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Way Too Many Elves

After three years of utter failure and disappointment, captain Rich Glanzer achieved his boyhood dream when the Happy Little Elves finally captured their first prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup last Sunday.  The Cup, which is awarded annually to the winner of the triangular series among the Elves, Dark Rainbows, and Unicorns, was presented to Glanzer, co-captain Ben Chadwick, and guest captain Eli “The Calculator” Kazin following the Elves’ 5-3 win over the Rainbows.  The team also defeated the Unicorns 4-3 in a shootout two weeks ago to open the 2011 series.

This prestigious (yet imaginary) trophy completes an unprecedented triple crown for the Happy Little Elves, who now possess the Fairy Tale Cup, the Barnacle Bowl, and less importantly, the BTSH championship.  Captain Glanzer boasts, “The Elves are the Secretariat of BTSH.  No one can catch us.  I’ve dreamed about this day for 15 years.  I’m especially proud of the Barnacle Bowl!”

Continue reading ‘Week 11 News and Notes’

The Barnacle Bowl Is Falling Apart

Happy Little Elves 5, Dark Rainbows 3
Happy Little Elves: Ryan Nakahara 2 (8), Rob “Smash” Muggeo 2 (6), Garrett “Ax” Carrino (4)
Dark Rainbows: John Nielsen (4), P.T. Walkley (4), Sean Reynolds (2)
Goalie Win: Shaun deLacy
Game Notes: The Happy Little Elves have clinched the Fairy Tale Cup with this win.

Sky Fighters 3, La Famiglia 1
Sky Fighters: Dan Hopper (8), Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka (7), Robert Kucera (4)
La Famiglia: Denis Miciletto (14)
Goalie Win: James Stein

Gouging Anklebiters 2, Mathematics 1 (OT)
Gouging Anklebiters: Phil Donohue (3), Sarah Moore (1)
Mathematics: Bradley Schmidt (6)
Goalie Win: “Quiet” Mike O’Connor
Game Notes: Moore scored the game-winning goal two minutes into overtime.

Filthy Gorgeous 6, Mega Touch 4
Filthy Gorgeous: Suvin “The Guru” Malik 4 (10), “Gentleman” James Pereira (5), Matt Workman (2)
Mega Touch: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta 2 (8), Harvey Jaswal (8), Jonathan Hanson (1)
Goalie Win: Dan “D.O.” Owens

Denim Demons 5, Tompkins Square Riots 1
Denim Demons: Zack Tinkelman 2 (4), Gordie Cohen 2 (3), “Hacksaw” Jim Dandeneau (1)
Tompkins Square Riots: Joe Fiore (6)
Goalie Win: Peter Lang (on loan from Cobra Kai)

What The Puck 4, Butchers 1
What The Puck: Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman (10), “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse (5), Corey “Chongo” Winters (2), Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth (2)
Butchers: Beth Bruder (2)
Goalie Win: Anthony Romeo

Rehabs 7, Gut Rot 3
Rehabs: Lateef Nurmohamed 2 (5), Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett (3), Vinny Caruana (2), Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman (2), Bryan “Stork” Welch (2), Kami Moore (1)
Gut Rot: Mark 2 (4), Len (2)
Goalie Win: Anthony Romeo (on loan from What The Puck)
Game Notes: Bartlett dedicated his goal to Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri, in honor of Ventolieri’s 40th birthday.

Fresh Kills 3, Unicorns 1
Fresh Kills: Matt Kazior (4), Nick Hobbs (2), Kevin “The Planet” Foster (1)
Unicorns: Krish (2)
Goalie Win: Patrick Barch

Poutine Machine 5, Cobra Kai 1
Poutine Machine: Brodie St. John 2 (4), Dave Kucharsky (3), Chelsea Hicks (1), Andrew Therriault (1)
Cobra Kai: J.J. Murphy (2)
Goalie Win: Tim Brown

Corlears Hookers 6, LBS, Inc. 2
Corlears Hookers: Brendan “Dutch” Kearney 3 (6), Matt Zimmerman (6), Jason Eitel (2), Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney (2)
LBS, Inc.: Lawrence Goldstein (6), “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin (4)
Goalie Win: Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson

Fake Rivalry To Decide Fake Trophy

GAME OF THE WEEK
Happy Little Elves (4-3-0-2) at Dark Rainbows (5-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 4-0
Game Notes: This is the final leg of the triangular series among the Happy Little Elves, Unicorns, and Dark Rainbows for the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.   Two weeks ago, in the first leg, the Happy Little Elves rallied from a two-goal second half deficit to defeat the Unicorns 4-3 in a shootout.  Last week, in the second leg, the Unicorns dominated the Dark Rainbows and came away with a convincing 5-1 victory.  As a result, the 2010 champions, the Dark Rainbows, cannot maintain possession of the Fairy Tale Cup.  The Happy Little Elves, on the other hand, need just one point to clinch the Cup for the first time in franchise history.  However, a Rainbows regulation win would mean that the Unicorns would claim the Cup for the third time since the series started in 2008.
Keys To The Game:
1. Possibly looking ahead to this critical game, Elves goaltender Shaun deLacy played his worst game of the season last week, allowing five goals to the Corlears Hookers.  Elves captain Rich Glanzer has made it clear to deLacy that if he struggles early, Glanzer will immediately sub in the team’s backup goalie…himself.
2. The Dark Rainbows enter this matchup on a three-game losing streak.  They are looking to reverse this recent trend and would love to play spoiler for the Elves’ Cup hopes.  Captain Sean Reynolds notes, “We’ll pay off the refs if we have to.”
3. Should the Elves win, the team will be in possession of the BTSH championship trophy, the Barnacle Bowl,  and the Fairy Tale Cup.  “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick is furiously working on building a bigger trophy case to display these honors, not realizing that two of them are imaginary.
Eli’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  I am the Elves’ guest captain this week, so picking the Dark Rainbows would be a conflict of interest.
Derek’s Pick: No pick.  I have to remain neutral as the ref of this game, and I know my non-pick will upset Hockey Rich.
Watchability: 4 Nakaharas.  One way or another, history will be made.

Continue reading ‘Week 11 Preview’

Congratulations, Craig! You Get A Cookie!

Three Stars of the Week

Third Star: Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson, Corlears Hookers.  Olson weathered an onslaught of Elves shots to lead the Corlears Hookers to a 5-0 shutout, as well as a season sweep, of their Rubens Division foes.  The win propelled the Hookers into sole possession of first place in the league’s top division.
Second Star: Craig “Ug” LaCombe, Unicorns.  Ug played between the pipes for two different teams on Sunday, recording a victory in each game.  In the first game, a crucial Fairy Tale Cup matchup, he allowed just one goal, as his Unicorns defeated the Dark Rainbows 5-1.  Later in the day, LaCombe donned his pads once more for the Gouging Anklebiters and helped them win their second game of the season.  These Father’s Day victories were made even more special as his parents were in attendance to watch their son play.
First Star: Denis Miciletto, La Famiglia.  Miciletto once again sparked The Family’s dominant offense with a four-goal performance in his team’s 7-4 win against the Tompkins Square Riots.  This was his fourth consecutive game with at least one goal, and Miciletto now leads BTSH with 13 goals on the season.

Continue reading ‘Week 10 News and Notes’

Seth Beat Poutine, And All He Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt

LBS, Inc. 2, Poutine Machine 1 (OT-SO)
LBS, Inc.: Jason Bogdaneris (1)
Poutine Machine: Brodie St. John (2)
Goalie Win: Seth Wachtell
Shootout: LBS, Inc. wins 1-0.  Successful attempt by Sam Anthony.

Sky Fighters 2, Rehabs 1 (OT-SO)
Sky Fighters: Mark Bloom (2)
Rehabs: Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman (1)
Goalie Win: James Stein
Shootout: Sky Fighers win 1-0.  Successful attempt by Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka.

Filthy Gorgeous 2, Fresh Kills 1
Filthy Gorgeous: Suvin “The Guru” Malik (6), Chris Mangan (3)
Fresh Kills: Scott Lee (4)
Goalie Win: Dan “D.O.” Owens
Game Notes: Lee dedicated his goal to Derek Tagliarino, who told Lee he should probably try to score.

La Famiglia 7, Tompkins Square Riots 4
La Famiglia: Denis Miciletto 4 (13), Shafiq “Off Black” Perry 2 (10), Alfred Liu (2)
Tompkins Square Riots: Joe Fiore 2 (5), Craig Thompson 2 (3)
Goalie Win: Jamie Batuwantudawe

Corlears Hookers 5, Happy Little Elves 0
Corlears Hookers: Jock Paul 2 (2), Libby Lewis (2), Noelle “Slapshot” Safar (2), Jesse Scolaro (2)
Shutout: Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson (3)

Unicorns 5, Dark Rainbows 1
Unicorns: Joe Polowczuk (7), Chris (4), Caitlin (2), Cathy (1), Erin (1)
Dark Rainbows: Mike Dudolevitch (1)
Goalie Win: Craig “Ug” LaCombe
Game Notes: The Dark Rainbows have officially been eliminated from contention for the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.

What The Puck 6, Denim Demons 2
What The Puck: Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman 2 (9), Brock Bosacker 2 (3), Oliver Hartman (4), “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse (4)
Denim Demons: Mike Pereira (1), Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens (1)
Goalie Win: Peter Lang (on loan from Cobra Kai)

Butchers 1, Mega Touch 1 (OT-SO)
Butchers: “The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis (5)
Mega Touch: Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer (2)
Shootout: Tied 1-1.  Successful attempts by Revechkis (BUT) and Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta (MT).

Mathematics 4, Gut Rot 2
Mathematics: Adam Langer (3), Sean “$howJu” McClain (2), Lilly Preston (2), Eli Kazin (1)
Gut Rot: Tom (6), Gilligan1 (3)
Goalie Win: Joe Boshko

Gouging Anklebiters 3, Cobra Kai 1
Gouging Anklebiters: Charles DeFranco (6), Mike Diverio (1), Annika Sweetland (1)
Cobra Kai: Enayet “Retail” Rasul (1)
Goalie Win: Craig “Ug” LaCombe (on loan from Unicorns)
Game Notes: Diverio’s game-winning goal broke a 1-1 tie with nine minutes remaining in regulation.