btsh.org

BTSH WEEKLY RECAP - 16 SEPT. 2007
by Eli Kazin

Are you going to be an All-Star? Find out next week. Catch me at the courts, the bars, or email me at themajordeegan [at] yahoo [dot] com with anything noteworthy. Onto the results…
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The Games

NOAM DOLGIN SCORES A GOAL FOR EACH DAY OF ROSH HASHANAH. Noam Dolgin scored his second goal of the game in overtime as Mathematics rallied to defeat Volanto’s Heroes - I mean, Cobra Kai, 3-2. Sharif ‘The Chocolate Buzzsaw’ Corinaldi of the Mathematics tied the game at one with five minutes remaining in regulation, and Jerome Ramos gave Cobra Kai the lead shortly thereafter, but Dolgin tied the game again with the goalie pulled and less than two minutes remaining. Peter Oblamski also scored a goal for Cobra Kai.

PRINT ACCOLADES WILL HAVE TO SUFFICE. Brendan ‘Dutch’ Kearney and Elizabeth Lewis each scored second half goals to lead the Corlears Hookers past the Dark Rainbows, 2-1. With the win, the Corlears Hookers clinched the top seed for the playoffs and won the BTSH equivalent of the President’s Trophy, which turns out to be nothing. P.T. Walkley scored the lone goal for the Dark Rainbows.

NO, NOT DUTCH. Brendan Grainger’s overtime goal completed the comeback from a two-goal second half deficit as the Unicorns stunned What The Puck, 4-3. Lindsay Turley tied the game on a deflected inbounds pass with less than one minute remaining in regulation. Chris Eng and Courtney Butler also scored goals for the Unicorns, while Brian Vroom scored two goals and Corey ‘Chongo’ Winters scored one for What The Puck.

TIM HANNON MANAGES TO TIE LBS. Tim Hannon scored three goals, and also added a shootout goal, as Pork Fried Rice and LBS fought to a 3-3 tie. Sam Anthony, Karsten Pitchon, and Ken ‘The Alpha Male’ Poulin each scored goals for LBS. Anthony added a shootout goal for LBS, and Pitchon hit the crossbar on the final attempt of the shootout.

HE MAY BE OUT OF BOUNDS, BUT HE IS STILL DANGEROUS. Zack Tinkelman scored the game winning goal on an out of bounds restart, as the Denim Demons beat Filthy Gorgeous, 4-1. The Denim Demons also received goals from Micael Holmström, Jeff Kamen, and Mike Pereira. James Pereira (no relation) scored the lone goal for Filthy Gorgeous. Ellery ‘The Nature Boy’ Gillette contributed nothing to this victory.

PLEXIGLASS WAS NOT NECESSARY TODAY. Gabe Wilson scored the only goal of the shootout, and added a regulation goal, as the Tuques defeated Fresh Kills, 3-2, for their third consecutive victory. Kevin ‘Tiny’ Foster and Dave Sokolyansky, who tied the game with less than two minutes remaining in regulation, were the goal scorers for Fresh Kills. Sarah Moore also scored a goal for the Tuques.

THE FLAG IS GOOD LUCK. Mexican Standoff, with a team flag hung along the fence, rallied for a 3-1 victory against the Bad Touch. Jason Greenberg, Gary Cohen, and Adam Shaw each scored a goal for Mexican Standoff, who (surprise!) used yet another goalie, Randy Locklair, making his first start in net of the season. Eric Devlin scored the lone goal for the Bad Touch. This game also featured referees Eric ‘El Guapo’ DiPierri and Jeremy Schumacher, the Best Looking Ref Duo in BTSH (with apologies to Adam and Jim from the Denim Demons).

TWO SCHUMACHER MENTIONS IN ONE REPORT. J.P. Chaput and Debbie Tomlinson each scored first half goals as the Rehabs squeezed past the Gouging Anklebiters, 2-1. Anthony Romeo, who dedicated his win to Britney Spears, registered 16 saves. Jeremy Schumacher scored the lone goal for the Gouging Anklebiters.

MIKY WOLF MUST BE GOOD AT BASEBALL. Miky Wolf scored the game winning goal with three minutes remaining in regulation on a waist-level swing at a crossing pass near the crease, as the Mighty Squirrels defeated the Sky Fighters, 4-2. Arthur ‘Lil’ Weezy’ Revechkis, Scott Brower, and Jesse Kalb also scored goals for the Mighty Squirrels, while Martin Cejka scored both goals for the Sky Fighters.
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Nickname Nook With Derek Tagliarino
(please send all comments to derektag [at] gmail [dot] com)

Brian Barrett of Pork Fried Rice is now Grandmaster B.
(http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r236/mighty914/BTSH/gross01b.jpg)

Peter Putka of Corlears Hookers is now Purple Rain.
(http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r236/mighty914/BTSH/pankey_purple_rain.jpg)
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Unsung Hero of the Week

The unsung hero for this week is Derek Tagliarino of the Mathematics, who notched his first win as a goalie, and also beat his former team in the process.
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News and Notes

Filthy Gorgeous and the Rehabs are playing their rescheduled game at noon this Sunday. This affects the noon and 1 PM games, so please read the upcoming schedule, listed below, very carefully…. With one weekend of regular season games remaining, sixteen of the eighteen playoff spots are still up in the air. Only the Corlears Hookers (#1 seed) and the Sky Fighters (#18 seed) are locked into their playoff seeds, so all of the games will have some impact on seeding…. As a result of his generous donation of sand, a local beach was recently named after Gouging Anklebiters captain Phil ‘The Jeweled Shillelagh’ Donohue… BTSH members B.R. Rolya (Fresh Kills), Greg Altman (Cobra Kai) and Josh Sadler-Brown (Corlears Hookers) spent last Saturday picking up trash at Ft. Tilden Park on Far Rockaway as part of Annual Coast Clean-Up Day.
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Upcoming Schedule
September 23rd, 2007
2pm Corlears 1 GAME OF THE WEEK Denim Demons (11-4-1) vs. What The Puck (11-5)

- The only matchup of the week that features two teams with double digit wins is also critical for playoff seeding, as these two teams are separated by just one point in the standings.

12noon Corlears 1 Rehabs (8-6-1) vs. Filthy Gorgeous (8-7)
12noon Corlears 2 Mighty Squirrels (4-9-0-3) vs. Gouging Anklebiters (4-12)
1pm Corlears 1 Filthy Gorgeous (8-7) vs. Sky Fighters (1-15)
1pm Corlears 2 Tuques (7-9) vs. Rehabs (8-6-1)
2pm Corlears 1 Denim Demons (11-4-1) vs. What The Puck (11-5)
2pm Corlears 2 Mexican Standoff (5-10-0-1) vs. Pork Fried Rice (9-6-1)
3pm Corlears 1 Unicorns (11-2-2-1) vs. Mathematics (7-7-0-1)
3pm Corlears 2 Bad Touch (7-9) vs. Corlears Hookers (14-1)
4pm Corlears 1 Dark Rainbows (11-4-0-1) vs. Cobra Kai (5-11)
4pm Corlears 2 Fresh Kills (8-5-0-3) vs. LBS (8-7-1)
5pm Corlears 1 ALL-STAR GAME

BTSH WEEKLY RECAP - 09 SEPTEMBER 2007
by Eli Kazin

Welcome back everyone. Catch me at the courts, the bars, or email me at themajordeegan [at] yahoo [dot] com with anything noteworthy. Onto the results…
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The Games
DON’T LOOK NOW, BUT THE DARK RAINBOWS ARE IN SECOND PLACE. Josh Wilson scored the lone goal of the shootout as the Dark Rainbows climbed into second place with a 2-1 victory against Fresh Kills. P.T. Walkley scored the only regulation goal for the Dark Rainbows, while Patrick Moore scored the lone goal for Fresh Kills, with an assist from Caroline Currie.

CON ED TURNS THE POWER ON. Ed Lau, also know as Con Ed, scored two goals, including the game winner, to lead the Rehabs past What The Puck, 4-2. Stacy Kehoe and Kami Moore played the entire game for the Rehabs, who also received goals from Brian Wong and Jon Feldman. Anthony Romeo recorded 34 saves for the Rehabs in the victory, while Brian Vroom scored both goals for What The Puck.

THE NATURE BOY HAS BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN PLAY HOCKEY. With Ellery ‘The Nature Boy’ Gillette absent, the Denim Demons carried on and defeated Pork Fried Rice, 2-1. Gillette chose to watch his Washington Redskins defeat the Miami Dolphins, but managed to appear, wearing a Mike Sellers jersey, at the Johnson’s after the game. Jeff Kamen scored both goals for the Denim Demons, while Brian Barrett scored the lone goal, a sick backhanded shot that went topshelf, with under 2 minutes left in the game, for Pork Fried Rice.

DUTCH WANTS YOU TO KNOW HE HAS RETURNED. Brendan ‘Dutch’ Kearney scored four goals, including the game winning goal, as the Corlears Hookers routed the Sky Fighters, 10-1. The Corlears Hookers also received two goals each from Anshu Sinha and Gavin Kearney (you know, Dutch’s brother), and one goal each from Jason Eitel and Albert ‘Al’ Huang. Martin Cejka scored the lone goal for the Sky Fighters, who, despite the lopsided score, had a fair tally of quality scoring chances, involving two new female players on a number of impressive plays.

PLEXIGLASS STOPS EVERYTHING. Minkus registered his first shutout of the season as the Tuques blanked Mexican Standoff, 4-0. It should be noted, however, that Minkus played the entire game with a sheet of clear plexiglass positioned in front of the goal mouth, which may have contributed to his flawless performance. The goal scorers for the Tuques were Bill Monahan, Caroline Johnston, Dean Keyworth, and Todd Robertson.

THE MIGHTY SQUIRRELS RECORD HAS BEEN REARRANGED TO REFLECT ANOTHER LOSS. Despite the stellar goaltender of Eric Breitman, the first game appearance of 2007 for Jason ‘Cheek’ Cheek (like this: points to cheek), and pregame trash talk that Rachel ‘A-Korn’ Greene would rearrange the face of Alex ‘Villano VI’ Zabala, the Unicorns emerged with a 2-1 victory against the Mighty Squirrels, as Aaron Mullan scored the only goal of the shootout. Sara Pourghasemi scored the only regulation goal for the Unicorns, while former Unicorn Jesse Kalb scored the lone goal for the Mighty Squirrels.

THERE IS A FIFTY PERCENT CHANCE HIS NAME IS SPELLED WRONG. Joe Pereira scored the game winning goal with three minutes remaining in regulation as Filthy Gorgeous beat Cobra Kai, 2-1. Liza Watts also scored for Filthy Gorgeous, while Brian ‘The Flashlight’ Morrison scored the lone goal for Cobra Kai.

WATCH OUT FOR LBS. Karsten Pitchon scored three goals, Fernando Limonic chipped in two, and Samuel Anthony and Ken ‘The Alpha Male’ Poulin each added one goal, as LBS defeated the Gouging Anklebiters, 7-3, for their fifth consecutive victory. For the Gouging Anklebiters, Eric ‘El Guapo’ DiPierri scored two goals and Charles DeFranco had one goal.

THE BAD TOUCH HAVE MASTERED THE ART OF THE COMEBACK. The Bad Touch scored three goals in the final ten minutes, their fourth come-from-behind victory of the season, to defeat the Mathematics, 4-3. Shannon Roddy scored the game winning goal with two minutes remaining in regulation on a shot that was slowed by the Math goalie, but dribbled through, and the Bad Touch also received two goals from Danny Canarick and one goal from Scott Rosenthal. Bradley Schmidt (two) and Noam Dolgin (one) were the goal scorers for the Mathematics, who also received full fifty-minute efforts from Laura MacNeil and Georgine ‘Mulva’ Paulin.
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Nickname Nook With Derek Tagliarino
(please send all comments to derektag [at] gmail [dot] com)

Roderick Cruz of What The Puck is now Guy LeDouche.
(http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r236/mighty914/BTSH/guy.jpg)

Ray Chan of Cobra Kai is now Domino.
(http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r236/mighty914/BTSH/domino.jpg)

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Unsung Hero of the Week
The unsung hero for this week is Lisa Harrington of the Tuques, who was playing with a ruptured disc in her back. The Tuques only had three females in uniform, so Harrington had to play a large balance of the game.
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News and Notes

In the last report, the Denim Demons were credited with a 4-1 victory against the Bad Touch, but the final score from that game was actually 5-1. Also, Molly Jacobs was listed as the only female in attendance for LBS, but teammate Alexandra Chenitz was also present to cheer on her team, despite being unable to play in the game due to an injury….Shannon Roddy of the Bad Touch and Jason Eitel of the Corlears Hookers each scored their first BTSH goal….Jeffrey Hendricks of Mexican Standoff may be receiving a bill from the league office for one orange ball in the near future, as in the waning moments of his game, he proceeded to slip and fall on the court, grab the ball in play, and launch it over the fence in the direction of the FDR Drive….(he was arrested, arraigned and is serving a 30-month sentance at Rikers for “silly sports antics” - ed.) Special thanks to Albert ‘Al’ Huang and Chris “No Nickname Yet” Eng for helping Bob ‘Olmec’ Weyersberg paint the creases and set up the goals….Congratulations to Andy Pratt and Sarah Coombs of the Mathematics on their recent nuptials. (Bob W. reffed his 100th official BTSH game, to the encouraging cheers of, “That was a F*%ING GOAL, you blind F@&CK!” and “If you sucked any more, you’d put Hoover out of business!” He was humbled by the expressions of adulation. -ed.)
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Upcoming Schedule

September 16th, 2007
2pm Corlears 2 GAME OF THE WEEK Mathematics (6-7-0-1) vs. Cobra Kai (5-10)
- While there may be better matchups this week, these two teams have a complex and linked history. Add in that both components of the league media transferred from Cobra Kai to the Mathematics during this season, and this should be a very intense game.

1pm Corlears 2 Mexican Standoff (4-10-0-1) vs. Bad Touch (7-8)
2pm Corlears 1 LBS (8-7) vs. Pork Fried Rice (9-6)
2pm Corlears 2 Mathematics (6-7-0-1) vs. Cobra Kai (5-10)
3pm Corlears 1 What The Puck (11-4) vs. Unicorns (10-2-2-1)
3pm Corlears 2 Gouging Anklebiters (4-11) vs. Rehabs (7-6-1)
4pm Corlears 1 Corlears Hookers (13-1) vs. Dark Rainbows (11-3-0-1)
4pm Corlears 2 Fresh Kills (8-5-0-2) vs. Tuques (6-9)
5pm Corlears 1 Denim Demons (10-4-1) vs. Filthy Gorgeous (8-6)
5pm Corlears 2 Mighty Squirrels (3-10-0-2) vs. Sky Fighters (1-14)