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Dan Demonstrates How He Created His Shirt Design

#10 Sky Fighters (8-5-2-2) at #7 What The Puck (9-5-1-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins West, 2:30 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 8-4
2011 Result: Week 14 – Sky Fighters 3, What The Puck 1; Week 18 – What The Puck 4, Sky Fighters 2
Game Notes: This game is ultimately going to come down to who shows up for each team. Both SKY and WTP have remarkably close differentials. Both have potentially excellent goal-scorers. Both have experienced players that play well together (again, depending on who shows up for each team). So let’s talk about what we can control: shit-talk. If the Czechs are there, WTP faces problems regarding volume of talk, but they do hold the advantage that most people understand what it is that they are saying in the first place. They’ve also got all those kids on the sidelines that will babble away on command, distracting the Sky Fighters while they’re trying to shoot. There’s also the matter of James Stein’s playoff/cancer-charity moustache, which could possibly get caught behind his giant helmet, causing him to sneeze at a crucial moment. Bottom line: I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Monica’s Pick: I say WTP. They’re clearly pretty virile.
Watchability: 9.99 rugrats. It’s a playoff game. You’ll be watching, if only to see who you have to face in the next round.

Jo-Ann Still Doesn’t Understand How To Buy Things In America

#13 Mathematics (8-6-2-2) at #4 Poutine Machine (11-3-1-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 2-1-1
2011 Result: Week 1 – Mathematics 1, Poutine Machine 1 (OT-SO); Week 18 – Mathematics 2, Poutine Machine 1
Game Notes: It’s no secret that I’m a fan of things Canadian (see my roommate and a very underrated band), but I just can’t get behind poutine. Even when it’s called “Disco Fries” and served at a NJ diner after a night of drinking. Maybe it’s the word “curd” that keeps me from slavishly coveting this Northern delicacy. (It’s not that delicate, is it?) I want to be a fan of Poutine Machine; I do! I like Marcus Bonnee. And Jo-Ann Provencher! (See? Canadian) And Sven Patrick Larsen! But my undying love for Justin Perras trumps it all. (He did not pay me to write that, but he should.) My love for him even transcends the devotion I have to Derek and Elly; it’s that powerful! Even more powerful than an Andy Pratt slap-shot.
And it’s those shots that Mathematics is going to need Pratt to keep delivering if they’re going to unseat the 4th ranked, MacNeil Division winners. While it’s true Poutine Machine has a great record within their division, their only division loss came to Mathematics in Week 18 and they tied in the first week of the season. Sometimes a team is in the head of another, so perhaps Mathematics has it on the Machine, but I’m scared for the Mathletes!
Abby’s Pick: Eating poutine is like eating Chinese food, so expect the Machine to be hungry for another win quite soon. (Hey-o!)
Watchability: The limit does not exist!

Continue reading ‘Playoff Preview: Round of 16 (Part II)’

Karsten Is Offering Sean A Trade

#12 Dark Rainbows (9-7-0-1) at #5 LBS, Inc. (11-5-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 9-6-1
2011 Result: Week 5 – LBS, Inc. 3, Dark Rainbows 2 (OT-SO); Week 18 – LBS, Inc. 5, Dark Rainbows 3
Game Notes: After a one-sided season series, these Hackett Division foes will meet for the third time this Sunday.  When the Dark Rainbows and LBS, Inc. met for the first time in Week 5, the Corporation stole a 3-2 shootout victory after a late tying goal by chief compliance officer Karsten Pichon.  When these teams squared off a second time in Week 18, Pichon was the hero once again, as his hat trick lifted LBS, Inc. to a 5-3 triumph.  However, despite sweeping the season series, the Corporation cannot overlook the Rainbows for several reasons.   First, the Rainbows actually finished with a better goal differential than LBS, Inc.  Second, they accomplished this feat despite missing last season’s team scoring leader, John Nielsen, for the bulk of the year, after teammate Luisa Mirarchi “accidentally” checked him.  Finally, Rainbows captain Sean Reynolds has vowed to break out his team’s old, faded pink jerseys in order to confuse LBS captain and CEO Sascha Puritz and her white-clad warriors.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  The Corporation looked impressive in their final regular season game, when they slammed Hackett Division leader Fresh Kills 4-1.
Watchability: 4 Meyers

Alfred Is Facing A Watered-Down Version Of Himself

#14 Happy Little Elves (8-7-1-2) at #3 La Famiglia (13-1-1-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Happy Little Elves lead 3-1
2011 Result: Did Not Play
Game Notes: After finishing the 2010 regular season on a seven-game winning streak, La Famiglia continued to shred its competition in 2011.  With just one loss in regulation, the team finished with the best record in BTSH to finally wrestle the Prince of Weyersberg trophy away from the Denim Demons.  La Famiglia boasted the league’s top goal differential, as well as its top scorer, Denis Miciletto, who averaged more than a goal per game.  However, one loss has stuck with Dave Ladanyi and company since last year’s playoffs, a 7-4 loss to the Happy Little Elves in the 2010 Round of 16.  While this loss left a bitter taste in the mouths of La Famiglia, it also marked the Happy Little Elves’ first playoff win in franchise history and spurred them on to the BTSH championship.  Thus, despite a mediocre 2011 regular season, the Elves still pose a major threat to La Famiglia.   They appear to have regained their hunger and desire from one year ago, as they soundly defeated the Tompkins Square Riots in last Sunday’s opening round game.
Eli’s Pick: La Famiglia. To improve the odds of a victory, captain Dave Ladanyi has given defensive stalwart Ant Ventolieri the last two weeks off.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  I’m not sure they have another championship run in them, but captain Rich Glanzer has at least one more trick up his sleeve.
Watchability: 4 Muggeos.  The scorekeeper (Eli) will have his hands full when the top two offenses in BTSH collide.

Continue reading ‘Playoff Preview: Round of 16 (Part I)’

Vice-Presidents Cup, Bitches.

#20 Gut Rot (3-14) at #13 Mathematics (7-6-2-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins East, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 2-1
2011 Result: Week 10 – Mathematics 4, Gut Rot 2; Week 19 – Gut Rot 1, Mathematics 0 (OT-SO)
Game Notes: When questioned about the upcoming playoffs, Gut Rot captain Peaches responded, “I was told there’d be no Math.” Peaches’ teammate Heather was similarly dismayed by the match-up as she’s aware Mike Smith shows no mercy on and off the court. The media attempted to locate Ellery for comment, but as the Redskins’ season has started, he’s been in hiding. This does not bode well for the team whose name makes one think of necrotic bowels. Justin Perras of Mathematics boasted his confidence in his team’s abilities, despite losing to Gut Rot in a shootout last week. He attributes his new-found team pride to his new baby girl for whom he’s promised to win it all. However, Andy Pratt knows this is folly as he tried to do that before and failed. Derek and Eli have been squirreled away in their deluxe apartments in the sky watching old videos of Gut Rot goalie Bill, while blocks away he has just been watching videos. Despite all of this intel, what people really want to know is “Who is this Tom, and how did he score four goals against the Elves but only one in the shootout?”
Abby’s Pick: Add two. Carry the one. Mathematics.
Watchability: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209…

This Matchup Catches Sarab Totally By Surprise

#18 Gouging Anklebiters (5-12) at #15 Cobra Kai (6-7-1-3)
Written by playoff correspondent Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 7-2
2011 Result: Week 10 – Gouging Anklebiters 3, Cobra Kai 1
Game Notes: Cobra Kai should not be in this game. With the roster they had before the season started, and the division they are in, they should have been battling for the #3 seed. The Anklebiters have played pretty solid for the last few weeeks, and they seem to have something the Dojo doesn’t, which is team chemistry. Cobra Kai is also riddled with injuries as the league’s most underrated player, Will Kuhns, and Rem both might not play. Meanwhile, few have been hotter than the Anklebiters’ Alex Derho.
Rich’s Pick: BTSH is littered with stories of heart beating talent, so I’m going to go with an upset here, and say the Anklebiters pull it out and win 5-4 in OT. Expect Peter Putka to be scouting from a building above because they will be the Hookers’ round of 16 opponent.

Shaun And The Elves Hope To Smoke The Riots

#19 Tompkins Square Riots (4-12-0-1) at #14 Happy Little Elves (7-7-1-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Happy Little Elves lead 1-0
2011 Result: Week 2 – Happy Little Elves 8, Tompkins Square Riots 4
Game Notes: “Who Dat?” It’s not just the rallying cry of New Orleans Saints fans. It’s the question anyone who watched the final game of the Riots’ season was asking. With ten exceptions on the “Played 5 games or less” list, the Riots are a massively unknown entity going in to the playoffs. Meanwhile, some are blaming the Elves’ decline from BTSH champs to the #14 spot on team captain Rich Glanzer. They feel the G-Man spent too much of his summer pursuing the Fairy Tale Cup, the BTSH Fantasy Hockey Championship, the respect of co-captain Ben Chadwick and other things that don’t matter in the real world. But experienced BTSHers know that Glanzer has a history of pulling things together when the stakes are high, and this game should be no exception. Ultimately, winning the BTSH crown is like cooking crystal meth…it all comes down to chemistry (and a certain amount of moral flexibility). The Elves have both those factors in spades. The hastily assembled, new-look Riots, not so much.
Sven’s Pick: Sorry, Rioters. Gotta give the nod to the defending champs on this one.
Watchability: Two and a half sprinkles of pixie dust

MDF Is No Longer Impressed By Jorts

#17 Rehabs (3-8-3-3) at #16 Mega Touch (5-10-1-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Rehabs lead 8-4
2011 Result: Did Not Play
Game Notes: After losing most of their top players from their 2010 Hackett Division title team, the Rehabs fulfilled the predictions of many by finishing last in the Rubens Division.  With half the roster composed of rookies and veterans returning from long sabbaticals, the team stumbled out of the gate and began the season 0-5.  Since then, they have shown improvement, going 3-3-3-3 for the balance of the regular season.  The lone bright spot has been the stellar play of new goaltender Hilary Meyer, who successfully filled the large shoes–but not the large ego–of former goalie Anthony Romeo.  She finished the regular season with a 1.56 GAA, good for third in the league.  Mega Touch made a big splash in the offseason by welcoming league commissioner Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta to the squad, but actually finished with a worse record than in 2010.  Of course, that’s not to say that Muscles didn’t have his way with the MacNeil Division, as he finished with 18 goals on the season and led his team to a 4-3 divisional record.  The Rehabs and Mega Touch did not face each other in 2011, but they did meet in Week 6 of 2010, when the Rehabs defeated Mega Touch 1-0 on the strength of a goal by “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse and a shutout by Romeo.  Neither player is currently on the Rehabs.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs.  Mega Touch went 1-10-1-1 against teams not named Gut Rot or the Gouging Anklebiters.
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs.  Like many teams in BTSH, their struggles are directly related to poor attendance throughout the regular season.  A full roster gives them the edge in this one.
Watchability: 3.5 Oppedisanos.  Brooklyn bragging rights are at stake!

Georgine’s More Of A Steelers Fan

GAME OF THE WEEK
Butchers (8-7-1) at Happy Little Elves (7-6-1-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: The Butchers and the Happy Little Elves may be tied in the overall standings heading into the final weekend of the regular season, but both teams have taken different paths to get here. The Butchers (aside from Ben Bloom) have put an emphasis on defense this season, beginning with the free agent signing of the glass-jawed Chris “Creamy” DiMotta. Bolstered by his presence, the team has surrendered fewer than two goals per game this season, and goaltender Eric Ramirez is fourth in the league with a 1.67 goals against average. The Happy Little Elves, on the other hand, have put no emphasis on defense at all. The team has yielded the third most goals in BTSH, but it has countered this flaw with the league’s top-ranked offense. The tandem of Gil Valdes and brunette sophomore Ryan Nakahara leads the Elves’ deep and explosive attack with 12 goals apiece. In this, the first meeting between these two teams, how will the Elves’ offense fare against the stingy Butchers defense?
Keys To The Game:
1. Although the Butchers have focused on defense this season, the team has also produced two of the league’s top scorers in Ben Bloom and “The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis (né Weezy). The duo has combined for 27 of the team’s 44 goals.
2. Perhaps due to their new found “Fun and Gun” style of play, six of the Elves’ games have been tied at the end of regulation play.  However, the team has been relatively opportunistic in extra time with three wins via shootout and one tie.
3. With both of these teams locked in a four-way tie (with the Dark Rainbows and Mathematics) for 11th place, this game carries tremendous playoff implications.  Most likely, the loser of this matchup will fall into the bottom eight of the league and have to win five games in a row to claim the BTSH championship.  The winner stands a good shot to receive a restful bye next Sunday, when the opening weekend games are played.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  Captain Glanzer finally forces his team to clamp down on D.
Watchability: 4.5 Hawks.  Ka-kaw!

Continue reading ‘Week 19 Preview’