it's on asshole.
After two years of determining the All-Star teams based on geography, this season’s game will feature a new format. With BTSH’s new conference and divisional structure debuting this year, Sunday’s contest will pit the elite from the Weyersberg Conference against the best from the Schumacher Conference.
Although BTSH is now in its second year of playing at Tompkins Square Park, the league returned to Corlears Hook Park this past Sunday for one final afternoon of hockey and good cheer at its old stomping grounds. The festivities, however, did not end on the sloped and cracked playing surfaces near Jackson and Cherry Streets. After the games, all league members were invited to relive old memories with another Johnson’s Olympics.
At Corlears
For some of the more veteran players of BTSH, playing one final game at Corlears was a terrific treat to recapture the nostalgia of the “Golden Age” of the league. Others, however, were shocked and appalled at the conditions of the league’s former home. Regardless of one’s opinion, everyone was happy about the addition of a vertiable smorgasbord of food and drink at courtside. Highlights of this appetizing spread included the Anklebiters’ famous Booze Berries, Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher’s deep fried mac and cheese, and Peaches’ mixed drinks with unknown ingredients. This, of course, was just the beginning, as “ring girls” reminded league members of the Johnson’s Olympics that evening. As a brief piece of trivia, the final game ever at Corlears Hook Park was the Mathematics’ 4-3 win over the Tompkins Square Riots.
As per tradition, the Denim Demons once again hosted their annual “Demons Family Day” this past Sunday. All players on the team were highly encouraged to invite their families for some good, clean Demons hockey. Thus, the West Court dugouts were packed with red, as the honored guests witnessed the Demons defeat the defending champion Sky Fighters 1-0 in a spirited Hockey Night in Tompkins national telecast. This marked the second consecutive shutout for the Demons on Family Day, who also beat Cobra Kai 2-0 in 2009.
With record attendance and several family members making lengthy treks to reach the game, the event was viewed as a huge success. Notable attendees included frequent btsh.org commenter Joe “Twinkle Toes” Tinkelman, Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens’ mother, the Carsons, and Abby “Tayne” Meisterman’s moms. Rubens’ mother even donned a throwback Adam Rubens jersey to support her wonderful son. She noted, “…the way my son took down the Sky Fighters, he truly is a legend killer!”
Disciplinary Committee Chair Haanwa Chau has finally completed her thorough investigation into alleged hazing violations against the Gouging Anklebiters. She has put forth the following report:
The following charges are brought:
First, that the Gouging Anklebiters did knowingly violate the rules governing free agent recruitment by serving alcohol to new players during scrimmage weeks and after established drinking hours.
Second, that for the fifth consecutive season, the Anklebieters have achieved a deficient knowledge of league rules and guidelines.
Third, that the Anklebiters routinely provided dangerous performance-enhancing drugs to its players during the playoff weeks.
And most recently, that a Roman toga party was held, from which I have received two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion so profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.
These are the charges as recorded this day July 27, 2010. Faithfully submitted, Haanwa Chau, Disciplinary Chair.
After consulting with former Disciplinary Chair, Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher, Chau has placed the Anklebiters on “double secret probation”.
As a thank you to you, the loyal reader, we the writers thought we’d give you a snapshot of who’s going to btsh.org, and how they are getting there. Here are some interesting facts and figures we have noticed, taken directly from Google Analytics:
1. As expected, the United States and Canada rank as the first and second countries in terms of site traffic, combining for well over 90% of visits. However, it is a little surprising that Switzerland ranks third with 75 visits since June 1. We at the media can only infer that this is due to our unbiased and neutral approach to reporting the BTSH news. Also of note are Israel and South Africa, which each had three visits during this time. Thank you to the Denim Demons’ Jeff Kamen for checking the site while pursuing a Master’s Degree in Israel and Cobra Kai’s Will Kuhns for checking in while working at the World Cup in South Africa.
2. Site traffic peaked on Monday, June 7. Although visitors were most likely looking for the results of the Sega NHL 94 tournament from the previous day, they were instead treated to a picture of Denim Demon David Kenneth Fraser doing a butterfly stretch with the Week 7 box scores. Upon seeing how many people were interested in stretching techniques, Demon captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens graciously posted a full lesson on pre-game calisthenics several weeks later. As of now, that post has been viewed 209 times.
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