This Is The Only Performance Enhancer Adriano Needs
With the 2010 season rapidly approaching, we (the BTSH media) would like to provide you, the loyal reader, with a quick update of what’s on tap for the upcoming season. After all, it has been a while since we have posted anything new, and we are getting eager to start playing. Thus, this update has absolutely nothing to do with the increasingly high volume of complaints regarding Ben Chadwick’s Dr. Byron Clavicle’s guest column still being the lead post on the website.
First, congratulations to BTSH’s new league manager Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta and new DC Manager Haanwa Chau on their recent election to two of the league’s highest posts. Although we have high expectations for both officials, we do hope that Haanwa is up to the task, as she has some very big shoes to fill.
Second, we would like to remind everyone to check the website frequently in advance of the 2010 season. We plan on several posts prior to Opening Day, including our annual individual team previews, which are appearing for the third consecutive season. Additionally, due to the retirement of Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher and the Schuietron 3000, we will be assuming the creation of the 2010 season schedule. To build anticipation, we will release parts of the schedule prior to the entire season docket, beginning with Opening Weekend and Hockey Night in Tompkins.
Finally, we are looking for a few correspondents to assist us in our duties. If you are interested in helping us gather scoring information or writing game previews, or if you have your own idea for a weekly segment in the News and Notes post, please do not hesitate to let us know.
TOMPKINS SQUARE PARK – Sky Fighters co-captain Dan Hopper didn’t even see his shot go into the net. Moments later, he heard a whistle, cheering teammates, and a loud uproar from the crowd, and he knew he had put his team back in the lead of the BTSH Final. Hopper’s game-winning goal broke a 3-3 tie with 12 minutes remaining in regulation, giving the Sky Fighters a lead they would never relinquish. The Sky Fighters added two more goals for a 6-3 victory against What The Puck, clinching their second championship in franchise history and the first since their resurrection prior to the 2007 season.
The Sky Fighters’ victory culminated a dramatic two year rise to the championship, which began with a one-win season in 2007. The following season in 2008 ended with a first round playoff exit, but also saw the Sky Fighters improve their win total by ten and finish with a winning record.
Hopper’s goal gave the Sky Fighters their third lead of the game, but in both prior instances, What The Puck fought back to tie. However, there would be no more comebacks for Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s Orange Juggernaut, as Greg Cohan struck for his second goal of the game just two minutes later. Cohan, who was added to the Sky Fighters roster during the summer, scored his first goal with one minute remaining in the first half, giving the Sky Fighters a 3-2 lead. Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, who led the Sky Fighters with 20 goals in the regular season, closed out the scoring with an empty netter in the final minutes. David Cernan and Robert Kucera also added first half goals for the Sky Fighters.
“I think Martin should just pick up the trophy himself,” noted co-captain Amy Lott, although at the time, Lott did not know that the trophy was a pitcher of beer adorned with the BTSH logo on the front.
Hopper attributed his team’s strong play to a carefree and loose attitude. “We never realized we were in the final, so there was no pressure on us,” Hopper said. The Sky Fighters were also well rested, as they had secured their spot in the championship game with a 4-2 semifinal victory against the Corlears Hookers the previous Sunday.
What The Puck advanced to its first championship game since 2006 with a 3-0 victory over 2008 champion Fresh Kills earlier in the day and had allowed just two goals in three playoff games. Grizzled veteran Tom MacDonald led the way for What The Puck with two goals in the final, including one that tied the game early in the second half. Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth scored the first goal of the game on a rare pass from Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta.
CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
#7 Sky Fighters 6, #2 What The Puck 3
1 2 Total
#7 Sky Fighters 3 3 6 Final
#2 What The Puck 2 1 3
First Half:
What The Puck – 2:36, Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth (1) (Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta)
Sky Fighters – 4:40, David Cernan (2) (Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka)
Sky Fighters – 10:58, Robert Kucera (3)
What The Puck – 16:38, Tom MacDonald (3)
Sky Fighters – 23:53, Greg Cohan (1) (David Cernan)
Second Half:
What The Puck – 3:40, Tom MacDonald (4) (Corey “Chongo” Winters)
Sky Fighters – 13:06, Dan Hopper (2) (Greg Infanti, Robert Kucera)
Sky Fighters – 15:00, Greg Cohan (2)
Sky Fighters – 22:55, Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka (2) (empty net)
SEMIFINAL
#2 What The Puck 3, #11 Fresh Kills 0 What The Puck: Tom MacDonald (2), Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (2), Corey “Chongo” Winters (1) Shutout: Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz (1)
For the third straight season, the media (and some special surprise guests!) will proudly present several prestigious awards this Sunday at the BTSH season-end party. To build your anticipation, here are this season’s media awards and nominees:
The Award For The Regular Season Scoring Champion
Karsten Pichon (LBS, Inc.)
Best Family
Brendan “Dutch” Kearney & Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney (Corlears Hookers)
Celine Dujeux & Brian Vroom (What The Puck)
Lourdes Banez & Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka (Sky Fighters)
Susannah & Victoria (Unicorns)
Best Duo
Amy Lott & Dan Hopper (Sky Fighters)
Ben Chadwick & Rich Glanzer (Happy Little Elves)
Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg (Fresh Kills) & Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher (Gouging Anklebiters)
Jeff “Hawk” Hawkins (Mathematics) & Jock Paul (Corlears Hookers)
Most Underrated Female
Alice Bertoni (Sky Fighters)
Karen Erickson (LBS, Inc.)
Becky Pear (Cobra Kai)
Mel Raoul (Rehabs)
Most Underrated Male
Alex Derhohannesian (Gouging Anklebiters)
Bill MacGregor (Mega Touch)
Sunny Mehra (Filthy Gorgeous)
Shafiq Perry (Tuques)
The Stacy S. Kehoe Award For Toughness & Grace
Abby Meisterman (Denim Demons)
Rachel “A-Korn” Greene (Mighy Squirrels)
Gina Hackett (Rehabs)
Heidi “The Maple Leaf Muscle” Karst (Fresh Kills)
The Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman Award For Agitation and Instigation
Dan “Danny Abs” Abdo (Dark Rainbows)
Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri (Happy Little Elves)
Ellery “The Nature Boy” (Mexican Standoff)
League Degenerate Alex Owen (Gouging Anklebiters)
The Third Annual Bob Weyersberg Award For Outstanding Achievement In The Field Of Excellence
Eric Devlin (Mega Touch)
Kevin “The Planet” Foster (Fresh Kills)
Sascha Puritz (LBS, Inc.)
Monica Russo (Filthy Gorgeous)
The Brendan “Flounder” Hay Memorial Award (Female)
Georgine “Mulva” Paulin (Mathematics)
Kirby Ruffner (Mighty Squirrels)
Noelle Safar (Corlears Hookers)
Sarah “T-Bone” Torneten (Happy Little Elves)
The Brendan “Flounder” Hay Memorial Award (Male)
Steve Chernoski (Denim Demons)
Will Kuhns (Cobra Kai)
John Meyer (Dark Rainbows)
Corey “Chongo” Winters (What The Puck)
The Sky Fighters Players Keep Getting Younger And Younger
#7 Sky Fighters (17-7) vs. What The Puck/Fresh Kills Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead What The Puck 6-2; Sky Fighters and Fresh Kills tied 7-7 2009 Result: Week 3 – What The Puck 4, Sky Fighters 1; Week 11 – Sky Fighters 4, Fresh Kills 3 (OT-SO) Game Notes: Although they are flying high right now, the Sky Fighters’ road to the championship has been long and arduous. After taking a sabbatical during the 2006 season, the team resurrected itself in 2007 but could only manage to win one of its 17 games that year. Undeterred, captains Dan Hopper and Amy Lott built on what they believed was a solid base for a competitive team and improved the Sky Fighters to an 11-6 record in 2008. This earned them the 7th seed in the playoffs, where they were eliminated in the first round by the eventual champion Fresh Kills. With even more talent on the squad this season, the Sky Fighters once again entered the playoffs as the 7th seed, but were able to build on last season’s disappointment. In the first round, an undermanned Sky Fighters squad frustrated the Unicorns in a defensive battle and ultimately prevailed 1-0 in overtime. In the quarterfinals, they took Schloeder Division champion LBS, Inc. to a shootout, where Hopper converted the final goal in the fifth round. Spurred on by the euphoria of this win, they stunned the Corlears Hookers later that afternoon in the semifinals, with Robert Kucera notching the game-winning goal on a shot from his own defensive zone. Regardless of which team they face on Sunday, this year’s final should be another instant classic. Keys To The Game For The Sky Fighters:
1. Goaltender James Stein is undefeated since unveiling his new Canada-centric jersey. Donning the colors of the Vancouver Canucks, but a logo similar to that of the Winnipeg Jets, Stein has been the backbone of his team’s amazing end of the year run. His stellar play is even more impressive considering the team’s massive goalie controversy earlier in the season between him and Robert Kucera.
2. While the Sky Fighters boast a deep scoring attack, their offense still runs through superstar defender Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka. Despite opponents frequently double and triple teaming him, Cejka still led the team by a wide margin with 20 goals in the regular season. Although he has only one goal in three playoff games, he has generated several scoring opportunities, including a shot that was tipped in for the overtime winner against the Unicorns.
3. With the BTSH championship game as the final stop on the Big Sexy Tour 2009, the Sky Fighters expect a large and rambunctious group of female supporters. However, Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker will not be the only player in the final with a following of this stature, as Corey “Chongo” Winters of What The Puck and Jaclyn Lee of Fresh Kills have two of the top five fans clubs in BTSH. Watchability: 5 Infantis. It’s the championship, did you expect anything less?
SEMIFINAL
#7 Sky Fighters 4, #4 Corlears Hookers 2 Sky Fighters: Robert Kucera (2), Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka (1), David Cernan (1), Stefan Danicich (1) Corlears Hookers: Danilo Biagioni (1), Josh Sadlier-Brown (1) Game Notes: Kucera’s game-winning goal broke a 2-2 tie with 16 minutes remaining in regulation.
QUARTERFINAL
#7 Sky Fighters 3, #3 LBS, Inc. 2 (2OT-SO) Sky Fighters: Dan Hopper (1), Robert Kucera (1) LBS, Inc.: “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin (2), Jason Bogdaneris (1) Shootout: Sky Fighters win 2-1 (5 rounds). Successful attempts by Robert Kucera (SKY), Dan Hopper (SKY), and Karsten Pichon (LBS).
QUARTERFINAL
#4 Corlears Hookers 2, #5 Filthy Gorgeous 1 Corlears Hookers: Jason Eitel (2), Noelle Safar (1) Filthy Gorgeous: Jean Hebert (2)
QUARTERFINAL
#11 Fresh Kills 4, #1 Denim Demons 3 (OT) Fresh Kills: Patrick Blohme 2 (2), Mandy Lundstrom (1), Eugene Rha (1) Denim Demons: Zack Tinkelman 2 (2), Mike Pereira (1) Game Notes: Blohme scored the game-winning goal one minute into overtime. Tinkelman scored the tying goal with two minutes remaining in regulation.
QUARTERFINAL
#2 What The Puck 2, #8 Rehabs 1 What The Puck: Ollie Hartman (3), Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta (1) Rehabs: Chantel Arroyo (1) Game Notes: Hartman’s game-winning goal broke a 1-1 tie with five minutes remaining in regulation.
Unicorns 3, Gouging Anklebiters 1 Unicorns: Ryan 2, Susanna Gouging Anklebiters: Alex Derhohannesian
Mathematics 5, Mighty Squirrels (and some Rehabs) 2 Mathematics: Andy Pratt 4, Amy Anderla Mighty Squirrels: Mike Mincieli, $howT!m3
Dark Rainbows 8, Happy Little Elves (and some Rehabs) 1 Dark Rainbows: John Nielsen 2, Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell 2, Dan “Danny Abs” Abdo, Lindsey Foehrenbach, Sean Reynolds, P.T. Walkley Happy Little Elves: Sean “$howJu” McClain
Mexican Standoff 5, Mega Touch 3 Mexican Standoff: Ainsley, Ben, Gary, Jefferson, Jason “The Hamburglar” R. Mega Touch: Jane Cramer, Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer, Bill MacGregor
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