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The Alpha Male Is Probably Winning The Assists Race

With just two weeks remaining in the regular season, the race for the 2009 BTSH scoring title is nearing a conclusion.  Here are the top contenders for this coveted honor, which guarantees one pull from the Mystery Box at the end of season awards ceremony:

5. Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, Sky Fighters (18 goals): As the only defenseman in the top five, Martin is a bit of a dark horse in the scoring race.  He will have a good opportunity to catch up this weekend when he faces Mexican Standoff, a team that is second to last in goals allowed.  However, the Sky Fighters end the season against the Unicorns and the solid goaltending of Craig “Ug” LaCombe.  Odds of winning: 50-1.

4. “Gentleman” James Pereira, Filthy Gorgeous (18 goals): James will have to score nine goals just to tie the league leader, but he may have an outside shot given his team’s remaining games.  This Sunday, he faces the Tuques, who have allowed 15 goals in their last three games, and he closes the season against Mega Touch, who have allowed the third most goals in BTSH.  Odds of winning: 40-1.

3. Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta, What The Puck (20 goals): If not for a severe ankle injury in the middle of the season, Adriano would be towards the top of (if not leading) the pack.  Unfortunately, after missing several games, the defending scoring champion still has a lot of ground to cover.  What The Puck finishes the season against the Happy Little Elves and Mathematics, two teams with losing records, so catching up is not an impossibility.  Odds of winning: 25-1.

2. Jason Eitel, Corlears Hookers (21 goals): Despite putting up five goals against Mexican Standoff in week 17, Jason has not found the back of the net in the Hookers’ last three games.  The biggest factor in his favor is that he may have a game in hand on most of his competitors.  The Corlears Hookers are still negotiating with LBS, Inc. to reschedule their game from week 18.  Odds of winning: 15-1.

1. Karsten Pichon, LBS, Inc. (27 goals): The scoring race is clearly Karsten’s to lose.  He has a six-goal cushion on his nearest competitor and, like Eitel, may also have a third game remaining.  If Eitel does manage to close the gap, this elusive makeup game could be very instrumental in deciding the scoring champion.  Odds of winning: 1-3.

Continue reading ‘Week 20 News and Notes’

I See London, I See France…

LBS, Inc. 3, Dark Rainbows 2
LBS, Inc.: Karsten Pichon 2 (27), Karen Erickson (3)
Dark Rainbows: Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell (9), Josh Wilson (5)
Game Notes: Pichon’s second goal of the game broke a 2-2 tie with 14 seconds remaining in regulation.

Denim Demons 6, What The Puck 4
Denim Demons: Mike Pereira 3 (8), Jeff Kamen (15), Zack Tinkelman (7), Brad Weiger (1)
What The Puck: Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman 2 (13), Tom MacDonald 2 (13)

Sky Fighters 5, Filthy Gorgeous 2
Sky Fighters: Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka 2 (18), Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker (5), Greg Cohan (3), Samantha Lee (3)
Filthy Gorgeous: Sunny Mehra (15), Joe Essock (2)

Rehabs 6, Dark Rainbows 3
Rehabs: Adam Skuse 3 (9), Alex “Villano VI” Zabala 2 (6), Rob Blandi (7)
Dark Rainbows: P.T. Walkley 2 (12), Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell (8)

Fresh Kills 2, Mighty Squirrels 0
Fresh Kills: Patrick Moore (8), Caroline Currie (4)
Shutout: Dave Gil de Rubio (1)

LBS, Inc. 5, Unicorns 1
LBS, Inc.: “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin 2 (16), Phil Yang 2 (3), Karsten Pichon (25)
Unicorns: John Mark (2)

Gouging Anklebiters 6, Tuques 3
Gouging Anklebiters: Alex Derhohannesian 2 (10), Erik Johnson 2 (7), Charles DeFranco (11), Shannon Voto (3)
Tuques: Denis Miciletto 2 (16), Dean Keyworth (3)

Mega Touch 5, Mathematics 3
Mega Touch: Bill MacGregor 2 (6), Eric Devlin (6), Greg Kellerman (6), Jonathan Hanson (2)
Mathematics: Andy Pratt (11), Anita Khar (2), Andrew Lu (1)

Mexican Standoff 3, Cobra Kai 2
Mexican Standoff: Ben (15), Amanda (2), Tommy (2)
Cobra Kai: Laurie Chakel (1), Morgan “Secretary of Defense” Doninger (1)

Corlears Hookers 3, Happy Little Elves 0
Corlears Hookers: Peter “Purple Rain” Putka 2 (11), Josh Sadlier-Brown (7)
Shutout: Jesse Scolaro (1)

BTSH Standings

It’s Good To Be The Alpha Male

GAME OF THE WEEK
Dark Rainbows (12-4-0-1) vs. LBS, Inc. (11-4-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 6-5-1
Game Notes: This makeup of a “rain fears” game features the top two teams in the Schloeder Division, the Dark Rainbows and LBS, Inc.  After a tough three game stretch, the Dark Rainbows have rebounded with consecutive wins against the Gouging Anklebiters and Tuques.  Captain Sean Reynolds has led the team by example, as he has recorded three goals during these two wins.  LBS, Inc. enters the game headed in the opposite direction, as the Corporation has lost its last two games following an eight-game winning streak.  To add insult to inury, both of these losses came at the hands of teams with losing records at the time of the game.  With only three weeks left in the regular season, the outcome of this game could determine the Schloeder Division champion.
Keys To The Game:
1. Despite sitting in fifth place, the Dark Rainbows only have a goal differential of +3.  They have shown heart by winning a lot of close games, but when they lose, it’s usually not pretty.  Goaltender John Meyer will need to keep the game close for his team to win.
2. LBS, Inc. forward Karsten Pichon leads the league with 24 goals.  He enters this game riding a six-game scoring streak.
3. With the Rainbows and LBS, Inc. each playing a tough game earlier in the afternoon, stamina and depth will be crucial in this matchup.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows.  They seem to be back on track.
Derek’s Pick: No pick.  Derek will be reffing this game.
Watchability: 4.5 Meyers

Continue reading ‘Week 20 Preview’

Hey Kiddies…

For the second season in a row, the media hosted the BTSH East-West All-Star Classic, pitting teams from opposite sides of the East River against each other.  The East, looking to avenge its loss in 2008, jumped to an early 1-0 lead, as the extremely dangerous $howT!m3-Mungo duo struck the first blow of the contest.  The teams then exchanged goals, as the game see-sawed for the remainder of the first half, which ended in a 2-2 tie.  However, the West dominated the second, with Sunny Mehra (Filthy Gorgeous) and Jefferson (Mexican Standoff) scoring quickly to provide a two-goal cushion.  Bill MacGregor (Mega Touch) continued the onslaught with a goal of his own and celebrated by leaping onto the dugout fence behind the goal, where he was warmly received by his Mega Touch teammates.  Derek Tagliarino (Mathematics) added another goal for the West just a few minutes later and attempted to duplicate MacGregor’s celebration.  Unfortunatley, the entire Mega Touch section remained seated, prompting East co-coach Stacy Kehoe (Rehabs) to declare the spectacle “the saddest celebration in BTSH”.  The West ultimately won 8-2.

Once again, the contributions of the coaches buoyed the enjoyment of the afternoon.  West co-coach Steve Chernoski (Denim Demons) donned an electric lime track suit, headband, and sunglasses in an homage to New Jersey culture.  The other West co-coach, Georgine “Mulva” Paulin (Mathematics) came dressed as a “douchebag real estate agent” (her words) to represent her home borough of Manhattan.  In addition, Paulin provided a sack of chocolate gold for her team as an incentive to win.  East co-coach Rich Glanzer did nothing to help his team win.  In fact, he even tried playing a shift in the second half, resulting in yet another goal for the West (and a -1 for Glanzer).

At the conclusion of the game, several players participated in an impromptu shootout (although this had NO bearing on the game’s result).  Some of the highlights included Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker’s pre-attempt flip and perfect landing, a salute to “Thriller” before Ariel Imas’ shot, and Susannah’s goal off of a multi-teammate screen.  However, upon further review, Susannah’s goal has been disallowed due to the fact that teammate Rob “Mungo” Gorden was in the crease.

Continue reading ‘Week 19 News and Notes’

Slap Hands

Corlears Hookers 4, Denim Demons 1
Corlears Hookers: Peter “Purple Rain” Putka (9), Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney (8), Josh Sadlier-Brown (6), Jesse Scolaro (4)
Denim Demons: Dave Shyu (2)

Cobra Kai 2, LBS, Inc. 1 (OT-SO)
Cobra Kai: Will Kuhns (12)
LBS, Inc.: Karsten Pichon (24)
Shootout: Cobra Kai wins 1-0. Successful attempt by Will Kuhns.
Game Notes: Kuhns scored the tying goal with 6 seconds remaining in regulation.

Dark Rainbows 5, Tuques 2
Dark Rainbows: Sean Reynolds (8), Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell (7), Josh Wilson (4), Brad Thomason (2), Jesse Gerstein (1)
Tuques: The Peter Wilson (6), Dean Keyworth (2)

Happy Little Elves 3, Sky Fighters 1
Happy Little Elves: Garrett Carrino 2 (6), Rob Muggeo (9)
Sky Fighters: Aaron Zych (1)
Game Notes: Carrino’s second goal of the game broke a 1-1 tie with one and a half minutes remaining in regulation.

Rehabs 6, Mathematics 1
Rehabs: Dave Fraser 2 (8), Adam Skuse 2 (4), Rob Blandi (6), Alex “Villano VI” Zabala (4)
Mathematics: Bradley Schmidt (10)

Filthy Gorgeous 6, Mighty Squirrels 0
Filthy Gorgeous: Matt Workman 3 (6), Sunny Mehra 2 (12), “Gentleman” James Pereira (18)
Shutout: Dan “D.O.” Owens (4)
Game Notes: One of Workman’s three goals was scored on a penalty shot.

Filthy Gorgeous 5, Rehabs 2
Filthy Gorgeous: Suvin “The Guru” Malik 3 (14), Sunny Mehra 2 (14)
Rehabs: Adam Skuse 2 (6)

Mega Touch 3, Unicorns 1
Mega Touch: Greg Kellerman 2 (5), Andy Robertson (2)
Unicorns: Chris (13)

Fresh Kills 6, Gouging Anklebiters 2
Fresh Kills: Dave Sokolyansky 2 (12), Ariel Imas (5), Brice Rosenbloom (5), Caroline Currie (3), Alex Frenette (3)
Gouging Anklebiters: Charles DeFranco (10), Alex Owen (1)

What The Puck 5, Mexican Standoff 2
What The Puck: Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman 2 (11), Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta (20), Ollie Hartman (11), Hannah Stark (1)
Mexican Standoff: Ben (14), Jefferson (1)

Second Annual East-West All-Star Classic

              1   2   Total
West      2   6      8         Final
East       2   0      2

First Half:
East – $howT!m3 (Rob “Mungo” Gorden)
West – Sunny Mehra (Derek Tagliarino, Caroline Morrissey-Bickerton)
East – Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta (Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito, Susannah)
West – Len (Ariel Imas)

Second Half:
West – Sunny Mehra (Derek Tagliarino)
West – Jefferson (Will Kuhns, Noelle Safar)
West – Bill MacGregor (Eric Ramirez, Adam Robertson)
West – Derek Tagliarino (Sunny Mehra)
West – Jefferson (Will Kuhns, Noelle Safar)
West – Caroline Morrissey-Bickerton (Ariel Imas)

BTSH Standings