Author Archive for derek

Week 16 News and Notes

Published
by
derek
on September 23, 2008
in League Notes
. 0 Comments

Whose Name Will Go Alongside Ellery “The Nature Boy” Gillette’s?

Does The Nickname Get Engraved Too? 
With one week remaining in the season, the race for the coveted BTSH scoring title is heating up. Here is a breakdown of the top contenders:

5. Corey “Chongo” Winters, What The Puck (15 goals): Chongo remains a long shot to win this competition as he has a lot of ground to make up, and no individual player has scored more than five goals in a game this season. Although What The Puck’s potent offense is certainly capable of providing him with ample opportunity, the goals usually spread out among all of the team’s talented attackers.

4. Jason Eitel, Corlears Hookers (15 goals): Eitel has missed the Hookers’ last two games with an injury, and his status for the upcoming weekend is still unknown. However, should he be able to play, he will have the benefit of playing a makeup game, in addition to his regularly scheduled one.

3. Karsten Pichon, LBS, Inc. (17 goals): Pichon has the ability to put in three or more goals in any given game, as he has already had a five goal game earlier this season (against the Happy Little Elves). However, he will be closely marked by a staunch Denim Demons defense (try saying that three times fast), in a game that has playoff seeding implications at stake for both teams.

2. Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth, What The Puck (18 goals): Obviously similar to teammate Corey “Chongo” Winters, Woodsworth will benefit from What The Puck’s high-scoring offense. However, he will also be hamstrung by the broad distribution of goal scorers in captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s arsenal. Nevertheless, Woodsworth always brings a little something extra to the table…some might even say an “X-Factor”.

1. Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta, Cobra Kai (20 goals): Bratta currently has a two goal lead on his nearest competitor, and with two games left to play, he is clearly the odds-on-favorite to collect this honor. Of greater suspense might be his battle with the Happy Little Elves for total goals in a season, which he currently leads by two.

Continue reading ‘Week 16 News and Notes’

Week 15 News and Notes

Published
by
derek
on September 17, 2008
in League Notes
. 9 Comments

Say No More (Mon Amour)

It’s Rex Manning Day!!!
A buzz was in the air last weekend. Although, on the face of it, Sunday seemed like it would just be a normal day of BTSH hockey, league commissioner Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg had other ideas. Through his extensive connections in the music industry, Weyersberg arranged for famed recording artist Rex Manning to appear at Welcome to the Johnson’s. He dubbed it “Rex Manning Day”. Despite the long lines this created at BTSH’s favorite hockey bar, everyones excitement level was sky-high for a chance to meet the British pop star. One BTSHer, Filthy Gorgeous’s Monica Russo, even fainted upon meeting the icon, when Manning gave her a light peck on the cheek. What The Puck’s Corey “Chongo” Winters described the spectacle, “This was truly the happiest day in my life. I have all of his albums, so to finally meet Rex Manning in person is a dream come true, eh?” The best news of the day came at the end of the evening, when bartender Brent Smith announced that the event had raised enough money to prevent the Johnson’s from turning into a Music Town.

Continue reading ‘Week 15 News and Notes’

Photo of the Week

Published
by
derek
on September 16, 2008
in general interest
. 0 Comments

Just Give Martin The Damn Ball

It’s tough to see the exact play that Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka is drawing up from here, but we can only assume it looks something like this.

Photo of the Week

Published
by
derek
on September 10, 2008
in general interest
. 0 Comments

Story Time With Big Sexy


‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house…

Week 14 News and Notes

Published
by
derek
on September 9, 2008
in league info
. 5 Comments

Those Crayons Came All The Way From Easton, PA

Sascha Was Too Embarrassed Even To Show Up
In one of the marquee matchups of the day, a highly motivated LBS, Inc. defeated the Corlears Hookers and officially established themselves as the “white team” of BTSH. Although this game had important implications regarding playoff seeding, there was far more at stake between the two teams. As the self-proclaimed cleanest player in the league Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin explained earlier this summer, “We’ve been wearing white since this league was initiated!” However, when the Corlears Hookers formed last season, they also adopted white as one of their primary team colors. Although the game had no formal stakes to it, it was clear that the winner would be perceived as the top “white team” of BTSH.

The game proved as intense as one might expect with such a large payout, but LBS, Inc. eventually emerged victorious from the battle. The Alpha Male’s fiery (albeit, somewhat nonsensical) pre-game ramblings had actually motivated his team to go the extra mile. Following the game, the media presented him with a box of Crayola crayons featuring 64 different colors to honor his now famous rant. The Alpha Male claims he will continue to find ways to pump up his team as they prepare for a deep run in the playoffs.

Continue reading ‘Week 14 News and Notes’