btsh.org

Matt May Have The Answer For Rich And The Elves

#14 Happy Little Elves (9-7-1-2) at #1 Corlears Hookers (12-6)
Written by playoff correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins East, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 5-2
2011 Result: Week 1 – Corlears Hookers 4, Happy Little Elves 1; Week 10 – Corlears Hookers 5, Happy Little Elves 0
Game Notes: Think back, if you will, to your childhood. There you were, a presumably pleasant child, sitting on a braided-rope rug in the rec or living room. Your mother is talking to your father about your grades, your sibling is listening to music, and Legos and Star Wars figures are strewn about you. Your cherubic face ignores all that and gazes up toward the epileptic light of the television. There, pouring out of a cartoon tree, are the Keebler Elves: joyous in their creation of delicious cookies and crackers, fanatic about their baking. There’s a certain delight that flickers through your eyes when you think of their tree-house on fire.
Now go forward, into your future. You and your friends are standing outside, waiting for the large, forbidding man to let you into the bar. It’s not that you don’t have the right clothes on — that Kangol hat is very in right now — just that the bar is full, and lots of people want to drink. Suddenly, a seemingly attractive woman approaches you and attempts to start a conversation. She wants to invite you to a party, a private party. You step off the queue and abandon your friends only to end up in a back alley with a man named Tito demanding payment for services rendered.
Now imagine these two parts of your lives coming together, chasing after an orange ball. Weird, right?
Abby’s Pick: Hookers
Watchability: Infinite

Nick Is Easily Amused

#12 Dark Rainbows (10-7-0-1) at #2 Fresh Kills (12-4-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Jesse Kalb
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 7-5
2011 Result: Week 2 – Dark Rainbows 3, Fresh Kills 2; Week 13 – Fresh Kills 7, Dark Rainbows 3
Game Notes: A clear indication of how tight the Hackett Division was this year: Number 2 overall seed and division winner Fresh Kills finished just five points ahead of the cellar-dwelling Dark Rainbows. Bill Parcells once said, “You are what your record says you are,” but by several metrics, the Rainbows are probably a better team than their #12 seed would indicate. Top 10 in point differential, 7th in scoring, 9-7 overall and a 5-2 record in a very tough division; all of it points to a team no one should be sleeping on. Fresh Kills rode a stellar defense (second-fewest goals allowed) to the 3rd-best record in the league, although nasty rumors are swirling that the team plied Derek and Eli with raspberry Mentos to move them up to #2. This is a very tough one to call, but if the opportunistic Rainbows can sneak in an early goal or two, the Kills might not have the firepower to come back.
Vegas Line: Fresh Kills by 1.5
Jesse the Greek says: The squares will see the difference in seeding and be all over Fresh Kills, but this one stays close. Take the Rainbows and the points.
Watchability: 5 candy corn mini-packs.

Karsten Is Offering Sean A Trade

#12 Dark Rainbows (9-7-0-1) at #5 LBS, Inc. (11-5-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 9-6-1
2011 Result: Week 5 – LBS, Inc. 3, Dark Rainbows 2 (OT-SO); Week 18 – LBS, Inc. 5, Dark Rainbows 3
Game Notes: After a one-sided season series, these Hackett Division foes will meet for the third time this Sunday.  When the Dark Rainbows and LBS, Inc. met for the first time in Week 5, the Corporation stole a 3-2 shootout victory after a late tying goal by chief compliance officer Karsten Pichon.  When these teams squared off a second time in Week 18, Pichon was the hero once again, as his hat trick lifted LBS, Inc. to a 5-3 triumph.  However, despite sweeping the season series, the Corporation cannot overlook the Rainbows for several reasons.   First, the Rainbows actually finished with a better goal differential than LBS, Inc.  Second, they accomplished this feat despite missing last season’s team scoring leader, John Nielsen, for the bulk of the year, after teammate Luisa Mirarchi “accidentally” checked him.  Finally, Rainbows captain Sean Reynolds has vowed to break out his team’s old, faded pink jerseys in order to confuse LBS captain and CEO Sascha Puritz and her white-clad warriors.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  The Corporation looked impressive in their final regular season game, when they slammed Hackett Division leader Fresh Kills 4-1.
Watchability: 4 Meyers

Alfred Is Facing A Watered-Down Version Of Himself

#14 Happy Little Elves (8-7-1-2) at #3 La Famiglia (13-1-1-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Happy Little Elves lead 3-1
2011 Result: Did Not Play
Game Notes: After finishing the 2010 regular season on a seven-game winning streak, La Famiglia continued to shred its competition in 2011.  With just one loss in regulation, the team finished with the best record in BTSH to finally wrestle the Prince of Weyersberg trophy away from the Denim Demons.  La Famiglia boasted the league’s top goal differential, as well as its top scorer, Denis Miciletto, who averaged more than a goal per game.  However, one loss has stuck with Dave Ladanyi and company since last year’s playoffs, a 7-4 loss to the Happy Little Elves in the 2010 Round of 16.  While this loss left a bitter taste in the mouths of La Famiglia, it also marked the Happy Little Elves’ first playoff win in franchise history and spurred them on to the BTSH championship.  Thus, despite a mediocre 2011 regular season, the Elves still pose a major threat to La Famiglia.   They appear to have regained their hunger and desire from one year ago, as they soundly defeated the Tompkins Square Riots in last Sunday’s opening round game.
Eli’s Pick: La Famiglia. To improve the odds of a victory, captain Dave Ladanyi has given defensive stalwart Ant Ventolieri the last two weeks off.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  I’m not sure they have another championship run in them, but captain Rich Glanzer has at least one more trick up his sleeve.
Watchability: 4 Muggeos.  The scorekeeper (Eli) will have his hands full when the top two offenses in BTSH collide.

Continue reading ‘Playoff Preview: Round of 16 (Part I)’

Gentlemen of BTSH, have you ever wondered what the women of our league talk about behind our backs? Well, you aren’t the only ones. Of course, it’s highly doubtful that they’re as mean-spirited and petty as some of us envision them to be, but as we prepare to support them this Saturday at the Women’s Ball Hockey Charity Tournament, perhaps we should at least consider what they might be saying:

“His senior quote was actually a Creed lyric.”

Continue reading ‘The Emasculating Collection’

Vice-Presidents Cup, Bitches.

#20 Gut Rot (3-14) at #13 Mathematics (7-6-2-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins East, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 2-1
2011 Result: Week 10 – Mathematics 4, Gut Rot 2; Week 19 – Gut Rot 1, Mathematics 0 (OT-SO)
Game Notes: When questioned about the upcoming playoffs, Gut Rot captain Peaches responded, “I was told there’d be no Math.” Peaches’ teammate Heather was similarly dismayed by the match-up as she’s aware Mike Smith shows no mercy on and off the court. The media attempted to locate Ellery for comment, but as the Redskins’ season has started, he’s been in hiding. This does not bode well for the team whose name makes one think of necrotic bowels. Justin Perras of Mathematics boasted his confidence in his team’s abilities, despite losing to Gut Rot in a shootout last week. He attributes his new-found team pride to his new baby girl for whom he’s promised to win it all. However, Andy Pratt knows this is folly as he tried to do that before and failed. Derek and Eli have been squirreled away in their deluxe apartments in the sky watching old videos of Gut Rot goalie Bill, while blocks away he has just been watching videos. Despite all of this intel, what people really want to know is “Who is this Tom, and how did he score four goals against the Elves but only one in the shootout?”
Abby’s Pick: Add two. Carry the one. Mathematics.
Watchability: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209…

This Matchup Catches Sarab Totally By Surprise

#18 Gouging Anklebiters (5-12) at #15 Cobra Kai (6-7-1-3)
Written by playoff correspondent Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 7-2
2011 Result: Week 10 – Gouging Anklebiters 3, Cobra Kai 1
Game Notes: Cobra Kai should not be in this game. With the roster they had before the season started, and the division they are in, they should have been battling for the #3 seed. The Anklebiters have played pretty solid for the last few weeeks, and they seem to have something the Dojo doesn’t, which is team chemistry. Cobra Kai is also riddled with injuries as the league’s most underrated player, Will Kuhns, and Rem both might not play. Meanwhile, few have been hotter than the Anklebiters’ Alex Derho.
Rich’s Pick: BTSH is littered with stories of heart beating talent, so I’m going to go with an upset here, and say the Anklebiters pull it out and win 5-4 in OT. Expect Peter Putka to be scouting from a building above because they will be the Hookers’ round of 16 opponent.

Monica Is Actually Unconscious

The women’s tournament will take place on Saturday, October 1 (rain date 10/8) at Tompkins Square Park, beginning at 10 AM. It costs $20 to play with all proceeds going to GGE – Girls for Gender Equity, a non-profit group that is committed to improving the physical, psychological, social and economic development of girls and women. There is a two-game guarantee with the top two teams playing in a playoff final. During breaks in the action, there will once again be an auction to throw pies in the faces of some of BTSH’s most visible characters. Tournament organizer Dana Kravis submitted the following promotional material regarding the event:

The rivalry is heating up between the captains of this year’s women’s charity street hockey tournament. Although Kami Moore tried to keep the peace, she actually ended up adding fuel to the fire by naming her team “Irene.” Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli, captain of team “Jonathan Taylor Thomas,” noted, “It’s just in really bad taste.  My parents’ lawn chair got knocked over by that storm, and I know a girl who lost a potted basil plant from her back deck in Brooklyn… just… gone.” Amy Jones, captain of team “Buffy Summers,” was insulted by Monica Russo’s choice of team name, “Rayanne Graff.” Says Jones, “I was Rayanne Graff, OK? The producers of My So Called Life totally based that character on my high school exploits, and did I ever see a dime of those royalties? No. I told Monica all of this at Ace Bar last week, and then she goes and names her team that.  BTSH rule number one, Monica. Rule number one!” Monica Russo claims to have no memory of that conversation at Ace Bar and was not available for comment after being noogied into submission by Danberg-Ficarelli. “That chick is jacked,” she was heard muttering after the noogying.

The one thing all four ladies agreed on was that every girl in the league should immediately register for the women’s tournament here:

http://nycwomensballhockey.myevent.com/

Continue reading ‘Week 18 News and Notes’