Author Archive for eli

Week 17 Preview

Published
by
eli
on September 25, 2008
in Weekly Previews
. 2 Comments

Everything’s Coming Up Rehabs

GAME OF THE WEEK
Dark Rainbows (10-5-1) vs. Rehabs (10-4-1-1)
Location: Corlears North, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 4-3
Game Notes: The Rehabs have had a season of large ebbs and flows this year.  After a mid-season three-game losing streak, they have been on fire in recent weeks and won their last four in a row.  Despite having to adjust to the losses of key players Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman and Stacy Kehoe, they have scored twenty-eight goals in their last three games, while allowing only three.  The Dark Rainbows, on the other hand, have struggled lately, losing their last two games and scoring only three goals since returning from the break.  However, they can glean some hope from their last few games, as goalie Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell has returned to his usual form.  In the month of September, he has allowed only five goals, including a shutout of a very potent Fresh Kills offense.  With only one point separating these two teams in the standings, playoff positioning will be at stake.
Keys To The Game:
1. Dark Rainbows superstar John Nielsen had been conspicuously absent for several weeks until returning to the lineup last Sunday.  Throughout the first part of the season, he had been towards the top of the league scoring leaders, and the Rainbows will need him to return to form.
2. Since transferring to the Rehabs, Andy Levine has averaged more than a goal per game.  This mid-season acquisition may have been the spark the Rehabs needed to ignite their once sputtering offense.
3. With all of the Rehabs star power and bar notoriety, Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett and Lateef Nurmohamed both seem to get lost in the shuffle.  However, both are capable of multi-goal games and are just as dangerous as some of their more renowned teammates.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs.  They finally appear to be realizing their full potential.
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs.  The Rainbows may make a deep run in the playoffs, but for now, the Rehabs offense will just be too much to handle.

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Week 16 Box Scores

Published
by
eli
on September 22, 2008
in box scores
. 2 Comments

Sky Fighters Win, Hockey Rich Inexplicably Present

Sky Fighters 1, Unicorns 0 (OT-SO)
Shootout: Sky Fighters win, 1-0. Successful attempt by Robert Kucera.
Shutout: James Stein (1) - Sky Fighters, Nelson (1) - Unicorns

Mathematics 3, Gouging Anklebiters 0
Mathematics: Bradley Schmidt 2 (7), Andrew Lu (1)
Shutout: Harmon Walsh (1)

Denim Demons 1, Mighty Squirrels 0
Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen (11)
Shutout: Steve Chernoski (2)

Corlears Hookers 1, Dark Rainbows 0
Corlears Hookers: Reilly “Fake Dutch” Olson (1)
Shutout: Chris Beauvois (4)

Fresh Kills 8, Mighty Squirrels 2
Fresh Kills: Eugene Rha 3 (8), Joe Tamburo 2 (7), Patrick Moore (7), Dave Sokolyansky (4), Ariel Imas (3)
Mighty Squirrels: Arthur “Lil’ Weezy” Revechkis (8), Tim “(S)crappy” Gray (2)
Game Notes: Gray scored fifteen seconds after the media proclaimed, “I’m feeling a goal for (S)crappy.”

What The Puck 7, Denim Demons 3
What The Puck: Corey “Chongo” Winters 3 (15), Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman 2 (12), Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth (18), Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (14)
Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen (12), Mike Pereira (11), Steve Chernoski (2)
Game Notes: What The Puck scored five goals in the second half to rally from a one-goal halftime deficit.

LBS, Inc. 5, Bad Touch 1
LBS, Inc.: Sam Anthony 3 (4), Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin (11), Brian “Grandmaster B” Barrett (6)
Bad Touch: Mark Anderson (1)

Cobra Kai 5, Happy Little Elves 2
Cobra Kai: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta 5 (20)
Happy Little Elves: Jason Amada (3), Garrett Carrino (2)

Filthy Gorgeous 4, Tuques 1
Filthy Gorgeous: Suvin “The Guru” Malik 2 (7), Matt Novick (10), Matthew Workman (8)
Tuques: David Ladanyi (1)

Rehabs 11, Mexican Standoff 1
Rehabs: Andrew Levine 3 (10), Molly Holder 3 (4), Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett 2 (4), Hector “$howT!m3″ Melendez (8), Alex “Villano VI” Zabala (5), Michael Lewis (1)
Mexican Standoff: Len Guinto (3)

Week 16 Preview

Published
by
eli
on September 18, 2008
in Weekly Previews
. 2 Comments

At Least One Member Of What The Puck Is Pumped

GAME OF THE WEEK
Denim Demons (10-1-2-1) vs. What The Puck (12-2-0-1)
Location: Moffo, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 8-2
Game Notes: These teams waged a classic battle in the quarterfinals of the 2007 playoffs, where What The Puck emerged with a one goal victory. The Demons currnelty trail What The Puck by two points in the standings, but with a game scheduled prior to this one, they could enter this matchup in a first place tie. This has all the makings of an intense and heated matchup, as the victor will have the inside track to the top seed in the rapidly approaching playoffs. With these two teams so evenly matched, victory will hinge on the the motivation and strategy of two the league’s most cunning captains: the Demons’ Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens and What the Puck’s Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer.
Keys To The Game:
1. The Demons will have a 2:00 game at Moffo, which gives Zimmer the perfect opportunity to scout his opponent.
2. With the returns of grizzled veteran Tom MacDonald and spunky forward Jen Hale from Canada to What The Puck’s already potent offense, the Demons will have to go over even more footage in the film room.
3. Known as the utility player of the Denim Demons, Zack Tinkelman can play any position on the court, including goalie, where he has already registered two shutouts on the season.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  The Demons get caught up in a “Hale Storm”.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  The Orange and Blue will be the first seed in the playoffs.

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Week 15 Box Scores

Published
by
eli
on September 15, 2008
in box scores
. 0 Comments

Even The Alpha Male Thinks This Is The Whitest Rivalry in BTSH

 

Unicorns 2, Mighty Squirrels 0
Unicorns: Jesse (4), Ryan (4)
Shutout: Craig “Ug” LaCombe (2)
Game Notes: LaCombe assisted on both goals.

Tuques 3, Denim Demons 2
Tuques: Peter Wilson (11), Alfred Liu (3), Zoe Markwick (2)
Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen (9), Steve Chernoski (1)
Game Notes: The Tuques rallied from a two-goal halftime deficit, as Wilson and Liu scored the tying and winning goals one minute apart midway through the second half.

Sky Fighters 4, Dark Rainbows 1
Sky Fighters: Robert Kucera 3 (6), Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker (3)
Dark Rainbows: Lindsey Foehrenbach (3)
Game Notes: Kucera broke a 1-1 tie with twelve minutes remaining in regulation.

Rehabs 7, Tuques 0
Rehabs: Sal Malguarnera 2 (7), Tom O’Connor 2 (4), Hector “$howT!m3″ Melendez (7), Lateef Nurmohamed (4), Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli (2)
Shutout: Anthony Romeo (3)

Corlears Hookers 3, Mathematics 2 (OT)
Corlears Hookers: Josh Sadlier-Brown 2 (6), David Kucharsky (1)
Mathematics: Derek Tagliarino (6), Bradley Schmidt (5)
Game Notes: Sadlier-Brown scored the game-winning goal with two minutes remaining in overtime. Tagliarino scored the tying goal with three minutes remaining in regulation to force overtime.

What The Puck 3, Happy Little Elves 2
What The Puck: Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth 2 (17), Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (13)
Happy Little Elves: Rob Muggeo (2), Garrett Carrino (1)

Filthy Gorgeous 3, Bad Touch 2 (OT)
Filthy Gorgeous: Jonathan Rick (7), Matthew Workman (7), Ali Berkin (1)
Bad Touch: Danny Canarick (1), Toby Carroll (1)
Game Notes: Carroll scored the game-tying goal midway through the second half to force overtime, where Berkin scored the game-winning goal.

Cobra Kai 3, Mexican Standoff 0
Cobra Kai: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta 2 (15), Brian “The Flashlight” Morrison (1)
Shutout: Paul “P.J.” Lopez (2)

LBS, Inc. 6, Fresh Kills 3
LBS, Inc.: Tom Capatosta 2 (7), Karsten Pichon (17), Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin (10), Jason Bogdaneris (4), Phil Yang (4)
Fresh Kills: Eugene Rha (5), Joe Tamburo (5), Caroline Currie (4)
Game Notes: All nine goals were scored in the second half.

Denim Demons 4, Gouging Anklebiters 0
Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen (10), Mike Pereira (10), Pete Matlin (4), Brad Weiger (3)
Shutout: Zack Tinkelman (2)

Week 15 Preview

Published
by
eli
on September 11, 2008
in Weekly Previews
. 1 Comment

Now (S)crappy Free! (Except That)

GAME OF THE WEEK
Unicorns (8-6) vs. Mighty Squirrels (7-3-3)
Location: Corlears South, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 4-1
Game Notes: Although both of these teams now hover in the upper half of the standings, this game has implications far beyond simple wins and losses in BTSH.  In addition to the pressure of ending a three game losing streak, Mighty Squirrels captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene must face one of her fiercest and most devious rivals in this game: Unicorns goalie, Craig “Ug” LaCombe.  A known cheater, LaCombe has already been caught several times this season for various league infractions.  In May, referee Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens measured his pads and determined that they were several inches above the league standard.  In June, referee Bryan “Stork” Welch found a bucket of white paint on LaCombe’s person, as he was trying to expand the crease.  Interestingly, due to excessive lobbying by Unicorns captain Christian, LaCombe is yet to face any consequences for these actions.  Greene, however, is also known to be quite crafty as she once “inadvertently” gave LaCombe the wrong start time for one of his games.  Odds are, she’ll do that again this week.  Of course, the anticipation for this heated rivalry may be moot in the end, as Greene may head to the Meadowlands for the Jets’ home opener anyway.
Keys To The Game:
1. Chris, Nelson, and Mark have combined for 31 of the Unicorns’ 47 goals this season.  Stopping this triumvirate of scorers will be imperative for the Squirrels.
2. Lost among the Greene-LaCombe hype is the revenge factor that will also motivate former Unicorn Jesse Kalb.
3. Good news for the Squirrels!  According to New York fashion week, Earth tones are back in this season.  So, they have that going for them…
Eli’s Pick: Mighty Squirrels. Rachel does it for Brett Favre.
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns. Ug will be amped for this game and will help procure another rivalry trophy to go alongside the Unicorns’ (imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.

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