btsh.org

Monica Has Jesus On Her Side

GAME OF THE WEEK
Unicorns (2-2) vs. Filthy Gorgeous (4-0)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 2-1-1
Game Notes: The Unicorns enter this Woodsworth Division matchup on the heels of a stunning loss to the mildly popular Happy Little Elves.  Of greater concern than the loss itself, however, was that their normally potent offense was held scoreless.  Despite this loss, the Unicorns will retain possession of the extremely prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup, largely due to a huge week 1 victory against the Dark Rainbows.  While Filthy Gorgeous does not possess any cup, the team does possess the highest scoring offense in BTSH, with 26 goals in four games.  Half of their goals have come off the sticks of “Gentleman” James Pereira (7) and Sunny Mehra (6).  They now sit atop the standings, tied with fellow Woodsworth Division rival, What The Puck.  The Unicorns’ fast-paced offense has the potential to upset even the toughest of teams in BTSH, but it will need to be firing on all cylinders to defeat a front-running Filthy Gorgeous team.
Keys To The Game:
1. The Unicorns’ offense will look to Chris, as he now leads the team with four goals on the season.  More important, he also leads the team in smiles and general good-naturedness.
2. Filthy Gorgeous goalie Dan “D.O.” Owens already has a shutout to his credit and has only allowed just five goals in three games.  However, his numbers are trending in the wrong direction as his GAA has increased with each game.  Owens will need to reverse this pattern for Filthy to be successful.
3. Although the uniform has been labeled one of the ugliest in the history of BTSH, captain Monica Russo has ordered her teammates to wear their throwback, electric lime jerseys from 2006.  It is clearly not a coincidence that these jerseys bear an eery resemblance to those of the Happy Little Elves, the team that defeated the Unicorns last week.  Of course, Monica would never be that devious…
Eli’s Pick: Happy Littles Elves Filthy Gorgeous 
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  Wow!  A game of the week involving Filthy with no mention of Ashy Larry.  Oh, wait…

Continue reading ‘Week 5 Preview’

The Elves’ Fan Base Is Growing

Elves Win! Elves Win! (Seriously)
After several weeks of near misses, the Happy Little Elves finally notched their first regular season win since April 13, 2008, a drought that stretched for 378 days.  An early goal by forward Chris O’Neill set the tone immediately, as the Elves cruised to a 3-0 victory over the Unicorns.  Goalie Ronald Bettenhauser turned aside every shot he faced, earning the first shutout in Elves history.

With this victory, the Elves continue their relative mastery against teams that have yellow as a uniform color base.  They are now 2-1 overall against the Tuques and Unicorns, but 0-17-1-1 against all other teams.  As captain Ben Chadwick looks to continue this run of success, he has begun to analyze what went right against the Unicorns.  Ironically, he was shocked to discover that the absence of Ben Chadwick might have been the primary cause of their stellar play.  As Chadwick is known for keeping a trim roster, it is unclear whether he will leave Chadwick in the lineup for this Sunday’s game.

Despite this win, the Elves did not gain possession of the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup in 2009.

Continue reading ‘Week 4 News and Notes’

All Hail What The Puck

What The Puck 6, Fresh Kills 4
What The Puck: Sal Malguarnera (6), Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta (4), Tom MacDonald (4), Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth (4), Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (3), Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman (1)
Fresh Kills: Patrick Moore 3 (5), Brice Rosenbloom (2)

Rehabs 3, Corlears Hookers 1
Rehabs: Dave Fraser (3), Hector “$howT!m3″ Melendez (2), Bryan “Stork” Welch (2)
Corlears Hookers: Peter “Purple Rain” Putka (3)
Game Notes: Welch’s game-winning goal broke a 1-1 tie with seven minutes remaining in regulation.

Happy Little Elves 3, Unicorns 0
Happy Little Elves: Rob Muggeo (4), Chris O’Neill (2), Jarome “Hornswoggle” Ramos (1)
Shutout: Ronald Bettenhauser (1)

Denim Demons 4, Mexican Standoff 3
Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen 2 (4), Micael Holmström 2 (2)
Mexican Standoff: Ben 2 (5), Jason “The Hamburglar” R. (1)
Game Notes: The Demons scored three goals in the final ten minutes of regulation, including Holmström’s game winner with three minutes left, to rally from a two-goal deficit.

Dark Rainbows 5, Mathematics 2
Dark Rainbows: Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell 2 (3), John Nielsen (2), Yuichi Uchidi (2), P.T. Walkley (1)
Mathematics: Noam Dolgin (1), Eli Kazin (1)

LBS, Inc. 5, Gouging Anklebiters 4
LBS, Inc.: Karsten Pichon (5), “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin (3), Sam Anthony (2), Jason Bogdaneris (2), Tom Capatosta (1)
Gouging Anklebiters: Charles DeFranco (4), Erik Johnson (3), Phil “Sandy” Donohue (2), Nick Gardella (1)
Game Notes: Bogdaneris’ game-winning goal broke a 4-4 tie with four minutes remaining in regulation and completed LBS, Inc.’s comeback from a 4-1 deficit.

Sky Fighters 3, Mighty Squirrels 0
Sky Fighters: Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka 2 (7), Sam Lassner (2)
Shutout: Robert Kucera (1)

Filthy Gorgeous 7, Tuques 3
Filthy Gorgeous: Homin “Maverick” Lee 2 (4), “Gentleman” James Pereira (7), Sunny Mehra (6), Fran Graziano (1), Dana Kravis (1), Matt Workman (1)
Tuques: Denis Miciletto (2), Gabe Wilson (1), Adam Robertson (1)

Cobra Kai 4, Mega Touch 1
Cobra Kai: Will Kuhns 2 (2), Greg “Lysol” Altman (1), Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito (1)
Mega Touch: Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer (1)

BTSH Stats and Standings

“We’re Going To Score This Many Goals!”

GAME OF THE WEEK
What The Puck (3-0) vs. Fresh Kills (2-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 7-6-1
Game Notes: When these two teams last met, Fresh Kills upset What The Puck in double overtime in the quarterfinals of the 2008 playoffs en route to their eventual championship. However, this devastating loss only stiffened What The Puck’s resolve for this season, as they have put up 19 goals through three games, while only allowing one. Newcomers Sal Malguarnera and Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta have combined for eight of these tallies. After opening this season with a loss, Fresh Kills has regained its championship form with two consecutive victories. Although they have only put up 10 total goals thus far, the attack has been spread out, as seven different players have their name on the scoring ledger. With a fired up What The Puck squad looking to avenge its 2008 postseason elimination, Fresh Kills will need the help of everyone on its roster.
Keys To The Game:
1. Fresh Kills forward Dave Sokolyansky notched three goals, including the game winner, in last year’s playoff game against What The Puck.  He’s one of the fastest players on the court and can test even the stiffest of defenses.
2. As veteran Corey “Chongo” Winters continues to recover from an injury, What The Puck will look to fellow veteran Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth to step up his game and leadership abilities.
3. With What The Puck’s regular goalie Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz missing the past two games for Lamaze class, captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer has taken matters into his own hands.  He has locked Cruz in the team’s goalie bag and will not open it until five minutes before game time.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  Corey’s never wrong.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  Let’s just hope Mad Dog remembers to leave a few air holes.

Continue reading ‘Week 4 Preview’

A Match Made In Heaven

Now we know the real reason why Adriano joined What The Puck.