btsh.org

This Is The Best Photo We’ve Used In A While

GAME OF THE WEEK
ALL-STAR GAME: Weyersberg Conference vs. Schumacher Conference
Location: Tompkins West, 6:30 PM
All-Time Series: Weyersberg Conference leads 1-0
Game Notes: As the league heads into the August break, it is once again that time of the year for the stars of BTSH to showcase their skills in the annual All-Star Game.  For the second year in a row, conference pride will once again be at stake as the Weyersberg all-stars face off against the Schumacher all-stars.  Last season, the Weyersberg Conference took home bragging rights with a 3-2  victory on the strength of Happy Little Elf Trevor “T-Beau” Beauclair’s two goals.  This year, the universally admired Beauclair will once be in the limelight of this event, only this time as a coach.  Already, he has imparted his “3 Is” mantra upon his squad.  Beauclair notes, “Through intensity, integrity, and intelligence, the Weyersberg Conference will once again be victorious.”  He and his co-coach, Elf teammate Melissa Budnick, will be opposed by the Schumacher coaches, Shafiq “Off Black” Perry of La Famiglia and Julie Katz of Mega Touch.  Since being selected as a coach, Katz has not stopped smiling, commenting, “I’m so excited!”  We all are, Julie.  We all are.
Keys To The Game:
1. The Happy Little Elves have a checkered history as All-Star Game coaches.  In 2009, the East New York team led by the Long Island loudmouth Rich Glanzer, as well as Stacy S. Kehoe, fell to the West 8-2.  In addition to this embarrassing loss, Glanzer will be remembered for playing one 30-second shift that resulted in a -1 rating.
2. Perry’s La Famiglia teammate, Denis Miciletto, has been selected for the All-Star Game for the third straight year.  In last season’s contest, he tallied one of the Schumacher Conference’s two goals.  This season, as the league scoring leader, Perry will look to Miciletto to once again lead the charge for the Schumacher Conference.
3. Roommates, and early Best Duo Award favorites, Lisa Harrington (WTP) and Sarah Moore (GA) have been split on to opposite sides of this game.  Rumor has it that their relationship has been a lot more frosty of late as a result of this schism.  For example, Moore recently finished all the milk and refused to buy any more, leaving Harrington with dry Rice Krispies.
Watchability: 5 Shafiqs. This game harkens back to the Golden Age of BTSH, so it’s got to be worth watching.  Or at least, Dave Ladanyi thinks so.

Continue reading ‘Week 15 Preview’

Tim’s Excited About His New Teammate

For the second consecutive season, the BTSH All-Star Game will pit the stars of the Weyersberg Conference against the stars of the Schumacher Conference. With pride and bragging rights on the line, here are the rosters for the two squads:

WEYERSBERG CONFERENCE (white/light)

Coaches:
Trevor “T-Beau” Beauclair (HLE)
Melissa Budnick (HLE)

Goalies:
Patrick Barch (FK)
James Stein (Sky)

Roster:
Vinnie Caruana (Reh)
ShoShauna de Rudanzerwick (HLE)
Trace Della Torre (Sky)
Bob diProspero (DD)
Mike Dudolevitch (DR)
Gina Hackett (Reh)
Lisa Harrington (WTP)
Darrell Hartman* (WTP)
Oliver Hartman* (WTP)
Dan Hopper (Sky)
Scott Lee (FK)
Chris Mangan (FG)
Abby “Tayne” Meisterman (DD)
Luisa Mirarchi (DR)
Steph Opitz (FK)
Susannah Pasquantonio (FG)
Noelle Safar (CH)
Matt Zimmerman (CH)

SCHUMACHER CONFERENCE (black/dark)

Coaches:
Julie Katz (MT)
Shafiq “Off Black” Perry (LF)

Goalies:
Tim Brown (PM)
Craig “Ug” LaCombe (Uni)

Roster:
Ben Bloom (But)
Marcus Bonnée (PM)
Christian (Uni)
Courtney (Uni)
Alex Derhohannesian (GA)
Gilligan (Gut)
Andrea Grande-Capone (LF)
Rachel “A-Korn” Greene (But)
Heather (Gut)
Harvey Jaswal (MT)
Eli Kazin* (Math)
Sarab Lalri* (CK)
Denis Miciletto (LF)
Sarah Moore (GA)
J.J. Murphy* (CK)
Tracy Ng (PM)
Sheena Otto (Math)
Meredith Sladek (CK)
Derek Tagliarino* (Math)
Rabi Whitaker (MT)

*Some teams have selected more than two players for the all-star game.  In these cases, two players will split playing time and each play one half.

Dave Adds Another Trophy To His Resume

As a thank you to you, the loyal reader, we the writers thought we’d give you a snapshot of who’s going to btsh.org, and how they are getting there. Here are some interesting facts and figures we have noticed, taken directly from Google Analytics:

1. The most viewed post to this point in the season has been the preview for the games of Week 6. Perhaps visitors were attracted by the main photo of Fresh Kills’ Nick Hobbs donning a pair of Hanson brother-like glasses to promote the Game of the Week between his team and Cobra Kai. However, as intriguing as this matchup and the photo are, we can only assume that traffic for the post would have easily doubled had Fresh Kills’ Justin “The Boss” Ross allowed us to use a similar picture featuring him as well as Hobbs.

2. An occasionally searched term over the past two months was “demon beauty contest.” Our readers are obviously quite savvy, because although the media never reported on it, the Denim Demons did in fact hold a team beauty contest over the Memorial Day weekend. Entrants included Dave Shyu, Lauren C., “Hacksaw” Jim Dandeneau, Danny Polinsky, and Dez Penascino. However, due to his perfect score in the swimsuit competition, David Kenneth Fraser was the clear cut winner and was thus declared the undisputed “Most Beautiful Denim Demon.”

3. BTSH.org accumulated the most pageviews for the season on March 21, the day the team previews for Cobra Kai and the Mathematics were posted. Sources indicate that a bulk of these pageviews came from Sky Fighters captain Dan Hopper, who repeatedly hit the reload button on his browser in disbelief that his former teammate Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker had joined Cobra Kai. However, this explains only half the story. We can also verify that this picture of Mathematics defender Justin “Ballard” Perras and the intrigue surrounding the Mathematics anonymous general manager created a ton of buzz.

Continue reading ‘Week 14 News and Notes’

Paglia Didn’t Get The “Look Fierce” Memo

Poutine Machine 2, Rehabs 1 (OT)
Poutine Machine: Vincent Tracy (6), Kevin MacDonald (5)
Rehabs: Mike Nagin (5)
Goalie Win: Tim Brown
Game Notes: Tracy scored the game-winning goal in overtime.

Fresh Kills 3, LBS, Inc. 1
Fresh Kills: Scott Lee (6), Alice Bertoni (2), Eugene Rha (2)
LBS, Inc: Lawrence Goldstein (9)
Goalie Win: Patrick Barch

Sky Fighters 3, What The Puck 1
Sky Fighters: Robert Kucera (5), Brian Allen (3), Greg Infanti (3)
What The Puck: Corey “Chongo” Winters (3)
Goalie Win: James Stein

Filthy Gorgeous 4, Cobra Kai 3 (OT-SO)
Filthy Gorgeous: “Gentleman” James Pereira 2 (10), Matthew Workman (3)
Cobra Kai: Marc Beland 2 (6), Mark Talercio (4)
Shootout: Filthy Gorgeous wins 1-0. Successful attempt by Workman.
Goalie Win: Dan “D.O.” Owens
Games Notes: Pereira scored the game-tying goal with two minutes remaining in regulation.

Gut Rot 3, Tompkins Square Riots 2 (OT)
Gut Rot: Tom 2 (10), Mark (5)
Tompkins Square Riots: Alexandre Frenette (4), Shane-o DeBlasio (2)
Goalie Win: Bill
Game Notes: Tom tied the game with two seconds remaining in regulation and scored the game-winner about three minutes into overtime.  He also assisted on Mark’s goal.

La Famiglia 4, Mega Touch 2
La Famiglia: Denis Miciletto (19), Shafiq “Off Black” Perry (12), Haanwa Chau (1), Brian Ferry (1)
Mega Touch: Molly Brown (1), Julie Katz (1)
Goalie Win: Jamie Batuwantudawe
Game Notes: Tuques beat reporter Rich Glanzer correctly predicted that Katz would score her first career goal in his game preview.

Dark Rainbows 4, Gouging Anklebiters 1
Dark Rainbows: John Nielsen (5), P.T. Walkley (5), Josh Wilson (5), Sean Reynolds (3)
Gouging Anklebiters: Alex Derhohannesian (5)
Goalie Win: John Meyer

Unicorns 5, Butchers 2
Unicorns: Krish (3), Rod (3), John (2), Ryan (2), Courtney (1)
Butchers: “The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis (11), Arnold Sanchez (2)
Goalie Win: Craig “Ug” LaCombe

Mathematics 3, Corlears Hookers 0
Mathematics: Andy Pratt 2 (4), Lilly Preston (3)
Shutout: Bill (on loan from Gut Rot)

Happy Little Elves 8, Denim Demons 4
Happy Little Elves: Ryan Nakahara 2 (12), Gil Valdes 2 (8), “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick 2 (3), Trevor “T-Beau” Beauclair (7), Courtney McBride (1)
Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen 2 (9), Mike Pereira (2), Brad Weiger (1)
Goalie Win: Shaun deLacy

Where’s Lateef’s Left Hand?

GAME OF THE WEEK
Poutine Machine (8-2-1-1) at Rehabs (3-6-1-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Two of the league’s top goalies face off in this inter-conference showdown.  Poutine Machine’s Tim Brown has dominated the competition in his first full season.  He leads the league in shutouts with five, and has been the backbone of the league’s top defense.  In addition, his goals against average of 1.17 ranks second in BTSH.  However, this game goes beyond just the stats for Brown, as he began his career with a two-game cup of coffee with the Rehabs last season.  Undoubtedly, he will want to put on a stellar showing against his former squad.  Unfortunately, winning will not come easily, as the Rehabs new goalie, Hilary Meyer, has picked up where Brown (and Anthony Romeo) left off.  Her solid goaltending has been the lone constant for the Rehabs this season, and her goals against average of 1.57 ranks fourth in the league.  After a slow start to the season, her team has finally picked up its offense as well, and has now earned points in six of its last seven games, including wins over the Corlears Hookers and defending champion Happy Little Elves.  With both goaltenders playing at such a high level, a low-scoring game is almost a certainty.
Keys To The Game:
1. Poutine Machine rookie Brodie St. John has led the team’s offense in recent weeks, tallying four goals in Poutine’s last four games.  He is part of a virtually unknown offense that is loaded with hidden talent and a man named Mike Haas.
2. Some of the lesser known players on the Rehabs have also gotten hot lately.  Mike Nagin led the team in their upset win against the Corlears Hookers in Week 12 with a hat trick, and notched another goal in the team’s tie against the Elves last week.
3. With interim Rehabs captain Stacy S. Kehoe scheduled to miss this Sunday’s game, the team has turned to BTSH veteran Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett for leadership.  When told of this, Cupcake simply shrugged his shoulders.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs.  With 16 goals in the past three games, their offense is finally clicking.
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs.  They (Gina) threatened me with violence when I didn’t pick them last week.
Watchability: 4 Caruanas.  Both goalies should keep this game tight until the end.

Continue reading ‘Week 14 Preview’