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Everyone Wants A Piece Of The Rainbows

GAME OF THE WEEK
LBS, Inc. (2-1-0-1) at Dark Rainbows (4-0)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 7-6-1
Game Notes: Two BTSH mainstays clash in this highly anticipated Hackett Division matchup.  Despite tallying three goals in each of its first two games, LBS, Inc. started the season slowly, earning just one point during this stretch.  However, the defense buckled down, and the Corporation rebounded with wins against Filthy Gorgeous and the Tompkins Square Riots.  The offense has largely revolved around the Ken-Karsten-Karen line (Poulin, Pichon, and Erickson), which has produced eight of the team’s 13 goals.  Although the line previously had a nickname, the Corporation’s public relations department quickly nixed it due to negative press.  For the Dark Rainbows, their early season returns have been overwhelmingly positive.  At 4-0, they are one of three teams with four wins and boast the third best goal differential in BTSH.  The team currently sits in first place in the extremely competitive Hackett Division, bolstered by divisional wins against the Sky Fighters and Fresh Kills.  LBS, Inc. will be the Rainbows’ third Hackett game of the season.  Can they remain undefeated in the division and overall?
Keys To The Game:
1. LBS, Inc. new hire Lawrence Goldstein has made a good early impression on his bosses with three goals on the season.  As veterans Ken and Karsten see their pensions continue to grow, the Corporation will look to his leadership in the upcoming fiscal years.
2. Goaltender John Meyer has been sparkling between the pipes for the Dark Rainbows, allowing just four goals in four games.  He already has one shutout on the season, and his steady performance has allowed captain Sean Reynolds to successfully implement his “run and chase” style of offense.
3. Reynolds recently made a shrewd mid-season pickup with the acquisition of Luisa Mirarchi, formerly of Cobra Kai.  In addition to boosting his own team, Reynolds infuriated fellow Hackett Division captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer of What The Puck.  Zimmer, who has always prided himself on being a step ahead of his peers, was busy scouting Rehabs defender Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli to bolster his blue line.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows.  May Day is John Nielsen’s favorite holiday.
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows.  This win would officially propel the Rainbows back into BTSH’s elite.
Watchability: 4 Rudds.  Both teams are playing great hockey right now, and divisional pride is at stake.

Continue reading ‘Week 5 Preview’

The following views do not necessarily represent those of the editors or of BTSH. They do, however, represent those of Rich Glanzer.

For winning the Survivor Pool for the second straight year [Ed: Factual inaccuracy #1], I get to make yet another guest column. Here it is:

This is the true story [Ed: Factual inaccuracy #2], of two strangers, picked to run a co-ed hockey team, work together, and get their asses kicked. Find out what happens when captains stop being polite, and start getting real. The real story of the Happy Little Elves.

In 2008, the Happy Little Elves were formed. Two men, one loved, and the other me, fought for control of the franchise. The tall one they call Ben Chadwick eventually won the power struggle (because he paid Bob W. the league fee, and I didn’t), and that is how the Happy Little Elves came into existence. Years later, many books, movies, and inaccurate stories on the BTSH website [Ed: Including this very guest column] detailed how the Elves went from Lime Green Losers to champions of the BTSH world. But finally the secret tapes came out as I knew they would, and the true story has finally been revealed.

How did I know the tapes would come out???  [Ed: Two of these question marks are superfluous] Well, I leaked it on my Facebook account a few months ago. But here are the secret conversations between Ben Chadwick and myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmF42fFSnLc

As you can see, the friction between the 2009 Duo of the Year, Ben Chadwick and myself, has not thawed. We hate each other as much as we did the first day when I said to him, “Hi, my name is Rich Glanzer, but you can call me Captain.”

However, we both agree on three things:

1. The Simpsons is way better than Family Guy
2. Jan Erixon would still be the best Ranger
3. Shaun deLacey [sic] is a jerk, but he’s our jerk

Joe Is Very Proud Of His Calves

Three Stars of the Week

Third Star: Joe Lops’ Calves, Mega Touch. Mega Touch had the upset of the day with their stunning 3-2 overtime win against the defending champion Happy Little Elves.  Captain Julie Katz gives full credit to Lops’ calves, noting, “The team draws energy from them.  We look to them for inspiration.”  Lops had a hand in all three of his team’s scores with one goal and two assists.
Second Star: Alex Derhohannesian, Gouging Anklebiters. The Biters finally got off the schneid, defeating La Famiglia 4-3 in an overtime thriller. Derho tallied two goals in the contest, including the game-winner in OT to propel his team to its first victory this season.
First Star: Craig “Ug” LaCombe, Unicorns.  Ug is starting to make this look too easy.  LaCombe recorded his league-leading third shutout of the season on Sunday in the Unicorns’ 3-0 win against the Mathematics.  He has now surrendered just one goal in the team’s first four games.

Continue reading ‘Week 4 News and Notes’

Oh, Those Hartman Boys

What The Puck 5, Poutine Machine 3
What The Puck: Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman 2 (4), Oliver Hartman (3), Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr. (3), Garrett Poston (1)
Poutine Machine: Kevin MacDonald (2), Vincent Tracy (2), Dave Kucharsky (1)
Goalie Win: Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz

Fresh Kills 4, Gut Rot 2
Fresh Kills: Mike Sokolyansky 2 (3), Dave Sokolyansky 2 (2)
Gut Rot: Len (1), Mark (1)
Goalie Win: Patrick Barch

LBS, Inc. 4, Tompkins Square Riots 2
LBS, Inc.: “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin 2 (2), Karen Erickson (3), Karsten Pichon (3)
Tompkins Square Riots: Daniel Burns (2), Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg (1)
Goalie Win: Seth Wachtell

Butchers 3, Filthy Gorgeous 1
Butchers: Ben Bloom 2 (4), Amanda Jenkins (1)
Filthy Gorgeous: Chris Mangan (2)
Goalie Win: Eric Ramirez

Gouging Anklebiters 4, La Famiglia 3 (OT)
Gouging Anklebiters: Alex Derhohannesian 2 (3), Charles DeFranco (3), Phil “Sandy” Donohue (2)
La Famiglia: Shafiq “Off-Black” Perry 2 (3), Denis Miciletto (3)
Goalie Win: “Quiet” Mike O’Connor
Game Notes: Derhohannesian scored the winning goal in overtime.

Denim Demons 1, Rehabs 0
Denim Demons: Lena Moy-Borgen (1)
Shutout: Aaron “Coach” Pagdon (1)

Dark Rainbows 3, Cobra Kai 1
Dark Rainbows: Josh Wilson (2), John Nielsen (1), Jon Rudd (1)
Cobra Kai: Sarab Lalri (2)
Goalie Win: John Meyer

Corlears Hookers 1, Sky Fighters 0
Corlears Hookers: Tiffany Hagge (1)
Shutout: Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson (2)

Unicorns 3, Mathematics 0
Unicorns: Joe (4), Caitlin (1), Ryan (1)
Shutout: Craig “Ug” LaCombe (3)

Mega Touch 3, Happy Little Elves 2 (OT)
Mega Touch: Harvey Jaswal (3), Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer (1), Joe Lops (1)
Happy Little Elves: Gil Valdes (4), Trevor Beauclair (2)
Goalie Win: Mike Tuckman
Game Notes: Jaswal scored the winning goal in overtime.

Poutine Machine Is Sitting Pretty

GAME OF THE WEEK
Poutine Machine (2-0-1) at What The Puck (2-0-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: After a stunning win against the Denim Demons last week, Poutine Machine is looking to shock the league once again as the team prepares for its matchup against What The Puck.  Although Poutine entered last week’s game against last season’s Prince of Weyersberg Cup champions as heavy underdogs, the team buckled down on defense and produced a 1-0 win.  Defenseman Kevin MacDonald scored the lone goal late in the game, and goalie Tim Brown turned aside every Demons shot to preserve the victory.  However, Brown and the Poutine defense will have their hands full once again this week against the offensive depth of Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s Orange Juggernaut.  After losing their opening game to Fresh Kills in a shootout, What The Puck has performed as expected, producing quality wins against Gut Rot and the defending champion Happy Little Elves.  After a brief adjustment period, it seems as though Mad Dog’s offseason acquisitions have become acclimated to their new team’s style of play.  With What The Puck’s offense finally clicking, Brown will have to turn in another stellar performance for Poutine Machine to win.
Keys To The Game:
1. Rookie forward Ashish Nagpal leads Poutine Machine with two goals.  He has already done an outstanding job in helping to fill the very big void left by the departure of “Double J” Jeff Jewett.
2. What The Puck’s Hartman brothers, Darrell and Oliver, each have two goals on the season.  They are a critical part of What The Puck’s extremely balanced offense, which ranks third in BTSH.
3. Distant cousins Kevin MacDonald of Poutine Machine and What The Puck’s grizzled veteran Tom MacDonald have already had a budding rivalry since the MacDonald family reunion of 2003.  Tom has always taken offense to Kevin’s insistence that the Toronto Blue Jays are superior to the Montreal Expos.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  Forward Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth thinks poutine is delicious.
Derek’s Pick: Poutine Machine.  I promised Jo-Ann I’d pick them if they beat the Demons last week.  So.
Watchability: 4 Therriaults.  This should be a true test to see if What The Puck is as good as everyone thinks, or if Poutine is better than everyone assumed.

Continue reading ‘Week 4 Preview’