Despite coming off an unexpected bye week, the Denim Demons were not rewarded with a lot of free time. After his team lost in a shootout to Filthy Gorgeous two weeks ago, captain Adam “Legen(d) Killer” Rubens ran several extra two-a-day practices to whip his team back into shape. Since neither team has lost in regulation time or overtime yet this season, it’s only fitting that this game gets the “primetime” booking at 6 PM.
Keys to the Game:
1. In another cunning gambit by Squirrels captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene, defensive stalwart Marie Marberg recently switched positions to forward. The move has already paid dividends as Marberg scored her first goal of the season last week.
2. In an unusual situation for such a successful team, the Denim Demons have used a rotating goalie system this season. Although Noah Farkas appears to be at the top of the depth chart, Zack Tinkleman and Steve Chernoski have both recorded shutouts between the pipes.
3. Squirrels enforcer Sven Larsen will proudly unveil a new stick this Sunday, made completely of solid granite. Although the stick weighs close to fifty pounds, Sven claims it will add two miles per hour to his wrist shot.
Eli’s Pick: Mighty Squirrels. The Squirrels are very familiar with the 6 PM Moffo game.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons. By the way, I’m still waiting for my “Team Scrappy” shirt.
The following views do not necessarily represent those of the editors or of BTSH.
$howT!m3 Almost Switches Teams Mid-Game
Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez was seen considering switching teams midway through the Rehabs’ loss to Filthy Gorgeous last Sunday.
In a press conference immediately following the game $howT!m3 adamantly denied the accusations.
“That is utter nonsense. I’m a Rehab and will stay a Rehab for life. Yes, I tried on a Filthy Gorgeous jersey during the first half, but that was only to see if it fit.”
Teammate “Con” Ed Lau was not surprised. “It’s his thing,” Lau stated. “The guy entered the league when? When it began, right? He’s played for every team since then, and some teams that don’t even exist. At some point last week I’m pretty sure he ran over to Corlears and played five minutes for the Happy Little Elves during our game.”
Rehabs captain Bryan “Stork” Welch was incensed over the accusations. He was seen glaring at reporters muttering, “You never leave the Rehabs. You’re a Rehab forever.”
After Bryan’s comment, $howT!m3 tried on a Denim Demons shirt.
