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Julie Is The Jimmy Fallon Of BTSH Photos

GAME OF THE WEEK
Mega Touch (1-0) at Unicorns (1-0)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 9-4
Game Notes: Two teams with convincing wins last weekend face off in this Schumacher Conference battle.  Mega Touch looked sharp against the Gouging Anklebiters during the Hockey Night in Tompkins regional telecast, rolling to a 5-1 victory.  New addition Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta scored 30 seconds into the game, and his team never looked back.  Bratta finished with three goals and two assists, as he and his linemates Harvey Jaswal and Julie Katz dominated play and were on for all of the team’s goals.  This “Matzo-Masala-Marinara” line has invigorated Mega Touch and given the team high hopes for the remainder of the season.  The Unicorns also impressed in their playoff rematch against the Tompkins Square Riots.  The offense tallied six goals, led by Joe’s hat trick, while goalie Craig “Ug” LaCombe and the Uni’s defense shut out the normally potent Riots attack.  LaCombe gives most of the credit to his defenders, noting that only a handful of good shots got through to him.  Will Mega’s Matzo-Masala-Marinara line be able to break through this wall or will LaCombe and the Unicorns defense stifle another opponent?
Keys To The Game:
1. This is Mega Touch’s first ever Game of the Week.  Although captain Julie Katz is extremely eager to participate in the featured matchup, captain Eric Devlin is less enthusiastic.  How will the team handle the pressure of the big stage?
2. Unicorns rookie Luke tallied a goal during his team’s big win last Sunday.  He is just one of many offseason acquisitions that the Unicorns will rely on throughout the season.
3. As intense talks over the direction of the goaltenders’ union continue to heat up, this game will feature two of the principals of these discussions.  Mega Touch’s Mike Tuckman has vehemently opposed the creation of the union calling it “stupid and pointless.”  LaCombe, on the other hand, inexplicably seems to think the union’s founders Peter Lang and $howT!m3 may have been on to something…which would be a first.
Eli’s Pick: Unicorns.  This game will likely mimic the above photo.
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns.  Mega Touch has clearly improved, but the Unicorns still have a little more talent right now.
Watchability: 3.5 Devlins.  Eric’s been clamoring to have the watchability scale named after him for a while now.

Continue reading ‘Week 2 Preview’

Charity Hockey Tournament Coming Soon!

The sixth annual charity street hockey tournament is rapidly approaching. This year, it will take place on Saturday, April 9, and all proceeds will go to Rose Charities. Rose is a non-profit organization that aims to help children and young adults who have suffered through poverty, disaster, exploitation, or lack of opportunity. It currently has 11 Disaster Relief Teams on the ground in Japan providing medical care, food, and medical supplies. Please donate to support these teams!

The tournament begins at 9:30 AM sharp, and anyone who does not pre-register online must arrive at 8:30.  Although everyone is encouraged to give more than the minimum, certain contributions will get you the following:

• $35 donation to play
• $50 donation to play and get a tournament t-shirt (shirts also available for $20 day-of)
• $70 donation to play on the same team as a friend

Visit http://www.charityhockeytournament.myevent.com to register, RSVP, and find more information.  If you have any additional questions, please contact Rachel “A-Korn” Greene, who is organizing the event.

In addition, the Fishmarket (111 South Street) is the bar sponsor for the tournament.  Post-tournament specials include $2 Miller Lites, $5 well drinks, and several appetizers.  They are donating 25% of the profits from that night to Rose, so come drink even if you can’t make the tournament.

Continue reading ‘Week 1 News and Notes’

Dustin Said Yes!

Corlears Hookers 4, Happy Little Elves 1
Corlears Hookers: Brendan “Dutch” Kearney 2 (2), Jesse Scolaro (1), Matt Zimmerman (1)
Happy Little Elves: Rich Glanzer (1)

La Famiglia 1, Cobra Kai 1 (OT-SO)
La Famiglia: Denis Miciletto (1)
Cobra Kai: Will Kuhns (1)
Shootout: Tied 0-0.

Dark Rainbows 4, Sky Fighters 0
Dark Rainbows: Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrell 2 (2), Jesse Gerstein (1), Miles Hunter (1)
Shutout: John Meyer (1)
Game Notes: Tyrrell scored the first goal of the 2011 season.

Denim Demons 6, LBS, Inc. 3
Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen 2 (2), Val Penascino 2 (2), Dave Shyu (1), Zack Tinkelman (1)
LBS, Inc.: Lawrence Goldstein 2 (2), Karen Erickson (1)

Fresh Kills 3, What The Puck 2 (OT-SO)
Fresh Kills: Scott Lee (1), Justin “The Boss” Ross (1)
What The Puck: Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr. (1), Hannah Stark (1)
Shootout: Fresh Kills wins 1-0.  Successful attempt by Ariel Imas.
Game Notes: Ross scored the tying goal with six minutes remaining in regulation.

Unicorns 6, Tompkins Square Riots 0
Unicorns: Joe 3 (3), Chris (1), John (1), Luke (1)
Shutout: Craig “Ug” LaCombe (1)

Mathematics 1, Poutine Machine 1 (OT-SO)
Mathematics: Bradley Schmidt (1)
Poutine Machine: Ashish Nagpal (1)
Shootout: Tied 0-0.

Filthy Gorgeous 2, Rehabs 0
Filthy Gorgeous: Chris Mangan (1), Matt Workman (1)
Shutout: Dan “D.O.” Owens (1)

Mega Touch 5, Gouging Anklebiters 1
Mega Touch: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta 3 (3), Eric Devlin (1), Harvey Jaswal (1)
Gouging Anklebiters: Caroline Morrissey-Bickerton (1)

Butchers 3, Gut Rot 0
Butchers: Ben Bloom (1), Randy Locklair (1), “The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis (1)
Shutout: Eric Ramirez (1)

Gut Rot’s PR Department Is Hard At Work

Color: Sea-foam Green
Year Founded: 2010
2010 Regular Season Finish: 4-10-0-2 (5th, MacNeil Division; 20th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Denim Demons in round of 16
Conference: Schumacher
Division: MacNeil
2010 Leading Scorer: Scott, 11 goals
Team Song: Jefferson Starship – We Built This City
Key Additions: The Other Gilligan, Noelle, Mark, Spoon, Heather (all from free agency)
Key Losses: Haanwa Chau (La Famiglia), Chris “Creamy” DiMotta (Butchers)

Continue reading ‘Season Preview: Gut Rot’

The Elves Are Set To Defend The Cup

GAME OF THE WEEK
Corlears Hookers at Happy Little Elves
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 3-2
Game Notes: As has become tradition in BTSH, the two championship game participants will square off in a Week 1 rematch.  This year, the Happy Little Elves enter as the defending champions, while–as has become another tradition–the Corlears Hookers enter as the runner-up.  Little has changed on the Elves’ roster during the offseason, as their leading scorers Trevor Beauclair and Gil Valdez are both returning.  The team may appear a little faster this season, however, as team anchor Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri has moved to Oklahoma City.  Team captain Rich Glanzer has been appointed by team captain “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick as the new team anchor.  Like the Elves, the Corlears Hookers also had few significant losses.  In addition, the team is thrilled to welcome back two former superstars in Jock Paul and Noelle “Slapshot” Safar.  The presence of these two players was sorely missed during the championship game, as the duo has been known to strike fear into the hearts of even the calmest of  goaltenders.  League Nostradamus Rich Glanzer has projected that these two teams are the favorites to win the championship at the end of the season.  Although we are literally months away from the playoffs, both teams would certainly like to energize their season with a key win on Opening Day.
Keys To The Game:
1. Elves brunette sophomore Ryan Nakahara tallied two goals in last season’s championship, giving him four for the playoffs.  The Elves will once again need him to come through in the clutch if they wish to win this game.
2.  After missing several games last season, Hookers forward and co-captain Jason Eitel has vowed to have perfect attendance in 2011.  He has also vowed to pass a lot more, but the media do not believe either of these promises.
3. In the above photo, Glanzer is seen sporting a New York Jets t-shirt and a Buffalo Bills cap.  This Sunday, in another show of split loyalties and potential confusion, he plans to wear a Corlears Hookers cap in addition to his usual lime green Elves jersey.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  They are undefeated (4-0) on Opening Day.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  The team is eager to prove that last year’s playoff run and championship were not flukes.
Watchability: 4.5 deLacys. If this game were later in the season with a little more riding on it, it could be a 5.  For now, however, it should just be a very competitive game.

Continue reading ‘Week 1 Preview’