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Bad Neighbors?

#3 Corlears Hookers (15-4) vs. #4 Filthy Gorgeous (14-4-1)
Location: Corlears South, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 2-0
2008 Result: Week 2 – Corlears Hookers 3, Filthy Gorgeous 1
Game Notes: Due to the intertwining history of the Corlears Hookers and Filthy Gorgeous, there is no shortage of bad blood between these two teams.  Peter “Purple Rain” Putka, Chris Beauvois, and Josh Sadlier-Brown were all members of Filthy Gorgeous in 2006, but left the team the following season to establish the Corlears Hookers.  There are a litany of other backstories in this rivalry, but decorum prohibits listing them here.  Although their first round win over Cobra Kai was somewhat expected, the Hookers made an emphatic statement last Sunday by defeating the defending champion Dark Rainbows 8-0.  With a nearly full roster (whither Dutch?) in attendance for the game, they finally showcased their full talent and potential.  While Filthy Gorgeous hasn’t been as dominant as the Hookers offensively in the postseason, the defense has been just as stingy.  Goalie Dan Owens and the Filthy D combined to shut out the Denim Demons, and they held the Mathematics to only two goals.  Filthy Gorgeous has never beaten the Corlears Hookers, but a close game is expected as each of their two previous meetings was decided by just two goals.
Keys To The Game For The Corlears Hookers:
1. The Corlears Hookers boast what is arguably the best goalie tandem in all of BTSH.  Regardless of whether Chris Beauvois or Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson starts for them this week, a shutout is always a distinct possibility.
2. Although their women tend to fly under the radar, they are just as responsible for the Hookers’ deep playoff run as the guys are.
3. Albert “Al” Huang’s aggressive and up-tempo style of play energizes and motivates his teammates, but it has occassionally gotten him into trouble with his opposition and the league’s referees.  Al is quick to point out, however, that he could never possibly cheat…because “dudes with glasses just don’t do that”.
Keys To The Game For Filthy Gorgeous:
1. Although star forward James Pereira was held off the scoreboard in the quarterfinals, Filthy still managed to rally behind him to seal the victory.  However, as his first round output of five goals indicates, he is still fully capable of taking over a game offensively.
2. Rookie sensation Matt Workman scored Filthy’s only goal in their regular season meeting with the Hookers.  He has been a key player for them all season, and they will need another strong performance by him in this game.
3. While Dan Owens has been very solid in goal, and we believe he has a firm lock on the position, Filthy does have an extremely capable backup in Liza Watts.  She has already notched a victory in the highly competitive Women’s All-Star Game this season.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers. Defense wins championships, and they have allowed, by a very sizable margin, the fewest goals in the league (23 goals in 19 games).
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  Each of the other three semi-finalist teams implored me not to pick them at some point on Sunday, so this is a way to make at least one of them happy.

Motivational Techniques

“If we beat Filthy, everybody gets one turn!”

Business As Usual For LBS, Inc.

#2 LBS, Inc. 3, #9 Unicorns 2 (2OT-SO)
LBS, Inc.: Jason Bogdaneris, “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin
Unicorns: Courtney, Jesse
Shootout: LBS, Inc. wins 2-1 in three rounds.  Successful attempts by Sam Anthony (LBS), Karsten Pichon (LBS), and Jesse (UNI).

#3 Corlears Hookers 8, #6 Dark Rainbows 0
Corlears Hookers: Reilly “Fake Dutch” Olson 3, Josh Sadlier-Brown 2, Jason Eitel, Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney, Peter “Purple Rain” Putka
Shutout: Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson

#10 Fresh Kills 4, #1 What The Puck 3 (2OT)
Fresh Kills: Dave Sokolyansky 3, Alicia Walker
What The Puck: Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman 2, Corey “Chongo” Winters
Game Notes: Winters scored the tying goal with 30 seconds remaining in regulation to force overtime.  Sokolyansky scored the game-winning goal in double overtime.

#4 Filthy Gorgeous 3, #5 Denim Demons 0
Filthy Gorgeous: Suvin “The Guru” Malik, Matt Novick, Dan Owens
Shutout: Dan Owens
Game Notes: Yes, you read that correctly…Filthy Gorgeous goalie Dan Owens scored an empty net goal.

Happy Little Elves 5, Bad Touch 4 (2OT)
Happy Little Elves: Demetri Adrahtas 2, Garrett Carrino, Rob Muggeo, Jarome “Hornswoggle” Ramos
Bad Touch: Martin Olson 3, Mark Anderson
Game Notes: Anderson scored the game-tying goal late in the second half of regulation.  Carrino scored the game-winner with forty-five seconds remaining in the second overtime period.

Tuques 3, Mighty Squirrels 2 (OT)
Tuques: Alfred Liu, Zoe Markwick, Sarah Moore
Mighty Squirrels: Jason “Cheek” Cheek, Jesse Kalb
Game Notes: After both teams were scoreless in the second half, Markwick scored the overtime winner for the Tuques.

Rehabs “Defeat” Sky Fighters Via Forfeit
Game Notes: With Amy Lott and Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka both injured, the Sky Fighters were forced to forfeit due to a lack of attendance.

Mexican Standoff 3, Gouging Anklebiters 2
Mexican Standoff: Gary Cohen 2, Len Guinto
Gouging Anklebiters: Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri 2

Cobra Kai 9, Mathematics 0
Cobra Kai: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta 3, Rem Garavito 3, Ray “Domino” Chan, Morgan “Secretary of Defense” Doninger, Becky Pear
Shutout: Paul “P.J.” Lopez 

Continue reading ‘Quarterfinals Box Scores’

The Elves Finally Get Top Billing

Happy Little Elves (1-15-1-1) vs. Bad Touch (2-16-1)
Location: Corlears North, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Bad Touch leads 1-0
Game Notes: The Elves are looking to snap a 14 game losing streak.

Mighty Squirrels (7-8-3) vs. Tuques (8-10)
Location: Corlears South, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tuques lead 6-1
Game Notes: The Squirrels are looking to snap an eight game losing streak.

Gouging Anklebiters (4-14) vs. Mexican Standoff (3-13-2-1)
Location: Corlears North, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 8-3
Game Notes:Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri of the Gouging Anklebiters is questionable for this game, as he may be serving a team suspension.

Sky Fighters (11-7) vs. Rehabs (10-6-1-1)
Location: Corlears South, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 4-3
Game Notes: This is actually a decent game.

Mathematics (6-12) vs. Cobra Kai (5-11-1-1)
Location: Corlears North, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 5-0
Game Notes: Sheena Otto of the Mathematics will be looking for revenge against her former team.

Mad Dog’s Cooking Up Something

#1 What The Puck (14-3-0-1) vs. #10 Fresh Kills (9-8-0-1)
Location: Moffo, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 7-5-1
2008 Result: Week 10 – What The Puck 4, Fresh Kills 2
Game Notes: These two teams meet in the quarterfinals after taking opposite paths to get there.  Regular season champion What The Puck easily dispatched of a shorthanded and exhausted Bad Touch squad via the mercy rule.  The team succeeded on both ends of the court as six different players notched a goal, while the defense and goaltender Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz pitched a shutout.  It should be noted, however, that team cancer Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri (though active) did not record any statistics.  Conversely, Fresh Kills scratched and clawed their way through their game to a narrow one goal victory against a peaking Sky Fighters team.  Stalwart defenders Scott Townsend and Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg stymied the fierce onslaught of Sky Fighers attackers Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka and Rob Kucera.  Fresh Kills will need to repeat this effort in order to upset the highest scoring team in the league.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  If they can mercy a team with just one hour to prepare, imagine what Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer can do with a full week to study his opponent.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  They remain the top collection of talent in the league.

LBS, Inc. Looks To Downsize The Unicorns 

#2 LBS, Inc. (14-3-1) vs. #9 Unicorns (11-6-0-1)
Location: Moffo, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 7-6
2008 Result: Week 4 – Unicorns 4, LBS, Inc. 1
Game Notes: Both of these teams advanced to the second round after outstanding performances by their respective goalies.  Seth Wachtell of LBS, Inc. pitched his first shutout of the season in a sound defeat of Mexican Standoff (who nearly skipped the game to go to the beach).  Karsten Pichon scored two goals, despite missing his linemate, the self-proclaimed cleanest player in the game, Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin.  For the Unicorns, Craig “Ug” LaCombe held the Rehabs scoreless, leading his team to a 4-0 victory.  In typical Unicorns fashion, four different players tallied a goal for the Yellow.  Although the playoff implications for this game are obvious, Poulin has introduced a new element as he has recently started to criticize LaCombe’s pasty white skin, claiming he stole that color from LBS, Inc.  LaCombe responded that he was born that way, and if anyone should change, it should be Poulin and his crew.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  When Poulin speaks, his teammates deliver (see Corlears Hookers/LBS, Inc. regular season matchup).
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns.  They have drawn little fanfare and press this season, but the Unis truly have three of the finest scorers in the league in Chris, Mark, and Nelson.

Continue reading ‘Playoff Preview: Quarterfinals’