Author Archive for eli

Week 16 Preview

Published
by
eli
on September 18, 2008
in Weekly Previews
. 2 Comments

At Least One Member Of What The Puck Is Pumped

GAME OF THE WEEK
Denim Demons (10-1-2-1) vs. What The Puck (12-2-0-1)
Location: Moffo, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 8-2
Game Notes: These teams waged a classic battle in the quarterfinals of the 2007 playoffs, where What The Puck emerged with a one goal victory. The Demons currnelty trail What The Puck by two points in the standings, but with a game scheduled prior to this one, they could enter this matchup in a first place tie. This has all the makings of an intense and heated matchup, as the victor will have the inside track to the top seed in the rapidly approaching playoffs. With these two teams so evenly matched, victory will hinge on the the motivation and strategy of two the league’s most cunning captains: the Demons’ Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens and What the Puck’s Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer.
Keys To The Game:
1. The Demons will have a 2:00 game at Moffo, which gives Zimmer the perfect opportunity to scout his opponent.
2. With the returns of grizzled veteran Tom MacDonald and spunky forward Jen Hale from Canada to What The Puck’s already potent offense, the Demons will have to go over even more footage in the film room.
3. Known as the utility player of the Denim Demons, Zack Tinkelman can play any position on the court, including goalie, where he has already registered two shutouts on the season.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  The Demons get caught up in a “Hale Storm”.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  The Orange and Blue will be the first seed in the playoffs.

Continue reading ‘Week 16 Preview’

Week 15 Box Scores

Published
by
eli
on September 15, 2008
in box scores
. 0 Comments

Even The Alpha Male Thinks This Is The Whitest Rivalry in BTSH

 

Unicorns 2, Mighty Squirrels 0
Unicorns: Jesse (4), Ryan (4)
Shutout: Craig “Ug” LaCombe (2)
Game Notes: LaCombe assisted on both goals.

Tuques 3, Denim Demons 2
Tuques: Peter Wilson (11), Alfred Liu (3), Zoe Markwick (2)
Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen (9), Steve Chernoski (1)
Game Notes: The Tuques rallied from a two-goal halftime deficit, as Wilson and Liu scored the tying and winning goals one minute apart midway through the second half.

Sky Fighters 4, Dark Rainbows 1
Sky Fighters: Robert Kucera 3 (6), Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker (3)
Dark Rainbows: Lindsey Foehrenbach (3)
Game Notes: Kucera broke a 1-1 tie with twelve minutes remaining in regulation.

Rehabs 7, Tuques 0
Rehabs: Sal Malguarnera 2 (7), Tom O’Connor 2 (4), Hector “$howT!m3″ Melendez (7), Lateef Nurmohamed (4), Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli (2)
Shutout: Anthony Romeo (3)

Corlears Hookers 3, Mathematics 2 (OT)
Corlears Hookers: Josh Sadlier-Brown 2 (6), David Kucharsky (1)
Mathematics: Derek Tagliarino (6), Bradley Schmidt (5)
Game Notes: Sadlier-Brown scored the game-winning goal with two minutes remaining in overtime. Tagliarino scored the tying goal with three minutes remaining in regulation to force overtime.

What The Puck 3, Happy Little Elves 2
What The Puck: Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth 2 (17), Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (13)
Happy Little Elves: Rob Muggeo (2), Garrett Carrino (1)

Filthy Gorgeous 3, Bad Touch 2 (OT)
Filthy Gorgeous: Jonathan Rick (7), Matthew Workman (7), Ali Berkin (1)
Bad Touch: Danny Canarick (1), Toby Carroll (1)
Game Notes: Carroll scored the game-tying goal midway through the second half to force overtime, where Berkin scored the game-winning goal.

Cobra Kai 3, Mexican Standoff 0
Cobra Kai: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta 2 (15), Brian “The Flashlight” Morrison (1)
Shutout: Paul “P.J.” Lopez (2)

LBS, Inc. 6, Fresh Kills 3
LBS, Inc.: Tom Capatosta 2 (7), Karsten Pichon (17), Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin (10), Jason Bogdaneris (4), Phil Yang (4)
Fresh Kills: Eugene Rha (5), Joe Tamburo (5), Caroline Currie (4)
Game Notes: All nine goals were scored in the second half.

Denim Demons 4, Gouging Anklebiters 0
Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen (10), Mike Pereira (10), Pete Matlin (4), Brad Weiger (3)
Shutout: Zack Tinkelman (2)

Week 15 Preview

Published
by
eli
on September 11, 2008
in Weekly Previews
. 1 Comment

Now (S)crappy Free! (Except That)

GAME OF THE WEEK
Unicorns (8-6) vs. Mighty Squirrels (7-3-3)
Location: Corlears South, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 4-1
Game Notes: Although both of these teams now hover in the upper half of the standings, this game has implications far beyond simple wins and losses in BTSH.  In addition to the pressure of ending a three game losing streak, Mighty Squirrels captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene must face one of her fiercest and most devious rivals in this game: Unicorns goalie, Craig “Ug” LaCombe.  A known cheater, LaCombe has already been caught several times this season for various league infractions.  In May, referee Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens measured his pads and determined that they were several inches above the league standard.  In June, referee Bryan “Stork” Welch found a bucket of white paint on LaCombe’s person, as he was trying to expand the crease.  Interestingly, due to excessive lobbying by Unicorns captain Christian, LaCombe is yet to face any consequences for these actions.  Greene, however, is also known to be quite crafty as she once “inadvertently” gave LaCombe the wrong start time for one of his games.  Odds are, she’ll do that again this week.  Of course, the anticipation for this heated rivalry may be moot in the end, as Greene may head to the Meadowlands for the Jets’ home opener anyway.
Keys To The Game:
1. Chris, Nelson, and Mark have combined for 31 of the Unicorns’ 47 goals this season.  Stopping this triumvirate of scorers will be imperative for the Squirrels.
2. Lost among the Greene-LaCombe hype is the revenge factor that will also motivate former Unicorn Jesse Kalb.
3. Good news for the Squirrels!  According to New York fashion week, Earth tones are back in this season.  So, they have that going for them…
Eli’s Pick: Mighty Squirrels. Rachel does it for Brett Favre.
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns. Ug will be amped for this game and will help procure another rivalry trophy to go alongside the Unicorns’ (imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.

Continue reading ‘Week 15 Preview’

Week 14 Box Scores

Published
by
eli
on September 8, 2008
in box scores
. 1 Comment

Where’s Sharif?

Mathematics 9, Cobra Kai 4
Mathematics: Andy Pratt 4 (13), Jeff “The Hawk” Hawkins 2 (3), Adam Langer 2 (2), Jeffrey Contray (4)
Cobra Kai: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta 2 (13), Dave Cicirelli 2 (4)

LBS, Inc. 3, Corlears Hookers 2
LBS, Inc.: Phil Yang 2 (3), Karsten Pichon (16)
Corlears Hookers: Jason Eitel (15), Josh Sadlier-Brown (4)

What The Puck 4, Mighty Squirrels 2
What The Puck: Corey “Chongo” Winters (12), Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (12), Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman (10), Tom MacDonald (7)
Mighty Squirrels: Arthur “Lil’ Weezy” Revechkis (7), Dave Paglia (3)

Fresh Kills 5, Bad Touch 1
Fresh Kills: Eugene Rha 2 (4), Joe Tamburo (4), Kevin “The Planet” Foster (3), Mike Sokolyansky (3)
Bad Touch: Bill MacGregor (2)

Filthy Gorgeous 9, Mexican Standoff 2
Filthy Gorgeous: Matthew Workman 3 (6), Jonathan Rick 2 (6), Matt Novick (9), Jean Herbert (4), Sunny Mehra (2), Becky Antar (1)
Mexican Standoff: Gary Cohen (4), Leah “Vick-ahs” Vickers (1)

Denim Demons 3, Happy Little Elves 2
Denim Demons: Mike Pereira (9), Jeff Kamen (8), Zack Tinkelman (5)
Happy Little Elves: Ben Chadwick (1), Rob Muggeo (1)
Game Notes: Kamen scored the game-winning goal with thirty seconds left in regulation.

Dark Rainbows 2, Fresh Kills 0
Dark Rainbows: Josh Wilson 2 (6)
Shutout: Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell (5)

Tuques 5, Sky Fighters 3
Tuques: Gabe Wilson 3 (4), Peter Wilson (10), Sarah Moore (2)
Sky Fighters: Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka 2 (13), Robert Kucera (3)

Gouging Anklebiters 5, Unicorns 4
Gouging Anklebiters: Alex Owen 2 (4), Phil “Sandy” Donohue (7), Charles DeFranco (5), Peter “Geech” Prohaska (4)
Unicorns: Chris 2 (12), Nelson (10), Mark (9)

Rehabs 10, Bad Touch 2
Rehabs: Andrew Levine 3 (7), Sal Malguarnera 2 (5), Tom O’Connor 2 (2), Hector “$howT!m3″ Melendez (6), Alex “Villano VI” Zabala (4), Molly Holder (1)
Bad Touch: Eric Devlin (11), Martin Olson (1)

Week 14 Preview

Published
by
eli
on September 3, 2008
in Weekly Previews
. 4 Comments

Cobra Kai Will Have A Big Problem On Sunday

GAME OF THE WEEK
Mathematics (3-10) vs. Volanto’s Heroes Cobra Kai (3-8-1)
Location: Corlears North, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 4-0
Game Notes: In 2005, these two teams were united as a single “super team” called Henry Motion.  However, a difference in playing philosophies caused a rift in the team, as the uber-competitive Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi and Sarah Coombs founded the Mathematics, and the mild-mannered Peter Oblamski retained control of Henry Motion (later renamed Cobra Kai).  Tensions continued when original Cobra Kai members Eli Kazin and Derek Tagliarino defected to the rebel Math team in the middle of the 2007 season.  The series reached a fever pitch in last year’s matchup, as the Mathematics beat Cobra Kai 3-2 in overtime, with the hated (and third string) Tagliarino in net.  Now, one year later, Cobra Kai is eagerly awaiting this Sunday’s rematch.  They have scheduled a pep rally and bonfire for Saturday night, where they plan to burn many mathematics text books.
Keys To The Game:
1. An anonymous source reports that Cobra Kai captain Peter Oblamski has resigned from the team, effective immediately.  The team will miss his crafty game planning and inspirational leadership.
2. Jeff “The Hawk” Hawkins scored his first goal for the Mathematics in their last game.  With Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi pursuing an education in California, The Hawk will see a bigger role in the Mathematics’ game plan.
3. In a shrewd mid-season acquisition, the Mathematics have obtained Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta from Cobra Kai, due to an unknown loophole in the BTSH application process (they bribed Bob W).  Interestingly, Bratta made a point to note that it will be a tad chilly on Sunday, so he will wear a second t-shirt under his Mathematics jersey.

Continue reading ‘Week 14 Preview’