btsh.org

The following views do not necessarily represent those of the editors or of BTSH. They do, however, represent those of Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens.

World Cup Primer

Background: The World Cup is the biggest sporting event on Earth. Bigger than the Coney Island hot dog eating contest. Ten times bigger than the Super Bowl. And this year, it’s projected to narrowly edge out the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup in total viewership, tickets sold, and Jäger shots consumed in a fit of euphoric cheer and obliviousness to later side effects.

The qualification process for this summer’s four week bazaar has already taken place over the last three years, with some teams traveling more than 20,000 miles.  This process (which takes longer than riding the G train from Williamsburg to Park Slope) weeds out some of the lesser teams and brings the best 32 into the tournament. Naturally, I’m still perplexed at how Papua New Guinea just missed out on this year’s tournament.

Continue reading ‘Guest Columnist: Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens’

Long Weekends Make The Planet Smile

With Memorial Day marking the unofficial start to the summer season, the holiday is traditionally associated with barbeques, parades, family gatherings, and sporting events.  Thus, as BTSH approaches this highly anticipated weekend, the media conducted a league-wide survey to gauge people’s plans for their day off from hockey.  Some of the notable responses are after the jump.

Continue reading ‘Week 6 News and Notes’

Dude, Where’s My Hair?

Flowing Locks 6, Balding Furies 1
Flowing Locks: Jason Eitel 2,  “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick, Christopher DiMotta, Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri, Dan Thompson
Balding Furies: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta

Sky Fighters 3, Dark Rainbows 2 (OT)
Sky Fighters: Greg “Mr. August” Cohan 3 (3)
Dark Rainbows: John Nielsen (4), P.T. Walkley (3)
Game Notes: Cohan scored the game-winning goal in overtime.

Denim Demons 3, Unicorns 2
Denim Demons: Zack Tinkelman 2 (7), Danny Polinsky (1)
Unicorns: Chris (2), Lindsay (1)

Happy Little Elves 9, Cobra Kai 3
Happy Little Elves: Rob “Smash” Muggeo 3 (3), Jerome “Hornswoggle” Ramos 2 (4), Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri 2 (2), Trevor Beauclair (5), Gil Valdez (4)
Cobra Kai: Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito (1), Mark Kleinkecht (1), J.J. Murphy (1)
Game Notes: The Happy Little Elves maintain possession of the Barnacle Bowl.

Filthy Gorgeous 4, LBS, Inc. 1
Filthy Gorgeous: “Gentleman” James Pereira (3), Caroline Currie (1), Joe “Monster Mash” Essock (1), Joe Pereira (1)
LBS, Inc.: “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin (2)

La Famiglia 3, Tompkins Square Riots 1
La Famiglia: Roger Ma 2 (3), Denis Miciletto (4)
Tompkins Square Riots: Craig Thompson (2)

Gouging Anklebiters 3, Gut Rot 1
Gouging Anklebiters: Alex Derhohannesian (4), Sarah Moore (2), Nestor “Marmaduke” Nonato (1)
Gut Rot: Jefferson (2)

Fresh Kills 4, Mathematics 0
Fresh Kills: Justin Ross (3), Dave Sokolyansky (3), Patrick Moore (1), Eugene Rha (1)
Shutout: Patrick Barch (3)

Butchers 4, Poutine Machine 1
Butchers: Ben Bloom 3 (3), Gary Cohen (1)
Poutine Machine: Kevin MacDonald (1)

Rehabs 1, Mega Touch 0
Rehabs: Adam Skuse (3)
Shutout: Anthony Romeo (1)

Dan Hopper Is Having The Best Week Ever

GAME OF THE WEEK
Dark Rainbows (1-2-0-1) at Sky Fighters (2-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 4-3
Game Notes: Past champions collide in this highly anticipated Hackett Division battle.  The Dark Rainbows struggled to open the season, with losses to the Unicorns, What The Puck, and Gouging Anklebiters.  However, they are now coming off an impressive 4-2 win against the Happy Little Elves in a Fairy Tale Cup matchup.  2009 team scoring leader John Nielsen led the way in this contest with two goals, including the game-winner.  The Sky Fighters were also slow out of the gate, as they too lost to What The Puck and the Unicorns.  However, they have turned things around with back to back shutouts of Mega Touch and Poutine Machine.  With both teams coming off of momentum-building wins, this matchup looks a lot better than it did a week ago.
Keys To The Game:
1. Although the Dark Rainbows are tied for most goals against in BTSH, goalie John Meyer played impressively last Sunday, holding the Happy Little Elves’ potent offense to only two.
2. Sky Fighters netminder James Stein has not allowed a goal in more than 100 minutes of play.  How long can he continue this hot streak?
3. Due to attendance issues last week, Sky Fighters captain Dan Hopper almost had to break out his patented “50 Minutes of Martin” strategy.  However, with an extra player showing up five minutes into the game, Martin played just a scant 40 minutes instead.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows.  They’ve gotten rid of all of their offseason rust.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  I’ll go with the more recent champions.
Watchability: 4 Abdos

Continue reading ‘Week 6 Preview’

Shafiq Needs To Iron His Shirt

In an attempt to boost overall revenue for the league, new league manager Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta has instituted an aggressive sales plan for BTSH merchandise.  Reports for the first few weeks of the season are now in, and there are already several interesting trends.  Here is a closer look at the top-sellers in both the apparel and non-apparel categories:

Continue reading ‘Week 5 News and Notes’