Author Archive for derek

Week 15 News and Notes

Published
by
derek
on September 17, 2008
in League Notes
. 9 Comments

Say No More (Mon Amour)

It’s Rex Manning Day!!!
A buzz was in the air last weekend. Although, on the face of it, Sunday seemed like it would just be a normal day of BTSH hockey, league commissioner Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg had other ideas. Through his extensive connections in the music industry, Weyersberg arranged for famed recording artist Rex Manning to appear at Welcome to the Johnson’s. He dubbed it “Rex Manning Day”. Despite the long lines this created at BTSH’s favorite hockey bar, everyones excitement level was sky-high for a chance to meet the British pop star. One BTSHer, Filthy Gorgeous’s Monica Russo, even fainted upon meeting the icon, when Manning gave her a light peck on the cheek. What The Puck’s Corey “Chongo” Winters described the spectacle, “This was truly the happiest day in my life. I have all of his albums, so to finally meet Rex Manning in person is a dream come true, eh?” The best news of the day came at the end of the evening, when bartender Brent Smith announced that the event had raised enough money to prevent the Johnson’s from turning into a Music Town.

Continue reading ‘Week 15 News and Notes’

Photo of the Week

Published
by
derek
on September 16, 2008
in general interest
. 0 Comments

Just Give Martin The Damn Ball

It’s tough to see the exact play that Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka is drawing up from here, but we can only assume it looks something like this.

Photo of the Week

Published
by
derek
on September 10, 2008
in general interest
. 0 Comments

Story Time With Big Sexy


‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house…

Week 14 News and Notes

Published
by
derek
on September 9, 2008
in league info
. 5 Comments

Those Crayons Came All The Way From Easton, PA

Sascha Was Too Embarrassed Even To Show Up
In one of the marquee matchups of the day, a highly motivated LBS, Inc. defeated the Corlears Hookers and officially established themselves as the “white team” of BTSH. Although this game had important implications regarding playoff seeding, there was far more at stake between the two teams. As the self-proclaimed cleanest player in the league Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin explained earlier this summer, “We’ve been wearing white since this league was initiated!” However, when the Corlears Hookers formed last season, they also adopted white as one of their primary team colors. Although the game had no formal stakes to it, it was clear that the winner would be perceived as the top “white team” of BTSH.

The game proved as intense as one might expect with such a large payout, but LBS, Inc. eventually emerged victorious from the battle. The Alpha Male’s fiery (albeit, somewhat nonsensical) pre-game ramblings had actually motivated his team to go the extra mile. Following the game, the media presented him with a box of Crayola crayons featuring 64 different colors to honor his now famous rant. The Alpha Male claims he will continue to find ways to pump up his team as they prepare for a deep run in the playoffs.

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Week 13 News and Notes

Published
by
derek
on July 29, 2008
in League Notes
. 3 Comments

Oh No! Not Another Clip Post!

Letterman

Top Ten Storylines From The First Half Of The Season

10. A BIG NAME CHANGE.  Unhappy with his original nickname of “Tiny”, Kevin Foster of Fresh Kills petitioned the media for something new, claiming (in somewhat of a non-sequitur) that he’s “really just a sensitive guy.”  After hours of intensive research and brainstorming, the media officially decreed Kevin’s new nickname to be ”The Planet“, due to his all-world talent.  The Planet is extremely satisfied with the change.

9. ANOTHER DUTCH.  The media is happy to announce that there is yet another Dutch in the annals of BTSH.  Congratulations to Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney on the birth of his daughter, “Dutch’s Niece“.

8. NEW TEAM IN BTSH.  After an impressive victory in their inaugural game, the Happy Little Elves seemed destined to make a big splash in BTSH this season.  Unfortunately, despite the accolades by the media and their peers after the first weekend, they have yet to win a game since.  In addition, to add insult to injury, an anonymous member of Filthy Gorgeous is quick to comment on their new uniforms: “That’s the same color we had in 2006.  Then we realized it was really ugly.”

7. TWO MAD DOGS?  It’s no secret that everyone wants to be like What The Puck, but few teams actually succeed in doing it.  The Mathematics, however, found a way.  In what may be the best league prank of the season, several Mathematics dressed like the iconic team in orange.  Humorously, one unnamed What The Puck member actually thought the Mathematics were her real teammates and sat with them prior to the game…no one had the heart to tell her the truth.

6. MIGHTY SQUIRRELS FIND A NUT.  After finishing in fourteenth place last season, Mighty Squirrels captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene knew she had to make some adjustments.  This season, with a new found all-star goalie and Greene’s patented “fundamentals first” style of play, the Squirrels find themselves nestled snugly in the top tier of the standings.  Now, if the Squirrels can just find a way out of Tim “(S)crappy” Gray’s seven year contract, they’d be golden.

Continue reading ‘Week 13 News and Notes’