by Richiehero

While the vast majority of us have played in many other sport leagues (including mens leagues) BTSH is where most of us call home now. We are more than a hockey league, we are a community, maybe even a family. I truly believe there isn’t a greater social league in the world than BTSH. And if you make the BTSH Hall of Fame, its typically not because you’re a great player (though that can help), but its because you’ve done great things for our little community. Like Bob W., coaching little kids, or Alex E.M. reffing every week or Altman murdering one of those skateboarders.  So without further ado, the 2016 Hall of Fame Class!

OK…hold on, before we get to 2016, we have to finish off 2015. You see I wanted to do something special for the last person inducted in 2015, but he kept backing out of the video. So I never got the chance to induct him. But it is none other than $h0wT!m3.


$h0wT!m3 is probably the most recognizable player in BTSH history. For a long time he was the face that runs this place. While we all make jokes about his fake injuries and fake retirements, the guy has heart. I remember in 2010, we were sitting at a bar after a Zog game and he told me he didn’t take sports too seriously, until his Dad died, and then he realized, whenever you step on the field/court, you should always play with passion.

$h0wT!m3 hustles on offense and is a relentless forchecker. He’s a great general manager, as the Rehabs will be contenders for years now.

When it comes to helping out the league, $h0wT!m3 is always one of the first people to volunteer. Yeah, Tim Brown would argue he’s a little flaky, and that’s probably true, but whenever he told me he’d ref he would be there and take it seriously. He certainly wouldn’t ref a playoff game with a cigarette, beer and wearing Bartolo Colon’s underwear, that’s for sure.

$h0wT!m3 is not only great at hockey, but he also gave a great speech on one of the only 3 movies men are allowed to cry (Chill anti-Patriarchs, its just a joke).


I love $h0wT!m3, but not in the way that got him his six kids from 7 different mothers. There is no one I respect more in BTSH than you. You’re a great guy, an ok friend and a very deserving member of the 2015 Hall of Fame class!

Good luck in your title game vs. Filthy. I’m sure you’ll win.


NYC Parks Department Staff



Upon arriving to the courts late Sunday morning a deflating discovery was made in the southeast corner of the East Court. Stacks and stacks and stacks of guardrails used the previous day for the annual Tompkins Square Halloween Dog Parade were piled up threatening to delay the start of the scrimmages. Reluctantly, I dragged my half-dead ass over to the spot to assess the workload, put down my backpack, opened the gate and began to move them one by one. After barely making a dent, the ladies of the Park Dept. came to the rescue by calling in reinforcements (motley crew that hangs on the benches) and had them moved in no time. Allowing the Gut Rot/Mathematics/Mega Touch/Instant Karma scrimmage to commence as scheduled. Thanks NYC Parks Department!

What is it about that corner? It seems to be our version of Waco, TX. Possessing just about anyone that ventures into it’s space to do strange things like smash bottles, disburse party favors, use it as an outhouse and sometimes a temporary storage space. Perhaps that’s why all refs avoid it like the plague (can you image the calls?).



The Rehabs cycle through women like Johnny Rehab cycles through women. Early last week Welch and Showtime cast their weekly wide net to this year’s Lady Rehabs inquiring about their availability, ‘Come on, baby. Just give me one more Sunday. Xoxoxo – Johnny.’ With a role of their eyes and a shrug of their shoulders Amber and Ryann were the only two that answered his text. (To be fair, Sena was in Japan.) Both played back-to-back games without a sub and delivered championship worthy performances. Ryann swiftly handed out dimes with stealth and swagger on offense. And Amber put in Sena-esque defensive work by dishing out pain, jumping up in the play and shutting down the opposition’s offensive flow. Well done!

Somebody get Amber a Snickers! Ryann's bruised leg is not a snack.

Somebody get Amber a Snickers! Ryann’s bruised leg is not a snack.

Diana and Sam, Hosts of the Awards Ceremony


Pre-award shots to calm those nerves.

These two were phenomenal on Sunday night. Delivering a crowd-pleasing performance that had something for everyone in attendance. There was comedy (Diana), drama (bumptious acceptance speeches), controversy (Longwell), tasteful nudity (Sam) and even horror (French Rich). It’s not easy to entertain you cynical bastards glorious people, whether it’s writing for the smoldering inferno that it is the BTSH website or getting up on stage in front of your peers. Being judged can be a scary thing but Diana and Sam fear no hecklers and were able to pull it off with the type of charm and charisma that have earned them the right to host next year. (Suckers!)

French Rich

French Rich

But don’t just take my word for it:


‘Their witty banter and improvisation was thrilling. We can’t wait to come back next year!’ – Cat and Nicole.

Honorable Mentions:

Each BTSHer that threw on some goalie pads and jumped in the cage for scrimmages.  Even that Herr brother who warmed up in Timmy’s gear. (Side note: it appears that the Herr’s are this generations’ Norris 2.0.)

The bartenders and staff at Parkside Lounge that tolerated our unruly behavior and kept feeding us more liquids despite it.  (Thanks for handing out those drink tickets, Scoops!)

Thank you to everyone that came out Sunday evening to cheer on the award nominees and celebrate the end of the 2016 season.  Here are the winners:

The winners of the 2016 BTSH Awards.


BTSH Regular Season Scoring Champion (male)

Mike T., Sky Fighters

The game plan is simple: stop this guy.

The game plan is simple: stop this guy.

BTSH Regular Season Scoring Champion (female)

Cherie S., LBS, Inc.

Yeah, these are Puffins. So what?

Yeah, these are Puffins. So what?

Best Duo

Diane and Zach from Love’s Eternal Glory

Chivalry is dead.

Chivalry is dead.

Rookie of the Year (male)

Jimmy from Butchers

"I can't believe I got hooked/held/shoved/slashed by fuzz again."

“I can’t believe I got hooked/held/shoved/slashed by fuzz again.”

Rookie of the Year (female)

Charlotte from Poutine Machine

Poutine's spinach.

Poutine’s spinach.

Bob W. Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence (Captain of the Year)

Tommy from Gut Rot (BITCHES)

Gut Rot 2016

Gut Rot 2016

Best Defense (male)

Pat from Fresh Kills

Best Defense (female)

Tiffany from Corlears Hookers


Best Facebook Commenter

J. Perras from Mathematics


(insert caption here)

Minkus Award – for flamboyance and extraordinary feats in goaltending

Newman from The Free Agent List

How awesome a picture is this? Look at how happy we were for Newman when he got his shutout!!! Wrong, its actually when the Rainbows hit the crossbar and we started hitting Newman. We don't tolerate goals against Newmie.

How awesome a picture is this? Look at how happy we were for Newman when he got his shutout!!!
Wrong, its actually when the Rainbows hit the crossbar and we started hitting Newman. We don’t tolerate goals against Newmie.

Most Underrated (male)

Chuck from Gouging Anklebiters

Most Underrated (female)

Allison from Gremlins

Alison B

Upset of the Year

Mega Touch winning the Hi-Fi Division


C Dubs Award for the player with the sweetest disposition

Isaac from Instant Karma

Rachel Greene Award for Snark, Style and Finesse

Diana from Gouging Anklebiters

Marko is PISSED she’s had to read this many words without one being “cheekbones”

Marko is PISSED she’s had to read this many words without one being “cheekbones”

Norris Trophy – Inaugural Award for Best Fake Family

Moore: Sarah, Emily, Amber and Pat

Bumptious Chump Award for the BTSHer that is self-assertive or proud to an irritating degree

Brian Cro from Corlears Hookers

cap cro

Clavvy Award for long form submission of an article

Ophelia Bauls for Rehabs Article

Snubby Award – dedicated to a worthy player that was unintentionally snubbed

K. Longwell from Dark Rainbows


Congratulations to each of the winners! 


SPOILER ALERT: This team won. Congrats on winning your third BTSH Championship Rehabs!


Sky Fighters 1-2 Rehabs Final
Sky Fighters: Michael Teytelbaum
Rehabs: Carlton Ruth, Alex May
Goalie Win: Eric Ramirez
Fresh Kills 2-3 LBS Inc. Final(OT) 
Fresh Kills: Sheena Wagaman, Gabe Chenard-Poirier
LBS Inc.: Karsten Pichon, Scott Kaston, Cherie Stewart
Goalie Win: Tim Brown


LBS Inc. 2-4 Rehabs Final
LBS Inc.: Luke Sellick, Cherie Stewart
Rehabs: Carlton Ruth, Alex May, Ramy Odeh, Bradley Starr
Goalie Win: Eric Ramirez

Welcome to the 2016 BTSH Round of Four, which will hopefully become the Round of Two (also known as the PBR Cup) later in the day.  And, after the championship game, we celebrate the closing of the season at Parkside Lounge with awesome drink specials and the 2016 BTSH Championship team of assholes generally acceptable and friendly people, whose captain has still not fully paid the contract for the trade of two of my players.  In other words, Brian, the PBR Cup currently has a lien on it.

On that same note thinking about the Cup–do we even know where the PBR Cup is?

Pounds v. Fresh Kills

LBS won the first two meetings this season. Can they win a third?

LBS won the first two meetings this season. Can they win a third?

by Sam

This past week’s Pounds vs. Filthier was, in and of itself, a championship quality game the whole way through.  How did the Pounds win that game?  It came down to about 40% luck, as all one goal ball hockey games do, and 40% to Luke for breaking through so many players and potting two goals*.

Will Ali’s Pound Town show up again in full force?  They’re going to need to against the Kills, but if Tim Brown shows up and Jake finally gets to a game, the Pounds have a big shot at winning this thing, which will line up a fantastic championship against either the Sky Fighters or Rehabs.

Fresh Kills are looking strong this year, again.  Not only were they able to put 5 between the pipe against Tim B the Goalie, but they may do the exact same thing against Tim B the Original Goalie (reduced to Tim B the OG).  If all the boys in blue show up Sunday and get ready to run their ass off against the fastest Pounds team in recent history, they may really rain some hell.  I don’t really know any of the girls on FK, so that’s about the end of this preview, except that this game is likely going to overtime.

*I also don’t know how to allocate that other 20%.

by Isaac

Well I do know a couple of the women on Fresh Kills and they are fierce.  LBS might be the first to a loose ball, but Sheena, Natasha & Co. usually have the last word.

The scary version of FK that no one has been talking about is how focused Gabe and Rush were against Karma and Butchers.  If they bring that same determination against Karsten and Scott (where’s Jake been?  he does know this is the playoffs?  right?) then LBS could blow their top and lose their cool.

Prediction: Fresh Kills rediscovered how to have fun first and win second during the regular season.  And as much as I like this LBS crew, Soko and his gang will be joking around right into the Finals against…

Rehabs v. Sky Fighters — Semi-final rematch gets you doubled up preview!

Balls are sure to be flying in this one.

Balls are sure to be flying in this one.

by Sam

Who would have thought, except maybe Mike Teytelbaum, that the Sky Fighters would be now in the round of 4? I mean, I hoped they would have lost to my team, but after winning, I hoped they would of beaten (T)the Fuzz.  Turns out they did, so I’m not sure what else they are capable of.

Mike T and Olivier may be smiling over their stellar offense, but the Sky Fighters tried and true power is in their, for lack of better words, “clusterfuck defense”.  Seriously folks, I’ve never seen so many blocked shots. Three weeks ago, Math had about 15 shots blocked in front of the net and Bob W. wasn’t even there. Last week, they blocked nearly all of Jeff, Paul, Rob, and Brian’s.  They knew they didn’t have to block Rich’s because his only shots would surely draw a high stick call, so they actually started passing him the ball.
If the Sky Fighters want this game, they are going to have to plug the middle and block even more shots.  Also, they will need another solid goalie if James S. will be out for the day.  I hope the Rehabs let any mid- to upper- tier goalie sub in for the Sky Fighters.
Now let’s get to those Rehabs: full of hustle, intensity, amazing wristers, and a captain who is about to forfeit their potential title due to a contractual lien on the PBR Cup. Will they be able to buy a round in time?! I don’t know, but I don’t see why not.
The Rehabs have more than the required ratio to win the PBR. They’ve got Eric R in net. They’ve got so many hunks, you wouldn’t even know what to do with.  They’ve also got so many babes that say, “stop talking to me, creep,” that this match will get quite exciting, especially because I may be reffing their game with chief creep, [insert one of three potential creepy BTSH refs here].  Will their girls be able to say that to Sexy Olivier’s face, after they hear his accent?! Will the girls even be affected by the sheerly great male looks of the Sky Fighters? Something tells me no–they’re all about the hockey.
^^^ I was referring to Rich as the creepy one, but if you thought it was Cro or someone else, that works too.
Regardless of whether Roman plays Greg will be bringing some nasty.

Regardless of whether Roman plays, Greg will be bringing some nasty.

by Isaac

Rematch of last year’s Semifinal in which the upstart Rehabs knocked out the Hopper lead Sky Fighters sending a shock-wave throughout the league.  But this year it is the Sky Fighters that are the underdog in this contest and neither will be taking the other lightly.

Olivier and Caroline have done an outstanding job captaining the Fighters this year (an award nominating worthy performance).  Their in-season adjustments of moving Greg to defense and having Mia torment goalies Sean Avery style have paid dividends in the playoffs.  (Just go ask Fuzz.)  If they want to survive this battle, then they’ll need Roman the Destroyer to return IR to assist Alexis with stifling the potent Rehabs’ offense.

The Rebabs on the other hand chose to make adjustments by bringing in outside.  They made significant upgrades at key positions at the expense of their captain’s BTSH spirit and soul. With the Showtime narrative of riding back and forth into and from the sunset being all too well known, the ‘Habs traded for the fundamentally sound Ramirez in net.  Ensuring each contest wouldn’t end up being a defensive battle they brought back the lethal talents or Ryann and traded in-season for the masculinity of Joey-B and versatility Amber.

X-Factor for Sky Fighters: Scoops always steps up her game in the playoffs.  She’s been creeping closer and closer to that sweet spot above the crease and could put one home.

X-Factor for Rehabs: Ramy is wicked fast and always plays like a possessed Wolverine.  Last year he split the Sky Fighters defense late in the second half and drilled one up Stein’s five-hole.  Will he be able to do it again?

Prediction: the Sky Fighters will keep this one competitive for the most part, but the Rehabs will be moving on to the Finals.


ATTENTION: don’t stray too far from the courts after these two games.  The Finals will be played shortly after on the West Court.  So grab some snacks, restock on beverages and sharpen your heckling banter because THIS IS IT!  The Championship Game for the BTSH PBR Cup!!!